LIBRAfjY OF CONGRESS. 

Shelf ./i^r^ ^ 



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 




r^'Ips. Gatb€Pinfe Joss. 



AUTOBIOGRAPHY 



OF 



CATHERINE JOSS, 



BORN IN PHILADELPHIA, PA., 
OCTOBER 7, 1820. 



DAUGHTER OF CHRISTIAN SMITH, WHO MOVED HIS 

FAMILY TO PAYNE TP., HOLMES CO., O., 

IN MAY, 1829, AND LAID OUT AND 

ESTABLISHED THE VILLAGE 

OF WEINSBERG. 



CLEVELAND, OHIO. 
1891. 



Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1891, 

BV Catherine Joss, 

in the office of the Lihrarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C. 



Preamble Page 7 

CUAPTEIi I. 

THK YEAK8 OK MY CUILUHOOD. 

At the dancing school — I'ir.st impressions oi religion — A wliite 
and u black book — Influiiice of a liUtherun minister — At the 
Prt'sb^terian Home for Uld Ladies — An Abolition poem — l)r. 
Scheurer and uncle tontcmplntin^r about a future home — 
Chooainjr Holmes County, Ohio— How the bachelors managed 
housekeeping — ^Narrative of an interesting couple. 9-20 

CHAPTER 11. 

SETTLIN(; IN THE STATK OK OHIO. 

Father's visit to Holmes County, Ohio— Purchase of land — Site 
for a village — Farewell party — On the way to Ohio — A thun- 
der-storm —Arrival at our new destination — Backwoodsmen — 
Building an oven — The loghouse — J he village of Weinsherg — 
Dr. Scheurer's family — Our first Christmas celebration in 
Weinsberg — The wonderful free show — Destruction of our 
home by fire Sunday work — Our second beginning — Help by 
friendly neigiihors — "The domestic girl' — Our mode of living 
— The tavern — Narrative of a German minister — Confirmation. 

21-49 
CH.APTER III. 

MY TRIf TO CANTON, TO I.KARN THE MII.I.INERY BUSINESS. 

Homesick — ^impassable roads — Assistance — Effects of the jour- 
ney — The man with the small trunk — Merriment — The school 
teacher — A sleigh-ride — The old country and the new — Resort 
of pleasure — A French ball — New Year's dances — Religious 
thoughts — Celebration of the Fourth of July at Weinsberg — 
Presentation of a flag. 50-78 

CH.\PTHR IV. 

MY WEDDING. 

A warning — The brandy question — Engaged to be married — The 
Wedding — Hlustration of the chicken — A prayer. 79-90 

CHAPTER V. 

TRIALS. 

Subjecting to the will of God — Intoxicating liquors — Sorrow and 
sickness — My first child — On the farm — A swindler — Bad con- 
sequences of beer drinking — A ball — The social glass — Two 
wedclings — Objection to farming — A party of intimate friends 
— Tellimi bad stories — A sad night — Mr. Joss's sickness — Re- 
spectable drunkards— Public sale — Moving to Cleveland. 91-112 



4 CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER VI. 

DIFFICULTIES IN CHICAGO AND TOLEDO. 

Death of a little daughter — Cursing the social glass-;-Glue mak- 
ing — In partnership with a brewer— A failure — Going to Tole- 
do — Sickness — Swiss immigrants — Birth of a son — Short of 
money — Back to Weinsberg — Discounting a note. 113-125 

CHAPTER VII. 

EXPERIENCES IN MILWAUKEE. 

Story of an artist from Berlin, Germany — A high-toned ball — 
Story of a Swiss pair — Purchase of property — The light at the 
foot of the Cross — A counterfeiter — Going to Ohio and back to 
Milwaukee — Family quarrel — A black face — -An honorable 
young gentleman becoming a drunkard— A sad death. 126-149 

CHAPTER Vlir. 

FEARFUL C0NSEQUGKCE3 OF INTOXICATING DRINK. 

A young man drowned — Two children burned to death — Super- 
stition — A singular set-to — A brutal mother — Whiskey and 
laudanum — Terrible mangling of the body of a killed young 
man. 150-160 

CHAPTER IX. 

AT THE BRINK OF DEATH. 

Card playing for amusement — A succe.ssfiil interference — A fifty 
dollar note — A law suit — The Saviour a pleasant help in time 
of need— Trouble about a mince pie — Desperate drinking — 
Artesian wells. 161-173 

CHAPTER X. 

TRUSTING IN GOD. 

Help in time of need — Prayer for bread answered — A drunken 
"lady" — A timely question — Moving to Watertown — Temper- 
ance — A happy family — Serious consequences of breaking the 
pledge — Going home to Weinsberg — Reflection — Mr. Joss in- 
jured — Going back to Milwaukee. 174-189 

CHAPTER XL 

AT A METHODIST TE.STIMONY MEETING. 

A cold house — Effects of drunkenness — Treatment of the children 
— Attending meeting at the M. E. church. 190-212 

CHAPTER XII. 

DESTROYING A NOTE. 

Fault finding — A painful night — A forty dollar note — A friendly 
constable — A careless husband — Hope against hope — Happy 
children Yielding to temptation — Misery through strong 
drink— A helping hand. 213-229 



CONTENTS. 5 

CHAPTER XIII. 

SUFFICIENCY OK <;ol)'8 (iRACE. 

A censuring sister — A rich uncle — Needl'ul help — Sickness — On 
board of a propeller— A wrecked ship— Strict enforcement of 
Sunday law — Out on the prairie — Objections. '231-246 

CHAPTER XIV. 

A SCUFKLE WITH A BREWKU. 

Hope— A jollj- set of men— A prairie wolf— Fuss with an Irish- 
man-Thwarted hope— Sending the bojs to Weinsber^- Striv- 
ing to trust God — A missionary — Going to meeting under 
difficulties-Establishment of religious meetings. 247-261 

CHAPTER XV. 

DISCOURAGING CIRCUMSTANCES. 

Under conviction— In the way of the penitont— Most discouraged 
—On the way to Warren, 111.— A happy surprise — A prairie 
house— Graybacks— Whiskey and beer— An old record— A 
cold night— Trouble— Prairie rats— Whiskey and anis — An un- 
satisfactory settlement— One hundred dollars for thirty. 262-276 

CHAPTER XVI. 

BEGGING FOR VICTUALS. 

Finding Mr. Joss sick— Pledging the last garment— Leaning on 
the strong arm of Jehovah— Recovery of the sick — Burning of 
a steamer— A bo.x with catidles- -Searching tor money — Joss 
sick again— Reflections— Scarcity ot food and clothing— Abu- 
sive language — Not a waim meal for six weeks. 277-293 

CHAPTER XVI I. 

AT THE HOME OF MY PARENTS. 

Cold weather and cold victuals — Longing tosee the boys— Grief- 
Just a little too hite— A harsh reproof- Safearrival at Milwau- 
kee—An old associate— Going to Chicago —Starting for the 
parental home— Rough rebuffs — Dosing with laudanum — At 
Massillon and home — A sick woman and an inebriate man — 
Nursing the sick — A deaf and dumb boy. 294-.310 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

DEATH OF UK. JOSS. 

The first intimation of the sad news — A linndsome silk flag — 
Tears for the children - Dedication of the flag— Swiss Alpine 
glee singers — Wine, beer and drunkenness — Full information 
concerning Mr. John Joss's death— Reflection — A poem of 
warning. 311-321 



6 CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER XIX. 

REFLECTIONS ON THK PAST. 

Ignorance — Stumbling — Seeing things in a different light — Revi- 
ving songs— Crying to God — Consolation — Weinbrennerians — 
Baptism — Albright missionaries — German Methodists — Brutal 
treatment — A peaceful death. 322-335 

CHAPTER XX. 
Story of a young man — The old grave-digger — Quarterly meet- 
ings at Canal Dover — Full consecration — Conscience against 
debt — God's voice in the thunder-storm — Soothing words — 
Unexpected help — An old father in Israel — A death-bed song. 

386-348 
CHAPTER XXI. 

The first German prayer-meeting — The first convert — Knowing 
to be Christ's — A bit of history — Death of a brother — Blessed 
time with Jesus — At the death-bed of my father — The Salva- 
tion Army — ^An invitation song. 349-361 

CHAPTER XXII. 

Buying a home — Death of a son — Helping in the work of God — 
At the death-bed of my aged mother — Cradle song — A poem • 
about mother — Asleep in Jesus. 362-37S 

CHAPTER XXIII. 
An interview — A thief — At prayer-meeting — Suspicion^Fright- 
ened — \ talk with the prisoner in the jail — A touching poem — 
Lynched — A doctor with the corpse. 374-382 

CHAPTER XXIV. 
Death-bed repentance — A sad story — A railroad wreck — At Co- 
lumbus and Cincinnati — The unpardonable sin — At the mercy 
seat — Full of glory — Another sad story — At Columbus again 
— On the wrong train — Trying to see a wounded son — Home 
again — ^Death of a son — A poem. 383-404 

CHAPTER XXV. 
Difficulties in obtaining pension money — Death of a daughter-in- 
law— A poem. ' 405-422 
CHAPTER XXVI. 

Religious experience — Aglow with gratitude— Strife and persecu- 
tion — Manifestation of God's power — A poem. 423-436 

CHAPTER XXVII. 
Self-righteousness and Godliness — The triumph of faith — About 
church building — Protracted meetings — The last Christmas 
garden — The Salvation Army — A closing poem. 437-464 



PREAMBLE. 



"T^T^iTH heart-felt gratitude I embrace this 
opportunity in these days of my dechning 
years of comfort, ease, and good health, to write 
a sketch of m\' Hfe, to leave on record for those 
whom God has given me, remembering much 
that will be appreciated by them, and may it lead 
them all to become true followers of the Lord 
Jesus Christ, in whom I always believed. 

Having been brought up to a form of godliness, 
by God's grace I was led to find Jesus as a strong 
Tower. He led me into it, and kept me safe, 
desirinsf to dwell in the house of the Lord all the 
days of m)- life, to behold His beauty, and inquire 
in His temple. His promises are sure and stead- 
fast. 

Now, Lord, be merciful unto me, extend Thy 
grace. Thou knowest me altogether, and if Tliou 
leavest me to myself, I shall fail in this work that 
I believe Thou hast griven me to do. I do thank 
Thee, my blessed Saviour, for the needful rod of 



8 PREAMBLE. 

affliction that taught me to rest patiently in faith 
and hope that maketh not ashamed. Once more I 
venture on Thee, knowing Thou wilt give wisdom 
to them that lack, if they ask in faith. Lord, 
increase my faith, I arn believing ; help Thou my 
unbelief. 

I am believing and receiving, 

As I to the Fountain go, 
And my heart Thy blood is cleansing 

Whiter than the driven snow. 
I love Jesus, Hallelujah ! 

I love Jesus, yes, I do ; 
I love Jesus, He's my Saviour, 

Jesus smiles, and loves me too. 

While here in this world I delighted to roam, 
Enjoying its bubbles, true joy was unknown ; 
But the rod of affliction to chasten did come, 
Till I sought my joy with Jesus at home. 
Home, home, sweet, sweet home ! 
There is no Friend like Jesus, 
There is no place like home ! 

CATHERINE JOSS. 



AUTOBIOGRAPnY OF CATHERINE JOSS. 

CHAPTER I. 

THE YEARS OF MV CHILDHOOD. 

T^\/'hex I was a little girl, my parents thought 
it necessary for me to learn to dance, in 
order to appear graceful in society. So I was 
sent to a dancing-school when very young, and 
about all I can remember of that school is, that 
if our feet were not in a right position, the danc- 
ing-master would use his fiddle-bow over our toes 
or over our backs to straighten us up. I went to 
an infant school, to a lady friend of my parents. 
She taught us to paint on velvet and work lace, 
and to read from the primer then in use. She 
read to us from the Gospel, and prayed with us 
every day. taught us how to pra)', and to go to 
our Heavenly Father as we would to our mother 
to ask for anything we wanted, and if it was best 
for us to have it, for Jesus' sake God would grant 
it, and if we were overtaken in a fault, to ask to 
be forgiven, as God kept a white and a black 
book, wherein our good and evil deeds were 



lo Autobiography of 

marked, and when I felt guilty of anything, it was 
not the punishment my parents would inflict, but 
the fear of having- a mark in the black book that 
gave me pain. 

It must have been on such an occasion that I 
prayed in my sleep, pleading not to have my 
name in the black book, that my mother spoke of 
in the family next day, and my uncle, a German 
Lutheran minister, not long from Germany, said 
he was astonished at father letting a child go to 
school to such a Presbyterian fool that preached 
hell-fire to the children. 

Father said, "You will get over your prejudice 
when you are in this country awhile." But it 
must have ended my school-going, as I can think 
of none afterwards. However, I learned enough 
of her to continue to learn at the Saviour's feet^ 
as all she taught left a lasting impression on my 
young mind, never to be forgotten. I will give 
from memory some of the pieces which she taught 
me to speak when I was so young as to be placed 
on a chair in the parlor to speak them to com- 
pany. 

Come, my love, and do not spurn, 

From a little flower to learn ; 

See the lily on its bed, 

Hanging down its modest head. 

While it scarcely can be seen, 

Folded on its leaf of green, 



Catherine Joss. 1 1 

And would rather call it ours, 
Than many other gayer flowers. 
Prett}' lily seems to be 
An emblem of humility ; 
Be as gentle, be as mild, 
Simply be a modest child, 
As the Saviour from above 
Views the humble child in love. 

It was my privilege to visit the city and her, at 
the Presbyterian Home for Old Ladies, when she 
was ninety- one years old. She was in good 
health, enjoying the comforts of the beautiful 
home she had in this world, and the bright 
prospects of the brighter one she was looking 
forward to, not made with hands, eternal in 
heaven. 

After a pleasant and profitable visit, when I 
told her that under God she was the only one 
who had instructed me in early youth in the truth 
as it is in Christ Jesus, to lead me to repentance, 
peace and happiness here, with the hope of 
heaven hereafter, she threw her loving arms 
around me, saying, "Thank God, you are not the 
first one of my scholars that has come to me in 
this way. I have no children on earth, but will 
have them in heaven." We joined in prayer, with 
grateful hearts for the blessed privilege of being 
once more permitted to meet on earth to join in 
praising the Lord, and to commit ourselves to 



12 Autobiography of 

His care, till we meet where we will brino- Him 
better praise for ever. She reached the age of 
one hundred and four years, when she fell asleep 
in Jesus. 

My father was a strong- abolitionist, and in those 
days the slave-trade was great. She taught me 
to speak for him, which pleased him very much. 
It is the following : 

Help, oil help, thou God of Christians, 

Save a mother from despair, 
Cruel white man steals my children. 

God of Christians, hear my prayer. 

From these arms am forced to render, 

Sailors drag them to the sea ; 
Yonder ship, at anchor riding, 

Swift will carry them awa}-. 

There my son lies, pale and bleeding, 
Fast with chains his hands are bound; 

Stiff with beating, through fear silent. 
Save a single death-like groan. 

See his little sister by him, 

Quaking, trembling now she lies, 
Drops of blood her face besprinkled. 

Tears of anguish fill her eyes. 

Hear the little sister begging, 

" Take me, white man, for your own, 

Spare, oh spare my darling brother. 
He's my mother's only son. 



Catherine Joss. 13 

^< I am young and strong and heart}', 
He a sick and feeble boy ; 
Take me, whip me, chain me, starve me, 
All my life I toil with joy. 

^' Ah, my poor distracted mother, 
How she raves upon the sands, 
Now she tears her flesh with madness. 
Now she prays with lifted hands. 

" Christian, who's the God you worship ? 
Is he cruel, fierce or good ? 
Does he take delight in mercy. 
Or in spilling human blood ? " 

Down the savage captain struck her 

Lifeless on the vessel's floor, 
Up the sails he quickly hoisted, 

To the ocean bent his way. 
Head-long plunged the raving mother 

From a rock into the sea. 



Dr. Scheurer and my uncle, with some other 
literary young men, were contemplating how to 
use their talents best in this country, where they 
■expected to make their future homes as well as 
their fortunes. They already had in their minds 
an ideal place for pleasure seekers, with hunting- 
grounds, parks, fish-ponds, and a hotel with good 
accommodations, that in time would attract the 
people from the cities to spend the Summer 



14 Autobiography of 

months. As uncle stayed with us in the city, one 
and another of the young men would come with 
their discoveries of great prospects for wealth 
and fame. But uncle and Dr. Scheurer, who had 
read and kept good books on the subject, made 
agriculture a study previous to their going forth 
to seek a place in a new country entirely unculti- 
vated, so as to have the credit all to themselves, 
as they expected to make a grand place of it, as 
their books showed them how to establish such a 
place as they imagined it should be. 

Feeling satisfied they understood what they 
were going to do, they started out in 1827 in 
search of a place to suit them, and found it in the 
State of Ohio, Holmes County, Payne Township. 
Thinking nature had prepared a location for them, 
it suited them so well, the hills, the dales, rivulets, 
rocks and ravines, great forests, with all kinds of 
timber, as well as many kinds of wild fruit. See- 
ing that choice fruit would grow when planted, 
especially wine, as immense wild grape-vines had 
grown around the trees, and when a German 
village would be established, where their country- 
men could do business in their mother-tongue, 
they would flock there, as mechanics would irn- 
prove the village, and make it lively, as well as 
the co-operation of the industrious and zealous 
farmers to cultivate the forests into productive 



Catherine Joss, ^5 

fields with all sorts of produce, orchards and 
vineyards. Dr. Scheurer and uncle bought land, 
came to the city and made arrangements to 
move out. 

Dr. Scheurer returned to New York, went from 
there by water, uncle and the rest of the bachel- 
ors, as they called themselves, took teams, loaded 
with what they needed to begin with. Uncle got a 
little orphan boy to take along, which was thought 
unnecessary, as he could not travel on foot he 
had to have a place in the wagon. After a long 
and tedious journey they arrived there safe, built 
a log cabin to live in, and an oven to bake bread. 
The first time the dough ran all over the hearth of 
the oven into one loaf. When the oven was cool, 
the boy had to crawl in, and with a hatchet cut it 
apart to take it out. They got a cow, but not in- 
tending to make butter, they could milk the cow 
as they used the milk. They kept the cow near, 
and milked what they needed as they used it. 
This, they wrote, to show the usefulness of the boy. 
He could wash dishes. At one time he washed the 
dishes, poured out the water, wrung out the cloth, 
put it in the dish, which was a brown earthen one, 
the rag also colored, the same dish was used for 
soup. It was their custom to cook turn-about for 
one week each, and that time the near-sighted 
man was cook, cut the bread, put it in the dish. 



1 6 Autobiography of 

and poured the hot milk on it. When it was 
served the dish-cloth made its appearance, uncle 
raised it up on the table, saying in German : 

" Miidchen, soil ich dich noch freien, 
Willst du denn noch siiuisch sein ? 
Ich will dich zu meiner Frau, 
Nicht zur Kuh und nicht zur Sau." 

In English : — 

" Miss, shall I think to marr}- thee, 
When I such piggishness now see ? 
Would like to have you for my wife. 
Not for a cow or hoggish life." 

Jokes like this were written from time to time, 
and no doubt the bachelors found, to study and 
get the theory of the life they anticipated, and to 
practice it, were two things. 

I will here tell of an interesting couple that 
were going to start with the place, and grow with 
the country; it strikes me just now that had they 
carried out their plans, there would be no record 
for me to write, — it would all be written in a 
philosophical way, so as to attract the learned, as 
they were highly educated, both being teachers 
of languages and music. A gentleman from 
Allentown, Pa., put his little son in their care to 
be educated. They often came to our house, the 
gentleman would be with uncle in his room, the 
lady would visit with mother, while the little boy 



Catherine Joss. 1 7 

would play with us. They became quite intimate 
with us, and we liked their company. One 
Sunday evening, it was the first of July, the 
weather being very warm, the gentleman came 
with the little boy, and asked uncle if he would 
not go bathing with him. Uncle said it would 
not do for him to go bathing on Sunday, and 
besides, his sister-in-law was very sick, and not 
expected to live. So the man and boy went. 
I had been moved from my bed in mother's 
room to a bed made on a sofa in the front parlor, 
where I heard the conversation of the men, but 
hearing of mother not being expected to live, 
wakened me, so I don't know if I slept any more 
that night. Some time in the night the watchman 
came with the boy and some of the man's clothes 
and boots, saying he found the boy asleep on a 
raft at the wharf of a lumberyard, lying on the 
clothes, and that the boy told him to take him to 
our house, he could tell him of no other. Some 
of our men were wakened to get up, the boy was 
put to bed, uncle and the men went in search of 
the drowned man. Things gradually quieted 
down, when -at once a loud knock was heard at 
the door, and when the door was opened a cabman 
ushered Mrs. Gamble in, who asked for her 
husband. When the affair was made known 
to her, she became frantic, and had to be taken 



1 8 Autobiography of 

to another friend's house, because mother was 
quite ill. 

The lady was cared for, but remained frantic 
and was an object of pity. They had many 
respectable friends, who showed them their sym- 
pathy. But the man was not found, the search 
continued from day to day. All was done to en- 
courage the lady, liberal offers were made her 
to enter elegant homes to take charge of teach- 
ing private or public, but all in vain. She ap- 
peared to be melancholy. Many valuable pres- 
ents and donations of money were made, but 
nothing roused her. 

At last they thought as the search for the man 
had stopped, they better have a funeral sermon 
preached. It was announced. The ladies got her 
a mourning suit at great expense, the time came, 
the church was crowded; when the funeral ser- 
mon began, the lady fainted and had to be car- 
ried out. After a while she went out more, the 
young lady in the house noticed silently her 
actions changed, but knew not what would be 
the outcome of it all. At a time when all were 
out except the young lady, Mrs. Gamble came 
in, hurried up stairs and down again. The young 
lady went up to her room, the key left in the 
stand drawer gave her access to it. A recent 
letter stated for hei* to come to Baltimore to a 



Catherine Joss. 19 

certain hotel. She returned with a conveyance, 
took out her trunks and was off. The young- 
lady came to our house, uncle and her aunt 
went to the wharf and got there just in time to 
see the boat go out. 

Father at once went to Baltimore and found 
they were stopping at the hotel, but the man had 
been waitinof for his wife who was detained at 
the bedside of her father who had died, leaving 
them an immense fortune. He had been look- 
ing at plantations and was now going to close 
the bargain, was taking it, slaves and all. But 
they were looking for him every day. Father 
hired a negro to watch his coming. He waited 
a few days and then had to leave without seeing 
him. Uncle published them, but in those days 
news did not fly as quick as now, and we heard 
no more of them until we had been in Ohio for 
some time. 

My uncle, who imported and supplied the 
watchmakers with jewelry and watch materials, 
came to see us and said, when he was in Cin- 
cinnati a rich Jew was in trouble about his lady 
leaving him while he was away on business. 
On hearino- the name uncle asked him where he 
got acquainted with her. He told uncle the 
couple came to the hotel, soon she became sad, 
he felt sorry for her, thought she was lonely, the 



20 Autobiography of 

man was a^ay. So when she found the Jew sym- 
pathized with her she told him her trouble, that 
her man cared not for her. He spoke to the 
man, told him it was not gentlemanly thus to 
treat her. But he said he wished he was rid of 
her, he could not raise enough to keep her the 
way she wanted to be kept. The Jew and the 
lady became fast friends. She agreed to stay 
with him if he could send her man off to parts 
unknown. The man aoreed for two hundred 
dollars to leave. He received the money and 
went. 

The Jew and the lady appeared to be very 
happy together, she had all and everything she 
wanted in money, diamonds and a rich wardrobe. 
She too had gone to parts unknown. He said 
all she had she was welcome to; it was not what 
she had that troubled him, it was what she was 
to him as a companion. She was not only lovely 
in person, but could converse of the whole civil- 
ized world, which she had traveled as a stage 
actress. 

May be I could not remember it so well, but 
often heard father tell it in the bar-room, and 
that grand couple never graced our town of 
Weinsberg. 



Catherine Joss. 2 1 



CHAPTER II. 

SETTLING IN THE STATE OF OHIO. 

My father's first visit to the bachelors resulted 
in movine. He visited them in 1828, and was 
much pleased with the country, thinking the loca- 
tion of the place was such a one as they needed 
to carry out their plans, and if completed accord- 
ing- to their desires and plans, could not but at- 
tract pleasure-seekers to spend the hot Summer 
season there in preference to many other places, 
and tried to persuade mother to move out here. 
She said, *'And what will you, a jeweler, do in the 
backwoods ?" He said he could lay out the 
village, keep store and tavern, and then the 
great advantage would be to their children to 
grow up with the country. It was no easy mat- 
ter for mother, after living twelve years in gay, 
respectable society in the city, a business estab- 
lished for twelve years at manufacturing spec- 
tacles and jewelry, surrounded by old and tried 
friends. It was hard to part with all for a life of 
toil and hardship in the backwoods, but for the 
sake of her children she consented. 

Father was soon on his way to Ohio again, 



22 Autohiograjphy of 

and when he got there he purchased the land in- 
tended for the village, made an agreement to 
raise the house, have it under roof, doors and 
windows sawed out, by the next May, when he 
expected to be there. He also hired men to get 
out saw-logs and to the saw-mills around on the 
creeks while snow was on the ground, as they 
dragged them with oxen. Then he returned to 
arrange things in the city. The business was 
turned over to his youngest brother; the best 
furniture was to stay in the house till we had a 
place to put it; the goods for the store were 
selected, such things as they thought would be 
needed by the new settlers. We needed much 
for ourselves, as we expected to keep tavern, 
but first had to board many work-hands, to get 
the houses built. 

There were many public and private parties, 
balls, concerts and theatres attended that Winter. 
I can remember seeing mother dressed, when she 
looked to us children like the fairy we saw in 
pictures and toys. I also remember of her let- 
ting a Jew have a satin dress all spangled and 
trimmed, for which she got a paper, I supposed 
an order on a store. When he was gone she sat 
down and wept. In March, long as I can re- 
member, we had a punch party on father's and 
grandfather's birthdays, as they came at the same 



Catherine Joss. 23 

time. This, the last March, was to be an extra 
large one. 

The doors were flung wide open, the two par- 
lors thrown in one, and the table set the leneth 
of the room. Besides the chandeliers with wax 
candles we had branch wax candles placed on 
silver candlesticks, which, when lit, looked like 
crowns alonof the middle of the table between 
the large china punch bowls, which in due time 
were filled with hot water sweetened with loaf 
sugar, to be dipped out into the heavy cut glass 
punch mugs, to be flavored to taste out of the 
elegant cut glass decanters, filled with fine wines 
and liquors of the best kind, as well as the table 
spread with luscious eatables. 

At the appointed time the guests were seated 
at the table. There were gentlemen and ladies of 
rank, even clergymen. There was eating and 
drinking and merry chatting, such as becometh 
the great politeness of German nobility, health- 
drinking, toasts and singing. As time went on, 
one couple after another were excused, took the 
carriages employed for the occasion and were 
driven to their respective homes, until only 
gentlemen remained. They took their seats to- 
gether, had a cork blackened with lamp-black, 
laid it on a snuffer tray, then lit a splinter in the 
candle to a blaze, held it up and said in German 



24 Autohiography of 

(I will give the English of it): "If the fox dies, 
what will the hide be worth ? if it lives long it 
will be old;" each one had to say that and pass 
it on to the next, so on until it would die out; 
the one that held it then got a black mark on 
the face with the black cork. So they went on 
jolly laughing at others, when they were per- 
haps the worst blacked. It was lots of fun, but 
drinking all the time, at last all were helped to 
and into the carriage, all more or less drunk. 
Father went to bed without washing his face, 
and mother did some scolding, which he took 
all good-naturedly. After that we got ready to 
bid friends and city life farewell, packed up all 
to be ready. 

As soon as navigation had opened we started, 
going by way of New York and Buffalo. Two 
weeks or more tedious journeying landed us in 
Massillon. I shall never forget it, all looked so 
strange. It was a bright Sabbath morning, a 
death-like stillness prevailed. At last father got 
a team to take us to where we had to go. 
The wagon-bed was made of rough lumber, 
boards laid on the bottom, each side a board 
with a hole through the ends with a stick through 
to hold them together; there was straw in the 
bottom for us children to sit on. Father and 
mother sat on the trunk, the teamster sat in front 



Catherine Joss. 25 

on his feed sack. We drove on, as we thought, 
a long while, when we came to a clearing in the 
woods, a new log cabin, with a young couple liv- 
ing there. We tried to get something to eat, 
but could get nothing save a loaf of dutch-oven 
bread; it looked like a nice large cake, and it 
was so sour we could hardly eat it, especially 
without anything with it, as they had neither 
milk nor butter. We drove on, after the horses 
were fed for a while, when a thunder-storm came 
upon us without us noticing it in the dense forest; 
the rain poured down and our loose boards came 
good to let the water out. 

We got to our destination on a high hill, our 
house was raised, but not under roof, no doors 
nor windows sawed out. We stopped at the 
potters', who had setded there from Germany; 
they had a one-story, double, round log-house 
with clapboard roof ; on one side was the pot- 
tery, on the other they lived. They had a stove 
built of tile, the fire was put in from the outside; 
it was heated and our clothes were hung up on 
poles above the stove to dry, while we stayed in 
their beds. As soon as possible we were 
dressed and on our road to uncle's cabin. We 
passed a cabin called Napold's Rest. We came 
to a foot-path where we met uncle coming from 
Salt Creek, where he had preached that day. He 
3 



26 Autobiography of 

took a child on each arm and we soon reached 
the bachelors' hall, where we got all the bread 
and milk we could eat; climb up the ladder to 
the loft where the beds were, and soon were fast 
asleep. In the morning after breakfast all was 
astir ; father went back to Massillon with the 
team, to take the stage for Pittsburgh to get 
building material, and store the goods until we 
could have a place to put them. There were 
only two teams that went to Pittsburgh from our 
country, and not near us. Uncle went to hunt 
them up, the other men all went out to get men 
to work and provisions to feed them. These 
backwoods- men could do all the work there was 
to do there, for they were jacks-of-all-trades, 
and their work soon showed on the house and 
woods around it. We had a girl from among 
the people that lived here before we came, she 
could manage as well as work; she built a cave 
that did w^ell for a cellar, and a place to cook 
by planting large forks into the ground, laid 
poles on them and pealed the bark off some saw- 
logs to cover the top, placed stones around 
where the fire-place was to be, a fork at each 
side with a bar of iron on, with iron hooks to 
hang kettles and pots on for cooking. Then she 
made a baking oven, and told me I must help, 
as no one else had time. I was with her when 



Catherine Joss. 27 

she cut saplings down and into the length she 
wanted them, carried them to the spot, laid them 
up like the cabins were built. When high enough 
thick poles were laid over it for the bottom 
of the oven, got a flat stone for the front of the 
hearth, two for the sides, one for the top of the 
mouth of the oven, then put a thick coat of the 
mortar on, which they used for daubing the 
house, leveled it and smoothed it, and kept it so 
while drying, and when dried put good bake 
wood on the shape it was to be,' and lay bark 
over nicely to have the top smooth with a twist- 
ed bunch of straw where the draught was to be, 
and daubed it like the bottom, also kept it solid 
by filling every flaw and smoothing it over till 
dried, then burned it out and baked in it. All I 
could do was to pad the mud, in which I de- 
lighted, and I am glad I was present when the 
first oven on that hill was built. 

We used of the mortar they made at the rear 
of our house to daub all the houses with, and 
also used it to make our oven with. It was 
made by clearing off" the top ground where we 
intended to put another house to ours, and there 
was to be the cellar. When they got to the 
clayey ground they dug it deep, put straw and 
water in, then drove several yoke of oxen in and 
round and round, until mixed. The buildings 



28 Autobiography of 

were chinked between the logs with the chips 
chopped off in hewing the logs, then filled up 
even with the clay mortar till smooth, inside 
and outside; that was all the finishing the walls 
got for years, only we soaked white clay and 
white-washed the inside with home-made brushes, 
made of hog-bristles saved in butchering-time. 
All the brooms we used were made of hickory, 
some of them split very fine, but the coarse ones 
were good to scrub the rough floors; we bought 
them from the country people and sold them in 
the store to the new comers, who had to learn 
how to make them. We traded anything in for 
goods that the Ohio people made. Most of the 
Germans had to get what they could not do 
without, so we could sell what we did not use. 
The room intended to be the bar-room was fitted 
up for the store, till the store-house could be 
built. The other side of the house was laid with 
loose boards and long rough tables and benches, 
made for the many men to eat at; up stairs the 
same kind of floor was laid to put the men's 
beds on to sleep in. Rough stairs were put up 
in the hall. The store-house was being built, 
and as soon as it was under roof we had the 
lower story filled with tobacco, which the Ohio 
people raised in large quantities to take to the 
canal, as traders in tobacco came along and 



Catherine Joss. 29 

bought it. In the upper story we put hay like in 
a hay-mow, and put the men's beds on the hay. 
Then we could get the carpenters' benches up 
stairs, where they could work, and soon had the 
other side above the store partitioned and win- 
dows put in, so we could get our beds put up in 
one, and the other we used for a sitting-room, 
or rather lying-room, as chairs were scarce, only 
long benches were around the room. The work- 
ing men used to sit on them, and our gentlemen 
lay on the floor smoking their long pipes in the 
evening and talk of improvements of all kinds, 
while many more of the work-hands stayed out- 
side, as every evening the log fire was built up 
fresh, which illuminated the place. It was a 
grand sight, such a fire light shining into the 
thick forest. This fire was kept up partly to 
burn up the wood, as also to keep the gnats out 
of the house, so they that wished, amused them- 
selves out doors until bed-time, or would engage 
in conversation about speculation and improve- 
ments. 

The name was given to the place by Dr. 
Scheurer, who first purchased the land, in honor 
of the women, saying at the time Weinsberg in 
Germany was besieged, only the women and 
children were permitted to go out. They waited 
on the emperor with the plea for as much as they 



30 Autobiography of 

could carry out at one time on their backs, which 
was granted them; they went as soldiers and 
carried out the men. Up to this day the place is 
called Women's Fidelity. But another cause why 
some considered it the right name, was, because 
our hill was covered with wild grape vines and 
chestnuts. Surely it would be a fruitful hill, and 
before grapes could be planted an arbor was built 
in the middle of our garden, covered with the 
grape vines of the forest, twined around the large 
chestnut tree cut down on the spot. As soon as 
supper was over we children were put to bed to 
get us out of the way, and the child-nurse had to 
help do kitchen work. 

There was no door between the rooms, the 
room in which the men were was above the store 
and our bed-room. I could lie and hear their 
talk, though I was young, I knew it was all spec- 
ulation, and think I got lessons of building 
castles in the air, as father often made the re- 
mark that he did not expect to live to see and 
enjoy the things, but his children may. I was 
one of them, and the plan was for me and my 
younger sister to go back to Bethlehem, Pa., to 
school, which plan was frustrated by the fire. 
So I got big ideas. Dr. Scheurer brought his 
family from Shanesville, where they stayed until 
a place could be built to go into. Like all 



Catherine Joss. 31 

others, their house had only two rooms, un- 
finished, to go in. The family consisted of a 
hired girl, a Spanish nurse, the mother of Mrs. 
Scheurer, and the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Van 
Steenbere. She was born on the Island of 
Curacoa in the West Indies, her father died when 
she was eleven years old, her mother, in poor 
health then, returned to her native home in this 
country, Brooklyn, New York. After her edu- 
cation, qualified for city life and very young, 
she was married to Dr. Scheurer and came to 
the backwoods ; though they were all of most 
noble nobility, a blessing to all, and everything 
to us, yet they had to share with us the hardships 
of pioneer life. Mrs. Scheurer is one of the sur- 
viving ones that settled there first. May we all 
three be kept to see this finished, to bear testi- 
mony to the truth of it, as they are both older 
than myself, and their last days be their best 
ones, until we all be called to join the throng of 
those that have come up. out of great tribulation, 
washed and made their robes white in the blood 
of the Lamb. 

By this time we had spent half a year in the 
wilderness, where we could live comparatively 
comfortable through the Winter, after having 
made brick, got out limestone and burning it for 
mortar to lay the brick, and having chimneys built. 



32 Autobiography of 

which was a big job, as we had to get the men 
from a distance ; there we had the tables in, that 
answered for kitchen and dininof-room. We had 
not so many work-hands for the Winter ; could 
have the beds up stairs, where the carpenter 
worked at inside work. 

The Winter passed, Spring came, and work 
went on as before. By the next Fall we thought 
ourselves nicely fixed ; the upper floors were 
tightly laid, the garret was our warehouse, to the 
bie room down stairs was nothino- done but a 
good fire-place and a few windows put in, one- 
half stored with barrels of pork and lard, traded 
in the store intending to ship in the Spring, be- 
sides the kitchen and eating in the same place, 
with all the pork stored in one end, we had all 
the second story to live in, and all our work- 
hands left us near the holidays, either going 
home or elsewhere to spend them. The first 
Christmas we had no place, but the next, mother, 
with the help of some of the gentlemen that were 
still remaining with us, in the neighborhood, ar- 
ranged the many toys we had brought with us, 
mostly presents to us children before leaving the 
city. So we had a large garden and a tree ; the 
garden represented a country, widi hills and 
rocks, sea-ports and country towns, farms and 
cottages, castles and mansions, jungles with wild 



Catherine Joss. 33 

beasts, fountains and lakes, rivers and rivulets, a 
large tree with birds and ornaments that hung 
over the top of the garden. It was as large as 
half the room, and was more of a wonder for the 
people of the country than it was for us children. 
Our house was crowded all day long, the whole 
week between Christmas and New Year, and the 
last day of the old year ; there were many that 
had come from a great distance, having heard 
of the wonderful free show, as some called it, 
only to find the smoking logs of the building in 
the woods hauled around to keep them from 
burning up, and ruins where the house had stood. 
How the fire broke out we knew not, it was dis- 
covered on the stairs. 

Father was behind with his books and had 
been working hard to straighten them before the 
year ended. On the last morning he got up long 
before day and could find no fire anywhere, and, 
as there were no matches, only those dipped in 
brimstone to use in a tinder box, where fire was 
struck with a flint, he lit the candle and went 
over to the room on the other side of the house; 
it was not cold but raining, so our fire went out, 
being neglected. Father got a few brands that 
had died out, came over orumbline that there 
was no nre and nothing ready to start one. He 
started it in the stove, sat down and wrote a 



34 Autohiographi) of 

while until day-break, the hired girl came out 
of the bed-room, father thought as none of the 
men were about he would put on his coat and 
hat and go to feed the cattle; he asked the oirl 
if she had been down stairs to make fire; she 
said no, and when he opened the door into the 
hall, the great blaze on the stairs came toward 
the opened door, he shut it, turned the key, said 
no one should open again or we must all burn 
up. We screamed, but could rouse no one. 
Mother threw bedding out of the back window, 
the front being paved with stone, as the drop 
place where they made the mortar, and it was 
going down hill, it was so high that we feared to 
jump ; we ran to the front again, all of us 
screamed out of the windows again, and soon all 
were there of the three families besides ourselves, 
four men and six women. Scheurer's women 
took a blanket, each held a corner, the baby was 
dropped and safe. Mr. Stahl brought a ladder, 
the girl got down ; mother got on it, when it 
came apart; she hung on to the window-sill while 
they put it together, and held it until she was 
down. Meanwhile father took two of us at a 
time and dropped us out of another window. 
We were all caught, but my oldest brother 
dropped from the man's grasp, fell on the edge 
of a tub and was badly injured. But as soon as 



Catherine Joss. 35 

we were down, I took my youngest brother on 
my arm, the other brother and sister clung- to 
me, and we started through the woods to a house 
where the woman was sick ; she got up, brother 
went to bed and we found him badly hurt, and 
the woman became deranged, which made things 
worse. She, with the rest of us, were all crowded 
into Scheurer's house. 

Father could not get his books after we were 
all out; he hunted in the smoke until the fire be- 
gan to break through, saw a light place, went for 
it, broke the window and jumped out ; it was 
where the beds were thrown out, or no one 
would hardly have thought of the beds. He told 
them to carry them away, so we saved them. 
We saved nothing from the house but the bed- 
ding mother threw out, and nothing from the store 
that would make us clothingf. We children and 
mother were in our night-clothes ; farmers' wives 
met at a house with what remnants of home- 
made goods they had, and made us clothing, each 
of us a suit. Father stayed in hunting his books 
in the smoke until the fire came into that part, 
when he jumped out of the window. People 
were honest in those days, no doubt most of 
them came and paid to the best of their knowl- 
edge what they owed, and offered assistance to 
build up again. Stahl's had a kitchen which they 



36 Autobiograjphy of 

let us occupy. It was one room, but the men's 
beds were some on the store-house yet where 
they could sleep. There were ten and fifteen of 
us in the family and with one suit of clothes, ex- 
cept in underclothing we had a change. Mother 
would wash us Saturday night and put us to bed 
in the room we lived, there we slept as well; we 
had a stove out of the fire fixed up, so as to use 
it to help heat our house with it, a big fire-place 
like all the log-cabins have, a long pole put up 
to the ceiling, where mother would hang our 
clothes when washed, after we were in bed, with 
a great log-fire in the chimney and in the stove 
too, so they would dry, then she cleaned up the 
house, and would get to bed long after midnight. 
As people did not work on Sunday then, every- 
body did Saturday's work, to be ready for Sun- 
day. 

I remember our tailor, a German, used to sew 
o,n Sunday and was fined. He tried to make it 
appear that he was only sewing on a button 
which had come off, but he had to pay his fine 
of five dollars. I could tell of many cases, but 
this is enough to show that at that time the Sun- 
day laws were enforced. The half Indians in 
the backwoods used to have a Sabbath-day and 
kept it according to the law of the country. 

Our second beginning was worse than the first, 



Catherine Joss. 37 

as everything we needed in the house was lost 
in the fire. We could think of no cause for fire 
to break out, and think it was kindled on the 
first landing of the stairs, because a pile of 
hickory bark was blazing up very high. When 
discovered, father thought, if there would have 
been some water up stairs he could have put it 
out, as we had a Christmas garden which attrac- 
ted the people from far and near. There were 
on each side of the fire-place cupboards, in one 
were father and mother's best clothes ; in the 
other were china and silverware, which in those 
days was made of solid silver. 

With large hooks, which our blacksmith made 
and fastened into long poles, they pulled down 
the logs of the house, though burnt black, many 
could be used for building again, as many oxen 
teams were there to haul them off, so the fire 
would go out. The chimneys were also pulled 
down; the one where the silver was supposed to 
be, father had thrown the other way, that the 
hot brick mieht not fall on the silver, and as 
soon as possible an effort was made to get it out, 
but not a sign of any was found. Then when 
the brick all could be removed the ashes were 
gathered in tubs and washed, but nothing was 
found, while on the other side of the house with 
no extra care and more fuel to retain the heat 



38 Autobiography of 

longer, a trunk with considerable jewelry left 
melted and clodded around watch w^orks and 
real stone sets. So it was believed some one 
robbed and set the house on fire. 

My parents saved and worked very hard and 
under trying circumstances, and we all did what- 
ever we could. I was the oldest of five children, 
a child's-nurse could no more be hired; I had to 
take her place and take care of the children until 
my next sister was old enough to take my place, 
and then there was other work for me to do. 
We had a little house built for a smoke-house, to 
smoke the pork we had packed, that which was 
burnt and which we intended to ship in the 
Spring with the lard that was also burnt. So 
we made a store of it. Father got all the lard 
where he could do anything with fixed up, that 
it could be used or sold cheap, with a case of 
notions carried out of the store while burning, a 
pile of wooden butter-bowls, a box of tea that 
was on the counter, worth forty dollars, a lot of 
iron for blacksmiths could be used. 

A friend sent father a sack of coffee, a keg of 
chewing tobacco, spices, a bolt of bleached and 
unbleached muslin, some calico, and cotton 
handkerchiefs. I think the most we had to be- 
gin with to keep store in the smoke-house it 
brought in produce, which we needed, as we 



Catherine Joss. 39 

were building again at our house and the store- 
house. As soon as our house was under roof, 
doors and windows sawed out, with loose board 
floors, we were in it and obliged to entertain 
travelers, as well as board our work-hands. We 
all had a change of what was called domestic, 
some coarse cotton goods used mostly for cases 
over feather-beds, which were used to cover 
them. 

Uncle was going to be married. He was a 
Lutheran minister in Canton. Then father said 
we should go. So mother engaged the dress- 
maker who was to make our dresses. When she 
took the wojnan to the store to get the goods, 
father made so much fuss about emptying the 
store, that we done without and remained home. 
A gentleman came out from New York and 
made fun of me, called me the domestic grirl. I 
remember of thinking I should have a Sunday 
dress, but dare not say a word. Things went on 
just so, it was work and scold, scold and work. 
I often thought how hard it was for me, as I 
could not do as our hired girls, leave if it did not 
suit me. Mother blamed father for having- too 
many irons in the fire at once, and he thought 
she should be thankful she had it to do. 

The store-house was so far that the store was in 
it, the cellar under it was finished, so we could 



40 Autobiography of 

keep drink of most any kind ; wine was imported 
by great hogsheads. We got the bar-room 
estabhshed, and could wholesale and retail drink. 
Then we could use the smoke-house, which had 
been store, for the kitchen. As our second house 
was one-story, and father thought he could never 
live in a two-story house again until he could 
build more, we had to make a room back of the 
bar-room for our beds ; had beds up stairs under 
the roof for strangers, and got license to keep 
tavern. In the Summer mother cooked in a big 
hollow chestnut stump, near the house, as the 
other side of the house was entirely unfinished 
and not fit to live in. 

About in this condition we lived when the Joss 
family with many other Swiss families landed in 
New Philadelphia in 1831. The men left their 
families there, and started out in search of a place 
to locate. 

Thirty of them stopped at our house. While 
they went out to hunt land, they too liked the 
hills, and all suited themselves in Holmes County, 
mostly in Walnut Creek Township, where father 
Joss bought three farms of 100 acres each, all 
somewhat cultivated, but one of the oldest and 
best in the county in those days, but only log 
buildings on it. He built a large house, after 
the Swiss style, but like all building then, was so 



Catherine Joss. 41 

long in finishing, he did not live to see it finished. 
A man came out fi-om the city of Philadelphia, 
who had money, he bought a tract of land, built 
a large stone-house, a large frame barn, and 
cleared one hundred acres of land of the stumps. 
It gave employment to many of the foreigners, 
some of whom had families. He 'had them clear 
a patch of ground, put a cabin on to live in, and 
work for him. Between this man and ourselves^ 
with all our people to feed, we could use most of 
the provisions the county could produce. We 
put up a building where we had intended to, 
while the first house stood, with a cellar for the 
house, which we had not till then. We had a 
cake bar, where we kept always on hand light 
cake. We made crackers by taking a chunk of 
light bread dough, pounded it with a club, then 
rolled out some of the dough, cut it with round 
cake-cutter, took a key father filed to mark Ohio 
on them, which made crackers. Then we took the 
other of the pounded dough, made lye pretzels, 
by making a kettle of white lye of hickory ashes, 
let it settle, and strain it, put a kettle over the fire 
with a great long-handled skimmer, held a quan- 
tity in at once, then shoved it in the hot baking- 
oven on tins, baking quickly, and I am safe to 
say, there are none now to compare with them in 
those days. Then were the piles of ginger-bread 



42 Autobiography of 

baked on square tins, marked off with a flat stick 
notched on one side, one dozen on each sheet of 
tin. Those and cup-cake were the only kind of 
cake potash was used in, as there was no saleratus 
even for a long while, much less soda and baking- 
powder, and our cakes were most generally light 
and far superior to any now made. But it took 
work to beat everything separate before mixing 
together, and great care in baking. Turn-over 
pies we also made, hundreds of them, doughnuts 
with and without sweetening. Saturday was 
always a day when we sold much out of the bar. 
On special occasions we had boiled ham, dried 
venison, cheese and smoked sausage, except the 
bread, which the girl, hired to do general house- 
work, baked. But all else mother generally 
baked, with some help at times. I don't think I 
was twelve years old when I was charged with 
the care of the bar-room. There being not much 
to do some days, it was my business to stay there 
with sewing or some work, like picking coffee to 
brown, which we did by setting panfuls in the 
oven, currants, or some other fruit, to get ready 
for pies. Anything that could be done we thought 
nothing of doing there, as we had no time to 
spare. The door of the store we locked, and 
I went over when customers came. If I could, I 
would wait on them; if not, call father or mother. 



Catherine Joss. 43 

Our drinking bar was on one side of the room 
that went into another large room. It was ac- 
knowledged that our accommodations were good, 
but often said by travelers the bar was an excep- 
tion to any they met, and I often heard men say 
how hard they tried to reach the place where 
they knew their horses would be cared for as 
they should. 

The first thing father built and finished was the 
store-house cellar. He imported foreign wines 
and other drinks, and I heard him say he must 
have a right kind of a place to keep it. He sold 
drink at wholesale as well as retail. He grot a 
still, made cordial and some liquors, to imitate, but 
we kept the best of all kinds; we bought up wild 
cherries, got a great thick iron kettle from some- 
one near, had the blacksmith make a stamper, 
and a man would pound them to break the seed. 
Whiskey was poured on, and then carried into the 
cellar and emptied in an empty wine hogshead. 
When the cherry time was over, the hogshead 
was filled with whiskey, let lay a long time, then 
drawn off and put into barrels. Sold much of it. 
They called it cherry bounce. And every year 
when the drained cherries were thrown out we 
had all the hop-s in the neig-hborhood drunk. I 
remember of mother at a time calling a number 
of German beer-drinkers drunken hogs. They 



44 Autobiography of 

said she could not compare them with hogs, as 
hogs did not get drunk, but she could prove that. 

The stone-house, about a mile from town, like 
all others, could not be finished for want of build- 
ing material, there remained a large unfinished 
room on one side up stairs, the floor was laid 
tight, and was often used for dancing, when a 
drunken scissors-grinder came around, who was 
also a fiddler, but had no fiddle; but there were 
several in the community, as well as other small 
musical instruments, but were laid aside for work. 
So Scheerenschleifer, as he was called, was 
furnished with the fiddle and plenty to drink, and 
all that could would go to the dance in that upper 
room. It suited us, as we furnished the drink. 

There came a German minister and wife, he 
had studied to be a Catholic priest, but was in 
love with a merchant's daughter, ran away with 
her, came to this country, got married; came to 
our place, wanted to become a Protestant minister, 
which he did by taking a letter from Dr. Scheurer 
and father to the University at Columbus ; came 
back, lived among us in a log cabin. When at 
one time his wife wanted to put her baby to sleep 
in the sugar-trough used for a cradle, she pulled it 
from under the bed, turned the cover down, as 
she thought was her husband's neck-handkerchief 
and about to take hold of it, when its head raised. 



Catherine Joss. 45 

That cabin had not a window. When no fire, 
some light came down the big chimney, and the 
door could be opened. Well, soon as a minister 
was in our midst, it became a duty to get a place 
to preach, for which the large room in the stone- 
house was seated with rough boards laid over 
trestles made of thin logs, a stand at one end of 
rough boards, and a splint-bottom chair, so the 
people could go to church in the morning, as 
they dare not work, hardly knew how to put in 
the time, neither could they go to the tavern on 
Sunday. Strangers stayed, if they stopped 
Saturday, until Monday morning. Everybody 
knew of the Sunday law then, for constable and 
squire would have been put through if they did 
not fine any they knew of breaking it. There 
were some to be confirmed that had to be attended 
to immediately. So the parents gave the names 
of their children old enough. They had attended 
to baptism whenever uncle visited us, they brought 
their babies to our house, and the ceremony was 
performed. I was not old enough according to 
the rule, but some had got to be older than the 
regular age, which seemed to be a great burden 
on them, while the children could not renew their 
covenant of baptism and take the vow upon them- 
selves that their parents or others had done for 
them at their christening, and not knowing how 



46 Autobiography of 

long the minister would stay, or when we would 
get a church, it was thought best I should go to 
be instructed at least. I know it was a treat for 
me to have a few hours instruction twice a week, 
may be I enjoyed the rest, for a change is a restr 
and from the time my sister took care of the 
children, more than a year, I had known no 
change. Then I was instructed as I expected, 
the carrying out of the principle of what my 
teacher in the city began, which I never forgot, 
and desired to be a good Christian. 

With twelve others, all older than myself, at 
the proper time we were to renounce the devil and 
his works, all pomp and vanity of the world, repeat 
and promise to keep the commandments, assent to 
the apostolic creed, and receive the benediction- 
I am sure I was sincere and determined to live 
right in the sight of God, as my father asked me 
when I went to church if it was my desire to be 
confirmed, that he had done his duty obligatory 
upon him to have me instructed in the principles 
of the Christian doctrine, if I believed and 
desired I should be confirmed, that must be 
my will, not his. I said yes, and meant it too, 
thoueh not understanding much about the whole.. 
It was Good Friday, and four of us girls dressed 
in white, stopped at a farm below the hill, got 
some peach-blossoms, of the first that any one 



Catherine Joss. 47 

there had. I don't remember where, but put 
them in our hair, I think under the border of our 
caps, as we wore lace caps. When we reached our 
house, all the people had gathered there. The 
large room back of the bar-room was full, seated 
at tables, we had there to seat people at table with 
benches to sit on ; whole families and friends at a 
table eating, drinking, and being merry, though 
careful not to go too far, as it was a sacred day, 
and communion to be Easter Sunday. The bar- 
room was also full, eating and drinking, as all 
went from church to the tavern. There were a 
few of the refined class assembled in what we 
called the parlor. A man having a turning-lathe 
who made spinning-wheels and splint-bottom 
chairs, had made us two bedsteads for our parlor 
bed-room, and a tablq, as nice as any kitchen 
table, besides some of the Ohio hickory chairs 
composed the furniture. The walls of the house 
were bare and unplastered, only a looking-glass 
hanging above the table ; the floors were also 
bare. 

We were met at the door and introduced as 
"Confirmanden, die Unschuld selbst," meaning 
that we were confirmed and were innocence it- 
self. Congratulations and remarks were made, 
we had to take a glass of wine, health was drank, 
and the man that became my brother-in-law 



48 Autobiography of 

some years later, made a speech on our inno- 
cence, regretting it could not remain so forever; 
a congratulating song was sung, as they were all 
singers, and we were initiated into the society 
of the more mature young people. 

From that time on, the talk was about the 
church that would have to be built if they did 
their duty; the place for it was selected from the 
beginning. As the most they needed was work, 
so Dr. Scheurer, father Joss and my father laid 
the plan, and before long the church was erected 
and under roof. As it was a frame building, the 
walls were filled in with sticks and mortar of 
clay ground. Loose boards were laid on the 
sleepers for seats, a few boards laid together for 
the preacher's stand and chair to be placed on. 
By the time the cold weather set in the floor 
was laid, windows and doors put in, which made 
it fit for use in "the Winter, with boards laid on 
trestles for seats. 

I never got to church much, as somehow our 
Sunday law was abandoned by the departure of 
many of the people that lived there when we 
came, .who sold out to the new comers, and we 
had more to do on Sunday than on other days, 
waiting on the people that done all their visiting 
at the tavern after church. Our room back of 
the bar-room was filled as described on the Good 



Catherine Joss. 49 

Friday, I was confirmed, the bar-room filled with 
men and boys, our parlor with the better class, 
that is, better educated and more refined. There 
were a number of old men that were well off. In 
the evening when others had mostly gone home, 
they would sit around the table in the bar-room, 
drink and sing until late in the night, and some 
would have to go to bed, not feeling like riding 
home four or six miles. I used to clear out of the 
bar on Monday mornings from 25 to 30 bottles 
emptied by those 10 or 15 men. Then there 
was another class called in German Handwerks- 
burschen, they took Saturday evening, but only 
when we had beer, which we could only get oc- 
casionally, as it did not pay the teams to come to 
our place often, only when something special was 
going on. A young brewer came to our place 
and we had a nice sized spring-house built at a 
spring a good ways down the hill. Father con- 
verted it into a brewery by building another room 
for malt and put the kettle in the spring-house, 
so we got beer. 



50 • Autobiography of 



CHAPTER III. 

MY TRIP TO CANTON, OHIO, TO LEARN THE MILLINERY 

BUSINESS. 

Father arranged with a lady to teach me how 
to make silk bonnets in as short a time as pos- 
sible. As I could hardly be spared, it must not 
take me loneer than three months at most, for 
which she was to have ten dollars, and board 
paid. Father thought, among the many Germans 
settlino" among- us some one would come to start 
making bonnets, as the class that settled at that 
time had never worn bonnets in the old country, 
but wished to get them here. Therefore he got 
a lot of silk remnants with other millinery goods. 
As no one came he thought I could learn and 
make up what we had on hand. So I was sent 
with the charge to make good use of my time,^ 
and in two weeks I had made several silk bon- 
nets, when I asked and got permission to make 
one for myself without them showing me any- 
thing about it. I bought the material, made the 
frame, which they called good. As everything 
had to be made by hand and sewed together, 
I covered it with the silk, made the trimming of 
the silk, edged it with plain edging, all colors, 



Catherine Joss. 51 

was edged with white ; when finished the lady 
and girls made a big fuss, perhaps only to en- 
courage me, as they knew not that I intended to 
leave for good. It being a busy time with them, 
perhaps they expected to get some work out of 
me besides the pay, at least I thought so, also 
thought the bonnet good enough for me, and 
would be, as I expected, good enough for any- 
body that never wore a bonnet. It seemed so, 
for many years after I got out from among that 
people, and returned to visit my home, I saw 
some of my make of bonnets in the church, and 
they sold rapidly, which pleased father, for he 
got rid of his dead stock, as he called it. 

When my bonnet was made I became home- 
sick, left what I had there in the care of the lady, 
who said, "Come back as soon as you can." I 
took the stage for Massillon, where I stayed all 
night. There was snow on the ground, but a 
heavy rain fell and it was gone in the morning. 
Our friend, where I stopped, would have taken 
me home, but he feared we could not get over 
the road safe walking, as the bridges made over 
the little rills and ravines — only logs from one 
side to another, then logs piled across until high 
enough, with ground on, were often made dan- 
gerous, even some parts taken away by high 
water. He tried to persuade me, and his daugh- 



52 Autobiography of 

ters urged me to stay, but I would not, said I 
would stop in Bethlehem, five miles toward my 
home, if I found no way to get on further. I got 
to that place; as it was raining a little no one 
was out, and I thought I passed through the 
village unnoticed. Five miles further on, the 
bottom land was all under water. There was a 
meadow on one side of the road that had a fence 
as far as the water went. I got on. When I 
was half-way over, some of the rails behind me, 
as the fence was giving way, went down stream, 
which made me fear and tremble at times, when 
some limbs of trees rushed against the fence 
where I was; but I got over all right, got up the 
little hill right along the creek. I found as I 
went down again, before the bridge was reached 
and the filling in with logs, that the ground at 
the end of the bridge was washed away, leaving 
a narrow but deep stream of water, with no way 
for me to get across. It was getting cold, I had 
not met one person within ten miles. 

Here I thought I should have taken the ad- 
vice of a friend who could imagine the condition 
of the road better than I could. I can not think 
that in answer to prayer all this came about, 
though it was my way to pray when in any 
trouble. But here I remember only being mor- 
tified at the deeds of self-will, also remorse must 



Catherine Joss. 53 

have been felt, though at that time I understood 
it not, as I had acted falsely by saying I was 
home-sick, and acting as though I intended to 
return, when I am sure I did not. 

A man with two horses came over the brido-e, 
he was astonished to find me there alone and 
walking, and asked the reason. I told it. He 
asked me to take the horse and saddle, he could 
ride the other horse and go back to town. I 
said no, he should put me on the bridge, then I 
could get along. He said he could take me 
there, but I could not get along. He hitched 
one horse, I got on a stump, he rode up, I got 
on behind him, crossed the stream and he left 
me. I don't remember what he said, but he did 
not compliment me or shoAv much sympathy, 
when I told my story. In those days most 
everybody within twenty miles around were 
neighbors and knew us, if we did not know where 
to place them. 

I stood on the bridge looking over the thin ice 
on the water that did not flow briskly, and the 
bottom on the other side of the ridge was all 
under water and all woods, the road was covered 
with logs close together. If I had not feared the 
cold I think I would have tried to wade through 
it, thinking there was a good bottom; but there 
came another man from our place. I said to 



54 Autobiography of 

him, "Will you take me over the bottom?" He 
answered, " I will take you to town," but I would 
not. He took me across the narrow stream again, 
when he hitched his horse, and went with me up 
a hill through the woods, where lived a man 
who had a team. The man and woman were 
gone to a place where they had to ford the 
creek, and as the water raised, had to wait. So 
they wanted me to wait, but I would not. I 
asked the man to put me where he got me, on 
the bridge ; he did, and appeared very sad to 
leave me there. I went along the ridge, met a 
man and boy getting in corn fodder, asked if 
they could not take me home. They said no, 
but I should go to the cabin and the woman 
would send a child with me to show me the way 
over the ridge. We went around the bottom 
land into the road again. 

I went along until I came to a little stream 
with a loof bridofe, but it was a bior creek then, 
but there was a good fence. Soon I was on it, 
got across the last water, and within four miles 
from home. I stopped at a farmer's house, and- 
asked him for a horse to ride home, we would 
send it back in the morning. He said the horses 
were not shod, and could not travel these roads, 
but if I would wait they would take me up as 
soon as possible. But I would not wait, and went 



Catherine Joss. 55 

on another two miles and stopped at a farmer's. 
The woman was stirring in corn-meal for mush 
for supper. She asked me to stay, but I told her 
I could not, that my shoes, stockings and feet 
were frozen together, and I feared I would be 
sick the next day. She sent a boy to tell his 
father to bring up a horse and side-saddle, which 
he did, and one for himself. When I got up from 
the chair I could not walk. The man carried me 
to a stump and on it. After he put me on the 
saddle he mounted his horse, and we went the 
other two miles, when we surprised them all. 
When I was carried in it was dark, but the news 
soon spread among the villagers, who came to 
see and hear. 

I was put to bed, where I stayed a few days in 
the doctor's hands, as well as all the nursing- I 
could have, with lots of scolding besides. When 
I was able to sit up I went to work at the bonnets, 
and soon had some in the store and sold, which 
pleased father very much, and I had learned in 
three weeks all I wanted or they cared about at 
home. 

There were often German young gentlemen 
stopping at our place in search of a place where 
to locate. As I was generally the first to wait 
on them, I was asked many questions, which I 
answered as best I could ; but think, I must have 



56 Autobiography of 

appeared as everything else about our place at 
that time, as home-spU7t. However, they would 
make a great fuss, flatter and praise their country- 
men, saying they wondered at the progress they 
made in such a short time, and how energetic 
and industrious they were, that they would like 
to settle among them, if they could find anything 
they could do. But their hard-working country- 
men would say, here all must work at anything 
they had to do, that the roasted pigeons did not 
fly into their mouths. And my father would tell 
them, in this country 

" He that by the plow would thrive, 
Himself must either hold or drive." 

Such never stayed long with us, but sought a 
place elsewhere. 

A German gentleman once came with a small 
but very heavy trunk ; but in those days it was 
nothing strange for any that wanted to purchase 
land to carry their money with them, and many 
had chests that were very heavy with silver that 
setded there. They mosdy had a leather belt, 
which they wore around their waist, with gold 
coin in it, as all carried it with them to this 
country, and it was a common thing for father to 
get money from men that stayed a while with us, 
until they could get setded or needed it. So the 
trunk was carried up stairs to father's room for 



Catherine Joss. 57 

safe-keeping. The gentleman went and came as 
though he was looking out for a suitable place ; 
he found a vacated warehouse to rent at Bolivar, 
a small village on the Ohio canal, not far from us. 
He thought to speculate in wheat would be a 
good thing. 

There were two German brothers wanting to 
settle, one a lawyer, the other a druggist. Then 
there was a young man out on a visit from New 
York City, a learned business man. The Germans 
thoucrht if the American man went in with them, 
it would be all right. He was persuaded, and 
the man with the heavy trunk left the renting 
and arranging all to the three, and when ready 
to take in wheat he would furnish the money, and 
they would get all they could to ship in the Spring. 

They went to work to arrange things. Mean- 
while our New Year's ball came off, they were all 
there, and had a general social time. My uncle, 
the watchmaker, had his own house, his shop and 
a room in it to sleep, and boarded with us. At 
that time he had several hundred dollars put 
away, as he thought quite safe. After the ball, 
as some had gone home, uncle with some others 
had a drinking spree, and as usual, did not get 
over the New Year in a day, but it lasted a while. 
Then he did not look after his money, thinking it 
safe ; but when he did look after it, he found none. 



5$ Autohiogra]^hy of 

No suspicion rested on any one, but uncle rode 
around in neighboring towns to find out what he 
could, and when he got to Bolivar, he was sur- 
prised not to find the man that owned the trunk 
there, and the other men thought he was in 
Weinsberg. So they all came up to our place. 
Father got legal authority to open the trunk, and 
it was filled with river stones, nicely packed in 
paper, and the man nor money was ever seen or 
heard of, though efforts were made to find him. 
But there were worthy families settled among 
us, and amiable young people, earnestly seeking 
to establish themselves to grow up with the 
country. So far as my knowledge goes, my 
humble opinion is that there never existed truer 
friendship and charity toward each other, and un- 
assuming affection, and endeavoring among the 
young to make festivity, for the short time we 
could be together. All had to work all week, and I 
as much on Sunday as any other day, only Sunday 
evenings I was allowed to spend a few hours at 
one or the other of the friends' home. At our 
minister's, though more than a mile from our place, 
we often met, and we enjoyed the witty yet no less 
profitable jokes of our jovial pastor and his frail 
but very amiable wife, as well as the sociability 
of their well-educated children. Then at Dr. 
Schuerer's, where we never failed to have a grand 



Catherine Joss. 59 

time, as they all took part in the entertainment, 
and were in their natural element amone the 
cultured who were qualified for such company, as 
they all were, except myself. I was entirely un- 
learned. My father's plans, to send me and my 
younger sister back to school, were frustrated by 
the fire. Yet I was one among those that were 
older than myself, and I think charity and good 
judgment on their part must have carried me 
through. 

Speaking in general, I can say in memory of 
by-gone days, feeling the force of the pretty 
Swiss girl, and natural Alpine singer's touch of the 
strings of her lute to the tune of the core as the 
songof my heart and lute, it would soon be taken 
up by one able with his flute to bring out the 
melting tones while joined by the company's vocal 
tones to express the sentiment of the words : 

"A lute, whose gentle sound reveals 

The soul of love full well, 
'Tis better for a heart that feels 

Much more than lute can tell." 

Is it a wonder that one of our number should 
rise and say, "'Tis heavenly! Satan could not get 
among us if he tried, he would have to go around 
this place." How often have I thought of it, for 
he was right among us in his garments of light. 
Then our parting song, of which I can remember a 



6o Autobiography of 

few of the English, but more of the German words. 
The following two lines is all I can remember of 
the English : 

" Things cannot remain so forever, here on this sublunary 
earth ; 
They bloom for a season, then wither and blighted the 
joy and the mirth." 

The following is the German, as near as I can 
remember : 

•'^ Es kann ja nicht imraer so bleiben 

Hier unter dem wechselnden Mond ; 
Es bliiht eine Zeit und verwelket, 

Was mit uns die Erde bewohnt. 
Doeh weil es nicht immer kann bleiben, 

So halte die Freundschaft reeht fest, 
Wer weiss denn, wie bald uns zerstreuet 

Das Schicksal nach Ost und nach West. 
Sind wir oft auch fern von einander, 

So bleiben die Herzen doch nah, 
Und Alle, ja Alle wird«'s freuen, 

Wenn Einem was Gutes geschah. 
Und kommen wir wieder zusammen 

Auf wechselnder Lebensbahn, 
So kniipfen ein frohliches Ende 

Dem frohlichen Anfang wir an- 
Und kommen wir nie mehr zusammen 

Im eilenden Laufe der Zeit, 
Dann bleibet im pochenden Eerzen 

Den Eedlichen Freundschaft geweiht." 

I was very young when thrown into the society 
of the German young people, of all grades and 



Catherine Joss, 6i 

casts, which they don't all lose as soon as they 
get here, even to the backwoods, but their 
courtesy toward me must have made me as one 
of them, believing I always had common-sense 
enough to know I was inferior to them in every 
respect, therefore I feel so thankful for such 
humiliating praises that many times made me 
groan in the spirit for deliverance from self, to 
be able to stand without exposing my ignorance 
among the dignified. But duty in our business 
demanded us to be sociable with all, and in obe- 
dience to my parents, whom I often heard say 
what a slavish life they had for the sake of mak- 
ing- something of their children for the future, 
which my selfish pride anticipated with a strong 
desire to help to promote. I knew not then, but 
see it clear now in the light that shines more and 
more unto the perfect day, how I was led by 
Him in whom I learned to trust when very 
young. Glory to His name! He never leaves 
nor forsakes us if we cling to Him. 

While I look back at the fleeting joys of this 
world and call to memory the purpose of that 
oneness among us in desiring to promote each 
other's happiness, which I, perhaps, realized more 
than any, because I was so unlearned, and they 
were so forbearing with me, which caused much 
of my joy, I feel very thankful to my Saviour. 



62 Autobiography of 

Surely, "Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to 
be wise." And forty years ago, when I was but 
a babe in Christ, oppressed with manifold cares 
of this world, but as willing to toil for the welfare 
of my children as my parents were for theirs, 
but could see no prospects for the future, I had 
taken up, to leave all and follow Jesus, with six 
children, unraised and unprovided for, perhaps 
the tempter suggested, to make me fear I should 
not get along. I thought of the prosjDects of my 
worldly friends, and having been led to write, or 
rather scribble on paper just what come to me, I 
could find relief in that way, and then wrote the 
question down : 

Where are the compauious I had when I was young ? 

Some have found a mansion far beyond the sun, 

Tliat shines so bright to cheer us, like he our course to run; 

Let nothing ever weary us till time on earth is done. 

Some do still here linger on this sublime earth, 

Some are filled with sorrow, some with joy and mirth ; 

As for myself, I'm gloriously and wonderfully blest, 

And shall come out victorious, and lean on Jesus' breast ; 

Worldly care and sorrow, 'tis true, can make me sad, 

But the hope of a bright morrow will ever make me glad ; 

When the sun shall cease to run his race each morning he 

begins, 
Then we will see Jesus face to face, who our affection wins. 

And this is what followed but only the word, 
when I hope the spirit of it, which is clearer to- 



Catherine Joss. 63 

day than ever with God's sunshine in my soul, 
will lead to the undertaking of many, to use what- 
ever work the Lord gives to his glory; for to him 
that hath, it shall be given, and he that hath not, 
that he hath shall be taken away. 

We had a school-teacher in Weinsberg, an 
American, that neither sang, danced, smoked, 
nor drank any kind of intoxicating drink, so he 
had but few to associate with. By that time I 
had got so as to be of use, as I was the oldest 
of the children, all the others went to school. 
The teacher boarded with us, but was so re- 
served, that no one knew anything about him. 
All day he was at the school-house, which was 
half a mile away from the place ; in the evening 
he sat reading, noticing nothing apparently, un- 
less some one spoke to him. Scheurers were 
English, and he sometimes went there ; but his 
teaching soon told, and they had him six terms 
to teach. A niece of his got married, and he 
and I were invited to the wedding. We had a 
nice ride on horseback, about ten miles, had 
dinner, and afterwards went into the room where 
the guests were. The Presbyterian minister and 
his wife were there, and before very long, the 
bride and groom appeared. The ceremony was 
performed, and after the wedding-supper, the 
preacher went away, but his wife stayed which 



64 Autobiograjyhy of 

the teacher told me he wished she would have 
gone, that she looked as though she had been 
white-washed twice and it had struck in on her. 
I don't know what he meant by it, unless it was 
long-facedness and hypocrisy, as everything was 
very quiet until she went. Then they played 
button, and some ring plays our folks would 
think good for little children. 

After a while the old people and the young 
couple and the children of the family went to 
bed. Several couple of young people were 
there. The young men took each a girl on his 
knees, and one couple after another covered up 
their heads with the large silk Bandana pocket- 
handkerchiefs, which the men carried in those 
days, as I thought to sleep. The teacher wan- 
ted me to sit on his lap. No, sir, said I, I could 
not sleep that way, and wanted to go to bed. 
He said, there was no place to sleep. I said, 
there is room on the floor in the room where the 
children sleep. I will go there. He went out, 
and came and told me where to go. I did go, 
and went to bed, don't know where he stayed. 

Next morning after breakfast, we all went five 
miles further to accompany the bride arid groom 
to their home at his father's, on a farm, where 
they expected to live, as he was their only child. 
After dinner we all went home, leaving the young 



Catherine Joss. 65 

married couple. On the way to our home the 
teacher asked me how the Germans sparked. I 
said, " I don't know what you mean." He said, 
"How do they do when they want to talk about 
getting married?" I said, "The man asks the 
girl, or gets some one to ask, and that don't take 
a whole night." He laughed. I told him about 
a man he knew, a landlord's only son in a neigh- 
boring town, but who was married then, in 
sleighing-time came to our town to visit some 
friends. They came to our house, and as cus- 
tomary, took their seats at a table in the room 
next the bar-room, where they seemed to have a 
good time with their friends, mostly Sundays 
after church. But this was a week-day evening. 
The young man treated them to all they wanted. 
I was back and forth waiting on them. On 
being invited to, I took the solid glass with 
them and helped sing a song or two. The next 
day I was invited to take a sleigh-ride to Berlin 
with the young man, who asked my father if I 
could. He dare not refuse, as he knew them 
well; he always stopped with them when he went 
that way. I was ordered to go, and went. From 
the conversation I learned that the young man 
intended to establish himself at butcherine, and 
would also have the tavern before lono-, as his 
parents were getting old. But I never thought 



66 Autobiography of 

that he wanted me. We had dinner, and then 
drove back to Weinsberg. 

After tarrying a Httle while in the bar- 
room he drove home. Then I was asked by the 
woman of the house where he stopped, what I 
thought of him. I said, " He is a nice young 
man," she said, " and well off, as all will be his 
after a while," she was to find out if I would 
have him for a husband. I told her I could not 
leave home until there was more help of some 
of the other children, and I was not of-age yet, 
my folks would not spare me. She did not 
think of that. Then the teacher laughed more 
heartily than before, and no doubt looked on us 
and our ways with as much disgust, as I did to 
see the young people sit around the room with 
their heads covered, and the silly, childish plays, 
such as ring-round-a-rosy and the like. He 
often was at our house, I waited on him as be- 
fore, but never heard a word, and am not sure it 
was so much his intention as that of the folks 
he stopped with. I knew of many matches made 
at our house by the parents or friends, when 
neither of the parties were present; they were 
married and got along financially all right, and 
such a thing as a divorce was unknown among 
those people, although many were very unhappy, 
especially among the women, as they were but 



Catherine Joss. 6j 

little, if any, better than slaves. Many were 
beaten by their avaricious drinking husbands. 

Lately I heard a man talk to a woman who 
had lived in this country many years, about how 
it is now in Germany. He said, the men did 
not spend their time and money there in the 
public houses as they do here ; that in his city 
they worked mostly in factories with many, that 
his wife worked in one where two thousand were 
employed at once. Well, said he, what would 
all these people do if they had no places to go 
to. They come home, men and women together. 
As one woman waits on a great many, she has 
it hard, for such are mothers of little children, 
and when the man and those that are with him 
come home, they all expect supper immediately, 
so as to get to the public assembly, where each 
gets his mug of beer, sits down, smokes his pipe 
and sips at his mug, as no one thinks of treating, 
as they do in this country. The young people 
who wish can dance, or sit at the table with their 
friends and go home sober, and the next morn- 
ing they feel like going to work, and it gives the 
woman a good chance to attend to her work, 
while all are out of the way. 

I thought that is just as it was in Weinsberg- 
years ago ; while the women were toiling at 
home in their families, doing what they should 



68 Autobiography of 

do while helping the men in the fields or woods, 
to be talked about at the public houses, or worse, 
slandered or scolded for not being in bed. Of 
course, there are exceptions to all rules, but very 
few among visitors of public houses. 

We had balls, at one time we arranged for a 
ball for a party of French Swiss from Sonnen- 
berg and Mount Eaton. We had a large room 
above the store, which was on the other side of 
the street, we had it nicely decorated with ever- 
green and bright colored cambric to tie it up 
with, and well lighted with candles in reflectors 
around the hall. We did all we could to make 
our unfinished places look agreeable, and the 
party were well pleased. I can say in all the 
places around us they could not get up anything 
to compare with ours, as my father spared no 
expense, and mother no labor in preparing for 
any arrangement made. I used to get invita- 
tions to other places, but think I only attended 
one in company with a young man alone, as 
father always went along, saying he wanted to 
patronize others as they did him, otherwise I 
think none of us would have gone out from 
home, as it was perseverance in strife and work 
to make our place a noted resort of pleasure, a 
real town of morality in every respect, for I often 
heard father talk about what constituted moral- 



Catherine Joss. 69 

ity and good policy. He could entertain his 
guests in a profitable and amusing manner, no 
matter what class they were. We did not have 
any games for many years, but finally got dom- 
inoes. No pitching pennies or raffling was ever 
allowed, and such a thing as card-playing never 
thought of. 

Not having any other instruction, I was anx- 
ious to gain by observation, often fearing when 
in company with learned people, I would expose 
my ignorance, but mostly among Germans and 
well educated people, I got along, not being 
called, as I often feared, to explain or interpret, 
but they generally went to their books, so I could 
learn of them, and my fear turned into gain. 

But to oret back to the French ball. The men 
that attended that party were noted for fighting 
as well as wine-drinking, and we intended to 
make their enjoyment a success, not expecting 
any others. But a party of Germans came, 
thinking if they paid they could go to the French 
Swiss dance. But father told them no, but if 
they had their own music he would prepare a 
room for them. So the dining room was cleared 
out, they got the old scissor-grinder and danced, 
and were to have the second supper. 

A party of English came with their fiddler, we 
gave them the parlor, taking down two beds that 



70 Autobiography of 

were in the parlor bedroom, to make room for 
them to dance. We had no carpets anywhere 
to take up. All settled about the dances. A 
lot of horse-jockeys came, not to dance, but to 
see the row which they expected, as there were 
on every occasion a lot of young- half-heathen, as 
the Germans called them, who were treated by 
the jockeys with their favorite drink, whiskey, 
and would fight like tigers, so would the French, 
and a terrible row was predicted. But we feared 
not; the Ohio fellows fought, but never in the 
house. 

The first supper was ready, the French were 
called, but the jockeys rushed in from the bar- 
room and took their seats and their supper. 
Father met the French coming across the street, 
and asked them, for the sake of peace (as he 
thought the jockeys only wanted a fuss), if they 
would wait they should have their supper all the 
same, only a little later. They returned to their 
dance, and father quietly dealt with the men at 
the table, for they were genteel and honorable 
men, but on a spree, and would have had more 
fun if there had been a fight. But it was all 
settled, most of them mounted their horses and 
went home. All parties got their supper and 
enjoyed themselves until morning, when they all 
went their way. 



Catherine Joss. 71 

As the ground was often covered with snow 
for many weeks, we had sleighing parties from 
towns many miles distant, and as partners were 
scarce (for the gentlemen always were many 
more than ladies), we had to help them out. 
After the table was set I could go into the ball- 
room, but mother would leave her work, come 
in to dance to accommodate some one and then 
go out again to her work. After a few weeks we 
were so worn out that we could not serve them 
as much as we would have liked, but had to re- 
fuse to wait on them. I often went to bed after 
bathing my feet, rubbing my throat with opo- 
deldoc, a liniment of that day, bundled up in 
flannel, at 2 or 3 in the morning, got up at 10, 
worked all day and repeated the process. How 
tired I was of having to make a business of it, 
but did not dare to murmur, as it was no better 
for my parents, who toiled to make good the 
loss of the fire and achieve the honor of the place, 
for the future good of their children. 

We had local balls when our own people 
assembled, as all the Germans danced. We had 
New Year's dances, in which all participated, 
even the minister's family, and, at times, he him- 
self. It was considered a great honor if old 
people with children and grandchildren could 
take the floor, it made the spectators rejoice 



72 Autobiography of 

greatly, and they congratulated them with 
speeches and wine. Of course, I had my share 
of work to do, and often when tired enough to 
go to bed did not feel like dancing, yet I had to 
be there, and being the landlord's daughter, had 
to make myself agreeable by being sociable with 
all. I remember here, on one such occasion, 
when I much desired to make a good appearance, 
and when being instructed in religion by the 
minister, we were told to invoke the blessing of 
God on anything special we were about to un- 
dertake, and if our conscience condemned us, to 
leave it. So I prayed on entering the ball-room, 
not to show me if it was sin, for I was sure it 
was not, but to be strengthened to enjoy the 
blessing of assembling with friends to enjoy the 
privilege, thinking of the joy that never ends 
and music that no ear ever heard. Thus I 
prayed in the ball-room, and I believe my prayer 
was heard and answered, though it took many 
strokes of the needful rod of affliction, until 
I was converted, or born again, as Jesus said. 
But I was trying to live before I was born 
through his blood to say: 

The Lord is m}- Shepherd, I feel in my heart 
That we in eternity never shall part ; 
He showed me salvation, and made me quite free, 
I'll inherit his glory in eternity. 



Catherine Joss. 75 

I sought in the glittering ball-room to find 
The peace I of late enjoy in m}- mind ; 
But vain and deceitful these pleasures all proved, 
Turn }'&, turn ! a voice called as 1 moved. 

I bestowed then mj- heart to a morsel of dust, 
Assured in a treasure in which I could trust, 
Would help me to work out salvation below. 
And then in the end to glory would go. 

But, oh ! how deceitful our hearts proved to be, 
Our fortune soon left us, its folly to see ; 
And now as through grace I still linger behind, 
I find that the blind was but leading the blind. 

Many of the verses in this book I wrote long 
ago, but they are the language of my heart to- 
day, as I often sat alone sewing at the flag, it 
was broad "mansha" red and white ribbon, some 
whole bolts, to be sewed with split silk, as we 
had only coarse skein sewing silk, and it had to 
be cast over tightly, which took a long while, 
and many were the thouorhts that went throuo-h 
my mind, and no doubt like other young people, 
I tried to think of my future home and what I 
should like it to be; most of the first of society. 
I learned to love each and every one of them, 
with unfeigned love I believed, as friends were 
married or gone off somewhere. I thought of 
the different homes I knew of, but of all was the 
log-cabin life, as I thought and hearing my 
father say so, the freest from care, and had to 
6 



74 Autobiography of 

restrain myself to keep from singing out to the 
annoyance of those that slept, mother's song, 
with which she often sang the baby to sleep: 

I knew by the smoke that so gracefully curled 
Above the green elms that the cottage was near, 
And I said if there is peace to be found in the world, 
A heart that is humble may hope for it here ; 
Every leaf was at rest, and T heard not a sound, 
But the woodpecker tapping at the hollow beech tree. 

And as I learned of the convent life from 
Scheurer's Spanish nurse, I thought if I would 
be a child of Catholic parents, I would be a nun, 
as I alvxays wanted to be a better Christian, feel- 
ing sure I was one, so I thought the cabin life 
would suit me, as I was tired of strife, and some- 
how thought of the boy I had heard his brother 
say, he was a natural made farmer. Then the 
thought of a hymn we sang in church came to 
my mind: 

" Erwecke mir stets einen Freund, 

Der's treu mit meiner Wohlfahrt meint, 

Mit mir in deiner Furcht sich libt, 

Mir Rath und Trost und Beispiel gibt." 
In English as near as I can get it : 

Awaken for me one true Friend, 

On whom I ever can depend ; 

"Who would in grief my solace be, 

And walk in godliness with me. 

Then came the thought of the boy instructed in 



Catherine Joss. 75 

the ways of truth by his pious father, and con- 
firmed with me in the same faith, and I had 
learned he was two years older than myself. 

Father always tried to give every one some- 
thing to do that came to our plaee without 
money. Once a German came, who had been 
in the king's service. He said he had been a 
•captain a long time, had an honorable discharge 
.and thought he would come to America ; he 
heard of Weinsberg and had come to it, but 
knew not what to do, as he could not work. 
His clothes were worn out, and what was worse, 
not clean. As he was educated, father thought 
lie could put him in the store where we needed 
some one, as father was away most all day among 
the workmen and we had store and bar to tend 
to, besides waiting on strang-ers, for whom we 
had to get meals any time they stopped and 
called for warm meals, or a cold check, as they 
called a lunch then, and the many foot-travelers 
kept us busy, besides others on horseback stop- 
ping mostly for lodging or at meal-time to feed 
their beasts, as they said. Although the captain 
was a good deal of trouble to us, mother did not 
mind it, as she most always scolded father for 
taking up all kinds of trash. Father had him 
get a suit of clothes measured and take the 
^oods out of the store. He took gray cassimere, 



76 Autobiography of 

as he said that was the color the riflemen wore, 
and he was among them there, for he Hked that 
color. He was a soldier, as all could see. Father 
asked him if he would like to drill some men 
evenino-s. He said he would delio-ht in it. So 
they commenced in the bar-room, a few of them 
at first, but soon there were so many who de- 
lighted in it, that they drilled outside by moon- 
light or by fire-light, which we could have big 
enouofh to illuminate the town of 8 or lo houses. 
It went on until it was a company ; they were 
uniformed in gray and green ; the of^cers gray 
and black bands and gold cord; the buglers were 
dressed the same as the officers. They went to 
the encampment at the county seat, where they 
were initiated, and I think the first company of 
riflemen. The next 4th of July was to be cele- 
brated at Weinsberg, for which occasion we 
made great preparations. A table was built of 
rough boards on posts, with benches at the sides 
as long as the square in the lower part of the 
wine garden, forks were put in the ground two 
widths of muslin apart, which we tacked at the 
ends of the bolts stretched over the poles, then 
pinned together with tacks here and there along 
the poles. We had the sides wreathed with 
green, lined with red, white and blue streamers, 
as we had no flags in those days. Arches were 



Catherine Joss. "jy 

made at the entrance of the village from the 
cross-roads, which they called gates, took tall 
slim saplings, tied the tops together with wreaths 
of flowers twined around hoops to make wreaths, 
tied in the branches with long streamers, planted 
tight in each side of the road to form arches. 
The women showed their fidelity by using rakes 
and sickles to clean out every stick or weed that 
was inside the arches ; near the entrance of the 
garden on Front street was the speaker's stand 
with the Declaration of Independence, large 
enoug-h to be read from the street, and the Pres- 
ident's picture was also large, it was wreathed 
in asparagus, and flowers fastened on the front 
of the top of the stand with home-made flags 
floating over it. The stand for the music-band 
was further down in the garden, also nicely 
decorated. The German speech was delivered 
by Rev. Daniel Kranz, the minister of the place. 
I don't remember who spoke in English ; we 
were too busy to hear any of them, but hundreds 
of people had come to our little town that day. 
Several companies of volunteers, also bands 
from other places, were there. At the appointed 
time the soldiers drew up in line along the street, 
the bands in line each side from our hall door to 
the soldiers at the command of the officers, we 
13 girls dressed in white with blue sashes, 



yS AutoUography of 

marched out, escorted by officers and band up 
and down along the line of soldiers. When we 
reached our color-bearer we were just opposite 
Dr. Scheurer's window, to which he had been 
carried from his sick-bed, from which he never 
recovered, as I carried the regalia I handed it to 
him, then took the flag from the carrier and pre- 
sented it, saying: 

Deutsche Briider ! Euer Beraiihen, 

Zum Beweise, dass die Herzen ergliihen, 

Zu vertheidigen das neue Vaterland, 

Das audi Eucli fiir seine Sohne erkannt, 

Hat uns bewogen, Euch heute zu reichen 

Diese Fahne, flir Euch nur ein Zeichen, 

Entweder zu siegen oder zu sterben, 

Und nicht dem Feind Euren Ruhm zu erwerben. 

So nehmt sie denn bin, diese Fahn', 

Sie wehe im Kampf Euch voran ! 

Sie ist die Fahne der Republik, 

Sie fiihre Euch zum Sieg und zum Gliick ! 

Folgt muthig dem Rufe der Ehr', 

Wenn's Vaterland rufet zur Wehr, 

Klirapft tapfer fiir Ehre, fiir Freiheit und Vaterland, 

Das unzertrennlich an diese Fahne Euch bannt; 

Und habt Ihr gestritten fiir's Vaterland's Gliick, 

Dann bringet sie siegreich vom Kampfe zuruk ! 



Catherine Joss. 79 

CHAPTER IV. 

MY WEDDING. 

The time came when our boys, as we called 
them, began to consider themselves young men, 
and treading in the footsteps of the older ones, 
after church came to the tavern. The younger 
brothers of the associates I had would mostly 
take brandy in preference to wme, when they 
came to the bar, an older brother of one of them 
said to me, if I gave those boys so much brandy 
I would make a drunken set of them. I said,' 
I must give what they want, if we have it, I can't 
refuse any, as we have it to sell. But the next 
time the boys came I told them in a joking way. 
They wanted to know who told me. I did not 
tell, which made them say much about the young 

rulers. 

Dr. Scheurer could not stand the long rides on 
horseback, in all kinds of weather; as there was 
no other doctor for many miles he was worn out, 
in the prime of life, became afflicted so that he 
had to have a man constantly with him, I think 
for more than two years, and men to sit up with 
him a long time. Many took their turns, includ- 
ing the boys, who came to our house in the 



8o Autobiography of 

morning for brandy and a cigar, and as there 
were no matches they came to the kitchen to 
Hght them. They were much more courageous 
after the brandy question than before. One pro- 
posed a horseback ride to a soiree on a Sunday. 
My sister and I were to be among the party. 
Mother scolded, she did not know what I wanted 
to go with them snipes for. Sundays we could 
hardly be spared. I asked father, he said. Of 
course, we dare not refuse. So I went, and I 
thought, so far as behavior was concerned, the 
boys knew how to conduct themselves, as well 
as any young men. To think of my selfishness 
and ignorant pride, the boys were all good 
scholars, the girls by that time had been attend- 
ing school, as we had a good teacher, but there 
was no time for me to attend, or I certainly 
would have been the biggest blockhead among 
them, and coming to find out that several of them 
were older than myself by a few years, though I 
knew it not at that time, but think I must have 
felt myself superior to that crowd and fear I 
could not have borne with them, had any little 
thinof occurred to make me think not rio-ht, I 
could not have made them feel as I did among 
those that were my superiors in every respect. 
When any person died in the country they 
came to the store for the shroud, they made them 



Catherine Joss. 8i 

at the Doctor's and I generally took them and 
helped in putting them on. It happened a 
woman died some miles from us. I went and 
the people were all busy, so I had to wait, and 
found they put my horse up and expected me to 
help to finish some clothes for the children. So 
I went to work ; we put the shroud on and those 
that had been there finished up all ready for the 
funeral next day, and went home after supper. 
Young people from the neighborhood came to 
the wake; I had never been at such a place, nor 
was I well acquainted with the young people. 
Many were homish and they did not get out from 
home until half their lifetime was spent; only one 
young man was there, whose brother was one of 
our friends and had not long been married to the 
minister's daughter, both of our companions, this 
younger brother with others that were always 
among our people, and often at our house, when 
anything was going on ; but as I associated with 
much older. ones than myself, and our business 
called me out young, I felt myself much older 
than I was, and even those that were confirmed 
with me, and older than I. Yet I could not 
think of them only as boys, like others. So did 
we sit and chat, the brandy drinking came up 
again, he thought they knew how to take care 
of themselves as well as they, for he had driven 



82 Autohioyraphj of 

the sleigh more than once for his brother, when 
the whole party of gentlemen had drank too 
much of something, and that they went off to 
take a spree, and thought they could take care 
of themselves as well as the bigheads. The 
night passed pleasantly, though I knew not his 
age then, but ever afterwards felt myself in the 
presence of a young man and not a boy. Though 
he had not the privilege of staying in Switzer- 
land long enough to be sent to France, he ap- 
peared to have good common-sense, and silently 
watchinp- him as he came often to our house in 
company, as the fear of the boys only made 
them the bolder. Then the suitors were plenty 
in those days, especially when there were pros- 
pects of getting into business, that mother de- 
sired a business man for me, so that they would 
get help. I overheard that conversation, but 
while I was sewing at the flag, which I had 
mostly to do at night, and when father closed 
the house, he sometimes came and sat a little 
while with me, likely to cheer me up, as mother 
scolded so much about the work and the ex- 
pense of the company. As he knew of some 
trying to get in at our house through me, he 
used to warn me of such fops, perhaps that, or 
may be not being educated I was set on not a 
biehead for a man. 



Catherine Joss. 83 

One Sunday evening some of the young- 
people were in our house. A. walk in the gar- 
den was proposed ; it was the one I learned to 
look upon as a young man who offered me his 
arm, which I took, and we led on through the 
broad walks of the garden, until we got around 
to the gate again. We went into the parlor, 
took the social glass with a song or two and 
bade good night to the party; but the word had 
dropped: *' When can I see you alone?" I said, 
when he should come to the town again, likely I 
would be alone in the dining room. He came; 
I was there at some needlework, he entered. 
As our house was a public house, any one walked 
in; I arose and gave him a seat, it was almost 
time for him to be in the sick-chamber. With 
all the carelessness I could put on, I said: 
" What is it that you have to say? Is it some- 
thing about the boys again?" "No," said he, 
"it is about this boy, who wants you for his wife; 
what do you say to it?" I said, "That depends 
upon what father says, you have to ask him." 
He had to go, said good night and was off. 
Next morning, as usual, both men came over for 
the mornine drink and cio^ars, the one left with- 
out a lieht, but he came to the kitchen and asked 
me, when and if we could meet in the arbor the 
next time. I don't remember when, but it was 



84 Autobiography of 

not when he came to the Doctor, nor on Sunday, 
as all was quiet and I was in the arbor. That 
his mother had a girl for him he knew, and I 
knew my mother wanted me not to have a farmer, 
and if father was dissatisfied, we would get mar- 
ried and go off, as he said, they could not break 
his father's will, though we had to get it by law, 
and that was no object to us. We never knew 
what it was to earn a living, though we had to 
work, and often said we believed that would 
have been the best for us financially, yet it is all 
well, and among the all things that work to- 
gether for good. I saw plainly it was to be so, 
and gladly gave my hand ; he kissed me, but I 
did not kiss him, as I had never kissed a young 
man, though had often been kissed. As he went 
through the hall he went into the bar-room, 
where father was alone readinof. He asked for 
me, ofot his consent with some counsel, and went 
home. I suppose father told mother, as the next 
morning she scolded me, saying I would make a 
great farmer's wife. As children then never 
spoke back, she had the privilege to scold, no 
one being there so early in the morning. 

He went to Millersburgh, where he got the 
goods for his wedding suit, and engaged a tailor 
to make it, and when the wedding was to 
come off, his cousin was to come and bring the 



Catherine Joss. 85 

clothes, to save going again. He got the mar- 
riage license, stopped on the way back at our 
house, told me what he had done, took his horse 
to the stable, and soon was among the many 
comrades, as everybody stopped at the tavern 
after church, and many stayed the remainder of 
the day. 

After supper Scheurer's and our family were 
in the parlor. I told them we were thinking 
about when our wedding should come off and 
how best to arrange it. I left it to them. They 
made out it should be in two weeks from that 
day, and we would have the near friends and 
relatives attend. I said I would tell him. So 
when the evening was nearly spent he came in, 
all were gone but my little brother, who hearing 
of my leaving lay on the sofa by me, crying till 
he sobbed himself to sleep. He came in, was 
seated by us and I told him of the plan of the 
wedding. He said, let us count up those we 
must invite, if we invite any, and another thing, 
there is suspicion already, and by two weeks 
everybody will know it, and this is a public house, 
and who won't be here, and thought we better 
let no one know anything about it, soon as his 
clothes were done his cousin could brine them in 
and we would be married. I thought we need 
not wait for the clothes, though mine were ready 



86 Autobiography of 

we would not wear them, and get married soon, 
he said to-morrow; I did not care, said I could 
stay at home until arrangements were made as 
to how and where we should live. So at a late 
hour that night, the first and last late hour I 
spent with a young man alone. He carried my 
brother to the stairs in the back part of the house 
where we all slept, I carried him up stairs and 
put him to bed and went myself; about sleeping 
I can't remember, but early in the morning I got 
up, went to mother's bed, father was up, I asked 
if it would suit that day for us to get married, 
told her why, she said, any way we had it. I 
then went to the bedroom, the man I expected 
to be married to was away in the front part of 
the house, and I well remember how timid I was 
about rapping at the door, and spoke to him 
without opening the door, but got no answer 
until he said, open the door ; I did, and told him 
I had asked mother. He said, that's enough, so 
far away, come here, saying, "are you afraid of 
me?" I went and told him how we would do, he 
should come up with the minister in the after- 
noon. I turned to go, when he said, give me 
your hand, now a kiss, but in tears I bowed my 
head, he thought expecting him to kiss me; but he 
said, that is only obedience, I want a token of 
your love. I told him I could not kiss, but ioved 



Catherine Joss. ^y 

him; he embraced me and kissed my face wet with 
tears, saying, silly thing, I am sure you love me, 
and will soon be mine. I went to the kitchen, no 
one was up. After breakfast he got out his horse 
and went home. 

Joss stopped at the minister's, as it was on his 
way home, and told him to be ready when he 
would come back that afternoon, to go with him, 
as we were sfoing- to be married. When he came 
home they were all in the oats field; he got ready, 
went out to work, stopped and told his broth- 
ers that he was going to get married, they could 
come to the wedding if they liked. Then he went 
and asked his mother for some clean underclothes. 
She said: "Where are you going again in this 
busy time?" He said, he was going to get mar- 
ried; but they did not believe it. When he came 
to our house with the minister, I was in the yard 
cleaning and filling the lard oil lamps, of which 
we had many. They waited in the parlor till I 
was ready. The family and Scheurers all came 
over, and on the 15th of August, 1839, I became 
the wife of John Joss, to the surprise of many, 
and no doubt to the regret of his mother, as she 
thought she had already made a match between 
her son and a wealthy Swiss farmer's daughter, 
as to all appearance he would farm and keep the 
homestead, wherein she had a dower as long as 



88 Autohiograpky of 

she lived. Next day we rode to the farm that 
was the Joss home, where they all lived together, 
the oldest brother had been there several years. 
They had a very large house, built by father Joss 
in the Swiss style, and must have expected to 
keep all the family together while they lived. 
As the oldest brother and wife were livino- 
there in the family, they expected me to come 
and live there with them; but I did not intend 
to do so, else I should have stayed at home, 
where I was so much needed. We took a large 
room up stairs that had a fire-place in it. Joss 
put up shelves, such as everybody had for dishes, 
called a dresser, where dishes are arranged taste- 
fully, and consisting in what they called a set in 
those days, a tea-pot, sugar-bowl and creamer, 
half a dozen plates, cups and saucers, two butter- 
plates, a large plate for bread, a meat-platter and 
two deep sauce-dishes, knives and forks, teaspoons 
and tablespoons, with two glasses, and salt-cel- 
lar and pepper-box; on the two broader shelves 
below, earthenware, such as was made in Weins- 
berg, used in place of tinware which was scarce. 
However, I had a tin bucket, two tin cups, a gra- 
ter, and a set of brass ladles to hang above the 
water bench on a white cloth put up at the wall, 
as all buildings then unfinished had a curtain 
around the water bench which hid the pots to 



Catherine Joss, 89 

cook in. I had no tea-kettle for a long time, and 
mother gave me the bed and beadstead out of 
our parlor bed-room, where there were two beds 
standing, a wooden chest which the carpenter 
made of cherry wood stained with Sanderson 
whiskey. 

Cleveland, August 15th, 1890, reminds me of 
this day, August 15th, 1839, when I entered upon 
my married life, 5 1 years with its realities crowd- 
ing upon my memory, and it seems as though 
there should be and is enough to fill a large 
volume, if one qualified for the work had it to 
do; but with the promise of God I venture to 
leave even for this day on record a specimen 
of the feeling of my mind. I have just been 
thinking how I used to pray to God to help me 
to get out of the way of sinners, when I was not 
out of the way of self. The simple illustration 
of the hen and her chickens came to my mind. 
She hopped over the brook and called for the 
chickens to come. They cried, but would not 
try, for a while. At last one tried, but failed. 
She went to his help and to the other chickens, 
scratched up a worm, they all wanted it. but it 
was only for the one that tried; they that did not 
try thought it was because they had more sense 
than the one that tried, as he could have known 
he could not do it. So it is with me. But my 



90 Autobiography of 

prayer is: Help me to get out of the way of self, 
in us, through us, around and about us, to the 
salvation of precious souls. 

Oh, m}' Saviour, bury me down deep to-day, 

Raise up a monument tliat forty years lience, 

Wlien worms have destroyed this morsel of clay, 

Continue what Thou in me hast commenced. 

Oh, work through an instrument weak, 

That some the Lord Jesus ma}' seek, 

Who hast ever been leading the way. 

And again at the cross, right down at His feet, 

I am prostrating myself before Him to sway 

The sword of the Spirit that Christians must use. 

If valiant the}" would be in the fight. 

In the love of the Master his gifts all diffuse, 

Stand firm for all that is just and right, 

With the blood-stained banner to the breeze unfurled, 

That wafts unfeigned love for the suffering world ; 

There is nothing else lasting, His love is complete. 

Though Satan's fiery darts be hurled, 

There is safety down at Jesus' feet. 



Catherine Joss. 91 

CHAPTER V. 

TRIALS ON THE FARM. 

The oldest and youngest brothers did not in- 
tend to farm always, and my husband therefore 
took the farm that was already cultivated when 
bought, and with the improvements father Joss 
had made, was by far the best farm in the town- 
ship; it was to remain the home of mother Joss 
as long as she lived, with certain privileges. We 
could only sell subject to them. 

We never knew what it was to earn a dollar 
for ourselves, always had full and plenty; but we 
both were used to work. For my part I knew 
of no care about getting a living, nor did we 
speak of it for years, as I had never been used to, 
mother managing, or having any concern, only 
as father would speak of something not being 
profitable, or of a loss, mother would generally 
scold for not being careful, or, as often was the 
case when he had too many irons in the fire, and 
he often found fault with us for not being careful 
and saving. My husband and I felt sure of it 
being God's will for us to unite in matrimony, as 
his mind was actuated upon in the same way 
as mine had been, yet with many causes why it 



92 Autobiography of 

could never be, and when on an occasion when 
the social glass was passed freely, a not very 
affectionate remark was made by him, which al- 
most broke my heart, not knowing that it was 
drink what did it, as he was not drunk, his 
brother-in-law present told me not to mind it, he 
was sure John did not mean it, as he knew he 
loved me when he feared he could never get 
me. 

Then at a time when there had been a muster 
of officers at Middletown he came home, the 
boy took his horse, we had already had our sup- 
per. I got his supper on the table and in a few 
minutes asked him to come; when I received no 
answer I went and found him asleep, waked him, 
only to hear cursing, when I left him and went 
to his mother's room crying, and asked what I 
should do. She said, let him sleep, and if it 
ever occurs again, as it likely will on such occa- 
sions, only have strong coffee ready, get him to 
drink some and let him go to bed. She said it 
did not happen often, but when she was young 
she had the same experience with father, and his 
mother, a smart woman who did much in doctor- 
ing the sick, said it was a sickness and strong 
coffee was the best cure. But he did get sick 
after that with a bilious fever that lasted all Sum- 
mer. The neighbors came and got in our 



Catherine Joss. 93 

harvest. At a time when we thought he was 
dying, his brother-in-law was there, the boy went 
to town for the doctor, a distance of four miles; 
he shook and became as pale as death, great 
drops of sweat stood on his forehead. I got on 
the bed, raised his head on my arm, and with 
the other hand wiped the cold drops from his 
forehead. I spoke to him, but got no answer. 
He or we lingered for his breath to cease, but 
he was like one out of a sleep, saying, " I knew 
all, but could not speak, was sure I should die 
without being able to tell you that when it comes 
to this as it was just now, it is not all of life to 
live, nor all of death to die." His brother-in-law 
went over to tell his wife to come; while alone 
he talked some, but I had been charged not to 
excite him, and therefore did not answer, nor do 
I know that I could, having no such a hope with- 
in as he said we should have to know where we 
were going when we had to leave this world. 
His sister came, the doctor came, who said if he 
could take nourishment enough to keep him he 
would likely get over it. 

When he got better I got down, our first child 
was born. I got along well, but after two weeks 
rode to town, got a back-set and suffered gready 
for eio-ht weeks. My mother was not satisfied 
that we should live down on the farm, but should 



94 Autobiography of 

move to Weinsberg and open a grocery, as they 
could not attend to all the business, then father 
needed some one to boss at the stone quarry and 
tend to the sawing and grinding of the scythe 
stones, as they shipped many of them. We 
moved in the Spring, as a man v^ith his family 
came from Germany and lived in our old house, 
who was willinpf to take the farm. He did so 
well in taking care of the cattle and got the 
crops in, and put others out; the whetstone busi- 
ness failing, as machinery took the place of the 
scythe in many places, my father offered to go 
in partnership to start a grocery, so that travelers 
wanting lunch could be waited on by us, and 
back of the shop was a room where we had 
a long table and benches on each side, Avhere 
the men gathered at night, especially to have 
fun, which they did have at times at the expense 
and suffering of the wife and children at home. 
The man on the farm wanted to rent for the 
next year, the contract was made, he was to 
manage all to suit himself and pay money for 
the rent, he was to use our team and buy the 
stock, at the close of the year pay for all $300 
cash, which we had no fear about getting our 
pay. We were to have a small field of barley 
and most of the apples. The whole family 
worked hard, they had much wheat out, which 



Catherine Joss. 95 

he threshed as soon as he could, and hauled it 
off, saying he must pay his debts, as he had more 
than what he owed us. Our brother-in-law 
bailed him for a horse worth $80, he got of the 
saddler in town a saddle, bridle, martingal and 
even a saddle-bag, for which he was in debt, sold 
of the cattle all but what the law allowed his 
wife, then went to his flight, no one knew where, 
for a long time, but at last word came that he 
had rented a farm in Missouri, and his wife and 
five children followed him, after selling all they 
had to enable them to go, and none of us got a 
cent of what he owed us. We had the barley 
at the brewery to take beer for, made our apples 
into cider, had fifteen barrels in the cellar, had 
six barrels of currant wine and a stack of rye 
left for us to thresh and keep the family in bread, 
the rest was taken to the distillers to make whis- 
key. I forget when the farm was rented for 
money, we took the business and settled oft with 
father. Of course we had prepared to keep on 
and could have rented again, but my husband 
would drink beer, though the doctor told him it 
would kill him. It made him fleshy and sleepy, 
often when he should have been waiting on others 
he could not be roused, lying asleep on a bench 
or elsewhere. 

We had a ball, for which we had to clear out a 



96 Autobiography of 

room up stairs we slept in, the next day the men 
would taper off by having- a high time to them- 
selves, singing, speaking and all sorts of non- 
sense. I wanted the beds up, as they were with 
ropes to tighten, wanted Joss to help put them 
up, but they had gathered in the bar-room at 
father's. I went over to call him, when the men 
made fun of him, and as he thought he was a 
man among men, he told me to go and mind my 
business. I went back into the house to hunt 
some help, as mother most always had hired 
women. I 4;old her. She went into the bar- 
room and abused all the men, which they only 
laughed at. By that time my youngest brother- 
in-law was reading medicine with the Doctor 
and not in the spree. Then he boarded with us, 
came over, helped me, and I got through in the 
evening. There was a bench standing with the 
end so that I could not shut the front door, and 
all were tired and had gone to bed. My father 
was seated on a bench before his house and was 
the only one whom I noticed up yet. As my 
man lay asleep on the end at the door I could 
not shut it and could not get him awake, so I 
went to father over the street, and told him if I 
only could get out of this ptace, as the beer 
drinking would kill John. Father commenced 
about mother scolding so in the bar-room may 



Catherine Joss. 97 

have made him drink more, and I must take 
warning and treat him kindly, and be very mild 
when he was cross, and the more careful of things 
if he was careless, and be very saving and indus- 
trious, and in that way may win him to want to 
please me. I thought my father infallible, I sup- 
pose, for I always tried to do just as he said. 
We had the band meet at our house to practice, 
as Joss was one of them. After practicing 
awhile the kitchen was cleared out to dance in, 
when he would always go to sleep, and if his 
brother did not happen to be there, which he 
mostly was, being one of the band, I had a 
time of it. By that time I had another baby, 
had often to leave it cry up stairs, unheard by 
any one down stairs for the noise, while its father 
slept and the people were to be waited on, often 
both the children would crv. 

Well, I could not see how I could stand it, so 
I just said, we will go back to the farm, deter- 
mined no one would get me off again; but it was 
too late, with the cellar full of drink, a good na- 
tured liberal company-loving man to take a social 
glass with them always get plenty visitors and 
every one around came to our house evenings, 
sat around the table, smoked their old pipes and 
drank all they wanted for nothing. Sunday if 
we did not go away early in the morning we 



98 Autobiography of 

would have the house full all day and till late at 
night. I had a sick child three years old, many 
nights I could sit waiting for hours for the men 
to leave when my man lay asleep on the lounge. 
Their talk of the old country did not interest him, 
as he was young when they came to this country. 
We had a hired man and one that stayed with 
his horse at our house, then an old German lady 
made her home with us, she helped me take care 
of the children. Several single men made their 
homes at our house just because they could, 
when they were not away to work. A man came 
to us from Lockport to try to get rid of the ague 
which he had since he came to this country. He 
was a ereat hard cider drinker. The doctor told 
him, if he did not stop using cider he would get 
the dropsy ; and sure enough, in the Spring he 
was laid up for us to take care of a long while 
before he could be moved, and neither doctor 
nor ourselves got anything for our trouble. 

One of the men, a carpenter, staying there, had 
money and often was off on a spree ; when he 
came home once just after the dropsy man was 
gone, he said about two hundred dollars were 
missing out of his chest, if it was the sick man he 
must have had a key, opened and taken it, as 
none of the other men would have done it. But 
he was often on a drunk and may have lost it 



Catherine Joss. 99 

some other way, as he still had money in the 
chest At one time while the man was sick, the 
doctor said, he will die to-night ; if he does, send 
up to let us open him before any one knows of 
his death. The doctor had told him there was 
no help for him. Some time before, when he 
sent his son word, he came, stayed one night, 
took his father's gold watch and silver mounted 
meerschaum pipe with him, which also made us 
think that he took the money. Then we had 
two weddinas at our house, attended by between 
eighty and one hundred persons, they danced, 
drink and had a high time. One was a black- 
smith, the other a wagon maker, we got a litde 
wao-on that they made with a spring seat, it was a 
wonder in the country then. When we went ta 
town on Sunday it was viewed by the people. I 
understood the wagon was made for the expense 
of the weddings. 

Joss never liked to farm after we went back to 
the farm, he got, I think, the first threshing ma- 
chine in the neighborhood, went around with it, 
took horses and men. I can't say what he made 
by it, as I never concerned myself about such 
thing's, for which his mother blamed me and said, 
she knew he could not stand all the expense he 
had. I told him; he said, because he did not work 
till he spit blood and teach school all Winter like 



lOO Autobiography of 

his brother Fred, she thought he did nothing, 
but he made more often in a trade or some spec- 
ulation than Fred did all Winter. I thought he 
knew and said he would be a fool to work when 
he could do something easy to make as much. 
This I had to hear again, saying it would be 
good for me if I came to want. But they were 
sorry for John, as it was me that led him into this 
way of living. The band always met at our 
house, and always danced. Atone time we killed 
an ox, I don't know how many of the neighbors 
as well as our own men were there, it was when 
Harrison was elected President. Our men had a 
flag with coon skins and cider barrels on it and 
a live raccoon they took with them to political 
meetings, it was chained on the upper porch. I 
heard a strange noise, opened the door, there 
hung the raccoon struggling, it had fallen down, 
was hanging by the chain, the men were at the 
table at supper, butchering being done and plenty 
drinking besides. The man to whom the raccoon 
belonged swore at me, saying it would be a good 
thing if all the raccoons were out of the way, and 
in a little while the most disgraceful things were 
said about my father, as he was a whig and 
well enough among them till some of them could 
vote and natural for them to be democrats. I 
thought my husband should have checked such 



Catherine Joss. loi 

work as that, but he walked out ; they scattered, 
I guess they had drunk enough to go home that 
evening. In the morning I asked if I could go 
to town with the hired man, as he took the hide 
up. He asked me what I wanted to do? I said, 
tell father what this man said about him. My 
husband placed a chair by the fire for me to sit 
in, himself saying he wanted to talk to me about 
it, said he, these fellows were all drunk, what 
could he have done with them? Then he told 
me some things that had been said in the beer- 
houses, that some of the men's women told them 
about father, one of the men was the doctor, and 
others. Now, said he, you had better not stir up the 
mess. He said, after this he would not let things 
go so far as it had, that it was too bad, but I could 
do as I thought best; so I stayed, put the child- 
ren's clothes away and it was all over, as I 
thought, like many a drunken spree. All went as 
usual till in sleighing time we got word that a 
party was coming, that many were intimate 
friends ; the men were getting ready to take 
a sleigh ride to Berlin and go through Weins- 
berp". So I had the hired or-irl set the wash to 
one side in the kitchen, help me get ready the 
children, so we got to town safe, the men took 
their ride while I was enjoying the dance with 
my friends. At about three o'clock came my 



I02 Autobiography of 

brother-in-law and said, if John wants to go home, 
don't go alone, as something may happen, we 
liave all been drinking freely. I said, no danger 
that I will go, the children are in bed. 

The next morning Joss came to take us home. 
We got ready, but some comrades gathered in the 
bar-room, I waited all bundled up till dinner time, 
when we took off our thinofs, mother scoldinpf all 
the time about the men's spreeing. At last we 
^ot started; before we got far, not thinking of 
their drinking, I said, I did not think of Dan. Joss 
•doing such a mean thing as to deprive Mrs. 
Scheurer of her boarding money he owed her, not 
Christ. Joss, a cousin of theirs, who built a barn 
for Dr. Scheurer, who died and the barn could 
not be paid till the estate be settled, but by Dan. 
Joss saying Christ, owing him the money and 
could not pay because he had not the money, 
which I knew was only a made-up joke, which 
made my man angry and began to talk about my 
father. I wanted him to stop the sleigh and let 
me out, but he did not. When I got home I put 
my sick little girl on the bed, and went out; as I 
turned to the door she said in a pitiful tone, 
"mama," her father said, don't you hear? I said, 
yes, but can't help it. I went, walked most of a 
mile, it was dark. I stopped at a house, asked 
the man to take me to town, told him why, prom- 



Catherine Joss. 



103 



ised to come back when I had told father what I 
had heard of such people. He hitched up, it was 
not late, but for some length of time there was 
sleighing-, and no party that night, all was dark 
at our house. I went around to the back part, 
could find no way to get in, thought of a window 
all covered with dried vines, tore them away, 
went to open the window, when it fell in and I 
feared would alarm them, but no one got awake. 
I went up stairs to my parents' bed, fell on it cry- 
ing, could not speak for a while. My lather and 
mother jumped out of bed, asking what is the 
matter? I told as soon as I could. In a few 
minutes the whole house was lit up, as others 
were not in bed yet ; father thought we could 
hear that night what they had to say, but could 
get none of them to come, so father would not 
let me go till we could see them. The man went 
home alone. 

Oh what a sad night that was, because my 
father did not join in their frolics, as they called 
it, and on account of his politics, since they had 
some wise leaders and often wrote and circulated 
letters of scandal as well as their talk. My 
mother would sometimes, as she used to, say, 
"wait till I get them together, I'll give them a 
piece of my mind, which let them that it hits take 
it." But that had no effect. I have seen them 



I04 Autobiography of 

step up to the bar, and honorable men taking 
honor from the community and say, "let us drink 
Mrs. Smith's health on that," when father would 
smile and perhaps wait on them, or be sitting 
among them to resume their conversation. When 
mother began, father appeared to make light of 
it when any new scandal was out. As I heard a 
man late from Germany say, when an old lady 
asked him, "How is it? are there many drunk- 
ards in these days at home? "Ah yes," said he, 
"but most people go to the tavern or public 
house after working all day, for a change and 
sociability, they spend six pfenning for a mug of 
beer, they sip, and talk, and smoke their pipes, 
and go home refreshed, sleep well and resume 
their work in the morning, to get something new, 
said in the factory where his wife worked there 
were 2,800 working, they are all jolly, they go 
about their work, have no time to talk, but they 
have a good time in the evening. 

The house at length was closed, we all went 
to our beds, but not to sleep. Mother blamed 
father for letting it go on so long, said she had 
told him it would bring bad consequences upon 
the children, and now you see it. Father said, 
what could I do? you see how they cling togeth- 
er. But if anything can be proved on any one, 
that I can I will have it attended to. 



Catherine Joss. 105 

I was in the next room, but my grief was so 
great, most on account of my children, as I had 
expected to get .back to them, only feared if I 
waited it would not be done. The next morning 
the docter, a young German, who came there 
from Germany finding that Dr.Scheurer had died 
and no doctor near located, at once was married 
not very long after to the only educated young 
lady anywhere. He was one of the men that 
should have slandere'd father, another was a 
grocery keeper, as drinking places were called 
then, if not taverns, as they had to pay license 
to be safe for selling goods, drink included. The 
school teacher, a young man visiting from New 
York, my uncle, the doctor and father met 
mother and myself in the sitting room ; the ques- 
tion was asked by father, if the doctor ever 
thought he was too sociable with his wife, laugh- 
ing said no. Father: why did you say at Stahl's 
beer house, you had to go home or Smith would 
annoy his wife, as he always did if he was not 
home when the tavern was closed ? "No, never," 
said the doctor, "your father said, he could have 
known all about his, the doctor's wife, when she 
was his hired girl, as she was at our house a 
while after she came to the place." Her mother, 
who was more of a lady than a house-keeper, 
wished mother to try to learn her daughter to 
8 



io6 Autobiograijhy of 

work at house work. So she stayed with us a 
while, for which she got paid, as mother would 
not have her work for nothing. 

The doctor went home, which was in part of 
Mrs. Scheurer's house, told his wife he never 
knew he had married a hired girl, and told her 
the story, for which I had come up in the night 
to tell. She went into a hysterical fit, he called 
for help, the women of the house went in, when 
the fit was over she just raved at him, saying, 
that's what you do, disgrace your wives at the 
beer houses. 

There was nothing that could be done any 
more, the doctor v/as the only reliable one, and 
he denied it, but my parents would not let me 
go home, and I had left my children, thinking to 
go back with the man that took me there. I 
could not stay, said, if they would take me down 
to get my children I would come again. So in 
the evening after school my uncle took the sleigh, 
the school teacher and I got in with him, and we 
drove down, they stayed in the sleigh, I went into 
my mother-in-law's room, thinking to get the 
children. They said, they had them in the room 
with the men who were having a jolly time of it, 
and mother Joss said, I would be the ruin of them 
all if I stayed away, begging me to come home. 
An old woman that lived with me to help me take 



Catherine Joss. 107 

care of the little girl who was sick, came to the 
room door with the child, I took her out of her 
arms, jumped into the sleigh and drove off as 
fast as we could, expecting them after us, but 
they came not. My little boy I did not see, the 
men had him with them and I think they didn't 
know that I was there till I was gone. It was 
quite a relief to have the sick child, but our house 
was invaded with the old Swiss loafers daily, as 
they had all they wanted to drink for nothing. 
Time would fail, and I could not find lano-uao-e 
to express all the miseries of such a life. It is 
expected by these drink demons that a woman 
must stand at her post to drudge till she drops 
dead, then she has done nothing more than her 
-duty, and grandma Joss said, they came there to 
cheer Joss when he often would be asleep, as he 
always did if he drank too much, as we all thouo-ht 
then it was right to drink, but to know when they 
had enough. 

When I was home two weeks they feared Joss 
was losing his mind, his cousin came with his 
wife to plead in behalf of all the rest of the 
family to come home ; cousins promised to 
bring me back, if they would let me go with 
them a day; I went. They told me it was my 
duty, as I was the only one that could give 
counsel, as Joss refused any from them, and 



io8 Autobiography of 

they were watching him, for fear he would take 
his own hfe. 

I went back with him to mother, and told her 
I must go, if for nothing else for my children's 
sake. I went, the hired girl had left, Mrs. Nese 
was there, but everything was in an awful condi- 
tion, whether drunk or crazy. He kept his horse 
saddled and wanted to send for father. I told him 
he would not come unless he was sick, but he 
should go up; finally he laid down on a bed and 
lay there asleep until morning. I had thrown a 
feather bed on him, as it was cold in the room. 
He rose early; he came into our room and said 
I should dress George, our little boy, that he 
would take him over to^his brother-in-law, where 
he was going in the sleigh. They went and out 
to his brother's, then home, but the snow was 
melting ; we had breakfast, the three brothers 
went on horse-back, I went about my work, 
asked no questions, but prayed constantly, which 
his mother said she did, and I doubt not but she 
did, as she felt awful, as it was such a disgrace 
for me to go and stay away from home. I felt 
that myself, but had I had sense enough to let 
the drink we had, run out, but would have brought 
condemnation as well. Praise the Lord! 

In the evening he came home, I was waiting 
with supper, my little brother came with him,. 



Catherine Joss. 109 

riding behind him on the same horse, we had 
supper, he went out to his brother's and I asked 
my brother what they did up to town. He said, 
the three that came up and father were in the 
parlor a while, then church was out and the min- 
ister was there, father put water with glasses on 
and a bottle of wine, and in a little while they 
came out, and after a while came home, so the 
preacher with the rest took the social glass to 
make all right. But the fatal step was taken 
when we went to Weinsberg to keep grocery, 
that is to our financial ruin; but bless the Lord! 
all things work together for good, though such 
drinking, and yet not many that could be called 
drunkards, they were all alike, it seemed to be a 
necessary evil, as they sometimes styled it, and 
every one was to give way wheq, a man was 
drunk, not only feel sorry for him, but cheer him 
up, try to get him home, and if he abused his 
wife, try to cheer her by saying, it will soon be 
over, and you know it is said a wagon-load of 
straw should move out of the way of a drunken 
man. Some men went on a spree, and one, a 
very respectable man, got so drunk they carried 
him in the house. His wife was scared, but a 
comrade said, keep quiet, or you may put him out 
of humor, he has only got too much wine, he 
will soon be better. She laughed out loud, say- 



I lo Autobiography of 

ing, "oh, that's better than a fever," and I was as 
bhnd as any. 

One year had been spent on the farm after 
our return to it, but Joss did not Hke to farm 
any more. My sister had married a brewer who 
bought lots on the west side of Cleveland, then 
called Ohio City, had built a house, and was 
building a brewery. Joss visited them, and 
thought he could better himself by selling out 
and going to Cleveland, work for some one in 
business, until our money should be due, as we 
should have to wait for the pay, and by the time 
we would have our money together we should 
know what to go in for ourselves. It suited me, 
as I had not found the quiet life I expected on 
the farm. 

Spring came again with its work and many 
work- hands besides, our house was like a public 
house, only free of charge, and I could not have 
got along with my baby and sick little girl with- 
out help. We kept a hired girl, my hands were 
full with three children, and the old topers used 
to joke as they sat at the table in the sitting- 
room, smoking their pipes and drinking hard cider 
at our expense, saying, what a pity Joss did not 
get a Swiss girl for a wife, then he might come to 
something, he would not have to keep a hired 
girl. And I had all reason to think his mother. 



Catherine Joss. 1 1 1 

who was entitled to a room in our house as long 
as she lived, thought the same way, which was 
not pleasant for me or him either, and the latter 
part of the Summer we sold the farm to be paid 
in $600 payments, we were to give possession 
next Spring. I was sick myself, our little girl 
got no better, rather worse, so that I had to have 
hired help all the time, though it was considered 
very extravagant, because we were going to leave 
soon and had cider and whiskey in the cellar, our 
neighbors must make good use of the time they 
had, and especially when the band would meet to 
practice, as we had large rooms, and some men 
that made their homes with us, when not out at 
work, had moved their chests, leaving a vacant 
room. They always had a dance, and during that 
Winter another son was born, but only lived one 
day. 

In the Spring we had public sale, when we 
had disposed of all except what we wanted to 
take with us. We packed our goods, took them 
to the canal and shipped them to Cleveland, as 
we intended to go by land, take a cow, horse and 
wagon with us. When all was ready, and we 
were staying at father's a few days, our youngest 
child took very sick with spasms and lay uncon- 
scious some days, in the hands of the doctor, 
who appeared to be torturing him with cupping 



112 



AiitohiograpJiy of 



and blistering, saying it to be the only way to 
cure, so he would not remain idiotic. 

It was in a similar way he had treated the little 
girl when she took sick cutting teeth, and she had 
then been sick three years. I had thought I 
could not give her up, many times when we 
thought her dying, but the thought of having an 
idiotic child besides the sick one, made me ask 
God to take them both. 



When my eyes were dimmed with sorrow, 

Alone and forsaken I stood, 
Had none of whom I could borrow, 

Yet all things work together for good. 

I looked to my God to protect me, 
He graciously whispered He would. 

Since then He never has left me, 

And all things work together for good. 

Neither pen nor pencil can portray, 

Nor could I tell, if I would, 
The sorrows I had with each day, 

But all things worked together for good. 

There is nothing on earth to compel me 
Nor put me to stand where I stood, 

While my Saviour thus smilingly greets me, 
All things work together for good. 



Catherine Joss. 113 

CHAPTER VI. 

DIFFICULTIES IN CHICAGO AND TOLEDO. 

As soon as we could we started with the three 
children on the canal, a sister went with me to 
help me with the sick ones. Joss was to start 
also, but was not there as we expected when 
we got there. Day after day passed, but he came 
not. The one child got better. As the boat 
was going right back in a short time, my sister 
went home. The little girl got worse, always ask- 
ing if papa had come. To augment my already 
excited spirit the doctor was called, he said there 
was no hope for her, the lake wind had a bad effect 
on her frail constitution; her longing for papa be- 
came more intense, and one morning she took her 
flight to join her little brother, of whom she also 
talked much as a little angel. 

We could not begrudge the little sufferer her 
rest, but what could have detained her father for 
two long weeks ? My brother-in law started for 
him hoping to meet him on the way, but had to 
go all the way, got there in the night, found the 
father on a bench in the bar-room sound asleep, 
and when roused to get up he could not under- 



114 Autobiography of 

stand why Buecking was there. They all got to 
bed to try to get some rest to be able to travel 
next day. Our neighbors kindly took charge of 
arranging things for the funeral, got a lot for us 
in the grave-yard right by Buecking's place, and 
that night when the men came, all was ready for 
the funeral. Joss said, every morning comrades 
assembled to see Joss of the social glass and a 
farewell song or two till it was too late. Evenings 
they would gather again to spend the last social 
evening, and so it went on ; but by the time they 
reached us, he felt the remorse of a guilty con- 
science and cursed the social glass, which I 
thought was not right for him to do, but to be a 
man and go about his business. 

That was a terrible night, but what kind of 
darkness must I have been in not to see any 
harm in the social glass ? Why was I spared ? 
I often think, not even in such agony of soul, to 
evoke such a damnable cause. 

Morning came, but my dear husband was 
broken-hearted, most on account of neglect of 
duty. I censured him, thinking to make him 
remember to be careful in the future, and thought 
he would. Buecking went to the city to engage 
a minister and invite some German friends of 
theirs to the funeral. Buecking had his own team 
and hired man to drive, he went and got them. 



Catherine Joss. 115 

The service was at the house and the coffin was 
carried to the grave, as it was only a short dis- 
tance. After the funeral they all came to the 
house, were waited on with wine and beer, coffee 
and cake, spent a short social time together and 
then they were taken to their respective homes. 
Joss said to me, they are vain comforters, and we 
aofreed that our Yankee neiofhbors were a preat 
consolation to us, yet at that time I could not 
sympathize with Joss, who seemed to sicken at 
the thought of the social glass, and could say, 
vain comforters, while I in my blindness could 
not see any harm in the glass, and thought socia- 
bility was right, that our Father in heaven wanted 
us to be social, and also to enjoy his gifts, but 
use judgment, and not to go to extremes. 

Soon as possible we got settled in a house that 
stood alone on a large vacant place, where they 
thought would be a good place to make glue, as 
there was none made yet in the place. Joss thought 
to try it, got everything established, made some 
very good, found a good market and was en- 
couraged to go on, but Buecking and his man would 
drive up every evening and they would go to 
the beer garden or somewhere to a coffee house, 
which I thought all right. Buecking expecting 
the custom of the places, when his brewery 
would be started, and Joss also needed to getac- 



1 1 6 Autohiograjphy of 

quainted, as though everybody went to the beer 
garden, and 1 gladly tended the glue kettles, so 
he could spend his evenings there ; but when it 
was late when he came home, think I must 
have scolded, as that belonged to the whole 
business. 

He became tired of glue making, and Buecking, 
who had as he thought money enough to carry him 
through to establish himself in the brewery, 
seeing his means running short, said he would 
take a partner in with him. They agreed to 
become partners, Joss worked at building a malt 
house, and had a note discounted, put the money 
in, and this is all I know about it. Barley failed 
in the State, and to send off for it, it would be 
necessary to have another note discounted. He 
asked me what I thought about it. I thought we 
better go to where we were not known, we had 
ninety-five dollars in gold laid by, which we 
thought, when used, we would get no more, but 
work to get a living as though we had nothing 
to depend on. Now where was it to be ? Mil- 
waukee was the place most talked of, as Wis- 
consin was a territory then and lots of Indians 
that I did not like to go there, but Toledo was 
booming then, I wanted to try that place; we 
went and found it as reported, plenty of work at 
most anything a man wanted to do, but many 



Catherine Joss. 117 

were sickly, looked pale, and many not able to 
work. Joss did not like the prospects of being 
sick, but to please me we stopped there at a Ger- 
man tavern. At Port Lawrence Joss got em- 
ployment at weighing wheat in a warehouse on 
the dock of the Maumee river, there was a steam 
saw and grist mill connected with it, and we also 
got a place to live near his work. 

All went well nearly all Winter, but toward 
Spring many were sick and dying. Joss also got 
very sick, but a calomel doctor dosed him with so 
much calomel that he had to take so much castor- 
oil to work it out of his system, that it left him in 
such a weak condition, we thought he could not 
live, but the doctor was not alarmed, said it would 
be all right, it being the only way, he said, to 
cure the disease. We thought it better to live 
further from the river, so we got a house back in 
the private part of the town, got settled and Joss 
went to work ; but not long after, he was going 
from his dinner along by the saw-mill, when an 
iron-bound beetle was thrown carelessly from 
above and struck him on the forehead, breaking 
his nose and cutting his face. I was in the 
garden, saw the wagon drive up to the house, I 
went in, unlocked the door, there stood two doc- 
tors and the boss. I knew something had hap- 
pened before they told me. They lifted him out 



1 1 8 Autobiography of 

of the wagon, he was unconscious and remained 
so, which made me think they had given him 
something, as the doctors were not alarmed, say- 
ing he would be all right. They sat him on a chair, 
held him up, set and plastered his nose and the 
cuts on his face, when they had washed off the 
blood, they stripped off his clothes, put on clean 
underclothes, and put him into bed, where he 
slept apparently a long while, don't remember 
how long, but a doctor was with him all that day 
and night, applying something to his face, per- 
haps to take the bruises away or to heal them. 
However, they were very kind, and bore all the 
expenses of his being hurt and told me to come 
to the mill store to get anything I needed ; but 
I never went once, but felt I must do what I 
could to make a living, the first time I ever 
tried. 

A lot of Swiss people landed, among them was 
a woman and two little girls. Her husband took 
sick soon after they came and died, his brother, 
quite a young man, was with them. She was 
looking for a place to stay, while she could go 
out at day's work. I took them in, said she could 
work for me when she had no work out, and her 
brother-in-law, who had work, boarded at a 
tavern. I told her to get another man with him 
and I would board them. They came, and we 



Catherine Joss. 1 1 9 

got along with them all very well, the woman 
got plenty work, but did my washing and 
worked the garden, so I could take in some sew- 
ing, and our living was made very comfortable, 
and Joss soon could go about, but with a band- 
aged head, he could not work, and was not ex- 
pected to. The time was coming when a change 
must be made in my behalf. I asked the woman 
if she could get a place to live where she could 
take the two men to board, and the money she 
had earned would get all she needed for the 
present. She did so and got along nicely, her 
little girls could help her some and she kept 
some of her work for others. I cleaned house, 
got a man to whitewash, for which I was to make 
a pair of pants, when through with the house, I 
went to work and washed everything I could find 
to wash, and having two large tubs full of clothes 
to put in water Saturday evening, I was at it, 
when a neighbor asked me if I was going to kill 
myself? No, said I, but have no time to count 
on, and if I can get my wash out of the way and 
finish up some sewing on hand, I will be ready 
for any change, and can take things easy. Joss 
had gone with the milkman to help him with 
his hay, was gone some days, expecting soon 
to go to the work again at the warejiouse, but 
came home sick. We went to bed, I got awake 



I20 Autobiography of 

next morning at three o'clock, woke Joss, told 
him to fetch a German neighbor woman we knew, 
then go for the doctor. By the time they got 
there another son was born, July, 1846. The doc- 
tor said, if Joss did not leave the place soon he 
could not get away, nor get well, a trip on the 
lake would be the best thing for him. I said, 
then you better go. We had three dollars in the 
house, I said he should go as far as he could for 
that, may be it would do him good. He could 
not see how I was to get along. I told him not 
to fear on my account, if he got better on the 
lake, may be he could work his way through on 
the boat to Milwaukee. He said, it is not the 
money nor being sick, not even your condition 
that troubles me so much, but myself, the social 
glass. I don't know what I said, but stopped 
him there. He said, listen, you think we have 
no deb.ts, said he did not mean it to be so, but 
going round as he had so long and nothing to 
spend he had charged what he got, thinking to 
work and pay it up, and now there are four men's 
names I will give you^ and you can settle with 
them, we don't want to drag furniture with us, 
sell it and pay these debts, as we don't want to 
leave any, and write to Buecking for money to go 
home with. I remember I was provoked that he 
could not leave off making debts when he did not 



Catherine Joss. 



121 



earn anything ; yet being in league with the 
devil myself I could not hold my tongue at that, 
and said, it would be all right, he should only o-q 
so as not to get down sick, if I could not sell 
enough to pay all, I could write to Buecking for 
money to go home with. He said, then you can 
get a note discounted and get what you want 
when we get settled. 

But there was another thing he wanted to tell 
me, said I liked my Yankee neighbors in Ohio City 
and he often thought this German life would not 
do to live, much less to die by, and he had learnt 
to know Yankees there, they were not all for 
self-gratification, but sought others' good, and 
were temperance people, he had read of their 
papers, if he would join them, he would be rec- 
ommended to them wherever he went to, and he 
thought it was better for us. I did not stop to 
think anything, but thought all at once, and said, 
you are always at the extremes, you had better 
join the Methodists, and when I get to live 
among head-hangers and temperance fools, I 
would rather be out of the world. Again he was 
silenced, and with a heavy heart he agreed to go, 
hoping I could get along. He packed a valise, 
I prepared a lunch for him, and even yet it pains 
my heart, to think of the struggle it cost him, as 
I thought, to leave us, but no doubt it was the 



122 Autobiography of 

coiling of the serpent I was helping to tighten 
and augment the pangs ; yet with tender em- 
braces he left us, 

Swiftly to glide across the water 

With shattered frame and homeless sphere, 

The social glass, the djing daughter, 
To shed alone the silent tear. 

Perhaps that I, no more consistent, 
No heart to feel, no mind to think, 

Nor even lend an ear to listen 
To the influence of strong drink. 

But all these sighs were not unheard, 
And all the tears were not unseen. 

All glor}^ to Thy precious word, 

That gives us light and peace within. 

This was when my baby was a few days 
old, the woman that lived with me came and 
got my wash out of the way for me, I got up 
Monday morning, finished a calico dress I had 
commenced, made the pants and quilted a 
skirt the first week, the next sold off all I had, 
except a few things which I packed and stored. 
When mother asked me, what I did with my 
things, I said, they were stored in Cleveland. I 
had written to Buecking for money to take me 
home, and got it, as I had to sacrifice my things 
to pay up the debts that I thought as honest as 
any, and when my child was two weeks old I 



Catherine Joss. 123 

was in Weinsberg, which surprised all, but all 
was done to nurse us with care, so I should be 
able to travel further, which I expected to do be- 
fore long to some place or other. I got a letter 
that Joss was safe and well at Milwaukee and 
expected to stay there, and as soon as possible 
I should come and bring some things, like butter, 
apple-butter, and dried and green apples with 
me, as such things were very scarce there. 

Now to get a note discounted that my parents 
did not know it was the next thing. When 
visiting at my sister-in-law's in the country, I 
told her about it. She said I should tell her hus- 
band, which I could easily do, as we always were 
more familiar with each other than with any of the 
others to share our cares and sorrows. For my 
part, I often found sympathy with them, I could 
not find or had not the confidence in any one 
else, they had bought the farm of our next 
neig-hbor, when we were on the farm, this neio^h- 
bor was one of the old topers that came to our 
house, and offended me staying so, when it was 
late, and I with my children wanted to rest, my 
man would throw himself on a lounge and sleep, 
while they had a good time smoking and drinking 
hard cider; he used to say much about me being 
proud and extravagant, and pity the good man 
I got, and such like, in my hearing, as I was not 



124 Autobiography of 

a Swiss pfirl. I hated him, brother and sister 
knew it, also knew he would rejoice that I had 
to come to him, being hard up for money; but 
brother said he knew of no other person at that 
time. So I arranged to go, left my baby, rode the 
nineteen miles, he wondered why I came to him, 
saying, surely, your folks can give it to you. I 
told him I did not want to trouble them, .as they 
would take no pay and I wanted to pay him. I 
didn't mind how much I got or how much was dis- 
counted, but had a lot of silver tied in a strong silk 
handkerchief. After dinner and horse fed I went 
home with what I had, leaving the note with him, 
as he was to send or bring the rest to my brother- 
in-law's. I repented of being angry and fairly 
hating the man, seeing how we need our enemies 
sometimes, and prayed to God to help me, as I 
would try to love my enemies. The next day 
my mother came to me, asked what I thought to 
go to that fellow for money. I asked how she 
knew it? Why, she said, he is here and wants 
to borrow for a short time and pay great interest. 
When uncle asked him what he was going to da 
with the money to pay such interest, he said he 
let a woman have some on a note and promised 
the rest soon, and could not get it in, and she 
paid him even more than he offered them. They 
had no money for him, he was gone, mother told 



Catherine Joss. 1 2 5 

father it was I, as they supposed, and he came 
in, saying- he would not have thought it of me to 
throw my money down to such a fellow, while 
they toiled for what they had. I said, which was 
so, I did not want to trouble them without 
paying them, and they would not take pay for 
their trouble. Now, said father, you take that 
back that you have and tell the man you got a 
letter that you don't need the money, and offer him 
pay for his trouble. I did all that, but told a lie, 
as I had got no letter, but got the note and my 
parents could get what I wanted, and ship it for 
me better than I could have done, and take the 
note and pay me my money without discount, as 
the note was with interest, they would take no 
more than pay for what I got, which I did not 
want them to do. 



126 Autobiography of 



CHAPTER VII. 

EXPERIENCES IN MILWAUKEE. 

As I could Start before the late storms came 
and arrange things to receive the freight when it 
came, but it being very rough, most every one in 
the cabin was sick, and feared they would never 
see land again, I being very sick, also the boys, I 
thought it would be a blessing if myself and the 
three boys could all go home to see no more 
trouble, as I thought I had had my share already 
in this world, and was not afraid to die, because 
I could rejoice to think of death from a poor self- 
ish motive, believed I was a Christian, better 
than many others, brought up in the church. 
But I was spared to land safe with my children, 
we got a large store-room, arranged the front to 
keep a provision shop, with a partition through, 
in the back part we lived. There was no cellar, 
the house stood on posts driven into the ground. 
As it was a marshy place near the river, that was 
frozen all Winter, wood could be hauled to town 
on sleds, the snow fell three feet deep, and never 
thawed nor melted until May. We got our things, 
which rapidly sold, and not much froze for us, 
but we could not keep things from freezing, and 



Catherine Joss. 127 

it did not pay to pay such rent, so we got a small 
room up stairs for the remainder of the Winter, 
as Joss had nothing to do but step around or sit 
in some of the public houses. He belono-ed to 
a brass band, which led us into the grand nobility 
of the German so-called "Geschlossenen Ball." 
Such style and compliments I never saw, nor such 
tables as they set, and some of them were so 
poor that they had hardly enough to eat at 
home, yet they published that any gendeman 
that had come to this country, though bearing a 
title from home and married a hired girl, should 
not make his appearance at that ball. Being ac- 
quainted with the people that got the supper as 
my tickets were complimentary, Joss being in 
the band, I applied to be allowed to assist in the 
ladies' dressing room, so I could take a look at 
everything. The people from whom we rented 
our up stairs room, were at the ball, and before 
we got the room they let us have to help them 
along, they had three small rooms rented, one 
had chests, beds, all kinds of things, the other 
had table, chairs and cook stove in; the beds 
they put in that room on the floor at night, and 
I often saw the children nibbling at a crust of 
bread. They came from the city of Berlin, Ger- 
many, his business did not go there; he was an 
artist, and to see them at that ball, they looked 



I 28 Autobiography of 

like prince and princess, and that woman said 
she felt so miserable to spend their last money 
that way, hoping to gain the favor of the rich 
and be introduced into their society among whom 
they expected to make their living. After we 
were in the tavern, the man used to sit there 
with his silver mounted meerschaum pipe a good 
deal, and sometimes he could earn a few cents 
at something, as to carry an errand to some 
place. One of my uncles was there, the man 
told him how bad he was off. Uncle said he 
must not despair, there were many ways in this 
country to get a living. He said he could not 
work at anything but his business, and that was 
nothing here, and he was looking out for some- 
thing to earn enough to get bread for his chil- 
dren. Uncle told him to take a basket, get some 
cakes and pies and sell them on the boat, fifty 
cents worth would set him agoing. But, says 
the man, I have no fifty cents to spare. Uncle 
gave it to him; then he had no basket; he gave 
him ten cents, said, go quickly before the boat 
comes in that is coming. He got there, sold 
out, came to our house with a glad heart, saying, 
that's a good business, and as long as we knew 
of them he was at it and made a living, and I 
never heard of his rich or rather noble friends, 
with whom he used to spend his evenings at the 



Catherine Joss. 129 

coffee houses Avhen we lived there, ever to help 
him any, because they would not have thought 
of such a mean thing, nor would he have accepted 
it unless forced to. 

I think of another pair from Zurich, Switzer- 
land; the lady's husband came to this country 
some years before she did, his name was Wilth 
(in English Wild). He wrote' home he was 
going to Wisconsin Territory among the Indians. 
She wrote he might go, but never to expect her 
to come there. So she did not hear from him 
for more than a year. One night there came a 
man up the stairs to where she lived, it was 
early in the evening, when he came right in, 
which scared them all, for she said, he was wild 
indeed, she believed a razor had never touched 
his face since he left home. He said he came to 
take her along, he had a farm four miles from 
Milwaukee, a large city; but she said she would 
not go. So he said, the oldest children must o-q 
with him. But that did not move her. He 
stayed a while, she got the boys ready and he 
started back to this country that suited the wild, 
as she said. She put the children she had with 
her, a boy and a girl, to the Sisters' Home, to be 
educated, as they were Catholic, and she went to 
her father's silk factory, where she could be use- 
ful in the business. 



130 Autobiography of 

After a while a man came home that traveled 
with samples of their goods and took orders. 
They became friends, and the man told her she 
could travel with him if she wished. As she 
thoueht it must be erand to travel as he did, she 
consented. He became her husband and she 
enjoyed life among those living for enjoyments. 
After a while they took rooms in her city and 
she stayed there, but he kept on in the business. 
She had a child that died there. Her husband 
said, suppose we take a trip to see your children 
in America. They did; he got a lot of gold 
watches to bring and smuggle in. 

They got to New York, where they were thor- 
oughly searched and the watches found. They 
were taken in custody and had to leave the 
watches and a lot of money for security; they left 
for Wisconsin, got to Buffalo, when the man 
feared to go without letting them know, so they 
wrote they would come as soon as her man 
was betjter, as he was sick then. They lived 
next door to us when they came, the second man 
worked at book-binding, Mr. Wilth met them at 
the German Hotel where they stayed, they told 
their trouble to him about the watches and they 
had no more money. She had a handsome late 
style silk dress pattern, which Wilth traded to a 
hardware merchant for a cook stove, and their 



Catherine Joss. 131 

silverware they sold, it was all solid and brought 
them enough to pay the rent of the house next 
to us, and Mr. Wilth stayed to get them settled 
with all necessary to begin with. At the end 
of the week Mrs. Wilth came with a yoke of oxen 
hitched in a wagon and a load of wood for them ; 
she unloaded it, put it in the cellar for them, we 
were then having the provision store, they came 
over, I was introduced to Mrs. Wilth, who 
laughed and by no means refined, but could tell 
her own story about coming to Milwaukee and 
meeting this man Wilth. She was seeking work 
as a wash-woman, and he said he needed one, 
but he lived in the country, had two boys, she 
should come out and work for him. She did, 
and stayed. 

She too had two children, a boy and a girl. I 
don't doubt it was as she said. Herself and the 
children cleared the woods, worked the land and 
got along well for two years, when he got a 
letter, that his wife was coming, and he would 
o-ive her two hundred dollars, and, if she go to 
Buffalo again, all right; in a while another letter 
came, she said her man stood still after his hand 
dropped with the letter in. She said, what is the 
matter, is not your wife coming ? Yes, he said, 
but she is bringing a man with her, our land will 
not be sold and you will stay here with me. She 



132 Autobiography of 

laughed heartily, and I suppose she was content 
to farm. The boys grew and the oldest enlisted 
in the Mexican war and never came home, the 
other one did not want to stay in the country, 
so stayed with his mother, the other two came 
from Switzerland, and the last I knew of them 
they were established in a splendid coffee-house, 
what we call saloon now. We bought property 
on Huron street at the corner of Jackson, the 
street ran from Water street to the north pier, 
every front door was a grog shop if not some 
other little shop, there were two or three hotels 
on the street to entertain strangers, ours . was 
expressly intended for an emigrant hotel. 

This property had been occupied by people 
that kept a bad house in every respect, and they 
moved out a few days before we took possession 
of it, came near where we lived by the river, and 
a married man from a town in the country, who, 
stayed with them when in the city on business, 
was found in the river with his throat cut, but 
that was nothing much, as something of the kind 
was a daily occurrence. But when we moved 
in, we had the beds thrown in the dining-room, 
where there was a pantry and on the floor by 
the door a place that had been scraped with 
something sharp and in streaks that looked 
as if stained by blood and cleaned in that way. 



Catherine Joss. 133 

We wanted to clean up stairs, so left all lie down 
stairs, and made beds on the floor to sleep on. 
Being near the lake it kept up a terrible splash- 
ing roaring of its roughness that night, the York 
House sign on a post swinging to and fro with 
squeaking was also alarming ; but there was 
something more terrible to me, a groaning and 
moaning all night. I covered myself so as not 
to hear the noise outside so much, but heard the 
terrifying noise more than ever, at last I woke 
Joss, but he said it is the lake or the York House 
sign, and went to sleep again. At day-break I 
said, now go through the house, see if some one 
is in it that makes this noise; he went but found 
nothing, went out as I heard it still, and the two 
front sides of the house were closed with boards, 
while the other two were open, all that part of the 
town was filled up and the houses on posts quite 
high, and a lot of hogs had their beds there and 
some of them snored all night. That was my in- 
troduction to the Deutsche Wirthschaft perhaps 
as much to gratify me as anything else, and if 
not then, I am sure our first step to the destruc- 
tion of peace and happiness so far as the world 
can give was my fault in thinking it better to go 
to Weinsberg to deal out the peace destroying 
stuff to our fellow creatures; yet so far as I am 
concerned with all that ever happened would not 



134 Autobiography of 

have it different, and can endorse to-day what 
the dear Lord put into my heart when I first saw 
the hght at the foot of the cross, when the bur- 
den of my sins rolled away, and a new song was 
put into my mouth, even praises unto the living 
God, and the Lamb that taketh away the sins of 
the world, and has removed mine; or the hang- 
man's rope, if it could annihilate and blot me out 
of existence for time and eternity with the light 
that I have, would be preferred by me to a royal 
diadem upon my brow, or a garland of gold set 
with diamonds thrown around me. Surely, I 
have deserved the rope, for 

What are all my sufferings here in such a world as this, 
When cheered by hope with Him to appear, and reign in 

endless bliss ? 
What shall I give the Lord of hosts for what He has done 

for me ? 
I could not, if I were to boast to all eternit}^ 
Begin to say enough for Him, the mighty and the kind. 
He took my heart when hard in sin, my eyes made see 

when blind. 

When to the world I could not tell the sorrows of my breast, 
A voice would whisper, "All is well, you soon shall find a 

rest." 
But here on earth, I used to think, this rest can never be. 
Though all around seemed joy and mirth, there is no rest 

for me. 
I had grieved the Spirit when He strove, I felt myself undone, 
I longed to see that bright abode, and feared the wicked one. 



Catherine Joss. 135 

An infant from mj' bosom went to glorious realms on high, 
And for his sister soon God sent, to join him in the sk}-. 
Thus my da3'S did pass awaj- in wretched hours of Moe, 
I longed to see that happ}' day when things should end below. 
In love our Father then commenced with His chastising rod, 
And did not cease till I confessed quite openly my God.* 

( Written out of a full heart about 1S56.) 

Had I enjoyed the grace of God at that time 
which was as full and free as now, but in nature's 
darkness and carnal security can't comprehend 
these nor be subject to his will, which if we 
know and do it not we shall be beaten with 
many stripes. It is not what I endured, but what 
others endured that I feel was due me. Yet, 
praise God from whom all blessings flow. 

We went to work to clean the up stairs and 
at the same time Joss commenced to remodel 
the bar-room to make it as attractive as possible 
to respectable people in those days. It took but 
little comparatively to establish an Emigrant 
hotel, all that the people needed was a large 
room for them to be in day-time, and at night to 
put their beds on the floor, then a place with a 
cook stove for them to prepare what they wan- 
ted to take with them to the country. The men 
generally started out in search of their friends 
or land; if friends, they would come for them, 
and if they bought or claimed land they had to 



136 Autoblograpky of 

get teams to take them. We charg-ed them i2}4 
cents a meal, and if there they had to pay, if 
they did eat regular or not, and 6}^ cents for lodg- 
ino-. There were benches all around the room 
for them to sit on, and the dining room had long 
tables and benches, also tables and benches in 
the bar-room, as they liked to sit and smoke and 
talk while drinking. All went on encouragingly 
the first year, but only part of the second^ when 
Joss went to Ohio, which was all right, as his 
mother was sick and for other interests; if he 
had only considered his interests and the expense 
at home. A bar-keeper, and a runner to the^ 
boats took much of the profit, and things were 
not attended to as when he was there. He 
stayed longer than was necessary, and when he got 
home several old chums in boyhood came with 
him to see the place, and my uncle that spreed 
came also. When a few weeks were around I 
asked where this would end? the expense was 
too great. He said, yes, but when the Weins- 
bergers are gone it will stop. But I had to take 
them to places of amusement and the constitution- 
al campaign made everything lively, most every 
night torch-light processions and speeches at 
different places in the city. They all went but 
two young Swiss potters and my uncle, who 
settled in the city and became rich in this world's 



Catherine Joss. 137 

gfoods, but Joss never took the interest in the 
business as before. He invented a machine to 
bore artesian wells, made one on our lot, then 
improved the machine, and made more. 

Another man, a butcher with a large family, 
came. He was a hard working man, but would 
get drunk, and his wife certainly had a living 
death, the death of life. Our boarders throuo-h 
the Winter all drank and were often drunk. 

We had a man come to our house in the Sum- 
mer who said he had sold a farm in Pennsylvania 
for all Harrisburg money. He used to get a hot 
iron from the girl when ironing. So she went 
one time and peeped through the key-hole, saw 
him set out a stand, put a flannel shirt and paper 
on, then take out bank bills, as she thoueht all 
rumpled up, smooth them and put the hot iron 
on, then another, and soon she could smell that 
some would be scorched. When his iron was 
cooled off he put the things away and took the 
iron to the kitchen. She told me about it, it 
struck me that man is a counterfeiter; I knew 
about him having one kind of bills, that he said 
he got for his farm, he was an old and seemingly 
nice man, a Pennsylvania Dutchman; he used to 
trade a bill or two to the Germans to spend for 
what they wanted to get to take with them, they 
would give him of their silver and gold. In the 
10 



138 Autobiography of 

Spring about the time the boats began to run, 
the newspapers asked for one Jacob Kempf, 
that was his name. Joss said to me, I should 
notice when he read the paper this morning; but 
the paper got away and he left on the first boat 
that came. 

Business was the same, but Joss was not inter- 
ested in it, and we made nothing; it seemed to 
take all we could make to keep up the bar. So 
in the F'all, when we had the pay in the house 
after a lot of Norwegians had gone and we had 
a crreat time to clean after them, I said to the 
girl, when we get the house in order I will go to 
Ohio and get some provisions for the Winter. 
We had a note on my brother-in-law, the brewer, 
for 80 dollars, I would turn that in, asked her to 
stay and keep house. She said she would, so I 
told Joss about it. The masons were boarding 
there, it would take a month at least to finish 
their job, my uncle was also there. Joss and 
Schirr the butcher had gone in partnership with 
the machine, and when he was gone uncle would 
keep bar. So I started with the children to the 
boat and took steerage passage; it cost me ten 
dollars. I got to Canton to my sister's, told my 
brother-in-law about the note, he said he was 
o-lad I brouo-ht it, o-ot his account aofainst Joss 
for the bills he footed when they went to Cleve- 



Catherine Joss. 139 

land with the crowd that accompanied him that 
far, and some went all the way to Milwaukee. 

1 got eleven dollars, the balance of the eighty. 
Of course I could not buy much, never let on 
about my circumstances. Mother got me a keg 
of apple-butter, father had six barrels of apples 
picked and packed for me, I had brother pack 
me a keg of good butter which did not cost 
much, the friends and relatives all had something 
for me, so that with the spending money the 
boys got as presents we had money and a wagon- 
load to take home with us. The boat landed at 

2 o'clock in the morning, I had the drayman that 
lived next door to us to call Joss to come and 
tend to the things I had, as I would wait on the 
pier. When he came back he said he could get 
none of them awake. The drayman took a load 
up for a family that wanted to stop with us till 
they could get out in the country. I had the 
thines taken to the house, and when I o-ot there 
the boat watchman had roused them up. I put 
the family with their things in the back room 
where we put people with their beds; I found 
the dining-room with beds in, and men sleeping 
in, a drunken man lying on the bar-room floor 
with his head on a sheepskin. The girl left 
soon after I did, and they got the boss of the job, 
the masons had to live up stairs and the women 



140 Autobiography of 

cooked for them. I did not go to bed, but went 
to work to get the breakfast ready for the family 
that went out after breakfast. People talk about 
drink and drunkenness, but they know nothing 
until they have experienced it, and they can't tell 
it all. 

I expected the board of the men, in the place 
of it the boss' wife went in one room up stairs 
and boarded all the men for the pay, but Joss 
and uncle for the use of the house. When I left, 
Joss expected to finish a well at a brewery, for 
which they were to have two hundred dollars, 
and clear fifty dollars each; I was glad for Mrs. 
Schirr's sake, but likely she got nothing, for I 
saw none of it. I had Joss sell the six barrels 
of apples at three dollars per barrel, told him to 
get a fat hog for the money, as I had a plan in 
my head by that time, since he could not control 
himself and stop drinking when time to stop. I 
intended to take some of my butter and apple- 
butter and sell it to get other things to eat in the 
house. I always had to take care of papers or 
money; he would hand it to me, also the keys of 
the desk, though I often said I wished he would 
not bother me with them. When I went to Ohio 
I gave him the keys and had not got them again. 
After the family had left in the morning I sat 
down and cried awhile, the boys were in school 



Catherine Joss. 141 

except the little one, but I saw nothing of the 
money for my apples; he did not come to say 
anything. I had stored them before I came home 
to the house. I got dinner, made potato soup, 
had coffee, bread and apple-butter and butter, 
uncle ate, his brother, another uncle that dealt 
with the watchmaker, was at the United States 
Hotel, was waiting for him to go out on some 
land they had traded for, to see it. So he 
left me, the boys went to school, I got my 
temper up, because Joss did not come. At 
about two he came, I set the soup on the table, 
he said, have we come to that.'* I said, yes, I 
thought you would be here with meat or money. 
He said, the butcher shop was not far, as Schirr 
had his shop on our lot ; I said I had no money, 
and would not go in debt. He did not eat, but 
laid on a bed as they were there in the dining- 
Iroom, and went to sleep, but I had asked him for 
money to get meat, when he handed me the key 
of the desk. I went about clearing away things 
from the table, he went to sleep. I sat down in 
the bar-room and cried, Schirr came in, saying, 
where is John? I said, on the bed in the dining 
room. He went in, waked him up, said it was 
time to go. Joss said he had no dinner. Schirr 
was surprised and said, "If I had known that, you 
could have gone with me." I had a temper and 



142 Autobiography of 

could use my tongue and no doubt did, for both 
of them, as I called the German landlords gen- 
tlemen loafers, I told Schirrhe was a drunken sot, 
that he could not do much more harm. He said^ 
I'd break her chops if she was mine. I don't 
know what I said, but was awfully enraged at 
S chirr. 

Joss tried to tell me how awful it was to be- 
have so, but it did not silence me, for Schirr kept 
saying, slap her mouth. Joss said, she can get 
it, too, if she don't stop. I went up to him, said 
he might better kill me at once. He gave me a 
slap in the face, when I was worse than ever, 
must have abused them awfully. Joss pressed 
my head against the back of the chair I sat in, 
holding his hand on my mouth, but he could not 
keep me quiet, and said, you could break her 
chops, and she would not be still then. They went 
away, I did not open the front of the house that 
day. Uncle came, I tol dhim about it, he said, 
don't bother about supper, I go down to the 
hotel to eat; that was his brother. 

I gave the children something to eat and went 
to our room and to bed, for I was about played 
out. My trip, not sleeping the night before, and 
such a day ! We all slept some time, Joss came 
home in the morning, I was just up and down 
stairs, when the baker came; said he, why you 



Catherine Joss. 143 

have blackened your face dreadfully making fire. 
I said I did not make fire. I looked in the 
glass and saw my face black and blue where 
Joss had slapped me. Then I got mad again, 
told the baker that is the kind of gentlemen 
loafers you are. He was one of the associates 
called the Hermans Brothers. I said in German, 
Smifbrueder (that is, drunken brothers) you are. 
The man said nothing and I never knew him to 
drink too much, but he drank, and many, even 
Mrs. Schirr, blamed me for saying my husband 
was drinking too much. 

When the baker was gone I went to a very nice 
neio-hbor's, her husband and son waited on the 
table at the American House, they were German, 
but did not associate much with anybody, they 
were from Columbus, and had been acquainted 
with uncle William there. I told her about the 
fuss and wanted her to let her son go with me, I 
would have him arrested. She shamed me for 
thinking of such a thing. She said, if Joss was 
sober he never would do such a thing as to strike 
me, she knew; then she said, it may be the means 
of doincy him good. She said, they had been 
having jolly times at our house and were hardly 
over it, yet things would change when every- 
thing was in order again. I told her I never in- 
tended to sell drink any more, for very few men 



144 Autobiography of 

were fit for the business. Said she, that is true 
in my experience ; said they were in pubhc busi- 
ness and they had to stop it, where one man 
can control himself, a hundred can't. 

I cooled down and went home and to work, 
the men went to work out of the dining-room, 
and to finish up with them I took down their 
beds, o-ot breakfast and set the table in the room 
again, and when the boys went to school I told 
them to run out to cousin Peter's, told them I 
was home, I knew they would come ; they did, 
and in the evening both Peter and Fred were 
there, they did not notice my black face, as I sat 
back and had met them at the door. I cracked 
some shellbarks that I had brouofht along- with 
me ; as I passed some around to them they 
noticed me, and Peter said, why, Catherine, what 
is the matter with your face? I said, ask John. 
He said, she got her smith up and I believe if it 
had been my mother I could not help slapping 
her. Peter was always full of jokes, he taunted 
a while by telling of one and then of another of 
the old Swiss topers and wives. Fred could say 
nothing, but felt bad, and I am sure Joss never felt 
like trying such a thing again, as every time any- 
thing happened through drink, he would say, it's 
gone too far, and no one could feel worse than he 
himself next day. 



Catherine Joss. 145 

I asked about the hog, he said he would get 
one. I asked if the apples were sold and where 
he wanted me to get money from, as there was 
none in the desk, but got no satisfaction. I told 
him of the note, that I got eleven dollars, but all 
was no concern of his. My intention to remove 
the bar and rent all the house but two rooms up- 
stairs, I mentioned to him; all he said to that was, 
I would miss the 3 cents and sixpences that came 
in at the bar, I said I did not care, I'd rather beg 
my bread from door to door than go on with the 
business when he could not control himself better 
than he did. I can't think of ever blamingr the 
business, but the drinkers, and yet wanted them 
to drink so we could sell much. I could take the 
women's cups and bowls in the back part of the 
house, go through to get their drink, laughing 
to myself at the fools to spend what they needed 
so much, but if I did not take the money some 
one else would. 

I felt like straightening up things somehow, 
and then got a man to take down the bar and 
counter, which he did nicely, laid it all on a pile 
outside the house, another man came along, say- 
ing: "What are you going to do with this?" 
Said I: "Burn it as soon as some one comes 
along to saw it, I will get it out of the way." 
He wanted to get it to use for a worse place 



146 Autobiographij of 

than ours, if it is possible to be. I claim there is 
no worse business, it may be a longer or 
shorter chain that drags to ruin, but every link 
has its place. 

Here I think of a well educated, honorable 
young gentleman that came to our place at that 
time when we had just closed our business, from 
the Mexican war, I think I gave him the first glass 
of wine at my father's bar, when he came to our 
place. I shall never in this world forget his ap- 
pearance as a gentleman of high degree. He 
went into business not far from our place on the 
canal, in a small town, got married to a, worthy 
young lady, a brewer's daughter ; the business 
was not what they expected, the country being 
too new, he kept a tavern, ancj in those days it 
meant a bar with it, and was doing well at the 
business. At a time later on my husband 
stopped at his tavern, as he was busy, he had not 
time to visit. In the short time Joss stayed he 
said, we will sleep together and talk in bed. They 
did, and my husband thought it awful that the 
landlord had to get up and go down into the 
bar to get something strong to drink to sleep on. 
Little did we think that the links in his chain 
were being one after another fastened on till he 
too had to do the same act. He gave up tavern- 
keeping and went back to the occupation he was 



Catherine Joss. 147 

prepared for in the old country, a druggist. 
They had a Httle girl in poor health, and at a 
time when she was very sick the doctor and 
druggist, both under the influence of drink, gave 
her the wrong medicine and poisoned her that 
she died in a short time. His wife refused to live 
with him any longer; as her parents were dead, 
she had got what was coming to her of the estate, 
and her brother moving to Milwaukee, she came 
with him. Her husband enlisted in the Mexican 
war. She received letters from him, begging to 
be forgiven, that she need n^ver be afraid of him 
drinking again. He was disabled when the war 
was about over and got his discharge, when he 
wrote he was coming to stay. She read the 
letter to me at our house, expressing her fears 
of him not being able to keep from getting drunk 
if she agreed to live with him again. It was the 
last time I saw her. 

Her brother had died and sister-in-law married 
again to a distiller, she went there, quite a dis- 
tance from us. She went out at bed time and 
did not come in, so they looked around the 
place, it not being built up at that time, but could 
find nothing of her; went to some friends who 
all were in search of her all night. At 3 in the 
morning she was found by an old out of the way 
shed that stood disused with some hogsheads 



148 Autobiography of 

sunk in the ground, into which she had plunged 
herself and suffocated in 2 or 3 feet of slimy 
water. My husband said, when he reached the 
place in the morning, more than a dozen men 
stood around in the room of the distillery, drink- 
ing whiskey, where the full barrels were all 
around them, with the one so lately their friend 
lying on a board stripped of her rich outward 
garments, clothed in fine linen, which composed 
her underwear, said he could not have drank 
with those cannibals any more than he could 
have helped to eat her flesh. Then self-mur- 
derers were buried without ceremony in some 
obscure corner of the graveyard. The dray came 
with the coffin, she was placed in, and shut up 
and carried out on the dray, when a man came 
on horseback, holding up a letter, to convey the 
news of the death of her sister, the only one of 
the brewer's family thought alive was dead, the 
man was on his way and soon came to find his 
wife buried and that she arranged all, so he 
should not have the least of anything she had, 
and a small box of jewelry directed to her only 
sister was sent by the friends she made her home 
with, to the husband of her sister. This friend of 
ours, a young man yet, stopped not far from us, 
was in and out at our house, he was a pensioner 
suffering with a sore limb, till at last he said he 



Catherine Joss. 149 

would go to his sister's to die; he drank very- 
hard then, and fell in with a man that was a 
soldier in Italy and could entertain company, 
telling of his heroic deeds he did. They came 
to our house together, my uncle and husband 
went with them to the boat and saw them start. 
He had just received his pension money, which 
was all he had; the man with him was a butcher 
in Chicago; he said he left him on the boat when 
he landed at home, and though search was made, 
he was never heard of. So that was the length 
of that family chain in this world, when it began 
and how many links were welded together can 
never be known, not even to themselves, yet 
if they will get out of darkness into light, will 
see that to take or give the first glass is a 
link. 



150 Autobiography of 

CHAPTER VIII. 

FEARFUL CONSEQUENCES OF INTOXICATING DRINK. 

We got comfortably settled in two rooms up 
stairs in our house, could rent all the rest, the 
man that stayed in the up stairs room stayed 
there for the Winter. Schirr, the butcher, took the 
tfar-room for his meat market and part of the 
lower part to live in, another man got the back 
-part. I thought both the butcher and my man 
would go to work with their machine, as there 
was plenty to do. Mrs. Schirr and her oldest 
boys could tend to the meat market; but it 
appeared nothing could be done for some rea- 
son, yet I had not the trouble with drunkards, 
though plenty all around us. I had always been 
among drinkers, and did not think we had any 
too much of the effects about us. I will men- 
tion some of the fruits of drunken men. I will 
begin out at the lake. 

An old couple in a shanty on the lake shore 
had two sons, young men; one of them was 
drunk, fell off the pier and was drowned. From 
another shanty right there the man went to work, 
his wife got his breakfast early every morning, 



Catherine Joss. 1 5 1 

when he was gone she would let her two chil- 
dren sleep and meet at a woman's grog-shop, 
opposite us. One morning a fire alarm was 
heard, the shanty was all in a blaze, after it was 
pulled apart and the fire subdued, there were the 
roasted children, while the mother was with her 
company, smoking her pipe and taking her grog. 
And at that corner in the front of a two- story 
house lived a man who kept a grocery and sold 
drink only by the pint and quart to carry away. 
Up stairs lived another man and wife, he was a 
drunkard. 1 never saw her drunk ; and in the 
back part of the house, a one-story room, lived 
the wife of the man in the front part of the house. 
They had a fight and parted, she took the back 
part and kept shop for women to get drink; 
there is where the woman was while her children 
were burned in the shanty, and the woman that 
lived there her child had the measles. I went in 
to see it, asked what they did for it. The 
mother said, they gave it morphine and brandy 
and kept it warm. It was asleep. In a short 
time I went over again, the house was all rid up,- 
the cradle stood upon the settee-bed. The 
child's lips were parched. I said, as many women 
were sitting around, don't you think its lips 
should be wet with something? They said, not 
unless the priest was there and put a wafer under 



152 Autobiography of 

its tongue, it needed nothing more. The child 
died, and they had a great funeral. 

But while we were yet in the tavern there was 
a fuss between two men, the one up stairs, the 
other next door. It was somethingf about what 
the priest had said. The woman up stairs said, 
her man should not fight ; some one said, he 
could whip the other; she said, she knew he 
could. But they were drunk. She set the time 
at 8 o'clock. Our breakfast was ready, the bell 
rang, no one came; we went in the bar-room, no 
one was there; but looking over the street, a 
high board fence was put up, men and women 
looking through where they could. Presently a 
man covered with blood was carried into his 
house next to the yard, and the woman that set 
the time came down to the store with a bowl for 
whiskey to wash him off with. She said, one of 
our men that was inside said, "Wasn't she a little 
hero?" She stuck by the seconds and when the 
other could not rise she patted her man's bloody 
shoulders and took the shawl off her, put it around 
him, saying, " I was sure you could whip him, 
you are my Martin yet," and they went up stairs 
the back way. But some time afterward she 
was on a drunk, and he and she fell out. She 
screamed "murder!" out of the window. Some 
of them meddled. I can only say, a great crowd 



Catherine Joss, 153 

gathered and the constables could do nothing, 
they got the priest, he stood up on something in 
the street and called the attention of his country- 
men, and they listened to a few words we could 
not understand from our house, but all became 
silent, and the next day she had her teeth knocked 
out like the man he whipped. She put him to 
jail, sold all she had and went to Chicago. In 
a while thereafter she wrote to Joss to have him 
go to the jail and ask if he wanted her to take 
him out; he did, and she came, having pledged 
a silver comb set with stones and other articles to 
get money. She came again to have Joss write 
to the pawnbroker, for neither she nor Morris 
could write, and he worked for Joss sometimes. 
We got away from them to another part of the 
city. Duffy was laid up for a while. 

At the corner below us was a family with many 
children, the man died, not long after she married 
a grocery-keeper on Water street; he moved 
up to her house. Duffy's wife died, he had some 
children, may be only one or two, but she took 
them; her man died very suddenly, the funeral 
was to be and many gathered to it, as it was 
Sunday, and so many of them as had horses to 
cart and dray could and did go to the funeral. 
They had a lively wake at that place. Passing 
by I saw in the room candles burning around the 

n 



154 Autobiograjphy of 

corpse with a curtain on the wall looped up with 
white ribbon, as much' as I could see passing- the 
door; it was, as some said, grand, but the}' were 
stopped by the alderman and the coroner, and 
the people had to go home, as the priest said he 
would have nothing to do with it, and the people 
better go home; they thought she had poisoned 
him, or he must have taken it himself. 

Meanwhile there was an alarm at Ryan's 
corner. He, Ryan, was found speechless and 
awfully burned, having fallen on the stove when 
red hot, and died soon, as it was very hot at the 
time, found with face and hands burned badly, 
his wife was brought from a drinking place, she 
knew nothing of it ; he must have heated the 
stove himself, she said, but she tried once when 
we lived there to do the same thing. The cor- 
oner came with the alderman, and both men 
were buried in the morning without any cere- 
mony at all that I know of. Duffy then married 
Mrs. Peters, — the woman they thought poisoned 
her man — and they kept on with the grocery, 
and more things happened, but enough of 
them. 

There was a family Malony, the father of Mrs. 
Curtin, who with her mother would get drunk. 
Malony was not much at home, went off some- 
wdiere to work. Curtin, a drayman and one of 



Catherine Joss. 1 5 5 

Father Mathew's Temperance men, would die 
rather than take strong drink ; they had a baby 
eight months old. The man left her, went to 
Buffalo, the old and young, woman went to what 
was called the Irish hodowns. I was told by a 
girl that was working for the people in the next 
room, that the woman was sick and both slept in 
one bed, on one side of the board partition, while 
they did hear the other two come home late at 
night, could hear the baby put down as if letting 
it drop, then they tumbled over bed, mother and 
grandmother, and a strange noise of the child 
was heard, as the bed was tight against the 
partition. But all was quiet till about 10 o'clock 
in the morning, when the child was discovered 
to be dead. That fuss I know, and that Mr. 
Curtin was sent for, the child was buried, and 
just above us on our side of the street they built 
a nice little house, and she was a nice house- 
keeper, got along well, but she drank again. 
They had a little girl, one evening Curtin went 
to his brother's at supper time, said he could not 
stay, but wanted him to see that his child got 
her own, as he was going off, and Malony had 
$40 of him, he had nothing to show for it, he 
should get a note. His brother swore at him for 
going, said he would not stay anyhow. The 
hired man at the table did not like his looks. 



156 Autobiography of 

went out, saw him go toward the lake, when he 
got on the pier he ran the main, went as near as 
he could, not to be detected, and at once jumped 
off into the lake. 

I could go on all night, but one or perhaps 
two more. A very nice, respectable family 
came from Canada and stopped with us, the man 
an Englishman, the woman Irish. They had 
two nice girls, eight and ten years old, and a little 
boy one year. The boat landed before day- 
break, they made their beds on the floor and 
went to bed. I was told, so many were there, 
that I went to the kitchen to help the breakfast on, 
then back to the dining room, when a nice 
looking woman came in and offered me a pair of 
shoes at a very low price. I did not take them, 
it is such a common thing among such people to 
sell what they need to get drink, which I always 
disliked and would not begin, but perhaps did 
not want to be bothered with them. I am elad 
I never took anything from them except the pay 
for what they got, would rather give it to them if 
they were feeling too bad. At the breakfast 
table I was surprised to find this woman with 
her family, they all looked so genteel and I 
thought surely she did not want to get drink for 
it. She was away a while, came back and lay 
down, saying she was sick. She sent the little 



Catherine Joss. 157 

girl for something, she took it, then got right 
down on the floor by the settee and rested her 
head on it and slept. When she awoke she 
asked the girl what she did with the change. She 
said she gave it to her. When she got up, she 
took the child, pressed her down on a chest in a 
way that must have hurt her. I heard her cry 
out, "I'll show you to keep my money," and 
hearing the children cry I ran in and took the 
child, but she would have taken her again had I 
not asked for help, which I got. 

There were some new immigrants from Ire- 
land, they thought they dare not meddle, and 
one woman told me about the money. We used 
to cover the floor in the morning with sand from 
the lake shore and sweep it clean in the evening 
for the beds to be put down. The change had 
been dropped by her at the settee, which I found 
at the place, and told her I wanted order and 
must have it, and went about my work. At din- 
ner the man had come and he got them all to the 
table. She would have the baby on her lap, let 
him fall, and the poor man had a time of it. 
Think it would do many men good if they had 
to deal with drunken women. He got a house 
not far from us and moved in. He had a situa- 
tion in a large shoe shop, but she found company 
plenty and drank all the time. One day they 



158 Autobiography of 

asked me to come d6wn. I went, found her irt 
bed unconscious of anything, just snored herself 
away into eternity. The man told me they had 
a comfortable home in Canada, which he left to 
get away from drinking women, as she had not 
drank till she got among them, and there it was 
the same, and he tried everything and took up 
to the house a lot of shoes for her to bind, as they 
were very throng and in a hurry. He thought to 
take her from drink; but she did not touch them. 
So one morning he scolded her and went to 
work. She sent the girl for a pint of whiskey 
and a sixpence worth of laudanum, which she 
took, and it nearly killed her. 

Near that house stood an old house, where 
both men and women drank. The women had 
some wash for some one, had to iron it, sent her 
boy around the corner to a grog-shop to call his 
father to gret the wood to heat her irons with. 
The boy came home, told his mother what his 
father said, for her to come and see so and so, 
who were there; she did, and they all had a good 
time till late. When they got home the two 
children were in bed. On Monday at court they 
testified that their parents came home in good 
humor, sang and danced, and mother stepped in 
some of the bad places in the hearth of the fire- 
place, fell and was quiet, they thought asleep. 



Catherine Joss^ 159 

father spoke to her, but she said nothing. He 
too laid down and they all slept until late next 
morning, and when the children got up they saw 
something wrong and told it to some one. They 
went for the alderman, they had no police then; 
aldermen and constable and coroner, were all we 
knew of, and they were most always at work. 
However, the woman with her neck broke and 
the man dead drunk were both taken to the jail. 
But to finish with the first shanty on the lake 
shore. The man diat kept the York House was 
an alderman, it w^as next to our house; besides 
many other bad things he left his wife with six 
children and run away with his wife's sister, 
stayed six weeks and came back to his family. 
I often was called by some of the children who 
thought she was dying, when she had drunken 
fits; the only son left the old people on the lake 
shore, was on a spree with some fellows; this 
York House man was one. When they were 
carousing they fought and the son of the old 
people was killed. He had money, it was 
thought about twenty dollars. No one bothered 
much at the cry of murder or a row in those 
days; the fuss was heard, but nothing said of it 
till next morning the tracks of blood were seen 
and followed riofht to the York House waeon 
that was also bloody, himself was asleep, yet 



i6o Aiitohiographi) of ' 

when they arrested him at the place where the 
row was, the woman was up early, killed a lot 
of chickens, left them flutter around the house to 
make things look as if all was of the chickens, 
but they were all three landed in jail, and I can't 
say what was done with them. As for the body, 
it was cut up, the pieces put in a coffee sack with 
river stones and sunk in the river at the foot of 
Huron street. 

I must stop with this; not because I could not 
write more. To let my mind run back these pic- 
tures stand like the figures on the wall-paper 
before me, look to be standing- out from a plain 
back-ground by the light of my larnp. 

Could T bring to blend together 

All desires and thoughts and deeds, 

My one desire that naught can sever, 
Till we gather in the sheaves. 

Then we shall see in the light 
The object of God's great decree, 

That wonderful and holy rite, 
Which here remains a m3'stery. 

Yet through the hope we have in Jesus, 
We look beyond this mortal shrine. 

The cross stands forth, the blood it frees us, 
The truth bursts forth in love divine. 



Catherine Joss. i6i 

CHAPTER IX. 

AT THE BRINK OF DEATH. 

Our Stone mason up stairs and a drayman were 
good friends, we were all well acquainted with 
him, he often came to our house evenings to sit 
with his friend, and no doubt he hauled baskets 
of champaign where he could manage to get a 
bottle once in a while and came with it. I don't 
know that I would have cared about the treat of 
the wine, but he liked to play cards only for 
pastime, but we nor my father ever allowed any- 
thing the law did not allow, and it troubled me 
then, though only the men in the house and the 
work-women in the house thought I was wrong, 
it was better to keep them home than to have 
them to go away. After taking it to God in 
prayer I thought of a hymn father Joss had his 
children sing just before he died. I got the 
book, opened it at the place where it was, slipped 
in at the open door, just across the hall from 
ours, stood looking on unobserved behind Joss, 
and just as he trumped a card I turned the book 
upside down before him, saying, there, trump at 
that; he picked it up, and as soon as he looked 



1 62 Autohiograj)hy of 

at it he was done playing cards for that night. I 
never thought he even knew anything about 
playing, and thought it must have been carried 
on while I was in Ohio, but did not want my 
children to see it at all, and thank God I never 
had to contend with that again ; the Lord helped 
me. 

My uncle by that time had started up in the 
jewelry and watch-making business, and the one 
that traveled came home occasionally, had again 
been there and told him that stayed there to get 
money from a watchmaker that owed him, and 
repair some fences on a farm he had near the 
city. Uncle got a German with a wagon and 
some four or five other Germans to ofo with 
them ; when they got down to Walker's Point 
they stopped at the hotel, no doubt spreed all 
night, the next day they came in again. Uncle 
came and asked Joss for some money ; he said 
he was robbed at the hotel. When he first came 
to Milwaukee he gave us one hundred dollars in 
gold, as he did not want to drag it around with 
him. He boarded and not telling how much he 
drank; had Joss kept a strict account it would have 
long been taken out, or it should have been paid, 
but at the time uncle left us he counted up as he 
thought, as neither had an account, but fifty 
dollars he paid for board and Joss gave him a 



Catherine Joss. ^ ^S 

note for fifty dollars. It had been that way a 
long time, no one bothered, and there was no 
need, it could have been setded. For some 
reason, I think it was drink. Joss was not an 
affectionate and loving husband and father; but 
he had never been cross if nothing was there to 
cross him, but careless, not caring to please or 
displease, nor caring to do anything ; and so it 
was with the note, the only one, of fifty dollars. 
I told him he should get the money for him, but 
got no satisfaction. Uncle came again, it was 
no better with him, only between sprees. Uncle 
worked and tended to business, and soon made 
it count, but had lost his brother's money and 
would not acknowedge it to the business men 
for them to tell his brother, but said, I can get 
all I need for the note. He took it to a shaver, 
o-ave the note as security for so many days, if he 
did not pay it he could collect it of Joss. The 
time passed, nothing was done and the shaver 
had a card put on the door, "For Sale." I did 
not understand it and don't know if any did, as 
it was not a State, but Joss tore it off and that 
caused a law suit, and all that could be got that 
was standing out was spent. The lawyer said, the 
only way would be for me to sign a paper; they 
had to assign it over to the man that we bought 
it of, to appear as though we never had paid for 



164 Autobiography of 

it. The friend whose wife was drowned was 
there then, but he too was not sober any time, 
but urged me to sign it. I asked Joss's cousin 
what to do. He said, let it go, for go it will as 
soon as you sign it, but nothing will ever 
straighten John, but to have nothing at all. 
These cousins were odd from any of our people, 
they got among Americans and got American 
wives that were Methodists. I liked them, but 
thought their ways not the kind to enjoy and 
get along in life, though they did get along. 
The fact was, we were wrong. I signed the 
paper, and before long the man, whom the paper 
was assigned to, came and notified the people to 
pay him the rent, but we need not pay and could 
stay till May. When Joss came home I told 
him. He said, he was not going to stay in 
Cop's house, for God's sake, but we would find 
another, and he got a pint of whiskey in a bottle, 
when it was half empty I put it away. In the 
morning early he would go out to the lake 
spring for water, and I suppose stop for bitters 
somewhere, as he was generally gone till I had 
breakfast, when the morning paper came he 
would read it, then go away till three o'clock ; 
as we had supper at four we did not get dinner. 
After supper he would lie down and sleep till 
seven or eight, then go out till late in the even- 



Catherine Joss. 165 

ing. So I told him I had tried everything to have 
him attend to his business and not drink so 
much, he knew he could not stand it, he always 
was subject to bilious spells, and now I was 
going to try my neighbor's plan and drink too, 
then may be I could be satisfied and I was going 
to drink the whiskey in the botde he left, and 
said, may be that would be the better way. He 
lay down, I got the boys in bed, expected to be 
sick, took as much as I could at once, finished 
undressing myself and took the rest of the half 
pint and went to bed. He was lying across the 
foot of the bed, but got up, went down stairs and 
came up with Mrs. Schirr. I was talking to the 
boys telling them I was sick and may be would 
die, if I did they must be good boys; but I don't 
know if they heard me or not. I remember of 
Joss speaking to Schirr, as they were both up, he 
said, she is just like her uncle Ernst. I guess he 
meant in talking so much ; when I awoke in the 
morning, breakfast was over and the two boys 
were at school, only the little one was there, but 
Joss was reading the paper. When he noticed 
me awake he came in the bed room and asked 
me how I felt. I said, I guess like all other 
drinkers, want my bitters and I'll feel better. 

He said, "what will you have?" I said, "any- 
thino- you got!" He said, "I have whiskey and 



1 66 Autobiography of 

brandy both, because I did not know what you 
would want!" He went and brought something, 
I don't remember what, but when I saw the glass 
it was enough for me. I could not take a drop, 
he urged me to try, I would feel better, but it 
was of no use; he said he was just going to treat 
me as I should treat him, and there would be no 
trouble. When he turned and went into the 
other door he smiled, and I thought I had taken 
the wrong way for it, to take so much at once. 
When he saw I was well he lit his cigar and 
went down, I got up and did my work. As it 
was a rule with us not to bring up any old thing 
I don't think it was ever mentioned again be- 
tween us. He said, there are always new things 
enouo-h to talk about. I am sure it saved us 
many a dispute, but it is sometimes profitable to 
talk of the past, in order to improve the future, 
but it was not for me to know just what was best 
for me to do, or I should never have stood up 
for the social glass, and many times stood still, 
as it were, nervously waiting, but obliged to do 
whatever my hands found to do diligent in 
business, as I well knew how I was serving the 
Lord, and bless the Lord, I got to see His salva- 
tion from sin, before I was saved from the cares 
and bustle of life, for which I can praise Him 
now. I was not walkino- in the liofht then, but 



Catherine Joss. 167 

the light had not become darkness, I never had 
it, or what might have been done in making friends 
in the unrighteous mammon, by God's grace to 
the salvation of precious souls; but mid all my 
unworthiness I was kept and led on, and so 
will He lead you, sinner, and save you if you will, 
come and let Him do it for you, as the saying is. 
It is like pulling teeth for me to go back in my 
mind to behold all those things again, that stand 
forth in more vivid reality, than they did 
when I was practically engaged in them, and 
what I want to do, God helping me, is to prove 
the assertion of that. If we could see what we 
have to go through with, from the beginning, w^e 
would despair. I find it not so, but glory in 
affliction that led me to my Saviour, finding Him 
a present help in time of need, glad to rehearse 
forever what He has done for me and mine, who 
I hope will be closer drawn to Him thereby. 

All went on quiedy after the property was 
gone, after I had settled card playing and got 
drunk myself. I had baked a lot of mince pies. 
Schirrs and we had bought a barrel of apples, 
which we picked out and used up the speckled 
ones. One Sunday cousin Margaret Joss was 
there, Joss and Schirr were across the street at a 
tavern kept by a Jew, who had married a very 
pretty German Christian girl, but she had been 



1 68 Autobiography of 

used to working more out doors than in, and 
when they got a number of strangers from the 
boats she would come over to us to get anything 
she could that she needed, and was welcome to 
it, till she talked to the men about my extrava- 
gance in preparing so much ahead for people, 
that she did not do so. So I just told her that I 
had no one to depend upon to help me out if I 
was not prepared for the people I had to wait 
on. She came no more that day. Schirr said 
he must go home to eat mince pie; the Jew said 
he would like to eat some too, but his wife could 
not make any. Joss said he would go and get 
him one ; came in and asked for one. I told 
him, if he took it over to the Jews I would 
throw one at him out of the window. He said 
to cousin: "Auntie, it is a shame that I can't 
have control over one pie when I don't eat 
mince pies at all." All right, said I, I'll give 
you one, but as sure as it goes over there you 
will see. He went down stairs, but did not go 
out of the front nor side door. So I went down 
stairs and to their room door, which was far 
enough open for me to see the Jew eating pie. 
I thought it was mince, went up again and threw 
one down stairs as near to their door as possible. 
Joss came up, was angry, but did not say much, 
only told cousin he did not know how I was 



Catherine Joss. 169 

getting to be to do such things as I did. I said, 
birds of a feather flock together, and justified 
myself in doing what I did. He went off, and 
all three men walked over the street together, 
and no doubt it pleased the woman more to tell 
of such an act than with a dozen pies brought in 
to her. Cousin said so, and I believe it; but all 
the excuse I had was that I was mad at her and 
could not control my temper when tried too 
hard. 

In a litde while thereafter Mrs. Schirr had 
some wormwood from Ohio, which she gave to 
Joss; he put it in the bottle where he had the 
whiskey in. I asked him what it was ; for he 
said it was good for many things, that he would 
pour whiskey on it for a tonic in sickness. I told 
him he knew that I was going to drink all the 
strong drink that came into the house. He had 
the bottle filled, and as usual, when the morn- 
ing paper was looked over he went his way, 
came home again in time for early supper, after 
which, as was his habit, he lay down to take his 
sleep, after that he usually went out. When 
time I got the boys to bed, it was a solemn time 
to me, as I hardly expected to see them again, 
not knowing what effect so much whiskey and the 
herbs in it would have on me; but I had said I 

would drink what was brought in, if it killed me 
12 



170 Aatohiographtj of 

The man in the tavern who was boarding with 
us and who we beheved was one of a counter- 
feiting band, kept and left a small basket with 
medicine in, which we destroyed, except a lump 
of opium, which I learned was good to put in 
brandy to make laudanum. When all were 
asleep I wrote a note, telling Joss my intention 
to drink the whiskey of the wormwood, and had 
the opium yet out of the basket that Kempf left, 
knowine that would frio-hten them, as a woman 
near us not lonof before had killed herself with 
a pint of whiskey and six cents worth of lauda- 
num ; but it was not my intention to take it, 
though they thought I did. I asked him, if he 
would promise to be more diligent in his busi- 
ness, and that we had nothing any more to live, 
but for his family. He said, "I make no promise 
and I will have none to break, you do as you 
think best." I looked at my children, and weep- 
ing thought, oh had we only sank in the lake 
when I prayed we would, and then breathed a 
silent prayer for their protection, should it be God's 
will to take me from them in effort of sacrificinof 
my life for the good of them, believing their 
father would again take the interest in them that 
he once did, and it would be their gain. And 
to-day how glad I am that the Lord enters our 
hearts with groanings that cannot be uttered, 



Catherine Joss. 171 

for I can only groan under the weight of His 
mercies that endure forever. I went into the 
other room, began to drink as much as I could 
while undressing. Joss had risen from the bed 
and went down stairs; by the time I was ready 
to go to bed I had swallowed the whole, at least 
a pint. I went to bed, but it was the last of me 
for that night. When I awoke in the morning 
it was late, the two boys were at school, the little 
one asleep, may be had been up, as they had a 
time of some kind, as I could see when I woke 
up. Joss lay on the top of the bed, looking 
right at me, likely to see me stop breathing. He 
.arose without saying a word, went down, Mrs. 
Schirr came up and asked me how I was. I don't 
know of saying anything, till she said she never 
would have thought that I would act so. Seeing 
the stand by the bed, with powder papers and 
oil, and the condition of things in general, I sup- 
posed they had a doctor there, so I said to her, 
what did' you bother with me for? She asked 
me, where I thought I would be if they had left 
me alone? I said, not in a worse place than 
that, for I did not believe the flames of hell were 
worse than the flames of whiskey. She shamed 
me, and said, if her man did not drink more than 
mine, she would not say a word. 

I got up again and soon as I could put things 



172 Autobiography of 

in order about the house. When the boys came 
from school, they were glad to see me up, said 
they thought I was dying in the night, that the 
doctor worked with me a long while. But Joss 
never came near till supper time, and as before, it 
was never mentioned among us, nor did the 
children know the cause of my being sick. 

Things took a turn, for we moved in a hurry 
into a small house on the hill in a private part of 
the town, where Joss was to make a well that 
had to be dug, which he had never done. He got 
some Irish well-diggers to work, and it did not 
take very long to finish it, and the profit paid six 
months' rent. I could get sewing to do from the 
German landladies who always had plenty to do 
to attend to their husbands* business as well as 
their own, as I often said, their men like mine 
were gentlemen loafers. So I could earn enough 
to get sufficient to eat generally, and that was all 
we really needed, having the rent paid in advance. 
We had not been there long till twice I fell with 
spasms, perhaps the effect of getting drunk. I 
was very nervous for a long time, but never 
real sick. Joss was at work on an artesian well, 
three miles from where we lived. I would get 
his breakfast at 5 in the morning, pack his 
dinner, which he took with him, it never con- 
cerned him where it came from, no more than it 



Catherine Joss. 173 

did when all was full and plenty with us; yet I 
was satisfied, hoping there was something better 
in store for us, and certainly something would 
come in when the job was finished. It took 
three months to finish it, but it was a success, it 
was one hundred and thirty-two feet deep, mostly- 
through rock, got a running stream which fur- 
nished water for the steam boiler at the foundry 
and watering trough. He immediately con- 
tracted with the town for six hundred dollars 
worth of work. I asked if he had made any- 
thing? He said, nothing but the credit he got 
for it, and the prospects of plenty to do, said 
what they did make Schirr had to have, or how 
would his big family live? Yet I was compara- 
tively at ease compared with the life on Huron 
street. 



1 74 Autobiograjphy of 



CHAPTER X. 

HELP IN TIME OF NEED. 

I cannot think of ever being in great trouble 
about things that could not be helped, as I have 
seen people to be; but I had tried to force things 
to be as I thought they should be, in my selfish 
way, but could not have anything, to suit me 
financially, all went wrong. When I left Huron 
street I thought I had tried everything and 
though poor I was much more comfortable and 
at ease, although I had to earn our daily bread 
than in the public house, being drove to duty, as 
I thought, day and night, by the press of business; 
nevertheless I made up my mind to try to en- 
courage by my fidelity, as Joss never concerned 
himself any more about family wants when we 
had nothing as when we had plenty, nor was I 
ever used to it at home, but were well provided 
for, always had it to use. I don't know what my 
mother would have done at providing, but for me; 
it was easier than to fuss about it, often to no 
purpose, and I could get sewing to do at all times 
in Milwaukee, to afford us daily bread, our rent 
was paid there, and Joss never asked or knew 



Catherine Joss. 175 

how we got along. I was often in a strait to 
know what to do for the time, but there was 
always a way to get through. At one time the 
boys found a silver spoon. I thought by he 
shape of it, the Germans used such to dish out 
with at the table. It had been blackened by fire. 
I told them to see if it was silver. They went 
to a jeweler and got a good price for it, it being 
solid silver. I don't remember how much, but 
we o-ot groceries and provisions for it to supply 
us till I could get some work finished that I had 
on hand. At another time I sent the boys with 
a note and six towels to the bakery near where 
we lived in Huron street. They got the basket 
filled, and a kettle they had for molasses was 
filled. I was thankful. But in the afternoon 
the lady came to see me, and told me she was 
glad to send anything they had in their business 
I needed, and returned the towels. One morn- 
ing, as usual, Joss had his breakfast early and 
went with his dinner basket. When the two 
boys got up there was enough for them; they 
went to school. I had some work on hand, 
nearly finished, thinking to have it finished by 
the time my little boy would waken, then he and 
I would take a walk to deliver the work, get the 
pay and for him something to eat. But his sleep 
did not last long enough. I told him how we 



176 Autobiography of 

would do, if he was good so I could work. He 
ran around a while and then came in; I was not 
ready, but having two things to hurry him, the 
walk and something to eat, he became impatient 
and cried. I took him on my lap and cried too, 
asking silently for our daily bread. It came. A 
neighbor woman came in and asked me to excuse 
her, she had nice pieces of bread and butter, as 
her sons had been bringing so much home these 
few days in their dinner baskets, and thought it 
a pity to waste it, may be I could use it for the 
children. I thanked her, asked her to be seated, 
but she was in a hurry and said she would come 
again. While the dear little fellow was enjoying 
his bread and butter, my heart was filled with 
praise to God and gratitude to the dear woman 
whom I recognized as soon as I saw her as one 
that used to come to our house to drink some- 
thing strong, when she got pain in her stomach. 
She had a nice brick-house, two sons working in 
a foundry, partly their own, left to them by their 
father; then two daughters, school-girls, almost 
young ladies. She had money, but dare not have 
it in her hands. 

I was told by the other side neighbors, when I 
saw a pair of pillow cases on their clothes-horse 
and said they looked like a pair once brought to 
me to trade for whiskey : They said they knew 



Catherine Joss. 177 

who it was, and wanted to see them. I told 
them I did not take them, as I had no time to 
spend with such women, they often came with 
something- to trade off. They were both Enghsh 
famihes and very respectable people, but they 
all drank beer, it was brought by the keg to their 
houses, but was not enough for the widow 
woman, she would spree on strong drink. I 
saw her brought home on a dray, elegantly 
dressed and dead drunk; then I told them she 
was the woman that brought the pillow cases to 
trade off, and they told me her circumstances. 

'Tis awful to see a family 

In such baneful disgrace, 
The streaming eye and crimson hue, 

That colors each young face. 

When the milk woman came I always got what 
was left of her milk, as from there she went 
on home. That day she had more than usual, 
and a calico dress to make. I did her sewinp-. 
it seemed our wants were always supplied, and 
when need was greatest, God appeared often the 
nearest. That day we were well supplied and I 
could send my work home with the boys in the 
evening. I worked all week for others, if pos- 
sible got my work out so as to wash Saturday 
afternoon, hang it up in the morning early, then 
do the work in the house and get the boys off to 



178 Autobiography of 

Sunday-school, which they always attended, one 
and sometimes two on one Sunday. 

The Joss cousins called once, and asked me 
if I could take time to die. I said yes. Then 
are you prepared? Yes, was my answer, for 
God is no tyrant that He requires more than I 
can render unto Him. I went about my work, 
left them with Joss, I had tried to force things 
and could not make anything go to suit me, and 
then was going to try to encourage by my fidel- 
ity. This like other things I must stop in the 
midst of the many things that stir up my memory 
as well as pains my heart, not at all because of 
what I did endure, but of what I did not endure, 
more patiently, believing in all my ignorance I 
could have been the means to elevate, seeing 
many lost opportunities. I felt sure I had done 
all in my power, for the best, praying God to 
look with compassion upon us as sinners, espe- 
cially my dear husband, who carried such inno- 
cent amusements, as I used to be very fond of, 
to extremes, so as to destroy the joy of social 
life and all God-given privileges, by immoral 
use of them, running to excess the habit of in- 
dulging in too much strong drink, when he 
knew it would be his ruin. Many times when 
he came in, laid down and be fast asleep soon as 
his head rested, I have bowed in prayer to God 



Catherine Joss. 179 

to stem the tide of destruction, not thinking that 
I in my self-righteousness needed the power of 
God unto salvation, or that I must have wisdom 
from on high to discern the spirit that actuated 
me, for while in the bonds of iniquity and 
nature's darkness, I could not comprehend the 
things that pertain to our peace, joy and happi- 
ness here and hereafter. 

One of the Irish well-diggers came to our 
house and said, he was going to move to Water- 
town and would like to sell his furniture with his 
shanty, to get something worth moving, and 
wanted us to send some German that could pay 
the money down. I said to Joss, he should 
trade our furniture for his shanty and all ; he 
said, would you live in such a place? I said yes, 
any place to save paying rent. He went and 
came back, saying, it is little better than a pig 
pen. I said, no matter, if they can live in it, sa 
can we. He made the trade, our six months 
being about up. We moved. Joss first plastered 
it inside with mortar made of clay ground and 
straw mixed, then papered it, and we were quite 
comfortable in it that Winter. It was there 
when our second daughter was born. 

One day as I was going to wash and dress the 
child, her father was holding her till I got ready. 
I said, she is the poorest child we ever had, her 



i8o Autobiography of 

clothes look as if made up of rags. He looked 
at her seriously. I said, hand her to me. He 
kissed her and went out. When ready I put her 
to sleep, cleared up the house, sat down to work, 
and before long Joss came in, laid some papers 
on the table and went again. Curiosity made 
me look at them. The little book said, Constitu- 
tion and By-laws, then another paper which I 
thought was a pledge, for I never saw one. I 
don't think I even felt favored, and never said 
anything to him about it. Not long after, some 
ladies came to see if I would not sign the pledge, 
to encourage my husband to keep his. I said, 
it was not necessary for me, as I did not get 
drunk; and I hardly think I treated them civilly. 
They went, leaving me some tracts. I read them 
and thought, that's just the way with drunkards. 
But a verse in one of them was never forgotten, 
yet I never felt guilty, till my husband was found 
dead on the prairie, when it came with wonderful 
force, and even then I thought of others older 
than he that were by that time awful drunk- 
ards, and were called sober men when with him 
they took the social glass together. The verse 

was : 

A thousand curses on his head, 

Wlio gave me first the poisonous bowl, 
Caused me the cursed bane to drink. 

Drink death and ruin to my soul. 



Catherine Joss. i8i 

But there was soon a great change in Joss, the 
machine was improved and the work for the city 
commenced, orders on stores were brought in, 
and we were a happy family, all doing all we 
could to make it so, and seemingly without 
strife. 

The political campaign commenced. Joss said, 
as the temperance people were not generally 
democrats, and thought if it would not be profit- 
able to his business, he best withdraw. I said 
nothing against and nothing for the cause, be- 
cause I was not in sympathy with it, and could 
not encourage it. 

I told him I feared, and if he drank again it 
would be harder than ever, as he was like myself; 
but he said, he did not need a bit in his mouth 
or yoke on his neck, he would not drink. After 
he was free again, we were going to have apple- 
dumplings for dinner, we were all fond of them, 
I had all ready to drop them into the boiling 
water, when Joss came in. The boys came, I was 
afraid, for he was always regularly on time when 
sober. So I gave the boys a piece, and told 
them we would have them for supper. When 
they came home I sent them somewhere, while 
they were gone, Joss came. I put my dump- 
lings in the pot to boil, he went out, the boys 
came. I said, father was here and is gone again. 



1 82 Autobiography of 

but we would have supper. We did so, they 
played around a while, then the youngest went 
to bed, the other two g-ot their lessons and then 
went also to bed. When all were asleep I went 
out to the privy and found the door shut and 
fastened, I said to myself, he is here! I got the 
axe to open the door, he spoke, saying, don't 
do that. I said, then open the door or I will ; he 
did. He was lying on the floor, said, I should 
go to bed, he would be in,, that he was sick. I 
said, so much the worse, asked him what he 
would do if I were there sick ; he said, he would 
carry me in. But I can't do that, I said, I must 
-stay with you. He told me he took a glass of 
beer, and there must have been something in it 
to sicken him so, and if I would never mention 
it, he would come in. So he went to bed, noth- 
ing was said about that, the beginning of worse 
times than any. I had a young baby to care for 
and could not get around, as before, yet we 
never suffered, I often was sad and blamed myself 
for so much, that was not right, longed to cling 
closer to the cross by patiently waiting till the 
Lord should change it as He knew best. Often I 
beheld the sun rise, that brought to mind a verse 
I knew: 

Thou glorious orb, supremely bright. 
Just rising from the sea, 



Catherine Joss, 183 

To cheer all nature with thy light, 
What are thy beams to me ? 

In vain thy glories bid me rise, 

To hail the new-born day ; 
Alas ! my morning sacrifice 

Is still to weep and pray. 

For what are nature's charms combined, 

To one, whose wear}- breast 
Can neither peace nor comfort find, 

Nor friend whereon to rest. 

Oh never, never, while I live, 

Can my heart's anguish cease. 
Come, friendl}' death, thy mandate give. 

And let me be at peace. 

It was little of the pay for any of his work I 
saw, they were always improving the machine, 
at last they thought it perfected, and would try 
their luck in Chicago, and if they succeeded in 
getting one well, they would have it patented, 
which would be worth twenty thousand dollars, 
then I should go to Weinsberg to spend the 
Summer, till he knew where he would settle. I 
got a letter that they were lucky in making a 
spring well. I wrote this home, not thinking 
of them sending for me, but was soon surprised 
by my brother coming in with Joss, whom he 
met, I believe on the boat. Brother wanted me 
to go along with him ; I was not ready, but he 



184 Autobiography of 

urged me, saying, he would take the boys to a 
clothing store and get ready-made what they 
needed. I think we started the same day. 

If I had gone by myself I would have sold our 
home with the things, taken the money to go 
with, which was hard for me to leave, not know- 
ing what would be done with it, knowing Joss 
would not bother with it, but they said they 
wanted me to take charge of the mattress shop, 
which I did when there. The trip was no doubt 
expensive, as we took cabin passage and stopped 
in Chicago and Detroit at Johnson's Hotel, where 
we, brother and I, went to the table, but the 
children were served by the waiters in our room. 
I had made the trip more than once with my 
children, so that it could not have been on my 
account that brother came, and we never landed 
in Detroit, but he must have had business there 
to stop, no mistake. Our trip was a grand affair, 
it is true, must have been expensive, and one 
like me taken out of a shanty, living in poverty, 
such a change could hardly be appreciated and 
perhaps never valued at its worth. God bless 
the donors of all that expense, bestowed upon 
unworthy me. We got to Weinsberg, and soon 
were set up at house-keeping, as I got every- 
thing new, except the stove was out of the glue 
shop. Father had furniture to sell, I got what I 



Catherine Joss. 185 

had all new, and soon was to work. Father ar- 
ranged a book for me to keep a strict account of 
work done and what I got, I had the book a 
long while, had it back again to Ohio, and 
though I was glad to have a strict account when 
I left for home again, was glad since to know 
how things stood with us, except the traveling 
expenses, I am sure I paid for what I had, and 
was paid for my work, which amounted to one 
hundred and four dollars. 

No doubt father could have sfot some one to 
run the shop perhaps better than I could, but I 
am sure I stated things as they were when I 
wrote to them, and think it must have been par- 
ental affection that caused them to have me 
brought to them for employment, because we 
did not prosper financially, which caused their 
care and anxiety, and as for my short stay of 
fifteen months, I can answer to God, with the 
exception of presents made to us, and compli- 
ments not returned, I owe no man save love. 

In a letter from Joss I learned that the cholera 
was raging in Chicago, and they did not return 
soon. Meanwhile a fire broke out and destroyed 
part of their machine, and what remained they 
brought to Milwaukee to repair. It was not 
from a sense of the wickedness I quit the busi- 
ness, but rather a selfish motive. If it would 
13 



1 86 Autobiography of 

have been gain to us it would have been all right 
in my sight and that of my parents and friends. 
I heard a man say, it is not till a man turns his 
back on drink that he does see what a fool he 
makes of himself by using it. So it was with 
me; and why should I murmur because we could 
not succeed in that which eventually must have 
proved our ruin? Hope has been a grand com- 
panion of mine, and never has disappeared en- 
tirely, though often been frustrated as in this case, 
looking forward to the time we should settle, 
then I thought to have something to move. But 
the word came that a pole of the machine had 
fallen on Joss' back, a friend who boarded at the 
same place, wrote that he could not move, hoped 
it was not so bad as they feared. If I had been 
able I would have gone right to him, but it was 
impossible. The friend waited on him and 
wrote several letters to me, stating that he was 
slowly getting better; but I was planning how 
to get off, and thought of a lottery on my fur- 
niture. I settled with father, had something 
coming to me, which I relied upon before I got 
away. When I told father, he said I was foolish, 
he was angry when they had brought me there. 
It was then that I thought most of my poor 
home I left, for which I could have got enough 
to pay my expenses of going to Weinsberg, and 



Catherine Joss. 187 

I would feel more free; but that did not keep 
me, my husband's folks did not want me to go; 
my husband's brother said I should stay, that 
John had his same careless head on him that he 
always had, and would not send the money he 
said he would, when he wrote he had bought a 
house and wanted us to come as soon as possible. 
His brother said, while he could bend his arm for 
his own family, we should not want; but I said, 
1 will go. Well, said he, since you are deter- 
mined and have packed up, here are the fifteen 
dollars you say it will take; then he gave each 
boy two dollars, making six more, and we were 
not long bidding them good-bye. 

A friend took us to the canal, as my father 
said he would not help us off. I said nothing to 
him about taking us. We got safe to Milwaukee, 
went to where Joss was boarding and found him 
sitting by the window in the bar-room, reading 
the paper; we went into the side door to the 
sitting-room, he was called, was glad to see us, 
others interested came in to ask about their old 
home and friends. Next morning after break- 
fast we got our baggage from the store-house 
and went to the house Joss had got for us; it 
was cleaned and furnished, so that with what we 
had we were soon comfortably settled in our own 
home again. Joss being hurt showed on him, 



i88 Autobiography of 

and he was not yet able to attend to his work. 
But before long they undertook a job at the 
American House, when we got orders on a store 
every week. 

A circus came along, stopped at the hotel. 
Joss got tickets for us all to go; I said he could 
have got something more useful for the money. 
He asked me if I begrudged the children the 
pleasure, saying it is just like the Smiths, if they 
only all had money enough to eat it. It's a 
German expression, with more to it, I said 
nothing more', seeing he had been drinking freely, 
but took the children to the show, and had so 
many shows in my mind of people there that 
needed their money for necessary purposes, that 
I never went to another show of any kind, not 
even an exhibition in the church to raise money, 
as I find one command, that is to ask, and since I 
have learned to do that believingly, I never want 
for any good thing, but get daily the desire of 
my heart, for my will is the will of Him that 
taught us to say, "Thy will be done." 

When I went back to Milwaukee I made up 
my mind to take things as they came from the 
hand of our loving Father, which made it easy 
to bear, believing all things work for good, and 
got along as best I could. 

I often traded dishes off for provisions to my 



Catherine Joss. 189 

poor but more favored neighbors, who got 
orders from their husbands and sons that worked 
in the axe factory not far, and a tannery, as well 
as others that were to an extent in uncomforta- 
ble homes and worse off than I ; but the women 
did not try, they generally said they did the best 
they could with what they had to do with. They 
often came to me, but I had no time to spare 
to go only where I had business of some kind. 

I had bought of the Omish people woolen rags 
when I was in Weinsberg, for carpet rags; among 
them were many skirts of overcoats that were 
very heavy cloth ; the lighter kind I used for 
lining, the tannery near us furnished me with a 
kind of leather, such as they use for inside soles. 
Joss made me several shoe-lasts, and I had good 
home-spun linen thread, so I made a lot of cloth 
slippers that sold well, and the boys peddled 
them out among the poor people, which was a 
great help to us. 

Here where virtue seems to perish, 
And vice with fortune seems to smile : 

What hope is there for life to cherish, 
Where all around seems vain and vile ? 



190 Autobiography of 



CHAPTER XI. 

AT A METHODIST TESTIMONY MEETING. 

One afternoon Joss came home and asked, 
why we had such a cold house. I told him 
to try to split some of the chunks of wood ; he 
said, they would go into the stove. I said, they 
would not. He went out, got one in, took the 
top of the front, slapped it down in the stove, it 
opened the end door, he kicked it shut, broke a 
piece off and bursted the front doors open. He 
kicked them all to pieces, then laid down and 
was soon asleep. The house was getting colder, 
when the boys came home I could not hide that, 
and told them how it went, they had better eat 
and we ofo to bed, which we did, as we could not 
stay up for cold. Joss went to bed too, I was 
very sick that night, but had to just bear it, pray- 
ing for grace, which I must have got. 

When Joss got awake before day, he wanted 
to make fire, the condition of the stove must 
have reminded him of the day before, he went 
to work, took wire, bound the stove doors fast 
to the stove, as we could make fire by taking off 
the lids, which he did by splitting splinters split 



Catherine Joss. 191 

off the chunks of wood, then split up the chunks, 
so we had a pile of wood. I was sick in bed 
part of the day; he was home and did all he could 
for my comfort, but I don't think I was sick long, 
as I don't remember much about it, only after 
any such thing happening he would say, it is too 
bad, and have some reason for getting too much. 

One time at the table our youngest child, a lit- 
tle girl about eighteen or twenty months old, sat 
by him on a high chair, she wanted coffee, I said 
she should wait a little, I was busy ; he offered 
her some of his, she would not have it, because 
he used no sugar. I don't know if he knew that 
was the reason, or if he thought she would not 
drink out of his cup. He got up, took her off 
the chair, and pitched her into the other room. I 
ran and picked her up, when he told me to put 
her down, he would tend to her. I held her and 
told him he was a ruffian and should not dare to 
touch her, and no telling what I said, but don't 
mind of much afterwards, think he went away. 
Strange to say, the child was not hurt much. 

At a time George, the oldest boy, had a mag- 
nifying glass and one of Louis Schirr's boys had 
a ring, he showed it to George ; he was going 
to take it to look at it, when the boy said, you 
will keep it. George said, here, take this, if I do, 
you keep this. All at once his father took 



192 Aiitohiographj of 

George, pushed him against the door, saying, I'll 
teach you to trade with boys ; the blood ran 
down and the glass which was broken, had cut 
his hand ; he did not like me to meddle, but I 
did, and am not sure I did not say more 'than I 
should have said. I think the two times were 
the only times anything ever happened of that 
kind. Had it not been for drink, I can safely 
say, a father could never have had the control of 
his family better and in a milder and more affec- 
tionate way. 

George was always very fond of music, and 
when we lived in Toledo, I think in his fifth year, 
he went to school, I looked out of the window, 
he stood by the door of a house where they were 
playing on a piano. I don't think he ever heard 
one before, he must have forgotten himself and 
sat down on the step where he sat when I called 
him, for I had left the window and went about 
my work, when I saw him again on the step ; he 
came and told me he forgot himself till it was 
too late, then thought best not to go. I scolded 
him, and when his father came, told him he must 
punish him or he would do such tricks oftener. 
He whipped him and told him not to forget any 
more. The only time I can think of him whip- 
ping a child when correcting them. Once in 
Milwaukee on the way from school in the even- 



Catherine Joss. 193 

ing the boys stopped at a place filled up all 
around a square, which had deep water in it and 
frogs ; we told them not to play there ; but Will 
did stop, for which his father said he would have 
to punish him; he cut a branch off a tree at the 
fence of a pleasure garden next to us, trimmed 
it off nicely, while talking to him about disobey- 
ing ; when ready asked him if he thought he 
should be punished. Will said, yes; he talked 
to him a little while, and said, I guess you can 
remember to obey without the whipping, put the 
whip up behind the looking-glass and said, if any 
one of them should take it down they should 
have it on their backs. It was a temptation for 
little Johnnie, as a whip then would have been a 
grand plaything for most any little boy in the 
city, but it stayed there. But not so with me, I 
had a temper that would rile in an instant, and 
though often reasoned with on that account, 
yet would slap the children often for a trifle, and 
scold too, and I am sure from the bemnnino- the 
greatest fault was in me, not willingly, but being 
a servant of the sin of sins, not knowino- that the 
one we serve, his servants we are. 

Once when we were coming from down town, 
the German Methodist Episcopal Church bells 
were ringing. Joss said, "They have quarterly 
meeting, it would not hurt us if we were to go 



194 Autobiography of 

once." I said, "Where? I don't know any church 
in the city." He said, " To this one of which 
the bell is ringing." I said, and no doubt ab- 
ruptly too, " You will be one of them fools yet. 
Why can't we go to the church in which we be- 
long?" He never said church to me again, but 
while we lived there the preacher and his wife 
called and asked me if I would not come to 
meeting on Sunday, as they were going to have 
quarterly meeting. I said, I did not think I 
could, but would if my husband stayed at home 
with the children. They sang, I thought beauti- 
fully, a few verses of "The year of Jubilee is 
come," and prayed with me, and went off. I was 
alone, and when they were gone I could not help 
crying, not knowing why, but knelt and prayed; 
then I went about my work. I told Joss they 
had been there and I had promised them to go 
if he would stay with the children. He said, all 
right. So on Sunday I went, enjoyed the meet- 
ing, and after dismissal the preacher and wife 
came to me to shake hands with me, the elder 
also, and gave me a ticket. I thought it might 
be a complimentary ticket to the love-feast to 
which they invited me, as I had heard every one 
paid a quarter of a dollar to go to the love-feast, 
yet I could find nothing on it to that effect. I 
took it and a quarter with me to see the results. 



Catherine Joss. 195 

I did not commune with them, fearing it would 
not be right, as I knew nothing of them, but of 
what I saw I beheved they were Christians. 

The love-feast was opened by reading a Scrip- 
ture lesson, singing and prayer, a few words were 
said in explanation that the love-feast was in the 
place of foot-washing, to exhibit the love of Jesus 
as he commanded toward one another, the bread 
and water was passed around and the meeting 
was open for testimonies. They followed in 
quick succession, with a verse of a hymn now 
and then mixed in. Sometimes I thought it was 
a strange meeting, but felt convinced they were 
good people. 

At the close they gave an invitation for any one 
that felt they wanted to flee the wrath to come, 
to come forward, give the7n their hand and God 
their heart, and they would pray for them and do 
all they could to help them in the way of life. I 
thought, I will ask an interest in these people's 
prayers, as the prayer of the righteous availeth 
much. 

Aftei a while we found our house needed re- 
pairing, the shanty part leaked, we moved into 
the one room, Joss tore down the shanty, saying 
he would oret some new lumber and build an- 
other room to it; but days and weeks passed, 
and we were so crowded in that we could do 



196 Autohiograjphy of 

nothing but eat and sleep. It would be natural 
for me to think of leaving, as I feared to meet 
want before long, yet I thought I knew in whom 
I trusted, and not wanting my people to know 
that we were in need, I told my aunt I had a 
whole set of stone china, and wished she would 
take the large pieces that I had no use for and 
no place to keep them. She said she would. 
So I took the covered dishes and large meat 
plates and soup-plates to her, she took them and 
paid me the value of them. I had a new calico 
dress and a white skirt, which I pieced up in a 
quilt and sold it to a friend, but a stranger to our 
people, to finish when we could have room to 
quilt it. She paid me the money in advance, 
and I asked Joss, how long this would last, until 
I could get to work again at something, or we 
would soon be in want. He said the man we 
got wood of promised him the lumber, I knew 
the man owed us, but feared we would not- get it, 
as it was of long standing already. I said I had 
some money, perhaps he could do some of the 
work, if not all. He went to work and soon had 
all finished except the shingles on the bed-room, 
but we could use it, as the sheeting was on. That 
linorered ao^ain. 

I was called by cousin Peter Joss to make a 
mattress for a lounge at the German Methodist 



Catherine Joss. 197 

Elder's, and all at once there came up a thunder- 
storm. I was uneasy about the clothes that hung" 
in the room, also the bed, fearing the boys might 
not think to take them out. But Peter and the 
elder were in the sitting-room and I at my mat- 
tress in another room, hurrying to get it finished 
to go home. When finished he paid me for my 
work and asked me, if I thought my man would 
put on the roof if he had the money; he said 
Peter had been telling him about us; he said, he 
had some money laying there, it was not his own, 
as he was to take it to conference, but it would 
not be right if he saw me in need and did not 
help, if he could, so he would give me the five 
dollars that Peter said it would take, I should 
tell my husband. He lent us the money, but I 
should not trouble myself about it if he did not 
pay it. He prayed with us, invoking God's 
blessing upon us. 

I went home, all was right, the boys had 
moved the things; Joss, who was already favor- 
ably impressed with the Methodists, said, that is 
a Christian act, and I am sure he intended to pay 
it shortly, but it lingered a long while. We were 
very comfortable, and I had made up my mind 
to bear the cross, whatever it may be, thinking I 
had grace to count it all joy to fall in divers 
temptations. 



198 Autobiography of 

The well at the hotel was finished, and they 
took another to make on a farm belonging to the 
same family the hotel belonged to. The old 
people moved to town to the son's, who kept the 
hotel, and a German with his family moved on 
the farm to take charge of it. We were well 
acquainted with them, they would not board the 
men, but allowed them to get their own meals 
without charge. I would prepare such things 
and as much as I thought would do for the week, 
expecting them to be gone that long. The man 
on the farm had to come to town twice a day 
with milk to the hotel. In the first place it al- 
ways took them a month or six weeks to do 
what they could have done in two or three 
weeks, if they were staying at their work, but 
most every evening they would drive to town 
with the farmer and stop at a German tavern or 
coffee-house, a long ways from the American 
House and further from our house, so that I 
never knew it till they had finished the job, when 
the farmer's wife came to our house, and told me 
that her man was like the others, while they 
were there, on his return home in the evening he 
stopped for the men, and would stay till late at 
night, and she could not see how to get along 
with her little children, and the work to do in the 
house, the cattle and all out-door things to look 



Catherine Joss. ^99 

after, and she was expected always to be cheerful 
and contented ; said she was glad they had fin- 
ished up out there. 

Now for a litde of my experience while at that 
job. Once or twice I was provided with what I 
needed to get ready for them to go out to work, 
and then the old careless way began again. I 
got what I could one morning, after Joss came 
home late; my work was taken home by the boys 
and such things as were necessary for over 
Sunday I got for the pay they brought for my 
work. But in the morning he said, they could 
not go out Monday, as I should have to get the 
provTsion ready Monday. It being late when 
he came in I could not get anything, but I said, 
you can get what you want this morning, and I 
get it ready for you to-morrow morning, so you 
need not be detained, as the job is nearly done, 
you say. But he got nothing, laid around home 
all Sunday, made no effort on Monday that I 
could see, came home in the evening; we had 
mush and milk for supper, which he said was 
good, and corn meal would be a good thing to 
take out with them, as they could get milk plenty 
there, meal was not plenty yet, it being early in 
the Fall. I only knew of one place where they 
had it, and Joss must not have had the money, 
or he would not have been home so much. So 



200 Autobiography of 

in the eveninsf when he and the Httle children 
were asleep, perhaps the oldest or may be both 
oldest boys went to uncle's, I went in to aunt 
and asked her to let me have one dollar to get 
some provisions for Joss to get out to his work, 
that he had no money and had neglected getting 
an order. She went in the store to get the 
money, when uncle, who had just come in from 
his beer, gave me the dollar, with anything but 
sympathy with me, for being such a fool for com- 
ing back to suffer want, and said I must pay it 
again, he had no notion of helping us, as I was 
no better than Joss was. 

It was nothing new for uncle to abuse any one 
when he was drinking, but he always was a lucky 
man in making money, though he had squan- 
dered it by the thousands ; being a bachelor 
when he married an industrious and saving 
woman, he soon began to accumulate money, and 
before she died he had a grand start in the city 
to become rich, and did, to the best of my knowl- 
edofe, before he died. He left a second wife 
with several children, of whom I have only met 
one son, a very fine young man, and no doubt 
all of them are very respectable and wealthy; 
but I suppose they take the social glass, as their 
father did, only as I hope not to the extent he 
did when young, as I know of severe trials I 



Catherine Joss. 201 

passed through on account of his drinking ; 
uncle saying I was no better than Joss, did not 
condemn me, I was well aware of that, or not 
even as good, only could not see why. But, 
thank God, I have learned it since, and knowinof 
what I assert, that they that pass the social glass 
to the lips of the innocent and ignorant, of the 
fatal blow they are guilty of, are deserving the 
thousand curses they may get from some loved 
one who has somewhere laid him down to die, 
without a word of cheer to give or get from 
loved ones, caused by their influence of strong 
drink. How sad to think of a time shortly after 
being married to the man I asked God for, be- 
lieving him to be the one to lead me in the way 
of truth and righteousness, where I always want- 
ed to be. I was yet staying at home when the 
company of riflemen had an officers' muster. 
Joss and a cousin of his, but older than he, 
were regiment buglers, and the glass passed to 
them from all sides, for all drank then, young or 
old, yet they were not expected to get drunk. 
Joss came in the house to me and said he was 
drunk, he must lay down to get out of the way, 
or he would soon not be able to walk straight. 
I went to the bed-room with him, he embraced 
me, crying like a child, saying, "can you forgive 
me?" I said, "What is it you want to be for- 

14 



202 Autobiography of 

given of? what have you done?" "Don't you 
see, how I am? if you don't I feel it." I laughed, 
saying if it makes such a baby of you to drink a 
little too much, you had better watch. We were 
very busy at our house such days, I said, mother 
or father may want me, and I left. When I 
looked in the room afterwards he was fast asleep, 
and it troubled me no more then. 

I took my dollar, not caring what uncle said. 
I had some work for aunt to do in the house 
and could settle it, got things ready for them to 
start next morning, Tuesday. I gave him all I 
had in the house to eat, and we had 30 cents 
when he was gone. I said, till something, I think 
a little child's dress, was done, that must do us, 
with some of the coffee I kept, that I browned 
and ground for him to take out, milk we got 
every day a pint, so we had a loaf of bread and 
coffee that day, and the next day, in the after- 
noon. Joss came in with a bar of iron belonging 
to the machine. He laid right down to sleep. 
I had no chance to talk, nor would it have been 
of any use to try. I sat while the baby was 
sleeping, to hurry and get the work done which 
I had in hand, and did it. As the boys had a 
piece with them they did not come home until 
evening, when I sent the work and got 25 cents 
pay, but I wanted to show him how we lived 



Catherine Joss. 203 

when he was not here, did not get anything but 
the bread for the 10 cents. At supper I awak- 
ened him to eat, thinking he had slept long 
-enouofh and was sobered. 1 told him I crave him 
all to the country I was able to get. He knew 
not of my going to uncle's for money, I told him, 
.and that I had to save to pay it, that he would 
have to take what we had. We went to supper, 
he did not come. I said no more, all went on, 
when the children ran around a while they came 
in, the little ones were put to bed, the bigger 
boys got their lessons and went to bed. I asked 
Joss if he wanted anything to eat. He said, if 
we had nothing for ourselves we could have 
nothing for him, and talked as though there was 
no use for us to try to live, and would be just as 
well to put an end to our lives. So I feared, 
may be he was going crazy and perhaps had 
-brought the iron bar for that purpose. 

As we lived between the canal and river, and 
no house just so very near ours, I hid the iron bar 
until morning, then put it where he left it. He 
got up early, went to a blacksmith shop near us, 
got the other working irons being repaired there, 
we had breakfast, the boys went to school. I 
said, what am I to do? I told you we were liv- 
ing on 10 cents a day, and in order to have some- 
thing for that morning for him, had spent the 10 



204 Autobiography of 

cents to get something for breakfast. He said,, 
let's see what day is to-day. -I said Wednesday. 
He said, well, it is too long till Saturday, send 
George down to the American House and I will 
send a note in to Cain with Esch, to give George 
an order. Esch came with the wagon, loaded 
up the irons and they went to the farm. Next 
morning George went and got the order, which 
we did not use until Saturday, when the boys 
went and got provisions for the order. I got 
my money for the finished work, and when Joss 
came home he found all in order and plenty to 
live on just then. The well was finished and I 
suppose what the balance w^as, paid in money^ 
of which I saw none, nor was anything done, 
as Winter set in. But we were all brought 
through it, thank God! 

Spring came, and the time also that we could 
no longer stay between the canal and river, it 
must come to an end. In some respects I could 
not wish to change for one thing especially: it was 
then a long way from my place where Joss would 
be seen spending his evenings, he was always- 
found among the respectable gentlemen loafers, 
and often stayed at home when he would not, if 
he had some handy place to go to, and when 
sober and at home he could enjoy himself and 
make it pleasant as well as instructive for the 



Catherine Joss. 205 

children, they were very fond of singing and 
could sing; as I had my sewing, which was all 
done then by hand, I could help and while many 
hours away. The long Winter evenings spent 
in that way often enabled me to fancy as I know 
it, and if but fancy, nevertheless it is true, mem- 
ories cluster around that sacred spot that I could 
have never felt, had I not hearkened to the voice 
of duty before gain and worldly pleasure. It often 
appears, when I behold the affection of those 
that are left for each other, the interest taken by 
them in my welfare, it appears like the chime of 
the voices of all mingling with them that have 
gone to that better land. Having the assurance 
of my leading and trusting, we will be led to 
meet to praise Him who brought us home to all 
eternity. I expected to make our living by sew- 
ing, and my condition would not permit me by 
the long walks to reach the people I had to deal 
with, and the school-house was quite a distance, 
so the boys were often gone all day. I knew I 
should need their help more, I told Joss about it, 
he said he could easily sell, as there were always 
new comers. As our stove did well enough 
there, but was not fit to move, so we concluded 
to sell furniture and all together; it was not long 
till we had a chance to sell out, I went in search 
of a place to live, got one up stairs in the house 



2o6 Autobiography of 

of an old school-teacher living all by herself; we 
sold, and the first of the money paid out, Joss 
said I should take to the elder, as he had never 
paid it yet. I did, and was glad to tell him Joss 
sent it. We had nothing to move but clothing 
and bedding, a tub with some dishes and some 
books, all else was gone, as Joss had been doing 
well at staying at home pretty well, thought he 
would take an interest in getting what we needed. 
He said he had an hydraulic ram that was of na 
use to him, he would trade it for the cook stove 
and use the money to commence work again. 
All right, but we paid a month's rent and got 
some provisions in the house. But day after day 
passed, yet no stove nor furniture came. Joss gen- 
erally came in early in the afternoon, lay down 
on the bedding that lay on the floor, read papers 
until asleep, and after supper went again. If I 
asked for money I got it, and the woman was 
very kind in letting me use her kitchen, I could 
cook and bake, eat and sleep, about all we did, 
excepting daily to get the things we needed to 
keep house with. 

But days and a week had passed, when I asked 
him, how long this was to go on this way. He 
said I should get the furniture, could do it better 
than he could. He held a twenty dollar gold 
piece in his hand, saying, it's too late for you to 



Catherine Joss. 207 

go this afternoon, so I will see where I have 
something in view, if it is nothing, you can go 
to-morrow. He came home with nothing, and 
in the morningf he handed me fifteen dollars, 
saying it was all he had left, the house did not 
fetch much, it stood in what was to be a street, 
likely to be opened soon, the ground was not 
ours, I think it was between fifty and sixty 
dollars. I went to an auction room, got all I 
wanted for five dollars, we got all in order, but 
the stove did not come, it beino- Summer eot 
along, but the landlady said to him, she thought 
he looked too deep in the glass for his own and 
his family's good. It made him angry at her, 
said he would not live with such a woman that 
meddled in his affairs. So when the month was 
out we moved into a little house standing alone, 
a half square above us. I had done some 
work that paid the month's rent in the little 
house. 

Joss went off in the morning to get a dray, 
the stove, and come around and take the things 
to the house. I packed up ready to load, 
cleaned the rooms, then went up to clean the 
house, a German woman took my baby and 
heated water on her stove for me to clean with. 
The house was awful dirty and it was cold, rainy 
weather, but I got through all right, only the 



2o8 Autobiography of 

house was damp that night. No dray or stove 
came, I set a piece for the boys to eat on an old 
chair without a back I used to stand on to clean, 
went to carry some bedding up to put the chil- 
dren to bed, had a heavy load, when George, my 
oldest son, came to tell me that father was home 
and wanted to oret somethino- to eat, and threw 
the candle down, and not finding a match began 
to scold because things were not in order. My 
load, which was heavy, got light, I at least could 
hurry to the house, think the anger I felt 
strengthened me, for I got the light and carried 
up bedding enough to sleep that night. I sup- 
posed when the children were in bed he too would 
lie down and sleep, then I could go to fetch up 
what I wanted to stay there over Sunday, as it 
was Saturday night ; but he went to bed and 
made a great fuss about me working all day and 
all night too, said I should go to bed now, and in 
the mornino- we would tend to the thino^s. I 
knew there was no use to fuss with him, or he 
would do as he said, go off again. 

I went to bed; at day-break I got up, went to 
the other house, as I could ^o in threw bedding- 
and clothing out of the window, thought to carry 
it up, but Joss came and carried things I had 
down ; I then took down such things as we 
could carry, and got fairly moved by the time 



Catherine Joss. 209 

people were stirring around. We could make 
coffee on the German people's stove, lived over 
that Sunday, and Monday the German man, who 
had a one-horse wagon, moved the rest of our 
things down, all but the stove was in order, it 
lingered again as before, we had no stove. 

Joss took very sick with cholera, of which he 
had an attack in the other house. I took brandy, 
plenty of ginger and other ground spices, steeped 
them in the brandy, let it setde, poured off the clear 
liquor on a lump of loaf sugar, which he took in- 
wardly, and made a poultice to cover his stomach 
and bowels with ; it helped him, but he got a 
notion he must have brandy to keep it off during 
cholera time. I said, if you are cured with 
brandy by me, you will have to die this time. 
Then we had no fire in the house, had been 
keeping the pain down by putting hot plates on 
his bowels. I had some cholera medicine, but 
he would take none. Schirr, his partner, came 
to see why he was not down. When he heard 
about the brandy he got it and other things, it 
helped not. After a hard night for both him 
and myself, all of us took cold in that damp 
house, at day-break I started to his cousin's, 
asked to borrow five dollars, as I knew where to 
get a good second-hand stove for that. They 
gave me the money. I got the stove, and soon as 



2IO Autobiography of 

the house was comfortable we all felt better, but 
Joss took the old woman's cure for cholera. 

We were in that house one month, Joss 
thought it was not healthy, got a nice new house 
near the match factory, not near where I could 
get work handy yet, he paid a month's rent and 
we moved into it. It was nearer to a job in the 
country at a tavern where they boarded and 
were gone all week, I had quite a lot of sewing 
to do there for old customers, but when I got a 
letter stating I should go to uncle's for ten 
dollars mother ordered uncle to give me, when 
Joss read the letter he said, I should not take it 
if they could not . send more. I asked, how 
much? He said, a few hundred dollars, so he 
could do something. I told him he had some 
thousands from his father, and it did not reach to 
do much. It made him angry to refer to the 
past, and went off. Nothing was said about the 
ten dollars until one day, when lifting the wash- 
boiler off the stove, it slipped and I was pretty 
badly scalded ; there was no one there to do 
anything for me, I did my work as well as I 
could. 

When Joss came home at the end of the week, 
one limb was very sore. Monday he told Schirr 
he could not go to work on my account. I said, 
we better get a girl, it would not pay for him to 



Catherine Joss. 



21 I 



Stay home. He got one. When he was gone 
to work I sent aunt word I was scalded badly. 
Aunt came right over, though it was a long way 
from our house. I told her what I wanted for the 
ten dollars, and money enough to pay the girl one 
week's wages. She gave me the money for the 
girl and sent me the few dry goods I wanted, as 
well as a dray with flour and other groceries and 
provisions, but nothing was ever said about 
getting the things or money, neither did he ask 
how we lived. The month was again up, the 
man came for his rent, I said, my man was not 
at home and would not be till the latter part of the 
week. He said that would run into the month, 
but he guessed it would be all right. He came, 
met Joss outside, spoke to him, and on Monday 
we had to move. 

He got part of a house next to a brewery and 
by the red bridge. Setded rent for six months, 
likely some one owed him ; however, we packed 
up and waited till late in the afternoon for the 
dray, but none came. Our next neighbor in- 
vited us to supper, after which the German man 
with his one-horse wagon and a drayman came. 
It was dark by the time the things were put in 
the house, another German man was helping, he 
had a botde in his pocket of something to drink, 
all of them were none the better for what they 



2 1 2 Autobiography of 

had drank already. I wanted a bedstead put up, 
but the men went away and Joss could hardly 
wait till a bed could be made on the floor, we all 
went to bed. Next morning early we were at 
work, got the carpet laid, up stairs the beds up, 
one rear inside room we used to put everything 
in, to be out of the way, Joss got a load of wood, 
sawed and split it, the boys carried it in after 
school, their father piled it up, put up two barrels, 
one for kindling and shavings and one for ashes, 
also put up some shelves to set things on, every- 
thing was put in order as we went along, we had 
the stove up in the robm, the wood in its place, 
and when the carpet was down and all in order, 
with the stove in the sitting room so near the 
other room door that we could use the room 
inside as a kitchen. We were much pleased 
with our place, and it was quite a satisfaction we 
could hope to be settled for the Winter, not far 
from a school house, and handy to everything, 
being right in town. All went on well as long 
as I was around and could earn the greatest 
part of the necessaries of life. Sometimes we 
got an order, but we had nothing certain to 
depend on, but I had faith in God and myself as 
a Christian. The time came, however, when I 
must expect for a shorter or longer time to be 
settled. 



Catherine Joss. 213 

CHAPTER XII. 

DESTROYING A NOTE. 

A few days before Christmas I thought I 
had a good supper ready, something made of 
flour boiled Hke mush, then dropped on a pie- 
board, wet with water to cool, then fried in lard. 
I always thought they were good, because they 
were troublesome to make. Just as we were 
o-oing to the table Joss came in with a soup bone, 
said he wanted steak. I said, supper was ready, 
we could have that another time. He wanted 
it right now. I cut off what I could use any way 
at all, pounded it, but it was not tender, it made 
good gravy, and they enjoyed their supper. I 
was sick and could not eat. Joss made some 
remarks of it being tough, I had not tried to 
cook it right. I cried. He said nothing more, 
but soon went to bed. As soon as I could get 
the children out of the way, I also went to bed, 
was sick all night, in and out of bed. It was 
raining in the evening, but it had frozen hard, 
everything was a glare of ice. At three o'clock 
I wakened Joss, which was not easy done, I 
feared he would amount to nothing out of such a 



214 Autohiograiiliy of 

sleep, and sure enough, when I said I wanted 
him to go for a friend not far off, he said it must 
be most dayHght, as there is Hght in the brewery. 
I told him to get up, he did and went out to go, 
when the woman next door went out and fell on 
the ice. He helped her in, said he thought her 
limb was broken and must wait till day-break. 
At least by the time he got off and came back 
with the woman it was daylight and just in time 
to tend to a new-born babe. The woman was 
frightened, and as I thought too nervous to wash 
and dress the child. In the afternoon I told Joss 
to get a chair ready for me to sit in, and that I 
wanted to dress the child over, then I wanted 
him to tighten the ropes in my bed so I could 
rest better. I got up and to work attending to 
the baby, when he threw himself on the bed. I 
said, don't lie down, fix my bed, for I can't stay 
up a bit longer than I must, and you will go to 
sleep. Pie said, no danger. I did my work, 
called him, but he did not answer. Whether I 
Avas unconscious I know not, but with my baby 
on my lap I sat in the chair, our little three year 
old girl said, when she saw me awake, that she 
was as still as she could be, so as not to awaken 
us, as we were all asleep. I woke him up, but 
he was out of humor. I told him I could not 
help him, he must make my bed and tighten the 



Catherine Joss. 2 1 5 

ropes; but he threw off the bed clothes, shook 
all, the straw in the tick up on a pile in the 
middle, which would sink down when I should 
get in, he said. 

I went to bed and had a painful night of it. 
They all slept; I called to him, but he did not 
hear, but said the next day when aunt came over, 
I was crazy in the night, wanted him to get up 
and make some camomile tea for me. I did tell 
him so, and that I was suffering with pain, but 
he made no reply that I heard, and most likely 
had taken a good drink of whiskey, which he 
sent George for, as next day he put the soup- 
bone over to cook with rice, fixed some of it for 
me with raisins, sugar and whiskey, which I could 
not eat. He set the bowl on a chair and told 
the children to eat it; they did, but could hardly 
do it. I was sorry for them, but could not say 
so; as there were four of them, I said it was not 
much, each should take what they could. 

The German woman I sent for came, I had 
her and Joss put the bed aright by tightening 
the ropes, which were quite loose, then I could 
rest when in bed. But the second day was the 
last to lie in bed, the next I got up, took some 
flour I had yet of what we got for the ten dollars 
from home, as well as groceries aunt got me for 
that money, I sent the flour up to cousin Mar- 



2 1 6 Autobiography of 

garet Joss to bake me some bread; aunt had 
brought me a nice piece of pickled pork and 
some beans before I got sick, I put that on to 
cook. After breakfast I did as best I could with 
the two little ones at home, the boys were at 
school. I felt better when all were gone, it was 
more quiet, I could sit in an easy chair and rest 
when the baby rested. Joss did not want me to 
get up, thought he was doing all he could and I 
was only contrary. At noon I had dinner ready, 
but no bread, perhaps that being the one thing 
needful, I did it to try him, as I sometimes did, 
but as usual said nothing ; as we had potatoes 
they could get along with the pork and beans. 
I think I could have got anything I wanted, but 
thought it should have concerned him at that 
time. But so it was when he was drinking, it 
made him careless of anything. He did not get 
drunk to stagger or raise a row with any one 
but me. I could have it, if I tried, as I did 
once, not to try him, because I was mad at 
another drunkard, one from Ohio that we always 
knew, I got a slap in my face so as to blacken 
my eyes. 

I ate some and said, my appetite was good, I 
could eat more if I had what I dare take, but 
feared this dinner was not good for me without 
bread; he said nothing. I got up from the table, 



Catherine Joss. 2 1 7 

put wood in the stove, said this is the last stick, 
I thought you went for wood this morning-. He 
said he did not see the man, went away again, 
the boys to school, when the dinner was cleared 
away, I fixed my chair to wrap myself up so as 
not to take cold; the little girl was standing at a 
front window and the baby asleep on a pillow 
put on two chairs, the fire had gone out, but the 
house was very comfortable, so the room did 
not get very cold when shut up. I think it was 
Christmas-day, the day before aunt was there 
and gave the little girl fifty cents for Christmas, 
the boys having been somewhere, not at school, 
perhaps at Joss's, as the bread was brought 
home from there just after dinner, and they were 
gone again and cannot think of them being 
around till evening. Well, after a little while 
Joss came in with a man from the country, who 
had lived in the city when we were in the hotel, 
was constable and often at our house. A Swiss 
man came and opened a hotel in our street with 
a splendid sign of William Tell. He was not a 
young man, nor his wife a young woman, but 
both were fond of drink, and some great rows 
occurred between the Dutch and Irish, so it was 
not long till they quit. I suppose Joss's national 
pride for his native country stirred him up to 
buy the sign at forty dollars, he wanted to put it 
15 



2 1 8 Autobiography of 

up, I opposed, so he put it away for the present. 
Soon after these people moved to Gilbentown, 
far from us. Some one saw them coming. Joss 
was not there, so I locked up the house and 
bolted the window shutters. They stood outside 
and abused me in their own language, said they 
wanted the pay or the sign. While I was talk- 
ing so they could hear me in front, they were 
there, some one took the sign and shoved it out 
of a window around the corner at the other side 
of the house. I told them to go around and get 
it; they said, all right, we got both now, the note 
is good for what the sign is worth. They went 
off with their load on a dray, and we opened 
the house again. 

Wh-en Joss came home I told him, asked if he 
eave the man a note. He said he had siijned 
somethinof to that effect. Nothinof more was 
said after he had told me, by such things I 
would disgrace the house more than the sien 
could do, it was not what the sign could do, but 
the reputation of the house those people kept. 
It occurred to my mind to go and see them. 
Next morning I went to this constable's house, 
told him all about it, and may be if he Avould go 
with me we could get it settled somehow with 
less than the note called for, since he took the 
sicrn Aviili him. We went, the constable talked 



Catherine Joss. 219 

to the man, I to the woman, told her we did not 
want to change the sign, it would make the 
people think some one else lived there. The 
constable asked the man, if he was sure it was 
such a note as could be collected by law. He 
told his wife to bring the note. She did. They 
stood near the open door, I snatched it out of 
the man's hand and ran off with it, he and the 
constable overtook me around the corner on the 
next square. I had put it in my glove, expect- 
ing that they would follow, and the first thing 
the woman would do would be to search my 
pockets; but only the man came after me, took 
hold of me, depended on me giving him the 
paper, the constable told him he dare not try to 
take it from me if I did not give it to him, but 
lie could sue me and get it. 

I got the note and destroyed it, but how Joss 
settled with them is hard to tell, I thought they 
were satisfied somehow, for they never troubled 
us and patronized our bar, but the constable was 
a friend to me then, and I was glad to see him, 
when he came in with Joss he had a basket with 
a kind of Winter cabbage. Joss asked me if I 
knew how to cook it, I said yes. The house 
was not warm, he went in the room where the 
wood was kept, broke some staves off the ash 
barrel, got a handful of shavings out of the 



2 20 Autobiography of 

shavinsf barrel and soon we had a warm stove 
and warm room. Joss emptied the basket, as 
there was bread and a small roll of butter on the 
shelf, he brought it out and a loaf of bread, and 
told the man to help himself. He did, and in a 
short time went away. 

Joss laid down by the stove, and slept when 
the boys came in. I wrote a note, sent it to 
Peter to come to our house and keep the boys 
there for supper, that's the way the boys were 
out till late, Joss woke up, went to the brewery 
for a few sticks of cord wood and was sawing it 
when Peter came, and Joss having some wood 
split fetched it in, got the fire started and sat 
down. Peter was surprised to find me up, I had 
just gone to the table to get the litde girl a piece 
of bread and butter, was going to eat some my- 
self, when Peter said I should go to bed, he did 
not want to see me there, and said, what a cold 
house you have too. I left them and went up 
•stairs. Joss said I was to blame, that he could 
do nothing right for me; but Peter told him it 
seemed he did not want to provide for his family, 
but leave them for others to do so. He said,, 
how can I with hands and feet tied, without a bit 
of money to do anything with, and he would cut 
his throat rather than work at laboring for others 
in Milwaukee. Then go among strangers, said 



Catherine Joss. 221 

Peter. He said he could not even do that for 
want of means to get off. He was then offered 
the money if he found out what he needed. Six 
dollars, was his reply. You shall have it, said 
Peter, if you go, there is no reason why you 
should not go and make money, when others do. 
They went off, but Joss only cut the rest of the 
wood, brought it in, got some coffee for his 
supper, I drank some, the boys came home, we 
all went to bed, we talked it over and thought -it 
best to go, as he could do nothing in Milwaukee 
for the Winter. I asked him how much the ma- 
chine was worth? He said, between brothers it 
was worth three hundred dollars. Some of the 
Schirr's boys were a help to the family, folding 
and carrying papers, but if they ever did any- 
thing with the machine I don't know. 

In the morning Joss went over to a shoe- 
maker that owed us, got his shoes soled, came 
home and went to Schirr's ; how they arranged 
things I don't know, but one thing is certain, the 
machine was left in his care to work with it if he 
could, but that Winter nothing could be done. 
After dinner he went out. and came in brineino- 
some candles and a codfish, all worth a quarter. 
Then a man was unloading wood and one waiting 
to saw it. He gave me four dollars, told me to 
pay the man for the wood and the other for the 



222 Autobiogra])hy of 

sawing, and went up stairs and lay down. 
There were some women in waiting for the malt 
at the brewery, when they were gone I went up 
stairs, having heard paper rattle, he was reading 
one, the other he had read, one was from our 
son George from his cousin, the other from my 
brother, with five dollars in for me for Christmas. 
He said he did. not want to say anything about it 
before those women, and he got the money 
changed at a place where he could get nothing 
but what he did get; but I said nothing about 
the seventy-five cents, of course he treated with 
that. I paid the wood, one dollar, eighteen cents 
for sawing, he was going to split it himself, but 
the man said, for a sixpence more he would split 
it. I consented, and when the boys came I had 
them carry it in. When he woke up he came 
down saying, they made as much noise as half 
a dozen young devils. I suppose, seeing me 
sitting there with the door open and was silent, 
he thought I helped them. I wanted him to split 
some chunks the man had left, but he said we 
could burn them, carried them in and laid them 
behind the stove. 

We had supper, he went to Peter, got the six 
dollars, came and packed his carpet-bag, I gave 
him what I had left of the five dollars, and the 
fifty cents aunt gave Millie for Christmas. He 



Catherine Joss. 223 

got up and started at four in the morning, and 
while I sat alone with my two little girls, and the 
three boys at school, I was thinking what to do 
for the best. Hope never left me, but many 
times it was hope against hope, and the wrongs 
of tribulation working experience, I had proved 
patient, faith gave hope, and hope maketh not 
ashamed. I knew we need not suffer want, 
always got if we needed, but with what reproof 
and unreasonable admonition! And if it were 
not for God's grace, how could I exist? I had 
resolved to go to uncle; knowing my parents 
would not leave me suffer if we could not help 
ourselves, and would only make it worse, than 
if I applied to them at once. In the midst of such 
thoughts Joss came in and made for the stairs. 
I asked, why he was back again? He said, are 
you afraid I won't go? He reached the top of 
the stairs and fell heavily on the bed. I felt sure 
the money was all spent, but I trusted, and as I 
had resolved to take things as they would come, 
somehow it doesn't seem that it was so hard for 
me to have trouble as most folks take it, there- 
fore I thought God loved me more than any one, 
being better qualified to serve Him. When 
near time for the boys to come home I went up 
and awakened him, asked what I should do now 
that he was back ; I had given him all the money 



224 Aiitobiograjjhy of 

in the house. He said I could have it again; he 
hunted in his pockets, and could only find a 
twenty-two cent piece. He said, I must have 
taken it out while he slept. I asked him, if the 
six dollars were gone. He said no, that was in 
his pocket book. 

The boys came, I sent for something, don't 
know what, but had the codfish to soak, cooked 
it and also potatoes, and had strong coffee for 
supper, that, I think, sobered him quite, as he and 
the children enjoyed themselves, while I cleared 
away the supper dishes, but solemn to me, and 
no doubt to him too, we had some of our old 
songs, in which every child that could, and the 
three boys could, as well as the litde girl tried, 
sitdng on her papa's lap ; but the boys had their 
part and could sing, all joined for the last time 
in this world. 

Joss being at home that night, there was hap- 
piness among the children, who always enjoyed 
his society when he felt disposed to be one 
amonof them. When the children were in bed 
and father had once more kissed them all good 
night, as he had something to do up stairs 
before they slept, I listened to good resolutions 
with as sound logic as could be. We sang some 
of our sentimental songs of yore, and truly felt 
that 



Catherine Joss. 225 

"Although life's zeal its discord flings 

O'er life's enchanted strain, 
Let love but gently touch the strings, 

'T will all be sweet again," 

and my determination was firmer than ever to be 
faithful to the end, trusting and hoping, all would 
be well in the end. 

Next morning at four o'clock he left us, I 
believe with a sincere determination to watch 
and pray. When he went to take the stao-e the 
day before, he met this gang that were going to 
Chicago with a load of beer next morning; they 
asked him to wait and go along, that caused him 
to stay and drink; the night before he was sorry 
he did not go with the stage, as the chance for 
drinking was good everywhere. They stopped 
to deliver beer, yet we both thought we would 
not have that evening to remember in our life, 
yet not thinking that that was the breaking up 
of our happy home, but hoped it to be the means 
of establishing it, though for a while we expected 
to venture and endure any hardships to accumu- 
late enough to establish ourselves again, where 
we could be together again to enjoy the blessino-s 
of home and bring up our dear ones in the fear 
of the Lord. 

While a thousand thoughts revolved in my 
breast, as one question after the another pre- 



226 Autobiographij of 

sented itself to my mind, yet after that last night, 
I could say, I can't subject myself and children 
to such as don't see the need of living for God, 
seek His kingdom and His righteousness, trust- 
ing for all else needful to be added, and as we 
had all the power of affection, been singing, "We 
have lived and loved together through many 
changing scenes," we both could speak of long 
love that time could never change. I saw as 
much misery among my own people, only of 
other descriptions, caused by drink, as I ever 
had, all the difference was, they prospered in 
business, and many accumulated wealth by toil 
and depriving themselves of the necessaries of 
life, to have it said they were industrious and 
saving, had something to save for their children. 
I was past bothering about future gain, though 
we hoped there might be a turning point, trust- 
ing God to bless our endeavors and give the 
increase to our resolutions formed anew, to strive 
not for riches, only for a humble home and a way 
of making a living, and it devolved on me to put 
forth the right effort and in the right way. Al- 
ready my faith in God was increased, as I did 
strive to think his comino- back was for some 
purpose, which I had to await the result, till a 
suitable time; then to believe the money all 
gone, where could I turn to now in my condition. 



Catherine Joss. 227 

how could I earn daily bread? But that last 
evening for the last time all together in what we 
called a home, though unknown to us, as we ex- 
pected to gain a home, but like always when 
pleading and planning I was no wiser, only as I 
did all prayerfully below, the Lord led as well as 
comforted me. 

That day nothing was done. I thought of a 
friend, he and his sons waited on the table at 
the American House, they were our neighbors 
in former days. I sent George to ask him if he 
could not come to see me. He came; I asked 
him, if he thought I could get some kind of work 
at the American House to bring home to do for 
them, and likely if I put a basket there to get 
scraps from the table. He said yes, but I could 
not do anything now; he said they could give 
me sewinor when I was able to do it. He eave 
me three dollars, the price of making six shirts, 
for which his folks would brino- the eoods and I 
should take my time to make them, and if 
George came over he would speak to Mrs. Kane 
about clothing, they had a small room filled with 
clothing left there, some a long time, I could 
make clothes for the boys. George went right 
back with him, brought a bundle he could hardly 
carry of good cloth clothing; a boy living near 
us that went to school with our boys went with 



228 Autobiography of 

him and helped him carry, he told his father, who 
came immediately, he was a Swiss and acquainted 
with the cousins there, said what the boy had 
said about us, and he thought if I wanted cloth- 
ing- he would make them for me. I said I would 
rip them, he said not, so long as I was not able, 
and they would do anything they could for me, I 
should only tell them. 

He asked why"! had those great chunks of 
wood there in the room. I told him; he carried 
them out and split them, so I could burn them. 
I could easily notice that he was a Christian, but 
thought, as he knew Peter and Fred, he too was 
a Methodist, as I had been to their meeting when 
we lived between the canal and river, and liked 
the people, but as I also was a Christian, I must 
not fall from the faith, and get too intimate with 
those people, or I might be led astray. In the 
eveninof a woman came to see me, introduced 
herself as Sister, saying she heard of me through 
their tailor, and she came, but "Silver and gold 
I have not, but such as I have I give," a word 
of consolation out of God's word is sometimes 
better than gold, and her own experience of 
God's leading her and hers, gave me a great 
increase of faith in God's ability to do for us if 
we could all be as good as that woman was, I 
thought; but my ignorance, I thought, excused 



Catherine Joss. 229 

me in the sight of God, He knew me and would 
not require so much of me, but I wanted to do 
the best I could to follow Jesus. 



'Tis not for riches nor for honor, 
Father, that I cry to Thee ; 

If I possessed each earthly charmer, 
Without God how poor I'd be ! 

That m}' days be passed in gladness, 
This is not my heart's desire ; 

Send me joy or send me sadness, 
So that I may never tire. 

Striving to be more like Jesus, 
Meek and lowly, pure in heart, 

Joy to know in every station, 
We may here some good impart. 

Who can fill this heart's desire ? 

None, our Father, none but Thee. 
For Jesus' sake still raise us higher. 

That we here may useful be. 



230 Autobiography of 



CHAPTER XIII. 

god's grace sufficient to inspire with 
trust and hope. 

I had a letter from one of my sisters at home, 
she censured me for leaving a home of plenty 
to stay with a man that cared not for his family, 
and I need not think they would turn a hand for 
me unless I agreed to leave him and come and 
stay with them, to share with them the joys and 
sorrows of life, and my children would be cared 
for. I told her I had been there, but my hus- 
band got hurt and I would not stay, that it never 
was my intention to stay always, as they all 
drank strong drink, and often got too much, and 
I feared to raise my children there. She asked 
me what kind of people mine were? Surely no 
Christians, I said, yes. Then they don't read 
their Bible or they would not want to separate 
man and wife, neither sword nor pestilence, 
nothing but the grave can separate them, and 
how can you tell if you are a Christian, unless 
you endure to the end? If he be willing to live 
with you, if you can gain him to come on the 
right side, she said, you are right, you must 
leave father and mother and cling to your hus- 



Catherine Joss. 231 

band. She was with me till a late hour, prayed 
with me, the children had gone to bed. In the 
morning I felt like doing better than I had done, 
so we had prayer. After breakfast I opened the 
Testament where I read that God will hear if we 
call on him, and while we yet speak He will 
answer. It was Saturday, Will's shoes needed 
new soles, I sent him to the shoemaker who 
■owed us, and to ask if he would make John a 
pair; his were too small. This Sister had noticed 
the boys talk of their shoes, she came in that 
mornino- with a basket, filled a small sack of 
flour and left some apples for the children, and 
said, she noticed the boys saying their shoes 
were torn, and that they had a good shoemaker 
to do their work, she would like to have them 
mended. I said we had a man that owed us, 
one boy was gone there, and the other one must 
have a new pair, as his were too small. Then 
she said, he will go with me and I get him a pair. 
Just then Will came in, saying the man was on a 
drunk and no telling when he would get them, 
and as he must have them he thought better to 
bring them again. She took both the boys with 
her, John got a new pair and Will got his soled. 
By this time the word was out that my husband 
had left me, but thank God, though uncle and 
aunt came to see, as well as others, I was glad 



232 Autohiografliy of 

to tell them that he was gone to work on the 
railroad, and uncle told me to send over for any- 
thing I wanted. They were very good and often 
sent or brought something over, but I had no 
need to call on them. 

Uncle was doinor well while he had a wife to 
take care of things when he got on a spree, as 
he went wild; though she had much to endure 
she was well provided for, and she knew how to 
manage. With all the sprees and drinking he 
got to be a rich man, died and left his two sons 
established in a large watchmaking and jewelry 
establishment. 

Peter Joss came to my house about that time 
with a barrel of flour and a large trout, handed 
me the letter he got from Joss's brother, who 
told him to appropriate the five dollars enclosed 
to something useful for us on Christmas, so he 
had brought a barrel of flour, though Fred did 
not know that John was gone, or he would have 
sent it to me, but that was all right. 1 thanked 
him all the same. 

Mr. Deralf from the American House came to 
see if George could come there to be bell-boy, 
he was not eleven years old yet, but he went; 
the boy that was there carried a letter containing 
money and stole it, so he was discharged. They 
were getting him a new suit of clothes, shoes 



Catherine Joss. 233 

and cap; they just fitted George, and they gave 
them to him, besides his wages and board. We 
put a basket there, got the nicest kind of victuals, 
and the tailor made splendid suits for the younger 
boys, and I fear I was at that time not grateful 
enough. One thing I know, I did not acknowl- 
edge the giver by coming out boldly on the 
Lord's side, though I believed with the heart, I 
did not make confession unto salvation. 

The time was about up in that house and I 
could take the washing for the American House 
if I moved over there, it was very low and 
marshy where we moved to, but my health as 
well as the children's had been good during the 
Winter, and George had been there and did not 
get sick, so I moved. 

I took the washing, it was quite an item in those 

days when people could not travel so fast and 

had often to lie over several days, and there 

were no laundries where the boarders could have 

their washing done. I had one woman all the time, 

and sometimes engaged two, and with George's 

help we got along nicely. Joss had not sent any 

money, and came to Milwaukee to get men to 

work, as I thought for some contractor; he asked 

me how we got along. We were making a 

living; he said he had some money but he was 

to fetch thirty men with him to work, and to get 
16 



2 34 Autobiography of 

them he had to hunt them up where they loafed, 
and that meant treat, but he would get it all back 
again and v/ould send me money to live on, the 
work then went on nicely. He had one man 
with him, and I had to board him while they 
stayed. 

I was in at uncle's after he was gone, when 
uncle was on a spree; he asked me how much 
money Joss left me. I said none, he had to 
have it to take the men along he got, and it was 
awful, if it was true, for Joss to spend so much 
money and have such a good time, while we 
were in such needy circumstances. But I did 
not believe it, and aunt said, you take it all very 
lightly, but if uncle is drunk he speaks the truth, 
and I tell you now, never to come to us for help, 
if you want to help such a fellow. How glad I 
was that he came back after he started. The 
memory of that evening enabled us all to feel as 
we should toward him, though he went astray 
and was breaking his resolution, I must be firm 
to claim the promises I often got, but I hoped, 
though my folks and even his cousins had no 
hope of his ever doing any better. 

The children all got sick, George got sick and 
had to come home; I had to give up the washing. 
I wrote our condition to Joss, he wrote he would 
send money, but it came not. I could trade ar- 



Catherine Joss. 235 

tides of furniture for the rent, provisions we got 
enough from the American House, the people 
there were very kind to us, and I was far away 
from any of our former friends, except Deralfs, 
and they were not acquainted with our folks. 
But I had to get out of that house, we could not 
get well there. A woman that came to the 
owners' of the house where we lived, said, her 
husband was o-one off to work and she had two 
rooms, she would let me have one and I could 
use her things. 

But before we moved I wrote to Joss to advise 
me what to do. He said he would come and 
get us; so- we stayed and got provisions enough 
from the American House and I could trade off 
some furniture for the rent, but all were sick 
except I. But neither Joss nor money came. 
At last a woman that lived up in the hilly part of 
the town and whose man was also gone to try to 
make money, and who had two rooms in a half 
story house, said she would let me have one 
room and the use of some furniture for my 
dishes, I don't know if we got board or not, but 
from there I wrote, and he came before our 
time was up. He could not find us the first day, 
but the next he came, saying, in half an hour we 
were to be on a propeller, to take us near to a 
real Yankee and temperance place. We had not 



236 Autobiography of 

many things, got all on one dray. The baggage 
was on the pier when we got there, and they 
said the boat was not going out for an hour, so 
he and Schirr went back to the city. A flag of 
distress was hoisted out in the lake, when the 
whistle blew. George said, what will we do 
about our things on the pier? father is not here. 
He asked some dock hands to get the things on, 
which they did, when Joss came running and just 
got aboard with a package of crackers and a 
bottle of brandy. We started toward a wreck, 
that had the masts broken off by a storm, the 
riesrines were floatino- around the ship all like 
tied together. Four men of the wrecked ship 
were drowned. Our men helped them get the 
riggings loose, which were then fastened to our 
boat and taken to the Michigan side, but for 
some reason did not land it, but took it to 
Chicago, which lasted a long while. 

We were days and nights on the boat, not 
prepared for it, expecting to last only a few 
hours. But we landed safe. Joss left the boat 
in a hurry, all the people were leaving; he re- 
turned with two men, introduced them as my 
countrymen, as my father was a Wurtemberger. 
I said nothing. He said, that is the way with 
you Schwaben, you don't speak, if .you don't 
want to. They went away, no one was in the 



Catherine Joss. 237 

steerage but us, the hands came In to clean out, 
helped us on the bow of the boat with what we 
had, Joss came with an invitation to go to Wolf's 
for dinner, they asked if we were the people that 
moved from Milwaukee. I said no, I'll eo to no 
grogshop. He said, then you can stay here. 
I said, give me money and I'll go to Aurora. 
He handed me his pocket-book and went away. 
I sent George to find out the depot we had to go 
to for to get the right car, it was not far, we got 
a dray, the drayman knew and took us there, and 
unloaded our thinors outside the tracks. We o-ot 
our dinner at a hotel, went out, found Joss and 
three men, one my brother-in-law's brother, 
whom he met in Chicago penniless and most 
starved. He told me the baggage must be 
shipped as freight before we could start. 

I gave him the pocket-book, we entered the 
second class car, I took a rocking chair with me, 
as there were only long benches to sit on, sup- 
posing all would be made right with the tickets, 
they all came on board, lay down and slept all 
the way. Not many, If any, were on that car, 
as I remember of plenty room In it, and when 
near the place, a distance of forty-five miles, the 
conductor came for the tickets, the three men 
had tickets, which I thought Joss got fo-r them, 
and when he wanted to pay the conductor he 



238 Autobiography of 

had not enough to pay by 25 cents, and was all 
confused out of such a sleep, as he had slept only 
a short time. I went and asked what the trouble 
was. He said, never mind, it is all right, and 
went on. We landed safe among hundreds of 
people. 

There was not a place to stop in the town 
except the Empire House and the Temperance 
Hotel, but Joss went to a German employed at 
the station, whom he knew, who took us to the 
house where he boarded. They were crowded 
with regular boarders, but the woman took us 
into their room, where we made a bed of our 
own bedding on the floor. He told me he had 
a house, but because we were not there the day 
he said, it was rented to some one else. It 
lingered a few days, I told Joss's friend we could 
not impose upon these people, and I believed it 
was because he had no money that he did not 
get a place to go into, but he should not tell 
him what I said, but try to find out of him if 
that is not the reason. He did, and that Satur- 
day evening we moved into a small house in a 
yard between the dwelling and store of the man 
that owned it; but the man said, it was only for 
our own use, and told Joss we could get any- 
thing- we wanted till he came in from his work. 
I don't know where the men were at night, but 



Catherine Joss. 239 

they had their meals where we did. On Sunday 
morning they came to our house for breakfast. 

Our stove-pipe and pots had remained on the 
pier in Milwaukee in the hurry. I had the pans 
in the oven, the tea-kettle on top of the stove. 
We bought pipe, and thought the flue was on the 
pipe hole, as the up stairs was unfinished, so we 
could not make fire, when we found it not so, 
but a little away from the pipe. 

The woman where we stopped gave me a large 
loaf of bread, a basket with potatoes and flour, 
and told me I must get- what I wanted that 
evening, as I could not get in the next day, as 
one could not buy a smoke-pipe or a cigar in 
town on Sunday, every place had to be closed; 
if opened at all, they were fined. Drink was 
not sold at any place, except at the drug store, 
but only for medical purposes, and the druggist 
was one of the worst temperance fools. They 
had trouble to get the least bit of spirits, if they 
needed it ever so bad. 

So my men were all sobered up and anxious 
to get to work out 30 miles on the prairie, where 
Joss had a contract, and where he took all the 
men that he picked up, more for company than 
for gain, as some of them never worked at such 
work as was there, and my sister's husband's 
brother, beino- the son of a rich brewer in Ger- 



240 Aiitobiograyhy of 

many, was only fit to boss at one time. But his 
father had died and they had their fortune, be- 
sides he married a widow of a brewer with 
wealth, but all was gone, and he was a sot, and 
not fit for anything but to loaf. 

I got a bucket at a store Saturday night, some 
cups and saucers, coffee, sugar, butter, eggs and 
crackers, but when morning came I could make 
no fire, so we all ate of what we had with milk, 
as a milkman came around early in the morning. 
I told Joss to get off with these men, that I 
could get along with the children alone. I gave 
them the bread that we had left, the crackers we 
kept, but they were all and the children hungry 
by night. The boys had picked up some chips 
for fire in the morning. Will said he would 
watch the sparks at the pipe if I got something 
to eat; we had milk, eggs, flour and butter, so 
we soon had pancakes, which we all thought a 
good supper, made our beds on the floor on the 
carpet doubled up for a tick with feather-bed on, 
we had the crib-cradle for the baby, so we all 
rested and I can't think of being in much trouble, 
if any. Surely, God's grace was sufficient to 
inspire me with trust and hope. 

As soon as we were up George went to where 
they gave out work, but they asked him some 
questions as to what his father did and where he. 



Catherine Joss. 241 

was, but had plenty help at present. He came 
back and said, he did not believe we would be 
trusted in this town, as they looked at rail- 
roaders like thieves, and we would not get any 
sewing to do. I went over to Mrs. Weirich and 
told her; she said, take boarders. I asked how, 
as I had no furniture. She said, when Pete 
came to dinner she would tell him. He and 
another man came over after dinner. Pete said, 
he had given Joss a twenty dollar piece, that he 
gave him five back when he left, that he had 
another whole dollar, which made six. Reber, 
the man with him, said that would just get chairs 
and table, then he could send me a load of straw 
to fill ticks to put upon the floor, where the men 
would be glad to sleep. I said, I had bedding 
enough with straw to make them good beds; 
they had to go. Pete said, in a few days will 
be pay-day, then I can give you more. I said, 
I would see it paid. He said he knew Joss well 
enough, if he had it I should have it. Now, he 
was to send me six men to board. I had told 
him that I could get provisions out of the store, 
George went and got table and chairs for five 
dollars, so I could get the pipe and some plates, 
the straw man was to wait for the pay he came 
and I got my beds made up on the floor, put 
down the carpet in the front room, where there 



242 Autobiography of 

was a recess for a bed. I had no curtain for it, 
but set the big box our things were packed in, 
in sideways, put sheets around it, made a shelf 
inside, so we could pile all we needed out of the. 
road, as our bed on the floor at night had to be 
packed away in the day-time, we could put it in 
below the shelf, with the curtain around and a 
table-cover on top, which looked well enough. 
My carpet was brussels and very thick, though 
it showed the wear, it was serviceable. I had 
curtains, so the room made a good appearance. 
The kitchen had a pantry under the stairs with 
shelves. I had a store-box for a kitchen table, 
got the loan of an iron pot from a woman that 
lived in the other little house in the same yard. 
I felt all right, expecting my men any time in 
the evening. Pete came to see if I was ready. 
As George took him through the house he was 
pleased, said he would send the right kind of 
men. 

Early in the morning there came twelve men, 
I could not keep them all, the milkman lived not 
far from us, he said he would take six, so they 
divided themselves, my men came in, put what 
they had up stairs, and went to work. I went 
to the store to get some provisions, when the 
man told me straiofht out he did not want his 
house run down with railroaders, that it was un- 



Catherine Joss. 243 

derstood between Mr. Joss and him it was only 
for his family. I asked him what harm it would 
do if the property was not injured. He did not 
think it necessary to explain anything-, only he 
could not have it, and if I got a house he would 
pay me the rent due me; if not, he had to allow 
us there for the month, but no longer. I don't 
remember of despairing or even fretting, but had 
imagined the Yankees more accommodating. I 
did not ask for provisions, but went to Mrs. 
Weirich, who was ordering the meat she wanted 
for dinner, she told the butcher to give me what 
I wanted, then she gave me an English shilling- 
(22 cents) to get bread. When I got home 
the boys had gathered wood and chips and a lot 
of mushred greens, had pealed the potatoes, the 
fire was soon lit and the roast of pork in the 
oven, water on in the pot to scald the greens, 
and the kettle filled with water, the boys picked 
the greens, while I mopped the floor in the only 
bucket we had, cleaned it out and got clean 
water in it to drink, in time put the potatoes in 
with the pork, scalded the greens, made some 
drop dumplings of wheat flour and the egg we 
had, and the greens seasoned with some of the 
pork drippings were splendid, the men came to 
their first meal and were much pleased with their 
boarding place, and I was no less disappointed 



244 Autobiography of 

to think I could not keep them, than I knew 
they would be when I should tell them. I did 
not know how to get at it, but as my custom was 
to ask I did venture when they were about to 
rise from the table. I said, I must tell them 
something, and related it to them as it was. 
They all went out and talked in the yard; four 
went away, two of the oldest of them came in and 
said, if my case was as I said, I needed them as 
much as they me. They were Hollanders, came 
from Michigan to lay ties with their boss, they 
had no money, but came to earn some and send 
it to their families, and they could not be better 
suited, as they cared not to be mixed up in a 
tent along the road with every kind of people, 
but would tell the boss he must advance the pay 
if needed. He came and gave me twenty dollars, 
saying, just tell the boys when you need more. 

I began to look out for a house, got one oppo- 
site the station, and before my month was half 
up we moved into two large rooms in the front 
of a house. George and I built a shanty for the 
stove, and what we needed to cook was in the 
corner of a little front yard, the fence served with 
a few boards nailed on for two sides and the 
house for the high side, so I had only to get 
boards for the roof. The one side was open, a 
bench along the fence inside for the men to wash, 



Catherine Joss. 245 

which would be at the time the trains came in, all 
passed our door. As the board-sidewalk was on 
the outside, and I could get all the extra meals 
I could beside my regular ones, I had the street 
men to board and soon paid off the money from 
Peter in board; he and his brother stopped with 
us, and I never had to ask for help in Aurora 
again. I put five beds on the floor in one room, 
in the other with a recess, got a curtain to it, we 
put our beds, clothing and all in behind the 
curtain in the day, and at night put a bed out in 
the room on the floor. 

The boys went to the Presbyterian Sunday- 
school, the teacher asked them if they had not 
just come, and where from; he told him. He 
asked if they had all the furniture they needed? 
George told him his father had a job out on the 
road, but we would get along till he got through. 
The man came to see us, I told him the same 
thing, but he looked at my beds on the floor and 
asked, if there was one behind the curtain. I 
said yes. He marked them down, six bedsteads. 
I told him I could not get them; he said I 
needed them, and they get them up cheap for 
such purposes, and would wait till the people 
could pay. The children came in, the baby was 
six months old. He said, I needed a cab for the 
baby and asked where we dealt. I told him; he 



246 Autohiograjphy of 

said, it would be handy for the boys to get things 
over there. He went away, came back with a 
dray loaded with bedsteads, a table, a stand, a set 
of chairs, and the cab, v/hich was indeed useful. 
While we were fairly fixed up, I can't say how 
much, but all the cost I often thought was not 
worth doing without, when so much needed, as 
the man said. All went on well, but about the 
fourth of July, or rather the first, the work 
stopped for a week, many went home, or off on 
a spree, as they could take none there, our men 
laying ties had to go out along the road, too far 
to come in. For some reason, in June there was 
no pay. Some said, so the men would come 
again; others said, so they could not spend their 
money. 

Well, my men were a month back. One Ger- 
man would not go till he got his pay; I could 
not get provisions, as I would not buy on credit, 
so took money for meals; the man stayed until 
we had nothing but bread and coffee with sugar 
in, when we had no sugar he left. 



Catherine Joss, 247 



CHAPTER XIV. 

A SCUFFLE WITH A BREWER. 

We were not long in that State, only a few 
days after the men were moved further out on 
the road, all were laid off for a week, and for 
some reason were not paid. Some said the men 
would not all come again if they got their pay; 
others said it was for fear they would spend their 
money. No doubt if I had said I needed mine 
I should have got it, but I with the rest expected 
pay-day to come. The man that brought the 
straw when we first got to the place, never called 
for the pay till that fourth of July. His son was 
going to Chicago and would like to have it, and 
it made me feel so bad, that when the two oldest 
boys were gone out to where hundreds of boys 
were gathered at a place to shoot fire-crackers, 
which made me also feel worse, to think they 
could not be gratified with any for themselves. 
I sat down and cried. In a few moments Will 
rushed in, threw a one dollar bill in my lap, say- 
ing, he found it on the sidewalk, and ran off with 
it, or the big boys would have taken it from him. 
His oldest brother came running after him, not 



248 Autohiography of 

knowing why he ran home; the boys^aid, when 
I said it is too late to pay the boy for the straw, 
but you can take people for meals when they 
come from the train; so we did, and it gave us a 
start. Thus we never missed our men's board- 
ing that month unpaid, and we paid up their 
Sunday-school teacher for the furniture, for the 
men's pay came in all right. My husband came 
in from the prairie for the first time, found us 
getting along very comfortably by hard and 
steady work, he had six dollars, said it was all 
he had left after all was settled up, but when 
the job was finished he would get the whole esti- 
mate, and would have more for himself. We got 
a load of wood, which he sawed and split, till 
then the boys had gathered the wood we burned. 
We also got a barrel of flour, so we thought we 
were supplied. Joss stayed a few days and then 
returned to his work. The house we lived in 
was a large one, just opposite the station, the 
only board sidewalk passed our door to go into 
the town. Several families lived in the house 
besides ourselves, it belonged to the men that 
owned the livery stable, we often had of their 
men to board, they said, when I got ready to 
take the whole house I should tell them, as it 
certainly was, as they thought, a good place for 
a house to entertain strangers, there being none 



Catherine Joss. 249 

in town but the two large hotels, and they were 
not near the station. We had talked it over, 
and Joss thought, when he got through out on 
the road we would see about it. So I had rea- 
son to hope again. We got along well enough 
until the job on the prairie was finished, when 
Joss came home, brought some of the older 
gentlemen loafers we knew in Milwaukee with 
him, one, a brewer, in particular wanted to have 
things his way, to which I did not agree. The 
brewer wanted us to turn off the Irishmen to 
make room for them, as he was oroine to re- 
establish a brewery that was disused then; I 
would not do it, so he told Joss he thought he 
was the man of the house. Joss said, what can 
you do with women. No doubt I had my say, 
and the brewer who came there for his meals, 
and probably slept in the brewery, was ever find- 
ing fault with me. Finally I told him to ^o. 
He said, when the man of the house says so he 
would go. I told him, if the man of the liouse 
wanted to keep him he too should go with him, 
they could not stay here, no telling what he told 
Joss about me; but the next morning after break- 
fast when other men were out, loss was sittin<T 
opposite the room door with the baby, where 
the brewer was reading his paper, I on the side 
of the table where Joss was^ eating my break- 
17 



250 Autobiography of 

fast, when the brewer lay down his paper, came 
to the door, asked Joss if their room in the Tem- 
perance hotel should be with a double bed or 
two single ones. I picked up my cup of coffee, 
threw it, but missed him, but I soon was in the 
other room, took up his paper, spectacles and 
pocket-book all together and threw it all out of 
the door. He went and picked them up again, 
but I had his small trunk and was pulling it to 
the door, he held it. I tried to get it from him, 
and in the scuffle tore his shirt bosom. I hap- 
pened to look and saw Joss, who was combing 
his hair in front of the glass and could see us, 
as he smiled, I could see his face in the glass; 
I felt ashamed of myself Just then Joss turned 
around, came and took the trunk, set it out in 
the shed, the gravel train whistled and he was 
off to work; but the brewer had his say, he was 
going to write to my father and tell him what a 
lady of a daughter he had out there, to tear his 
shirt bosom. He moved his trunk and boarded 
somewhere else. The brewery was re-established 
with a reading-room, and they could get beer by 
the quart to drink it there, so the Germans were 
only at our house for their meals. Sometimes 
when Joss first went out there to work, which was 
plenty, and there was no place to board, he was 
sent to a farmer, who said he was almost 



Catherine Joss. 251 

crowded out himself. The woman that cooked 
in a shanty looked out as she thought the voice 
was familiar to her, and when she saw Joss she 
said, if she be crowded out herself, she would 
take him in. She was the Swiss woman and two 
little girls at Toledo I took in when they had no 
place to stay. She came to see me; I allowed 
the boys to go to see them and stay with them 
a while. Their father was farther out on the 
road from these people. I learned that a 
Frenchman who kept a grocery and good sup- 
ply of drink of most anything that was called 
for, and moved along as the dump, was being 
finished out the road, and that Joss had a jolly 
set of men that he went and fetched there, surely 
more for company than work, as it was often 
•said, ten regular ditchers and dumpers would 
have done more work in that time than the thirty 
he had to work for him. 

While the boys were out there, the job was 
finished. The head contractor would meet his men 
at that house to do business with them. As he 
was coming to town one day Will rode with him 
in his buggy ; George stayed, his father came 
also to settle with the contractor, who had 
scarcely anything left for himself. George sat 
behind the stove crying. When the man asked 
him what was the matter, he said he knew mother 



252 Autobiography of 

expected father would have some money when 
he came home. The man told me also about 
them going off in the morning, taking George 
with them to go home. But before they got to 
the station they left George to stand there at the 
cross-roads till they came to go with him. If he 
went he would get lost on the prairie; he waited, 
as he thought, long, when a prairie wolf made his 
appearance. He was frightened, not knowing 
what it was, ran back the way he came. When he 
got to the house it was late in the afternoon; in 
the evening his father with his gentlemen came, 
and the brewer made a great fuss about the boy's 
disobedience. 

In the morning they started again, left the boy- 
sitting on a fence-post one of the farthest from 
the house, till they came, went back to the 
Frenchman's, George was sitting there. When the 
man went to turn his horses in the field, he said, 
Georee said he would not leave this time: but 
he made him go with him, said he was mad 
enough to fight had they been there. The con- 
tractor came and went to the station to where 
they sent George, he stayed at the tent where 
some of the men that were with us stayed, I 
don't know how long, but got home before his 
father did, and told me I need not expect any 
money. The man said when he came that even- 



Catherine Joss. 253 

ing they commenced scolding about the boy, but 
he told them that they must take him now, as 
he had taken it in hands, he told them what 
he thought of them, but they made no fuss, and 
went the next morning, but Joss did not get 
home for some days and said nothing about 
money, and went to work on the gravel train. 
It was not very long till Sunday. One night 
the Germans came in from the beer room. Joss 
was not in yet, they had a fuss and fought, the 
watchman and a lot of men, who came and 
took the Irishman off. He had been boarding 
with me a long time, and was a sober, quiet man, 
and said all he did was to get a stick of stove 
wood to prop the door, as a hinge was broken, 
and the two Germans thought he intended to 
kill some one with it, as they just came in. They 
grabbed him, held him, one took his knife, held, 
as he thought, the Irishman's eye brow to cut a 
piece out to mark him as a murderer, but some- 
how cut a little piece of the skin of his forehead. 
The men had to tear the man from them, they 
appeared wild till the man was gone. I thouo-ht 
they went to bed after the fuss, but early in the 
morning the constable was after them and they 
were gone, they never went to bed. The men 
that remained in the room stayed in their beds 
all the while the fuss was, and said thev thouo-ht 



254 Autobiography of 

they all started together, as all was quiet there- 
after. 

Joss came home when all was over. After 
the men were to work in the morning the officers 
came and wrote down the names of all the men. 
They asked me how it came that we had such 
fusses now at our house? I told them, my hus- 
band had come home with some Germans, and 
those I had before they came; I could always get 
along with the Irish till now. The gravel pit 
was at Montgomery, four miles from there. Joss 
worked, went on the train and we could live out 
there as well as in Aurora, a man there wanted 
to move to town and would take our house and 
we his. Joss said, he felt as though everybody 
knew of the fuss at our house, and would like to 
make the change. My hopes of once more 
beine established without drink in a tavern were 
gone, therefore I did not care, but the anxiety to 
make some money to get established again in a 
home of our own caused me to plan many ways 
and even thought to save and gain by sending 
the dear little boys off, young as they were, to 
take such a trip alone, thinking in their stead we 
could keep two men, for which I could get pay; 
but I told Joss it would be better for them there, 
and not be exposed to we knew not what, and I 
did not fear but they would get there all right. 



Catherine Joss. 255 

He did not think as I did about sending the 
boys away, yet said not much against it, so when 
our men were going for ties, I got them ready 
and sent them to Chicago, the oldest not twelve, 
with his two younger brothers. It makes me 
shudder to think of such a mother for the sake 
of gaining a little of that, which if I had much, 
could never replace one of them if lost in that 
rash act. When they got to Chicago they 
wanted their tickets, the ^gent looked at them, 
asked them their names, and if they had a place 
to stop at, if any one was with them there; they 
told him of the men that boarded with us. He 
wished to see one. George brought one or two 
of them. He was satisfied, they were to go, he 
told them to come next day. They went in the 
morning, when he sent them with a free pass, 
gave them in charge of the conductor, said he 
was acquainted with their uncle who had clerked 
with him at Massillon, at a place they stopped 
for dinner. The conductor sent or took them in, 
and then went away, no one came to wait on 
them, the whistle blew, they took what they 
could catch and ran, one got a half chicken and 
one a big piece of honey comb, I don't know 
now if George took anything, but they got off 
with what they had and arrived at Cleveland, as 
far as the road was, from there they took a 



256 Autobiograjjhy of 

canal boat that was going to Navarre, so they 
got through. 

Not long after the boys were gone we moved 
to where the gravel pit was, there was a store 
and a few houses scattered along the public road, 
a schoolhouse not very far off, but we had a 
house to ourselves and the men that were with 
us in town that worked in the gravel pit, went 
with us and we soon had the house full, which 
were ten men. Ther^ was no public house there, 
nor any other place to loaf, so they stayed at 
home. As they kept brandy at the store to sell 
by the quart they would get it and loaf sugar, 
which I would make into a "sling" as they called 
it, that is, I would dissolve the sugar for them in 
hot water in a large pitcher and they put the 
brandy in to suit themselves. They would enjoy 
themselves by telling stories, singing songs and 
smoking their pipes; sometimes, if I had time, 
Joss and I would sing some songs for them, 
which they enjoyed, so would we if we had the 
dear boys wnth us. Though Joss^became so reck- 
less about providing for his family through drink, 
still he had a heart to feel and at times would 
break down with emotion, on account of the 
missing voices, yet he did not chide me. I had 
reason to believe he thought I meant it for the 
best, though he could not feel reconciled to it. 



Catherine Joss. 257 

God only knows what I suffered, and could I 
not come to the Lord with all my iniquity, feel- 
ing assured? I asked Him for what I wanted 
and strove to trust Him. How good God always 
was to bear with me, a poor, erring child, and 
my pleadings were not in vain. He soothed my 
sorrows, quelled my fears. And on the other 
hand Joss likely had forebodings in his mind he 
never should hear or see his boys again in this 
world. We were not in the habit of brooding 
over past offences or losses, which is so often 
the case that one blames the other. In all my 
ignorance and egotistical notions he used to try 
to persuade me of what I can see now, and had it 
not been natural amiableness and beino- taug^ht 
by his venerable father, being young when he 
came to this country, and had only the privilege 
of the parish school in Switzerland, of which his 
father was superintendent, and what English he 
could get after settling in Holmes county, 
Walnut Creek Township, Ohio, in 1831. 

How glad I am to-day, 

That Jesus led me all the way 

Mid conflicts great, mid toil and strife, 

He is always near to quell our fear 

Through tempests in the darkest night, 

He is the life, the truth, the way, 

Then what more need we to sa}', 

If Jesus leads us all the way ? 



258 Autobiography of 

We had been getting along comfortably, but 
not making anything more than a living. Joss 
settled every month and nothing was left. I 
went to the store, asked for all of the items of 
the last month, they said they would make a bill 
out for me; they sent it, I looked over it and 
found the brandy bill was the biggest, which Joss 
did not believe, saying they cheated. I thought 
he would be more careful if we had a pass book, 
but it seemed it had to be, and fifty cents daily 
would run up. 

There came a missionary man who visited 
every house and left an appointment to preach 
in the schoolhouse. It was a log house with 
writing desks along, two sides by the wall. 
When the men heard of it they said he was 
coming to convert them into Protestants. Joss 
said it was me who got him to come to convert 
him, and said, if the blackcoats should come 
around he would kick them out, and such like 
talk. I said nothing, engaged a woman to come 
out from Aurora to keep house for me that even- 
ing. The Sunday came and the storekeeper was 
at our house a long while, at length he got up, 
saying he must go home, they wanted to go to 
meeting. Oh yes, said Joss, I forgot that 
meeting. If he only was ready, but he had not 
shaved and it was too dark. I rolled up the 



Catherine Joss. 259 

blinds and it was light, the woman had blackened 
his boots, he got ready as if he always intended 
to do so. I had supper ready, but the men were 
not in, so we had our supper and left the woman 
to take care of the house. It had thawed and 
rained, the black mud was so deep and no way 
of getting around it. There was a place where 
some stones had been put to step on, but they 
were far apart, most everybody drove to meeting, 
only the nearest ones. Joss carried me over the 
mud. I felt awful solemn about the whole affair, 
it seemed to me if only Joss could do without so 
much drink, of course after he had been with the 
temperance people and I knew it was good for 
him, I would rather he ^as one again, because 
we could never have anything while he drank so 
much, and since he was going to the meeting 
and carrying me over the mud, I prayed, I 
thought as I never did before, and hoped it 
would be so that something, when there, would 
affect him so that he could not help himself, but 
be as he sometimes was about the boys and 
think he could help soon to get them home again. 
We went on from one stone to another, it oc- 
curred to my mind. Thou art able to raise up of 
these stones children unto Abraham. We p-ot 
to the schoolhouse, there were some persons 
sitting on the benches at the desks around the 



26o Autobiography of 

wall, some were playing cards, others passed 
bottles around. It looked like anything but a 
Gospel meeting, as the place was filled with 
those lively fellows, some that I could not help 
seeing tried to put on a long face, groaned and 
sighed, to the amusement of others who could 
not help laughing out aloud, to their feeling mor- 
tified, while others looked as if they would like 
to put them out, but there had never been a 
religious meeting in that place; the few farmers 
around were members of church and went to 
town to meeting. 

The preacher came, took his seat at the 
teacher's desk, all was quiet, a hymn was sung 
and prayer offered, a Scripture lesson read, then 
another hymn, and the text, which was, "Arise, 
O Lord, and plead Thine own cause." No doubt 
the dear brother knew and felt his insufficiency 
for that crowd, but the good behavior and the 
testimonies in the after-meeting, to which all 
stayed, showed that the Lord was pleading 
through his Spirit in behalf of His own cause. 
A Sunday-school was established, a class-leader, 
regular prayer and class meetings appointed, as 
well as preaching every four weeks. That was 
in the Winter of 1854, and my soul is drawn out 
in prayer lest I should, like the church in gen- 
eral, fall from my first love. 



Catherine Joss. 261 

Blessed Jesus, now T pray, 

Guide me all this blessed day, 
Take whate'er there be of me. 

And be lost, my Lord, in Thee. 

Father I stand whate'er may come, 
My weakness in Thy strength be one, 

Realizing Thou wilt say, " Well done ! " 
For I am trusting in Thy Son. 

holy Spirit, guide and guard, 

1 wait for Thy decision, Lord, 

My hopes are hovering round Thy word. 
And Him, who cleanseth with His blood. 

Though be this heart with grief oppressed, 
A great commotion in my breast 
I can but trust, my Lord, in Thee, 
For in the Rock Thou wilt shelter me. 
Amen, Hallelujah ! Amen. 

The next mornino- Joss was sick, said he had 
not slept, it must be fever, as though he was 
anxious about something he knew not what. I 
don't remember what the testimony of an old 
man was, but he repeated some of it, and said he 
could not doubt the words of a man who stood 
with one foot in the grave. 



262 Autobiography of 



CHAPTER XV. 

DISCOURAGING CIRCUMSTANCES. 

Joss did not go to work in the morning, he 
said he was sick and could not see why we 
wanted to knock around among such a set, for 
the sake of a Httle that if we had much it could 
not make us contented or happy, and if we would 
go to Chicago, work at anything and be content 
with such a living as we got, save and get the 
boys home as soon as possible, and remember 
the old German proverb, "Not riches make 
happy, but contentment makes rich," and 
surely godliness with contentment is great gain. 

When he was talking to me a neighbor woman 
came in, he talked to her a while, when I was 
busy about my work, then she came to me and 
said, she had better send her son out for Mr. 
Eno-lish, the old man that was in church. I 
asked, what for? Why, said she, Mr. Joss is 
under conviction, and would like to have a talk 
with the man that spoke, said what he said, and 
she knew he would be pleased to come. I said, 
Joss was not so sick as to need a spiritual ad- 
viser, as we sent for them when people were 



Catherine Joss. 263 

about to die, and would not have her send, as I 
knew nothing about being born again to live in 
this world, any more than through the ordinances 
of the church. 

So I again with my selfishness stood even in 
the way of the penitent sinner. I was in favor 
of his resolutions and that night talked it all over. 
He had just got a new suit of clothes and a pair 
of boots measured at Aurora, which he could get 
when he got there to take the train, it was not 
long till pay day. I don't know how much 
money we had on hand, but borrowed some 
more from the neio^hbor woman, so he should 
not be short till he could find employment. He 
started. As I got no letter from Joss for a while 
and one of the Germans that worked for him 
came to our house and asked me if I had heard 
from him lately, I told him no. He said, they 
had a grand social evening at the reading room 
in Aurora; as he had to wait for the one o'clock 
train, his boots being unfinished when he ex- 
pected to start. That satisfied me that all his 
good resolutions were drowned in the bowl, 
and more so when for six weeks I received no 
letter. 

A man wanted to take most of what I had at 
my own price, rent the house and keep the 
boarders also; I think I never was so discour- 



264 Autobiograjjhy of 

aged as that time. I sold out and went to board 
at a place till I could get ready to go to Ohio to 
where my boys were, for myself I would rather 
have died, and had it not been for my children, 
no tellinof what would have become of me. 

After the man took possession of the place a 
man came from town who brought me three 
letters that had been lying somewhere. I had 
often sent to the post-office and could not ac- 
count for the delay; however, the letters were 
all sent at different times, telling me I was to 
come where he was with all I had to keep house 
with, as nothing could be had there, neither 
could we come until May, as we could find no 
place to go, there being but one house in War- 
ren, a stone farm-house, which was turned into a 
hotel and could not accommodate half the trav- 
elers that came that way. There were two roads 
one mile apart, one in Illinois, the other in Wis- 
consin, from Warren to Galena and Mineral 
Point, the road from Chicago to Warren was not 
yet finished, though the trains ran to Warren. 
Then travelers had to travel by stage, so that 
many had to lay over. There was another 
chance for a hotel, had I continued but three 
months longer I could have made some money 
and kept my things to take to furnish our house, 
which was to be as they were there, light frames 



Catherine Joss. 265 

with floor and roof, a few doors and windows; 
but it was too late, so I started with what I yet 
had, a stove and a few kitchen utensils. 

The coach I was in was crowded, a man sit- 
ting by me asked me if I knew what kind of a 
place I was going to. I had an idea of the place 
from what my husband wrote about it. He said, 
there was no place to stop, only shanties, and he 
thought the stage office the best place for me, 
and as the contractors boarded there, I could 
find out which road my man was on, but we must 
stay out in a building going up until the stages 
were gone, which would likely be after mid- 
night. If I wished he would speak to the land- 
lord for me. I was much obliged to him, for 
there is no telling what I would have done. He 
placed me in the new building on a carpenter's 
bench with my two children, where I waited. 
The place was all open, and it was cold, but we 
had to stand it. At last the landlord came and 
took us into his family's sleeping place, it was a 
shanty with two bunks as big as they could be 
made to leave a place between' to put a chair, on 
which we stepped to get into the bunks. The 
hired girl, myself and two children slept in the 
other; the landlady, her mother and two children 
were all in bed when we came in, and up before 
we got awake in the morning. We had break- 
18 



266 Autobiography of 

fast and dinner, when some one came with a 
team from the direction where Joss was; we got 
on the wagon and drove perhaps three miles, 
where men were working. All at once our 
youngest child said "Papa," we were startled as 
well as he, who dropped whatever he was work- 
ing with, jumped on the wagon, and went with 
us a mile or two farther to a farm-house, where 
he boarded. We were crowded there too, but 
soon got a place, and the only one for some 
miles that was empty just then; it was one of the 
description given in a letter from Joss, built on 
the prairie of light scantling, a floor on the bot- 
tom, one window, a door, weather-boarded and 
a pine shingle roof without sheeting. It was 
furnished with a wide family bunk in the corner, 
made like a box, so it would hold straw in the 
bottom ; in the corner by the window was a 
board fastened to the wall for a seat behind the 
table; the table in the same way was stationary. 
The farmer had several teams on the road to 
work, but a team of oxen on the farm, which he 
took to go to town to get what we had there 
and would have to get, so we could live, as there 
was no neighbor nigh. Simon was the farmer's 
name, they were English people that settled 
there right from the old country when it was 
wild rolling prairie. There were some litde hills 



Catherine Joss. 267 

with woods. They had a log cabin raised of 
small or thin timber, but just like the first ones 
in Ohio, also a stable; the house was a double 
one, they had the half-story, which was thinly 
covered with shingles, for the men's beds, as 
they kept boarders, and my husband got there 
to board. When they had the whooping-cough 
in the family, the boss said he hoped some one 
would volunteer to go there to tend to their stock 
and cut wood, but no one seemed disposed to go. 
Joss had not been there long in the shanty and 
did not like to stay, but was anxious to go, and 
told the boss so, and went, so got away from a 
shanty where twenty men boarded, all slept on 
the loft with loose boards laid on for a floor, 
straw filled in to sleep on, with what they had of 
clothing or boots was kept under the head of the 
spot; they lay with blanket at top and bottom 
for bedding. He said they put on a boiler in 
the morning with pickled pork, once in a while 
corned beef ; that and potatoes was put on the 
table as long as it lasted, then another lot was 
cooked; only Tuesdays and Fridays they had 
salt fish, as they were mostly Catholics. The 
bread they baked was not good, mostly sour; 
strong butter, if any, but always New Orleans 
molasses. The coffee was also made in a boiler 
and sweetened with molasses when made. So 



268 Autobiography of 

all had to have it sweetened, as there was no 
milk to be had for so many men, about 500 on 
that patch, they called it New Dublin, and gon- 
tained about 50 shanties. 

When Joss first went to the shanty to board,, 
he thought he would get up early and be at the 
table in time to get his meals warm, as only ten 
could be seated at a time; but the others tumbled 
around, and the short straw as well as the dust 
came down on the table, and when he knew of 
the multitudes of graybacks, as these small 
noxious animals invested the barracks, he could 
not but think it beinof said in Switzerland of an 
old woman livinor uncouth, she thouofht it better 
to have a louse in the cabbage than no meat at 
all, but so preferred waiting till they were all 
down, and was glad when he could get off the 
patch, and could stay at Simon's till we got there, 
which was sooner than he expected, not know- 
ing I did not get his letters; but when I got 
them, being ready except to sell what I had of 
my household goods, mostly the kitchen furni- 
ture, which I packed, and started, remembering- 
I intended, if I lived, to see the end of the be- 
ginning of our roving life, also knowing if I went 
back to Ohio their prophecy would be fulfilled 
and I with my children bound for life, if not for 
eternity, to be the subjects of what I believed ta 



Catherine Joss. 269 

have been the cause of our financial destruction, 
and perhaps the ruin of my sons whom I expected 
to get with us and settle before long, as pros- 
pects for successful money-making out there were 
good. 

The people were good to us, I said we should 
have to make a comfort to cover with that night, 
they lent me one, for fear I should not get it 
done, the men took a bundle of straw along, 
which we put into the house, as it was on the 
way to Warren. Simon took a large jug with 
him to get whiskey in, some was in it, which 
they emptied on the way, and at Lawrence they 
got beer, that made my man unfit for anything 
but what he was asked to do. They got the 
stove and other things at the station on the 
wagon, the first they did after leaving me at the 
store, so when they came there I had got most 
of what I wanted, told Joss to take out on the 
wagon what I had, but found he was not fit for 
that, I put the youngest child on a store box out- 
side the store door, and told him to stay with the 
children, Simon and I finished up and we drove 
to the house again. Joss slept all the way. 
When there, Simon unloaded all but the stove. 
Joss and he lifted it off the wagon, got it in the 
house and set it up. Simon had an axe with 
him, may have known of the chunks of wood 



270 Autobiography of 

lying there, he cut it up into stove wood and 
made fire for us, then drove home. I still have 
an old record that I commenced and intended 
to keep up, but found it impossible. But I 
thank God for all these things, being as clear in 
my mind to-day as they were, and could give a 
minute account of every little thing that occurred 
then. 

On the 15th day of March, 1854, we moved 
into a house on the road then building, then 
dumping the road in Illinois. I sat down to 
make a straw tick to get our bed In order to 
sleep in, while Joss threw himself on the straw 
we had for the tick and went to sleep. I sewed 
the muslin toofether in one lonof seam, then it 
was near night. I made coffee, woke Joss up 
and we had our supper on something from the 
bakery in town. I made the bed by leveling 
the straw, spreading the muslin double over it^ 
and using the batting for the comfort as pillows, 
also covered w:ith muslin. The bed was all 
right, but it got so cold In the night that it took 
all we could get to spread over the comfort of 
our own, besides an overcoat that hung In the 
house, no one knew whose it was. 

Next day we got straightened up, the second 
day Joss went to work and worked some time; 
things went well enough, pay-day came, and Joss 



Catherine Joss. 271 

went to Grashet, a town sixteen miles off, and 
got provisions to last us a while; but somehow 
I felt very sad and could not account for it, I 
thought of the boys, as it seemed so far off, yet, 
what would we do with them there? Sometimes 
I thought it would have been better, as I feared 
it caused their father to be unsetded anywhere; 
our smallest girl that nursed would not take the 
breast any more, I did not know what to do, as 
we could get no fresh meat, no milk nor bread 
fit to eat, and no eggs. The child being deli- 
cate I thought she could not live. There was 
a cold spell and was cloudy when we went to 
bed; we got and kept quite warm through the 
night, often feeling that it snowed through, but 
did not mind it much; in the morning the bed 
was covered with snow and in some places it 
was quite thick. We shook the top cover off, 
swept the snow out of the house, had a good fire, 
and could hang the cover up on a scantling to 
dry. It cleared off and was pleasant, the snow 
was soon all gone, but after a while there came 
a rain. In one corner of the bunk was a spot 
where we could pile up our bedding to keep dry, 
and the table and bench was the only place for 
the children to keep dry, but that did not last 
lonor. 

Before the month was quite up. Joss came 



272 Autobiography of 

home swearing at the contractor, and said he 
would not work for him any more, that he 
worked mostly in the shop to repair wagons or 
tools, and often it did not take him long to finish 
up something, and they gave him a day or a half 
day, as it might be. Some one reported it to 
the contractor and he informed the boss what to 
do, which Joss thought was none of his business 
and quit. 

That made me feel worse than ever. Joss 
said he had heard of a man on the other road 
that wanted to sell out his contract, he wished I 
could find out. I did not like the idea of him 
taking the job, but went and found out they did; 
some one of them was sick and they wanted to 
move. I stopped at Simon's on the way home, 
Mr. Simon was not there, but his wife and father; 
they said they knew of it, and Mr. Simon said 
if he could oret a man to boss that he could 
depend upon, he would take it. I said he should 
ask Joss, but not say anything about me in it. I 
told Joss it was so, they wanted to leave as soon 
as they could, he should go to see the man. He 
did, but went to Simon's that evening, Simon 
told him what he would like to do. He went 
over to Teagardener's. Simon made a bargain 
for the job and shanty, Simon agreed to furnish 
the needful lumber to make it comfortable. The 



Catherine Joss. 273 

shanty stood close to the railroad dump, so close 
that part of it made a wall under our bunks like 
a foundation. Then another side; the little hill 
back of us was dug down straight to save three or 
four boards at that side, and the sod cut out of 
the prairie served to pile up around the outside 
of all sides, which made it warm, but not any 
light, except through the door, and no bunks, 
only on the ground in the corners, no floor, only 
a few boards laid on the ground; no doubt lum- 
ber was very scarce when it was built, as it was 
even when we were there, but Joss soon made 
it look different, they got a load of lumber from 
Warren, he laid a floor up from the ground, 
made two bunks, on one side for us, on the side 
of the dump on the front he took down the sod, 
and made a window above what we called our 
kitchen table, a short piece of a broad board, 
fastened to the wall right by the children's bunk; 
then came the stove with shelves behind it, for 
pots and pans, on the other side we nailed up a 
wooden chest from the old country, ironed and 
made strong, with shelves like a cupboard, as 
that was what it served for. The flour barrel as 
a stand by our bunk was all on that side of the 
house, only boards were laid above that part to 
keep our groceries or anything on to have it out 
of the way. On the other side were two of our 



2 74 Autobiography of 

bunks, one above the other, in front of them a 
bench and a table, on the front side of the table 
a bench and two three-legged stools, at each end 
we could seat twelve men, the door was on that 
side, a curtain drawn across at night between the 
men and us, then we had a shed big enough to 
have a platform to put two beds on, underneath 
we kept potatoes and the meat barrels with 
pickled pork and corned beef, so we arranged to 
keep twelve men and us four, being sixteen in a 
shanty eighteen feet long and twelve feet wide, 
with a shed about eigflit feet, and we were visited 
by the prairie rats digging through the ground 
where there were no boards. 

There was a change ; four men went away 
and four came. They were Germans from some- 
where between Mount Eaton and Wooster, Ohio. 
They were nice men, and so were all the Irish 
we had, but I never thought a man could drink 
so much whiskey and not be drunk as those Irish 
did. They would keep their bottles back of the 
house in holes made in the sod, and would get 
their quart flasks filled twice a day at the shanty 
where it was sold. The Germans got bottles 
half full of whiskey, made a hole by an ant hill 
and in a short time the bottles would be full; 
they took them out and drank the whiskey off 
and then would fill them again. It is only in 



Catherine Joss. 275 

June that they are good. I tasted of it, it did 
not taste like whiskey, and they said it was 
healthy. They did not drink so much, but would 
go to Warren to get beer on rainy days. Joss 
did not like the strychnine whiskey, he said, but 
he drank it. At one time he thought he would 
go to Chicago and get his valise and what he 
had left there; he took twenty-two dollars with 
him. I asked if he could not write for it. He 
said he had written, but they did not send it, 
and he must have his watch that he had loaned 
long enough. He started and passed where the 
men were blasting rock, and borrowed eleven 
dollars from the German men. When he came 
home he had a great jug of what he called real 
whiskey. How much he drank I do not know, 
but he was asleep most of the time, when he 
should have been with the men at work, and the 
Germans were going to leave before pay-day, 
they said they had to go home. He settled with 
them, and rather than tell me he had got the 
money from them, he made out settling for board 
and all, to have them short of the eleven dollars. 
I heard the men over in the shed fieure and talk 
about something not right and asked them what 
it was. They explained it to me. I can't say 
how it was, but it was not right anyway, and I 
told him when he came home, thinking the men 



276 Autobiography of 

were gone, and of course he had been drinking 
and laid down to sleep. Next day he made it 
all right; whether he intended to cheat or not, 
I never knew him to do such a thing, he would 
rather give than take. Honesty was a principle 
with him. 

At a time in Milwaukee a man came from 
Chickaborigon who wanted to give him a hun- 
dred dollars in silver for thirty dollars good 
paper money. I said, if one need not be afraid 
of being detected, it could be easily done. He 
looked at me, saying, "And would you do such 
a thing?" I never forgot these words, and when 
tempted to do anything wrong, even to this day, 
it comes to my mind: "And would you do such 
a thing?" and often have to sigh: "God, help 
me and keep me !" 

Here on earth where we must part, 

And all things have an end, 
I pray Thee, Lord, to cheer our hearts, 

And streams of mercj' send, 

That we with patience may endure. 

Till we our course have run, 
Each moment of our life be sure 

With God to be well done. 

Then shall our days on earth be passed 

In sacred hours of bliss, 
And we shall wear a crown at last 

In a fairer world than this. 



Catherine Joss. 277 

CHAPTER XVI. 

BEGGING FOR VICTUALS. 

About this time I began to think of taking the 
settling of the board money and planning to 
have something to get the boys home and settle 
for Winter somewhere, in the Fall. But like all 
my plans it was soon developed, as nothing 
could be done but to get away as soon as pos- 
sible, as the cholera broke out in the shanties 
and the works stopped. They set a time to pay 
in a few days, but Joss being afraid would not 
stay another day, he said I could get ready by 
Saturday to come on a certain train, when he 
would meet me at the depot. He settled with 
Simon and went. I commenced to sell off what 
I had and soon got rid of all; on pay-day I got 
what was coming to me, went to the store, got 
what clothes we needed to wear on the way, not 
wanting to take anything with us that might 
have lice in it; a few books, a tin cup, two or 
three knives and forks and spoons, all packed in 
a new barrel with a small tub that went into the 
barrel, and a few underclothes. The barrel was 
not quite full. I stayed at Simon's, where I had 



278 Autobiography of 

some help to get ready. I did not get off on the 
train I expected to, and did not get there till 
Sunday morning. No one was there to meet 
me. 

I went with my children to the Farmers and 
Merchants Hotel, and strange- to say, yet it is 
true, I saw a man that had boarded with us com- 
ing toward the hotel; as I got into the room 
they gave me from the window, I ran down 
stairs out on the street, met the man and asked 
him, if he knew where Joss boarded. He did, 
and said he would tell him. He soon came to the 
hotel after he had rested, for he was sick; he told 
me he had a room in view, after dinner we went 
to see it, came again, stayed at the hotel all 
night, next morning Joss went to where he 
boarded, to get his breakfast and valise, and 
then go to the depot to meet us, when the hack 
would come to the next train. But again no one 
was there, I saw my barrel standing near the 
door of the baggage room, it was not checked, 
and I feared I should not see it again. I waited 
a while, then got a dray to take us with the 
barrel as I supposed right to the place the room 
was. We rode around on the dray so long that 
the drayage, which was to be twenty-five cents, 
as he told me, got to be seventy-five cents; 
every time he raised I thought of the lake brew- 



Catherine Joss. 279 

■ery, that it was right there, I told him, and we 
were soon there, but found the room empty. 

I don't remember how much I paid at the 
hotel, but it was a big price, and now seventy- 
five cents for twenty- five, together with the fare, 
made me think my money was going fast with- 
out having anything for it; but the M^ondcr 
where Joss was, was more than all. We had 
the room from a German woman down stairs 
that had to take that room with hers, though she 
did not need it. She went out to work and her 
husband was gone to work. She was home and 
I asked her to keep my things till I came, she 
did, I threw my shawl and some few things on 
the floor and started in search of Joss, going 
from one German tavern to another, asking for 
a sick man; they most all had them sick and knew 
not the names of many of them, so I had to be 
taken to where they were. I never thought any- 
body could entertain strangers in such places, 
and some so sick and without care. 

I did not want to give up the search, was feel- 
ing desperate running the streets and my 
children alone with a strange woman; I thought 
of Wolf who moved from Milwaukee there, 
looked at the signs and found the name, went in, 
found Mrs. Wolf in the bar- room, I asked if Joss 
was there, she said it was there where he 



28o Autobiograjjhy of 

stopped and had been sick since he came. That 
morning when he came in he went to bed, took 
a chill, and as soon as he could went to the room 
he showed me, thinking I would be there, that 
he was not able to carry his valise, walked with 
a cane, I hastened -to the place and found him on 
the floor on what lay there, very sick. I went to 
a restaurant, got something to eat for us, after 
which I eot muslin, made straw ticks, took them 
off, got them filled and brought home, had cotton 
batting for pillows, made cases for them, a straw 
bolster, our barrel did for a table, the tub for a 
seat, the window was low so the children could 
sit by the window on the floor, but it was not 
long till the youngest could not sit up, when I 
did not hold her she was in bed. 

Joss told me to hold on to the money, as he 
did not expect to live long and I would want to 
go to my folks and to the boys. That seemed 
to pierce through my heart every time he men- 
tioned them, for my conscience condemned me 
for not at least waiting until he saw them before 
they went, to have a word with them; yet what 
would we all have had as it was there after Joss 
came home with his chums? I cannot think how 
much money I got when all was paid, but don't 
think it was a hundred dollars, or I would re- 
member, but it was for what I sold, which was 



Catherine Joss. 281 

not worth much, and the board money, for Joss 
got his pay from Simon, and the eleven dollars 
from the German men was also gone for me, 
however it was all gone in two months, and I 
had to pledge anything that would fetch some- 
thing. We doctored and paid the doctor one 
dollar every time he came as long as I could 
raise it, at last when I was making shirts at a 
shilling a piece, and I thought both father and 
child would die, I thought it would be such a 
satisfaction to hear the opinion of the doctor that 
I pledged the last garment, M^hich cost five 
dollars, for one dollar and seventy cents. I went 
to the doctor, he had evidently just seated himself 
to rest, was puffing away at a cigar, when I told 
him my sick people were no better, I wished he 
would come, I feared they would not live till 
morning. I handed him the dollar, but he did 
not take it, he said, "Madam, you will not get a 
doctor in the city after the nine o'clock bells 
rino-, for less than two dollars." 

The bells were ringing, I went home, sat down 
on my only seat, the little tub turned upside 
down, watched to see which would draw their 
last breath first, for I believed they would both 
die that night. I felt awful not to be able to do 
anything for them, but had nothing to do any- 
thing with, or perhaps I should have tortured 
19 



282 Autobiography of 

them, when apparently quiet rest was just what 
they needed most. That was a time without 
human help, no eye to pity, no arm to save, only 
God was near; it was natural to think of father's 
house where our dear boys were ; how glad I 
should have been to have them with us to hear 
him speak his last words to them, knowing 
nothing on earth could be of more satisfaction to 
him; yet for their sake I was thankful they were 
in father's house with bread enough and to spare. 
That night I could say as never before, "Thy 
will be done on earth as it is in heaven." Surely 
there they do his bidding. Thus in poverty I 
became richer than ever before, leaning on the 
strono- arm of Jehovah, I could realize what I 
learned to sing when young: 

" Guide me, Thou great Jehovah, 
Pilgrim through this barren land ; 
I am weak, but Thou art mighty : 
Hold me with Thy powerful hand," 

and trust the powerful hand to hold us, though 
we walk through the valley and shadow of death, 
I shall fear no evil. I am thankful for such rays 
of lio-ht from the Sun of righteousness: I will 
bless the Lord who hath given me counsel, my 
reins also instruct me in the night season, I have 
set the Lord always before me. 

In the morning we all seemed revived, when I 



Catherine Joss. 28 



o 



could sit no longer quietly I put out the light 
and laid down, not daring to disturb them. 
I listened to their breathing, and recalling my 
experience about that time, if I had known it, 
I think I could have said, "Safe in the arms of 
Jesus." I could go and get something for us to 
nourish our bodies, and the dollar was perhaps 
spent better than if the doctor had come. One 
thing I am sure of, judging from past experience, 
unless divested by the power of God of every- 
thing, I could not have been clothed upon by 
myself, so as to taste of the heavenly bliss of that 
dark night, to prepare me for more pruning, for 
notwithstanding all the Lord had done for his 
vineyard, it brought nothing but sour grapes till 
then, but even that was as the early dew and 
morning cloud, it passed away and could not be 
comprehended by me at its value, yet I was not 
left to myself, but received grace upon grace, and 
in a few days Joss became so that he could walk 
around some, but our little girl did not mend fast, 
if any at all, she was like a skeleton. 

The steamer burned in the harbor, it was 
plainly seen from our window. As Joss was up, 
he walked down to see the sight. There were 
many gathering up fragments, and Joss seeing a 
box floating close to the wharf, where he stood, 
exerted himself to get it, he succeeded and 



284 Autobiography of 

carried it home, it was all charred, in some 
places it was burned through into the candles, 
as it was a box with candles. The wood of the 
box served to get us something warm to eat, as 
the German woman was home. The outside 
candles were spoiled, only the ends of them 
were fit to use. Then there were some all good, 
but did not look nice. In the middle were 
several pounds quite good, which I wrapped up 
in paper, put them in a little dark cupboard at 
the end of the hall, nicely wrapped up in paper^ 
the others were also kept there. 

One morning when I arose early to take my 
work home and expected to get the pay, for 
which I intended to buy something to eat, the 
lady had gone out to take a morning walk. I 
got six more shirts to make, but no pay. 

As I was walking along (for I had a long 
walk, nine squares from the wharf to Ninth street 
on that side, and over the river two or three 
more), I saw the workingmen take down the 
boards that were used to encase an addition to a 
hotel that was being built, with the front all open, 
only as they closed it for the night. They 
seemed to be doing the work for the house, there 
I stepped in, and seeing a woman ironing in a 
corner, I asked if I could not get some pieces 
of bread or anything that was eatable, as the 



Catherine Joss. 285 

girl was scraping an abundance of victuals into 
swill-pails. She told me to go to the cook. I 
went and asked him, saying I knew they o-ave 
beggars nothing at hotels, but I would not trouble 
them again. But his answer was no. 

I turned and went out close by the girl that 
was clearing off the dishes and who had some 
pieces, I thought, perhaps for me; but before I 
reached her I heard the assistant cook say: 
" Did you not hear the cook's order? why don't 
you obey?" I did not go near the girl, but when 
I got to where the pieces were I went out, 
thinking I can't beg. But what was I to do? 

As the stores were just being opened and the 
sidewalks swept off — they were all of boards 
then and raised from the ground, the main streets 
I think were also laid with planks, a kind of an 
aqueduct to drive in, — so there would not be 
much chance to find money, yet I trusted, though 
it come as mysterious as out of the fishes' mouth. 
I often resolved to ask when I reached this or 
that, and I looked for a ^qw cents to o-et bread 
with; but my courage failed till the harbor was 
reached. A ferry was there at that street, it was 
on the other side. As I stood waiting I noticed 
the wharf on the other side where the boat 
burned not long before, which put me in mind 
of the candles; but, thought I, we are all sick, 



286 Autohiography of 

we want light. — The ends that we could not 
use were sold to the soap boilers ; it is true, 
there were some nice ones that would sell. 

By that time the boat came, I stepped on and 
thought of the women that gathered manna to 
save, and may be before the poor candles are 
burned worms may be destroying these bodies, 
and think I learned to ask for daily bread, felt 
thankful I had them to sell. When I got home 
I listened at the door, all was quiet. 1 went ta 
the cupboard, got the candles, put them in the 
basket with the work, then went to the 
nearest German tavern, a young girl was clear- 
ing up the bar to clean out the room, which 
looked as if it had been filled with customers the 
night before. I asked for the landlady, she took 
me to the dining-room. I told her what I 
wanted. She asked me many questions. I did 
not wonder at that, knowing how women came 
to our house often with stolen things to trade for 
whiskey. I told her my story and how I got the 
candles. As she was clearing off the tables, I 
thought she might give me something, but did 
not offer, and I did not ask, finally she said she 
did not know if they would burn, having been 
in the water, but she would give me twenty-five 
cents, and there were several pounds. I thought 
it hard to let them go, but having been away so 



Catherine Joss. 287 

long already, I was anxious to get home. I did, 
and with something to eat. Joss kept gaining a 
little, and where we got our provisions we got 
the loan of their paper every morning. I was 
working at my shirts when Joss read of some 
one wanting a teamster, he thought he could try 
it, may be he could stand it, if he had one dollar 
may be he could get employment. I said, can't 
you find something to do without paying for 
getting the work.? He said he would not know 
where to go, that was what these places were 
for. I got my shirts done, and as I had the pay 
due me for the other six shirts I got one dollar 
and fifty cents. I knew we would have to pay 
the rent and were counting on the dollar toward 
it, but I thought if he could pay the rent it would 
be better that to save it, so I let him have it. 
He got the place, drove two days, the third he 
started out and was brought home on a dray un- 
conscious, they said he took the spell with 
cramps in his arms, then he was sick again for a 
few days, but I got along with my work to make 
up, besides living, two dollars and fifty cents, 
what a woman charged for a little house moved 
on a corner of her lot, it stood on blocks, had a 
good sized room, but the chimney was taken 
down, and the plastering mostly fallen off, no 
windows in, only a small bedroom also without 



288 Autobiography of 

windows, but she put frames with mosquito bars 
in them to keep out the lake mosquitos, it did 
not rain down there, but in the big room it did. 
She gave me a frame such as they use on canal 
boats to sleep on, the bottom was sail cloth 
tacked on and sticks stuck in the frame to make 
it the height of a lounge. That did for Joss' 
bed with cotton batting pillows, all I had for him 
to cover was a quilted skirt. I ripped the band 
off, as they were straight in those days, then I 
took the straw out of one straw tick and put it in 
the other for our bed behind the door on the 
floor, having the other to cover with, and a 
pieced quilt, but not quilted or lined, we had a 
straw bolster, then I got a square door of an old 
pig pen in the yard to put on a barrel for a table, 
one chair without a back was all the furniture 
we had, I had the muslin we used for table 
cloths out on the road, I made for myself a sack 
dress of it to have when I should be sick, I made 
a few duds out of some old shirts of Joss' clothes 
in his valise. 

When I think of that time it is like a dream to 
me, I know I had no clothes but a change, the 
brown calico and the coarse muslin one were all, 
a coarse muslin skirt and a flannel one. When I 
pledged my good shawl I got some money, the 
usual ticket with an old faded Delaine shawl was 



Catherine Joss. 289 

all I had to wear, a brown brayes bonnet, a 
shade lighter than my face, after running all 
Summer on the prairie without a bonnet or even 
a looking glass to see my face, so I was fright- 
ened when I saw myself in the light. I think 
the first Sunday we were in that house Joss went 
over to a Scotch grocery where he saw the man 
he teamed for, he gave him three dollars, one 
dollar more than he expected, so he stayed there 
with the men a while and when he came home 
had candy and cakes for the children. I said he 
had better got something we all could eat. 
What do you want? he said. I told him there 
is nothing in particular, only I thought that 
money could have got something useful. He 
went over again, stayed quite a while, came with 
some strong butter, eggs, and flour enough to 
make a g-ood meah 

A family of a man, woman and child came in 
the room next to us to stay till they could get 
out in the country, and he said, the woman 
would allow me to make anything on her stove; 
we got milk, I made up the batter for some 
fritters he took a notion for, as he saw some 
bean stalks in the lot he wanted some dipped in 
the butter and fried. I picked some cucumber 
leaves which the Germans used in the same way. 
Some were fried without anything in them, when 



290 Autobiography of 

done, as they were on the woman's plate, I set 
them on the table made of a board, he took his 
seat on the old chair, ate some of the fritters, 
making remarks about them not being as good 
as they should be. I said they could not be 
fried in a little strong butter. At such times 
when I would say anything it was not right, and 
if I did not, it was because I thought him not 
worth an answer. 

He tasted one cucumber, and said, if I wanted 
to poison him, to do it in some other way that 
would not be so lingering. I said nothing, he 
became abusive and said, any man to be treated 
as he was by me and so religious as I was, too, 
he did not want to go to heaven, if I got there. 
I cried, but said nothinor. \ am sure his talk did 
not affect me so as to make me cry, but the idea 
of our condition under such circumstances as we 
were in and to think I had to give him the dollar 
to get the place, then not to put it to better use. 
The first he had earned in the place we were 
going to save and get the boys from Ohio, alto- 
gether his talk was the least to make me cry, 
and because I did not talk about the poison 
fritters, he took the plate and emptied it in a pig- 
pen at the bottom of the lot. When he came in 
I talked, for I felt for the children who were 
waitinor to be served with some of the fritters. 



Catherine Joss. 291 

and told him so; he said, oh, you go to hell ! I 
told him in quite a different humor that surprised 
myself, "well, I thought you had some sound 
sense, but it don't look like it when you say you 
don't want to go to heaven if I be there, then 
right after you send rne to hell, which must be 
the place you must expect to go as there are 
only two places." He laughed and said, you 
wont be in any place when you get on the board 
to cross the gulf, you'll be shoved off. This talk 
was all in German, our children understood none 
of it. He went off and soon came with some- 
thing cooked for the children like meat or oyster 
pie, I don't remember, and told them the fritters 
were not good, because the butter was strong. 

The next week he took the place of a clerk 
that left in a warehouse office, the man and 
woman both were very good people, he boarded 
with them and when he had his regular living 
got better soon, I worked all I could that week, 
till Friday got out a good many shirts, went to 
the shirt factory, got my pay and took no more. 
Saturday I straightened all up around our place 
to make it as comfortable as possible. The 
other family had gone out of the other room. 

Saturday afternoon I met the young married 
woman in the big house on the lot at the cistern, 
I asked her if she could tell me where I could 



292 Autohiograjphy of 

find a woman if I should need one, that I was 
not acquainted with any one in the city. She 
said her mother Hved near, she would bring her 
over that afternoon. She did, they were both 
very friendly, told me not to be backward about 
letting them know if they could do anything for 
me, and to send any time. So next morning I 
sent Joss for her, she came, told Joss where to 
go for a doctor, said she would go home, get her 
man's breakfast and then come over. Joss and 
her both were gone, the oldest little girl was yet 
asleep on her father's bed, the younger one, who 
was very sick, was asleep in the back part of my 
bed on the floor behind the door. I got on my 
knees, in the bed, bore and prayed. Joss came, 
but did not fin-d a doctor, I could not move, told 
him to call the woman quick, he did, they both 
came, laid me up in the bed, no one else was 
needed, the young woman waited on her mother, 
and myself and young daughter were comfort- 
able in bed. For a few hours the baby slept and 
was no trouble, but the sick child had to be 
waited on. Joss being there, it was Sunday and 
the women both were very kind, the young 
woman had company from the country, said she 
had a country dinner, it was roast beef and pota- 
toes, apple dumplings and a large bowl of tea. 
She brought all in she had left and we ate 



Catherine Joss. 293 

heartily. I had not had a warm meal for six 
weeks, it tasted good and did me no harm. 
Surely, those mercyful Samaritans will not re- 
main unrewarded, for Jesus says, "What ye do 
unto the least of these my litde ones ye do unto 
me." Though I was only one of God's would-be 
Christians, He owned me as His creature, and 
never forsook my honest endeavors till He 
owned me for His child through the loving kind- 
ness of His Son, who overcame and won my 
heart. God grant that the one thing be not 
lacking, 

No matter how sad the condition, 

No matter how humble the home, 
Our praj-er comes nearest fruition, 

When the babe that is looked for has come. 

Come to these low grounds of sorrow, 
Its birthplace and name most unknown. 

It is said, care not for to-morrow, 
Believe, and all things are your own. 

To-night I am comfortably seated in that 
child's house in the midst of plenty, and they can 
say like the righteous youth, *'A11 these have we 
kept." 



294 Autobiography of 



CHAPTER XVII. 

AT THE HOME OF MY PARENTS. 

I could not find relief to think it best than for 
my sons to be exposed to the same bringing up 
I had, though in a worldly point of view I could 
wish no better, but began to think godliness was 
profitable to all things, and in my selfrighteous- 
ness, believed I had it and thought because I 
had learned to hold my tongue when it was bet- 
ter for me to bear patiently what I thought was 
the cross laid on me, because I must if I would 
wear the crown. I felt sorry for anything wrong 
detected in myself, asked forgiveness, which I 
believed I had when I came with a broken and 
contrite heart, could go in peace watching and 
yet do something I would not, or leave that un- 
done that I would do till a more favorable cir- 
cumstance, and often saw the fruit of it, I could 
easy give a chapter of such like religion, it lasted 
for years, as God don't easily leave them he 
loves, and that is what my salvation consists in. 
Jesus loved me, He lives and loves me still. 
Glory to His name. 



Catherine Joss. 295 

Oh, this useless life, dear Jesus, 

Hear me, Lord, and bid me go. 
Tell poor sinners Thou canst free us, 

Give us pure hearts here below. 

On these low grounds of sin and sorrow 

I'll hearken to Thy loving voice, 
Sa3ung, " Don't wait until to-morrow. 

While to-day you may rejoice. 

Only give yourself to Jesus; 

A full surrender let it be, 
He shed His blood for to redeem us, 

And gives us perfect liberty." 



Oh the joy of knowing Jesus 
As such a faithful Friend, 
From all our sins He doth relieve us, 
And keeps us to the end. 

If we follow in His footsteps. 

Wherever He may lead, 
He will lead us on to glory. 

And we'll crown Him Lord indeed. 



" I rest in hope. Thou wilt not leave my soul in hell, nei- 
ther wilt Thou suffer Thy holy one to see corruption. Thou 
wilt show me the path of life, in Thy presence is fullness of 
joy, and at Thy right hand are pleasures evermore." 

And to have the dear Httle ones exposed to 
such as human nature in the tender bud of life 
could not endure in such weather as apparently 
threatened us then. I told Joss of the impres- 



296 Autohiograjihij of 

sion I had of our returning to be with the boys 
at home. He at once said, " No, I'll die out- 
doors first," litde thinking it should occur, nor I, 
at that time, when health and strength was re- 
turning and hope, as we were among another 
class of people, among whom we expected to 
make our living. 

But the weather got cold, the lake winds blew 
in through our mosquito bars, without fire and 
no warm victuals, with a sick child, apparently- 
dying, and a babe only a few days old, without 
comfortable clothing or bedding ; there was 
nothing left for me but to try to get to where we 
could be taken care of. I told him I should 
write for money to go; he said he was working 
and getting well, and there would be a way for 
us to live. I told him he got seven dollars a 
week and board, which was as good as could be 
expected in those days; we must pay eight dol- 
lars rent a month, eight dollars for wood or coal 
a month, and nothing to keep house with; how 
could we make it reach, when the Winter was so 
near? He said, that's the way with you good 
Christians, that trust God when prospects are 
good for plenty, but now you can't see, your faith 
fails; but, said he, you can write for money, and 
when it comes you can go, but they shall never 
have it to say when I had all spent they took me 



Catherine Joss. 297 

home; and when he could, would send for or 
get us. 

1 wrote, but felt I could not stay there, as we 
were all sick, and concluded to g-o to Milwaukee, 
I asked the brewer's wife, where we got our milk, 
if she would take what I had to keep house with, 
so I could go to stay with my friends till the 
money came to go home to my parents. She 
said, I should set a price on what I had, and 
she would take it and g^ive it to her Qfirl that was 
going to be married. All I had to keep house 
with I could only charge one dollar and fifty 
cents for, I thought the fare, deck passage, would 
be one dollar, all the clothes we had were on our 
backs, a few duds tied in a handkerchief for the 
baby. I had but a shabby calico dress and a 
night-gown of coarse muslin, everything that 
would fetch anything at the pawn broker's was 
ofone. 

That morning I went to the house of the man 
for whom Joss worked, asked the woman if she 
could not let my husband know I was ready to 
start to the boat when time; she was very 
friendly, asked where I was going; I told her; 
she was surprised; "why," said she, "your hus- 
band is not well yet." I said I know, but we 
can't stay. She knew not our circumstances; 
said, not the best parents or friends could per- 
20 



298 Autobiography of 

suade her to leave her sick husband. I burst 
into tears and went out. Joss sent an express 
wagon to take us to the wharf, said he could not 
come. We went and were helped off the wagon, 
he drove off, there I stood with two babes, one 
on each arm, a little md between three and four 
years holding to my dress, with the little bundle 
in her hand. The boat I was to go on was start- 
ing as we got there, the dock was crowded with 
emigrants as well as others, but to whom could 
I look to help me? Surely, with my three help- 
less children I was there alone, as we used to 
sinor in a sono-; 

*'The world so great, and I so small, 

The world so full, and I alone ; 
Yet I have none on whom to call, 

Surely we are without a home. 
These loved ones here would make me glad, 
Yet this condition, oh how sad ! " 

But there was a must in that case; another 
boat lay there, some one said, it would start for 
Milwaukee. A German woman was sitting on 
what I took to be a bundle of bedding. I asked 
her if she would take care of my two children 
till I could go on the boat to find out if and 
when it was going out. I went to the clerk's 
office, he said, in ten minutes, I hurried, left 
my baby, a few days old, with another woman, 



Catherine Joss. 299 

forced myself along through the deck hands 
working, when I saw the plank drawn in. I 
screamed, but in that confusion was not noticed, 
but I saw the sailors on the dock throwing my 
children to the sailors on board, the water was 
splashing, one turn of the wheel would have put 
me beyond the reach of my children. Almost 
frantic with grief, and that instant the over- 
whelming joy and yet fear of them being hurt, 
altogether must be experienced to feel, or real- 
ized. By that time the boat was going, I forced 
my way through the crowd to one who seemed 
to have command of things; he said: "Are you 
the mother of these children?" I said "yes." 
He saluted me with "a hell of a pretty mother 
you are," and gave them to me, while a torrent 
of curses came upon me with "they just got 
them in time or I would have been off." I knew 
they were blaming me for wanting to go and 
leave the children behind, but if ever I loved and 
felt under obligations to anybody, it was those 
sailors, and I think I learned how to bless them 
that curse me. 

When I o-ot to where the woman sat with the 
baby, the woman talked to me. I asked her 
pardon, as I felt sick and faint, yet did not be- 
come unconscious. I leaned against something 
and sfot better. The same man that gave me 



330 AutobiograjyJiy of 

my children came to me for fare or ticket. I 
asked what the fare was. He said, three dollars. 
I said I never knew deck passage to be but one 
dollar. He passed on and came back, asked 
how much I had, and took the one dollar and 
fifty cents. We never stopped till we got to 
Milwaukee. Had I known that the boat was 
chartered to take emigrants, as the other boat 
was full, I could have got through without pay; 
yet I am glad I gave my all. and felt as though I 
should like to have had something to show my 
good will to the sailors. I thought when I got 
to Milwaukee I would be all right, and so I would, 
had I not been too proud. 

The first man I saw that I knew was the har- 
bor master, who would have welcomed me to his 
house, but I could not make myself known, but 
feeling ashamed to appear as I was before one of 
mv old associates. I went on. after comine near 
having my little four \ear old girl crushed be- 
tween a backing dray and some timber along the 
side of the pier, down through Huron street up 
Water to Market, to where I was obliged to stop. 
I went to the side door and rang the bell, when 
the landlady came to the door, took one of my 
babies and welcomed us to her sitting-room, 
where every comfort was bestowed on us, and so 
it would have been all along, could I have hum- 



Catherine Joss. 301 

bled myself, but I thought to be able to reach 
my own relatives without exposing my poverty 
to strangers. Our supper was brought in the 
room for us, and we could have stayed for the 
night or longer, but I asked to be taken to one 
of the Joss cousins, as I feared we should all be 
ill after that day. So they had their man hitch 
up and take us to where we were nursed a few- 
days with tender care, and when able went to 
uncle's, where both he and aunt were sick. 
Then I was taken to a cousin of mine, where we 
stayed two weeks till the money got to Chicago 
and I got a letter from Joss. Uncle took us *to 
the boat, put us in a state-room, got our ticket 
for cabin passage, and cousin clothed us fit to 
travel. 

We got to Chicago, found Joss waiting for us 
and took us to the woman that kept boarders 
and was with me when sick. She and her 
daughter were very kind to me. Joss also had 
got a letter, written in behalf of his mother from 
his brother and sister, pleading for him to come 
home, but he would not, and as soon as possible 
I started; though I had made the trip five times 
by water, it was the first to go by railroad, and 
as Joss stayed with us in the coach, expecting it 
to start. I hoped his intention was to ctq with us. 
It seemed as though he could not stav behind. 



302 Autohiogra])hy of 

But he went outside after saying- good-by to us, 
stood at the window and assured us if he kept 
well it would not be long till he should have us 
with him aofain. 

We started, and for the last time separated, 
but not without a hope to meet again on earth, 
and my expectation was that God, with whom 
all things are possible, would in due time estab- 
lish a home for us on earth, where the joy of 
righteousness should prevail, in making our 
moral home yet bright and attractive, with our 
promising boys to show forth His praise, in 
showing our enemies what He will do if we are 
faithful in striving to keep His commandments 
and trust Him under all circumstances. 

My boys had been there one year without ex- 
pense to any one to take them there. I sent 
them, and had no fear for them of not carningf 
their living, as everybody worked and the boys 
were praised to me for their industry. I with 
the little ones were of course a charge to them, 
and I had to hear it often, for we were sick, the 
children had the scarlet rash, and Ettie, the sick 
little girl, remained poorly all Winter, so that 
had I been strong could not have done anything 
for any one. My brother who had furnished the 
means for me to come liome had a room one 
side of mine, he taught school in the Winter 



Catherine Joss. 303 

and clerked in the Summer. On the other side 
of my room was the room of my two sisters; the 
oldest one withstood me to my face that I cared 
not how much trouble I caused our parents, that 
I should have stayed when I was there before, 
then I should not have the two youngest children 
for them to care for in their old days, when tluiy 
have raised their own children. Many such 
things I had to hear, which was not pleasant, yet 
I could endure it much better than I could have 
done if I could have helped myself any other 
way to keep the children from suffering and 
dying, as I thought. 

I endured silently, till this sister had been 
away a few months on a visit to Columbus, and 
when she came home, as my room always had 
fire and was warm, we would generally be in 
bed and often asleep when she came through to 
her room. She often sat silent, as I supposed 
to warm, but sometimes would cry, lie down and 
roll on the floor, sob and cry. At last I told her 
I could not stand that, if it was my IxMug there 
that caused such trouble, I should try to find a 
way to make a change. She said it was not mci 
yet it distressed me, and next evening when 
brother was in his room I went in and asked him 
what he thought was the matter with sister; I 
told him what I thought, that my j)resence was 



304 Aatohiography of 

the cause. He said, nonsense, she has too many 
strings to her bow, she can't make up her mind 
what to do, and I should not mind her. 

Sometimes things occurred among the work 
hands who I beheved never to be right sober, as 
they drank all the while, and my boys worked 
under them; if I said anything about dislikes, I 
would receive a sudden rebuff, like "shut your 
children up in a glass case or band box," or "all 
went well enough till you came." So I was most 
unhappy I thought when there, fearing that my 
sons would learn to drink and should have to ofo 
through with what we had to. I shall not try to 
describe the scenes of sorrow and suffering I-saw 
through drink among well-to-do people, as much 
of it comes too near home where many to this 
day shut their eyes to its effects, because they 
like it, and think we should hide the faults we 
see. 

All the way I had to travel with my sick child 
to keep her asleep wrapped in a shawl, lying on 
the seat opposite me, when she stirred and I 
feared she would wake up, I repeated her dose 
of laudanum. How many times this was done I 
cannot tell, but every time I thought it would be 
her last dose. She had had the Summer com- 
plaint nearly all Summer, and it seemed nothing 
remained of her but her skeleton. I expected to 



Catherine Joss. 305 

bury her when we would come to our journey's 
end. We had something with us to eat, so we 
never o-ot out of the coach till we reached Massil- 
lon. A man came in at the hotel, took my and 
my two children's names, I had laid the sick one 
in the corner of a sofa where our wraps were 
lying, she was not noticed by him and I was so 
exhausted that I did not care to say any more 
than I had to. My brother, who was in the 
place, got a conveyance, I can't say for certain if 
he or a cousin that was there took me home, but 
I do know that brother had a friend in Chicago, 
to whom he wrote to supply my wants. He 
came and gave me the necessary money to go 
with, and that brother paid it out of his salary he 
was getting at Massillon, and I never could rec- 
ompense him for that and much less for what he 
has done for me since. As I am one of God's 
little ones, I trust he will have his reward. 

I went home that time because I had to, and 
for the time was thankful for the children's sake, 
and was willing to suffer any blame for m)- un- 
oratefulncss in leavino- when I was brought there 
before by my parents and established in a way 
to make my own living, and as I myself expected 
to pay the expense of bringing us to the place to 
take charge of the work, which was labor there 
as well as elsevvhen.', and my boys were deprived 



3o6 Autobiography of 

of the schooling they received at other places, 
and think they too earned their living, which 
was all well enough, yet I had not abandoned 
the hope that fortune would smile on us as a 
family, all to be united again under more favor- 
able circumstances than we had been previous 
to my taking charge of the work I did, which I 
expected would help Joss to realize something to 
start us in the world when we should know how 
to manage better. But I have long since seen 
that life as it was then at that place could not 
afford a congenial abode for any of us to spend 
our days through life; yet had the accident not 
happened to Joss by the falling of the pole of the 
machine on his back, I should have been glad to 
stay, for the sake of the prospects of gain, longer 
than we did; but duty called and I obeyed, and 
aside from what it cost to take me there with my 
children, we paid our way as long as we were 
there, and I was always and am yet glad I went 
when prompted by conscience, though we were 
compelled to return again in the Sprino-. 

I asked father for a log kitchen to live in that 
was attached to the glue shop, which he allow^ed 
me to have. As there was a fire-place in it. I 
could soon gather up a few things to keep house 
with, the bed the boys had at mother's I put on 
the loft where we were, it beinor Summer it did 



Catherine Joss. 307 

not take many bed clothes, but I was supplied 
with one, most likely by mother, and my sister- 
in-law was not backward in supplying- me with 
anything- she thought of that I needed. I re- 
member I had a large store box for a cupboard 
and kitchen table, when John Smith came and 
gave me his sink; but it must have been when 
they broke up house-keeping after sister died. 
It was litde I had, but content made litde plenty, 
and to an extent was much more comfortable to 
be alone, ever hoping to hear and get help from 
Joss, but there was always some reason why he 
could not send us help. The boys boarded and 
worked for father, the oldest and youngest, who 
was to fetch the cows and take them to the field, 
and then go to school. But the school going 
was not much, as there was always something 
to do. 

I visited a sick woman whose husband had 
been an awful drinker, they had four children, 
one a smart young man, but also drinking, one 
son was almost like a wild man. They could not 
make him wear a hat, not even at his father's 
funeral. Then there was Annie, who once was 
a smart little girl, her mother said; but the beat- 
ing and ill treatment of her father stupefied her, 
the blows she got on her head were the cause of 
her deafness. She was the only one to care for 



3o8 Autobiography of 

her mother; they were not ,so poor, had some 
land, but it was poorly worked by the boys, most 
that was done the deaf and dumb boy did. The 
mother worked almost constantly at our house. 
I was not there when the smallpox were in our 
family, but heard of her faithfulness in attending 
to the sick. But at last the poor soul, that came 
from a wealthy family in Switzerland, was often 
driven out by a drunken husband and had to 
sleep in the chicken coop, and then work to help 
to support her children, was laid low with the 
dropsy, I found her in an awful condition, the 
ropes in the bedstead were so loose that her bed 
was most uncomfortable, to say nothing of the 
filthy condition of everything about the place. 
I went home and asked what could be done for 
her. They said, nothing; they had tried every- 
thing they could think of, cleaned the house and 
provided all necessary things for Anna to wait 
on her, but in a short time it was the same as 
before. But, said I, she is dying, and can we 
see her die in that condition ? True, she worked 
for the pay, but she was a faithful servant, and 
I'll take her in with me and leave them to them- 
selves that are there. Mother opposed it, 
saying I was crazy. Father came over to talk 
with me about it, they all seemed to like the idea 
of her being made comfortable, but thought I 



Catherine Joss. 309 

could not do it. I wanted to try, and father said 
no more. 

I don't remember how I got her up, but she 
was brought, may be my own folks got her up 
for me. She told me she would be glad to come. 
Her own bedding, which was good when in order 
and which she kept locked up in a chest at home, 
she had with her. She had also good linen 
sheets and cases for the feather beds. I got 
underclothes from mother. Joss's night-gowns 
and caps came in handy, and when she was 
washed and dressed and in her comfortable bed, 
all were glad to see her, and her two poor chil- 
dren that could not speak to her for us to under- 
stand, were glad to see her, and they often shed 
tears. She said, they were tears of gratitude, 
that they were glad to see her so cared for. But 
she was not long for this world. The doctor did 
all he could, everybody was kind to her, and 
they are very charitable people, and I often 
thought if it were not for drink, and in some 
cases avariciousness, there would not be so much 
misery. 

There was no county house then, and when I 
had to get help I applied for it to the trustees, 
who secured a widow not long from Germany; 
she was a Christian, and as the sick woman com- 
plained about everybody having been to blame 



3IO Autohiography of 

for her sickness and trouble, the hired woman 
could talk to her about Jesus suffering for us, 
while we rebelled against Him by not bearing 
the ills of others, as He bore ours. She read to 
her from the Scriptures and prayed with her, and 
the dear woman forgot her troubles and the 
wrongs which were done to her, and when the 
doctor said she would at some time, perhaps 
very soon, go off like going to sleep, she re- 
quested calmly the minister to administer the 
sacrament to her. He was surprised to find her 
in calmness and fixed so firm on her Redeemer, 
in whom she trusted, that she quietly passed 
away. 

The trustees wished me to take Annie until 
they could write to their uncle; the deaf and 
dumb boy stayed at father's until they were 
taken away by their uncle, who lived near the 
Ohio river. It was my privilege to be at Clar- 
ington; I sought and found them there, well and 
glad to see me. I thought, if our fellowship below 
in Jesus is so sweet, what will it be when in 
heaven we meet. 



Catherine Joss. 3 1 1 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

DEATH OF MR. JOHN JOSS. 

In the latter part of July, 1855, word came 
from Millersburgh, that a Joss was found dead on 
the prairie near Chicago, it was pubHshed in the 
paper there, but we received the mail only once 
a week and it would not be the day for a few 
days yet, but the clerk from my brother-in-law's 
store was on his way to Millersburgh some time. 
When my sister-in-law went over to the store 
for her son, she found him alone and asked 
where the clerk was. They told her, some family 
that owed them were moving and going that 
way, and he wanted to get to Millersburgh first, 
so as to stop his goods to make him pay the 
debt. She went over to the house again, every- 
body in town knew it, and all thought it was 
Fred Joss, because he M'as off with a gentleman 
on a pleasure and speculating trip; all thought 
he had been murdered and robbed, as wc knew 
not the particulars of the case. 

The next day a handsome silk llag sent from 
Switzerland, presented to the Sonnenberg Glee 
Singers, which they were going to dedicate at 
Weinsberg. They were wondering and waiting 



312 Autobiography of 

for the news. If it be Fred, a man was to be 
dispatched to tell them not to come. No doubt 
the town would be draped in crape if it were 
true that he was dead. My mother-in-law knew 
it was one of her sons, if true, but dare not say 
a word that the family be not excited, for some 
of them were not well and very nervous. I went 
in and out, knowing" as much as any, but it never 
struck me. In the afternoon their washwoman 
came in, sympathizing with them, as she thought 
they all knew it. She said a few words, which 
roused sister's suspicion, and in a moment all was 
in an uproar, even the washwoman fainted to see 
them and to think she was the cause. It makes 
me rejoice in the God of our salvation to think 
of that time, how my table was spread in the 
presence of my spiritual enemies. I stood and 
sometimes said a word, but it was of no use, 
they wanted none of my consolation, not know- 
ing I had none to give, but would have liked to 
recommend my consoler, and I felt if I could 
bear the shock for them, I could endure it better. 
I engaged in prayer for God to comfort those 
sisters-in-law. Brother came in from a neigh- 
borinsf town, she flew at him and asked, "tell me 
the truth, is Fred dead?" He said "no." But 
they would not believe it, and it was worse 
among them than before. I stood there feeling 



Catherine Joss. 3 1 3 

calm but sorry for them bearing trouble, I had 
heard the "no," and "wait I will tell you all," but 
they would not listen to him, and he wanted to 
bring it about so as not to shock me, but I never 
thought anything of self, only that I was thank- 
ful I could endure by God's grace. As soon as 
he could he asked me, if I had written a letter 
to John, dated somewhere in the beginning of 
July. I have forgotten the date, and said, "that 
is for me. what is it?" The calm it afforded s(3 
many, only mother Joss, who was seated on the 
lounge and had hitherto been silent, gave way to 
grief. We listened to the few words stating that 
he was found nine miles from Chicago with a 
letter and certificate from Holmes county, that 
he had served seven years as reofiment bueler. 
I said 1 was glad, as I knew I could bear it better 
than they could, if it was them. Mother Joss 
told me afterwards when she saw how I took it, 
she could cry no more. I was told others made 
remarks as well. I walked out, went down 
street, passed their store, got to the other store, 
both men were at the door, they asked if they 
got the news? I said, "yes, it was John Joss, 
not Fred," and walked on till I came to father's. 
My sister sat on the door- step; I said, "it is John 
that is dead." Slie jumped up and ran into the 
house, I went in to my place, lay on the lounge, 
21 



314 Autohiography of 

and when I was alone I began to weep, but not 
for him nor myself, but my children. Froni the 
first moment my trouble was: Must my children 
be exposed to the same life we have had? My 
eyes were opened as never before. I could only 
see the good there was in him, and my horrible 
self, when the friends that meant it good came 
in; all meant it well, and were right in their way 
of thinking; but if they had known how I felt 
against myself for defending in my ignorance 
the social glass, only condemning drinking too 
much and orettinof drunk, and how often I had 
not only not encouraged when he had got a 
heart to feel and a mind to think, and endeavored 
to persuade me that our way of living would not 
do to live, much less to die by; he had had 
many times rebuff or chide, I had been blamed 
by my own and his people for many things I was 
not guilty of; but oh, how the sword of the Spirit 
cut like a two-edged sword indeed. The axe 
was at the root of the tree, and though I could 
not define even in my own mind, yet the struggle 
was there, and I thank God who giveth us the 
victory. 

The next day arrangements were being made 
for the reception of the singers that were com- 
ing to dedicate a handsome silk flag, sent to 
them from Switzerland as a token of honor for 



Catherine Joss. 



o'- 



helping to propagate the cuhivation of singing 
in their new home, to smooth their rugged path- 
way of toil and privation. May they so cheer 
with song and smooth with hope, so as to make 
the wilderness bloom like the rose with joy, and 
instigfate its onward march till we have heaven 
on earth. Something like this was the substance 
of the speech made by a great speaker, when 
the Swiss Alpine Glee Singers were organized, 
it being my privilege to be there then, and in the 
church at that time. He also spoke of enjoying 
the God-given privileges, to use His gifts mod- 
erately, as there was nothing that went into the 
mouth that defileth, therefore we must use, not 
abuse. And after the meeting in the church, the 
day was spent in eating, drinking, dancing and 
sino;-inor, and not without many (jettine drunk. 

How many sprees the singers had I cannot 
say. as I was not there except when organized, 
and again at the reception of the flag. Some 
kegs of beer were tapped and placed on a high 
bench under the larg-e arbor in the wine orarden. 
also buckets of wine with dippers in them, to fill 
the glasses on the table, all was free. My mother 
and mother-in-law, sisters and sister-in-law came 
to sit with me in the hall where I lived, opposite 
the wide gate that was thrown open, it was a 
bright moonlight night, the wagons stopped out- 



3i6 Autobiography of 

side the village, and they marched in with flag 
unfurled and floating to the breeze, the band 
playing, which seemed to tear me to pieces. How 
I would have liked to crawl away out of sight 
and hearing of it all, but did not dare to say a 
word of what I felt and feared, with my sons so 
young in the midst of it, such rejoicing and 
pleasure to all, to see the enjoyment of others. 
But I could see no joy in it. Some were there 
who had perhaps taken the social glass for the 
first time with my husband and not knowing but 
what he had been drinking when he died, as at 
that time we had heard none of the particulars; 
yet it appeared to be a consolation to all those 
that were near and dear to me and meaning it 
well with me in their way, but 1 had got over 
their way of thinking, and in the place of joy on 
the heads of them that enjoyed such pleasure I 
could only imagine of hearing my husband say,, 
when alone on the prairie in the agonies of 
death, and in the presence of God, to whom we 
all must Qfive an account of the deeds done in 
the body, and how should I stand it if it were 
not for the precious blood of Jesus, as 1 felt he 
would be justified in saying, 

A thousand curses on his head, 

Who (rave me first the poisonous bowl, 

Caused me the cursed bani> to drink, 
Drink death and ruin to my soul. 



Catherine Joss. 317 

In a few weeks by writing I got all the infor- 
mation I could, was informed by his employer 
that h(i remained with them as one of the family 
till he took the smallpox, when he went to the 
hospital. After that they never heard of him. 
They spoke well of him, and I am in hopes, 
knowing his employer and wife to be in good 
standing in the Baptist church, that he had en- 
couragement to persevere in doing good, as he 
often resolved to do, and I believe I stood in his 
wa)'. From his last letter we learned that he 
had been sick eight weeks, but was better and 
expected to be with us in two weeks, about the 
time the news came of his death. 

The landlord stated in his letter that Joss 
came to his house sick, had had the smallpox but 
was over them, but got very sick, lay two weeks, 
got up and settled with him, saying he was going 
to the station. This was at Blue Island, nine 
miles from Chicago. The landlord told him he 
looked more like SToino- to his o-rave than to 
travel, but he said he must go, and when they 
found him with thirty-eight cents in his pocket, 
they thought perhaps it was because he had no 
money and started out to go to the city again. 
There was nothing left at that tavern, as the 
landlord said he came there without an)- baggage. 

The commissioner wrote, in answer to my in- 



3i8 Autobiography of 

quiry, that a boy who went for his cows two 
days after Joss leaving Blue Island, found him 
two and a half miles from the place from where 
he started, that he had taken a straight course 
across the prairie toward the station, dropped 
his coat which he evidently carried, went a few 
steps and fell on his back, and had not moved, 
as they could have seen in the high grass. He 
lay with his face upward, and was black in the 
face, his hat on his head, arms stretched out, 
and the long grass clinched tight in each hand. 
A letter from me, the answer to the last one he 
wrote, dated the first of July, also a certificate 
from Holmes county that he served as regiment 
bugler seven years, which the coroner took Avith 
him and was published in the papers, and that 
they buried him near the place where he died, 
as they believed in a fit or spasm, is all the in- 
formation I got of his death, no one tried to find 
out anything about him, and I could do no more 
than I did. 

Thus was ended the life of my husband in the 
thirty-seventh year of his age. He was by no 
means a drunkard beyond the average drinkers, 
but not so lucky as some to gain wealth, nor was 
he adapted for it, for which I am thankful, know- 
ing he would rather give than take, and my con- 
science has never been cumbered with fruilt in 



Catherine Joss. 319 

that respect, though no doubt we have been de- 
prived of what the world and myself would have 
called blessing's, had he been a shrewd business 
man, in the many opportunities we had to make 
money, and did make money, but somehow 
could not keep it, for which I am glad, having 
the assurance that God's ways are best. 

To think of the time between August, 1839 
and August, 1890, what space, fifty-one years, 
has been covered with chanires of scenes in va- 
rious places, and in different circumstances, yet 
this last fifteenth of August, the first that brought 
to my mind that it was the day I was married, 
with its realities laid open before my mind and 
am forced to exclaim from the depth of my soul, 
with tears of gratitude streaming from these old 
eyes, that for years have hardly shed a tear at 
any earthly woe, and can only say, "What am I 
that Thou art mindful of me?" Though it has 
been my aim not to squander time, but to redeem 
it. believing that few and evil are the days thereof, 
with the best of my doing, which it must be. if I 
would hear that "well done," or that "slie hath 
done what she could." Yet had not the Master 
allowed us to feel our shortcoming and unprof- 
itableness when we have done all and the very 
best we can, I for one could not stand in the 
presence of Him who searcheth the heart and 



320 Autobiography of 

trieth the reins of the children of men. But 
glory to His name provision is made for all who 
mmH may come to the fountain that is open for 
sin and uncleanness. How glad I am that I 
have entered in, there Jesus saves me and keeps 
me clean, and I find every promise true, and see 
the commands with them which He enables me 
to see plainer, as the light shines more and more, 
and gives grace for grace, all-sufficient grace 
humbles and makes me strong, ever to tell 
the story of Him who has before us gone. 
Hallelujah ! 

I have been a widow more than thirty-five 
years, a mother with six live children and two 
dead, buried a boy and a girl, raised six to men 
and women, three boys and three girls, t)y God's 
grace, to be blessed with them all to this day 
more than many mothers, with time and oppor- 
tunities, with all to supply their wants, and better 
qualified for raising a family than I, and all 
motherly affection and loving kindness bestowed 
on them, and yet anxious care, and at last grief 
brought many to an untimely grave, seemingly 
while as for the present, and have been all of 
them comfortably settled, employed industriously 
in honest employment in business, without being 
educated especially for the calling wherein they 
stand, but by honesty and industriously endeav- 



Catherine Joss. 321 

oring to be diligent in business, fervent in spirit, 
servintr the Lord, thouofh in the latter I fear not 
all are zealously engaged, but thank God, for the 
hope I have of them that are gone, continuing to 
trust and believe each one of them that God 
gave me will not only give unto me rejoicing 
here, being thankful that we are what we are, 
but hope we will form an unbroken family in 
heaven, to praise Him forever. 



My father's lonely grave shall give 
Wairning to me while 011 earth I live, 
To show the course he on earth did run, 
For fear my soul and body be undone. 

He mingled once in youth's gay train, 
Every idle pleasure made him vain, 
The social glass that used to overflow, 
Caused us its fruits and bitterness to know. 

No place he had whereon to la}" his head, 
The wide wild prairie was his dj-ing-bed, 
But (ji«»d alone was all to see him die. 
We loved iiini. but we were not nigh, 

To hear the words of warning lie might give ; 
Yet I am resolved, ever so to live 
And shun the glass, as though I heard him say: 
Take warning, my son, and come away ! 



322 Autobiography of 



CHAPTER XIX. 

REFLECTIONS ON THE PAST. 

To get back where the news of my husband's 
death came. I was at home in the place where 
loving hearts and willing hands were able and 
willing to render any aid to support us, and ex- 
pected to do so, as I had nothing to depend on, 
and it w^ould naturally look like folly to them 
all in their way of living for me to desire to 
subject myself and children to want, when I had 
not long come out of it and to them for support. 
There was a time when I sided with the 
necessary evil of the drink element, which was 
acknowledged an evil because men ran drinking 
to excess, yet we that were in the business our- 
selves were moderators in not giving a man 
when we saw he had too much, and each man 
thought he could moderate himself; but withal 
they were generally honest and industrious, and 
a oneness and union existed among them as not 
to be found elsewhere. Ignorant of the wicked- 
ness of the business I urged my husband into 
it, thinking it profitable nor thinking it wrong 
that caused me to give it up, but believing it not 



Catherine Joss. 323 

a suitable business for my husband, as drink 
made him slothful in the business, which I blamed 
for our not getting- along fmancially better than 
we did, and therefore could send our boys to 
the place where they would be among respect- 
able people, while we expected to follow railroad 
building and be exposed to we knew not what, 
for the sake of replacing what we had lost, to 
settle ourselves again, which we thought would 
not take long. But the dear Lord willed it 
otherwise. I too had to return again, not of 
choice, but a must was then in the case to save 
our dear little ones, and perhaps self first to be 
taken by death, and it seemed to myself as they 
told me, It was outrageous, to see where I was 
brought to with my whims, when I was with 
them before. I did not enjoy the things I once 
did, but for the sake of my children to have a 
comfortable living at the time, always hoping 
for the change to come when we should be 
able to resume our position in life again, but saw 
plainly when my soul became exceedingly sor- 
rowful, because all my earthly hopes were blas- 
ted, and patching new patches on an old gar- 
ment would not do, but as I had been advised 
by my husband that our way of living would not 
carry us through this life, and help us less in 
death, I feared he had stumbled alone over me. 



324 Autobiography of 

wanting to keep up the old traditions of the 
fathers to the ruin of his and perhaps my own 
soul, not being able to lift my eyes to my Re- 
deemer, myself so vile as I appeared even to 
myself, that I feared to ask the Lord to have 
mercy, but pleaded for my children to be spared 
and not impute my sins on them, for we are told 
our God is a jealous God, visiting the iniquity 
of the fathers upon the children unto the third 
and fourth generation of them that hate Him, 
and showing mercy unto thousands of them that 
love Him and keep His commandments. 

I knew the hour we were left and were levied 
upon as in their possession now, in all good-will 
to us. My oldest and youngest sons were to 
stay with father, the second son had been and 
was to stay with his father's brother, the three 
little girls were to stay with me, which was all 
well enoucfh so far as livinsr and working was 
concerned; but there seemed not much time for 
schooling, nor was I reconciled to have them 
brought up in their way in only a form of re- 
ligion, as it had never profited me any, only 
that I imagined I was a Christian and hoped to 
be saved somehow when I came to die, if I 
committed no willful sin that the law would con- 
demn. 

But my eyes had begun to open, and I could 



Catherine Joss. 325 

already see many things in a different light, I 
could not subject myself and children to such as 
don't see as I do the need of living for God, 
and seek His righteousness first, in order to 
have the things of this world added, then I saw 
as much misery caused by getting drunk as else- 
where; all the difference was, they prospered in 
business, as I supposed, some in their mode of 
living and hard work accumulated wealth to leave 
for their children, to enjoy perhaps with no more 
comfort than the toilers that deprived themselves 
of the comforts of life, to have it said they were 
industrious and saving. I think in the long run 
I have gained more than I ever heard any say 
they had, the peace of God abiding with them 
and have enjoyed it so many years that I have 
not a shadow of doubt if I am faithful that the 
grace already given shall continue to have this 
satisfying portion that comes over my soul like a 
wave, the power of His beautiful might. He 
taketh my sins all away and turns all my dark- 
ness into light. 

Could I have had my eyes open in those days, 
with the o-ood will and understanding in that line 
that my husband naturally possessed, what vic- 
tories mitdit have been won for the Master! It 
is still to-day as it has been right down through 
the ages since the days of the apostles, when- 



326 Aufobiograjjhy of 

ever the children of the Lord are properly united 
in sing-leness of heart, the Holy Ghost is sure to 
work, and souls are saved and made to rejoice in 
His love. 

I can think of times when I was siniringf while 
nursing- and putting the baby to sleep, that Joss 
joined me in singing. At one time as I was 
singing, "Fuer alle Guete sei gepreist," a Ger- 
man evening hymn, when we came to the line of 
"Ein ruhiges Gemuethe," meaning in English, a 
tranquil human will or peace of mind, as near as 
I can get at it, he stopped; I asked why he did? 
He said, because he did not want to lie to God 
in thankinof Him for what he had not. I thouo^ht 
that and such like at other times nonsense. 
How diflerent it would have been, could I have 
heard the mighty One of Israel say, "Speak unto 
your souls in psalms and h)mns and spiritual 
sones," as it were a new sono- before the throne; 
there is a beauty in nature to charm, even 
though we be in carnal security, trusting in a 
form of godliness without the power. 

It was for me a custom I had of singing out a 
line or verse of anything that presented itself to 
my mind, which has many times dispelled every 
care, and often while despairing of some cher- 
ished desires, hope would take the place of pain, 
and anticipated joy breathe temporarily peace 



Catherine Joss. 327 

again. How often have the memories of the 
dear old songs revived my drooping spirit ! 
There is power in song, but it alone will never 
produce anything like heaven on earth, and the 
kind of enjoyment the singers had with their 
drinking only augmented my grief and I longed 
for something I knew not what, and had to get 
rid of something, also ignorant of what it was; 
but the weight often became too intolerable to be 
borne, along in the first days after the sad news 
came to me. Mother came in from the store 
with an armful of goods and told me to brace up, 
that I was better off than thousands of others, 
and as all told me I should be thankful I was 
there, which I was for the sake of my children 
being provided for. I knew we should not want 
food and raiment, or house and home, but how 
to improve the future to save my children from 
drink and its consequences to stay there, and 
how to get away, I knew not. I told mother, if 
they wanted the children dressed in black and 
at church, they must see to it, I could not and did 
see no use in it. She thought there would be 
something said about Joss' death, and it would 
be becoming for us to be there. She urged me 
to be reconciled, they would take care of us. I 
told her I was trying to trust Him who was the 
widow's Friend and the Father of the fatherless, 



328 Aiitobiographj of 

when I received abuse for being a Methodist 
fool, a head-hanger, mouth Christian and such 
like, and that I must live so they need not be 
ashamed of me, give up my beggarly way of 
living, and all would be right. It was my 
mother, and a good mother too, as all my friends 
and relatives, but they had never known any- 
thing of conviction, nor did I, much less of being 
saved in this life. 

I cried; she took hold of me and shook mc. 
I was constrained to cry out to God to stand by 
me. I was too weak to resist all this temptation, 
the noise was heard, and my brother in his store, 
which was next to me, came in, spoke to mother, 
and sat down by me as mother had said we must 
put our trust in God and good people, that God 
would not come from heaven to help us, good 
people must do it. I told brother that mother 
said it was right to be religious, but not a fool. 

Brother said, I knew in whom to trust, and it 
consoled me to think I had one on my side, and 
think after that my timidness was gone, and 
when I got among professors of religion, it never 
was a cross for me, but loved to talk of God's 
goodness, and prayed to Him in public, and 
often was powerfully blessed under trying cir- 
cumstances, but I never expected to have the 
assurance in this world that I was saved from 



Catherine Joss. 329 

sin, thinking death was the vvagres of sin, and I 
had a hope to be saved when I died. But some- 
how 1 got the woe upon me, if I was at ease in 
Zion. I thought that meant to do everything in 
accordance with God's word among His people 
of any denomination that were Christians. 

I had lost confidence in our own church on ac- 
count of drink, which by that time I hated, and 
there was no other near, but I went to visit some 
good people, they were Weinbrennarians, there 
was a big meeting there, but I knew nothing of 
it; they washed feet, I had mine washed, next 
day they had experience meeting, I enjoyed it, 
at the close an invitation was given to candidates 
for baptism to come forward, I was one of them. 
I wanted to be buried with Christ. A sister said, 
I should go with her to change my clothes; when 
we were in the bed-room she said, now the water 
is cold yet, and if you have not faith it may 
injure you. I said, no matter, I want to be bap- 
tized. She said she would be honest with mc, I 
must not be offended. I told her I was o-lad for 
that, as it was my principle to be honest and 
liked honest people. She said, let us call on 
God to witness, as it seemed to her no good 
could come out of Weinsberg. She led in 
prayer. When we rose she said, let us go, you 
are all right. When we got to the creek they 
22 



2,2,0 Autobiography of 

were on the bank, some had been baptized, they 
soon took me in, I got happy and sang, walking 
out of the water, as they Hned the hymn; it was: 

" On the wings of His love 

I was carried above, 
O'er sin and temptation and pain ; 

I could not believe 

That I ever should grieve, 
Or I ever should suffer again." 

It was just the way I felt then, but did not 
believe it could last, such joy as I realized. I 
had not heard a sermon at that meeting or any- 
where on baptism, but always thought I wanted 
to know I am baptized. I had my children with 
me, my oldest son was working for a man not 
far off. I sent his brother for him, the man 
where I stopped took me home in the afternoon. 
When I got in the house with my children, as it 
was election day, many were spreeing, my 
brother was on a spree; when I saw him come 
toward the house I bolted the door, he kicked 
against it, some one came to take him away, 
when he cried out, "Rebaptized ! hear she goes 
down to the Weinbrennarians and is baptized." 

His wife and I had done some acts of kindness 
to sick people, I must give the account of one 
especially, and we got several votes as over- 
seers of the poor. Not far from the village some 



Catherine Joss. ' 331 

people moved on farms, they were so-called New 
Lutherans, but when an Albright missionary 
came around they opened their houses for him 
to preach in; but my folks made such a fuss 
about me being a fool and likely feeling under 
oblio-ation to them I did not o-o down often, but 
I was in harmony with them and would take all 
kinds of excuses to go down to one of the houses 
early in the morning before my children were 
awake, to get to family worship, when all the 
family and work-hands were seated and the man 
of the house read a Gospel lesson, they sang and 
prayed, some one would lead, man or woman of 
the house mostly. 

At first no one would work for them, because 
they kept nothing strong to drink, but their 
treatment in kindness, good pay and good board 
won the workers, so they had plenty of them. 
They rented a room in the village and had the 
missionary preach there; it was not to be allowed, 
as all the people belonged to the one church, 
the parents had their children confirmed at the 
right age, it was tried in every way to break up 
the meetings. 

One night a rich and generally respectable 
man came in, stood in the aisle swearing, the 
preacher stopped until he got through and went 
out, then he continued. There were many out- 



332 Aatobiography of 

side, most likely expected him to be put out, 
then they would fight. Some of that man's 
children were converted. I was once at one of 
their houses, when he came in we were on our 
knees, his son was leading in prayer, he cursed 
us, said we were fools, slammed the door shut 
and was gone. His children were all converted 
but one that I know of, he died I think a drunk- 
ard, when all had fallen from the faith but one, 
the youngest daughter, whom he tried to bribe 
by talking much of what would be her gain 
not to do as the others did in taking a new re- 
ligion. In a while there came German Meth- 
odists to preach, they managed between the two 
to have preaching often. Many were awakened 
and seeking silently, being afraid to come out 
boldly; many were saved. Among them was 
the woman that kept the sick man in the stable, 
she lived a long time after her husband's death 
in poor health, but a consistent Christian and a 
distant relative that was with her and has her 
property, told me recently, that reading the good 
books and the Bible for auntie, and her clear 
testimony of Jesus' power to save here in this 
world, induced her to seek and find the Saviour 
to the joy and comfort of her heart, but she dare 
not tell everybody, as her man is so ugly when 
he drinks a little too much, and her son-in-law. 



Catherine Joss. 333 

whose child she has since her daughter died, is 
also ugly. I know him to drink awfully, and fear 
her only child left, a son, often takes too much, 
as she says. She keeps all between herself and 
her Saviour, who is always with her and comforts 
her when she has to be abused for righteousness' 
sake. 

But the man's daughter was saved, and at a 
prayer-meeting she prayed for her father; some 
young men were there who went straight to a 
drinking place where her father was, and told 
him how his daughter prayed for him; he arose, 
went out and home, asked for her, the mother 
said she had just gone up stairs, he called, she 
answered saying, she was not in bed, if he 
wanted anything? He went up, said he heard 
she prayed so nice for him. She told him she 
felt for him and believed God wanted him to 
turn. But he did not listen to her. She had 
just let her braid down, he caught hold of it 
and dragged her over the floor, gave her some 
slight kicks and scolded her, and threatened to 
put her out of the house if he heard any more 
of it. But he did hear, and some of his sons 
and sons-in-law have been preachers, and that 
daughter was a great worker in church and 
Sunday-school, till stricken down with disease. 
After lingering long the Lord took her to be 



334 Autobiography of 

forever with Him. She was very dear to me, 
being' my daughter-in-law. 

I had a sister who had been sufferinof with 
bronchitis a long time, I was not allowed to be 
with her much alone, because as mother said I 
was always talking about getting ready to die, 
and was excused on account of my little children, 
when there were plenty to sit up with her at 
night; yet we could converse at times, mostly if 
she felt able to be led across the street to me, 
or when I went over to her house for water from 
their well, a few words that we were living and 
striving to enter in at the strait gate was 
cheering to us, and one time I went in as usual, 
set my bucket in the hall, went into her room, 
her husband was in the act of taking her out of 
the chair and putting her in bed, it was all ready, 
he lifted her in and went out. I stepped close 
to her and asked how she felt. She said some- 
thing about sleep, and her eyes were closed, but 
I noticed a twitching that drew her one eye open 
and one corner of her mouth, and all was in 
place again; as I thought she slept I stood in 
silent prayer and felt as though I saw her spirit 
take its flight, and was blessed wonderfully. I 
don't know of any outward demonstration, only 
as they that came in from the kitchen told me 
afterwards, but I was on my knees when mother 



Catherine Joss, 335 

came and pushed me away, I got up, went home, 
as children and all ran over I was alone in my 
home singing: "I am going to Jerusalem, and 
am going alone." Why or where I got that I 
know not, but I was happy, yet could not tell it, 
and when at the grave all wept so bitterly, I 
could not, but held my handkerchief under my 
veil to my face so they would not mistake my 
peace of mind for hard-heartedness, and soon 
got in the dark and felt to be a penitent sinner 
again, which I had not got over thinking was 
the safest way. Not very long after another 
sister died very suddenly. I am glad I could take 
her on my arm and recommend the sinner's 
Friend to her. She gazed at me with staring 
eyes, most likely unconscious of anything; soon 
threw herself away in another part of the bed 
and died. 



336 Autobiography of 



CHAPTER XX. 

TEARS OF GRATITUDE. 

Before going any further I will give an in- 
stance of a young man not very bright, but indus- 
trious, and who could do most any kind of work 
about the farm. His sister, who was married, 
got what was coming to him of his parents to 
keep him while he lived. They had a small 
farm and got along nicely, as Michael was always 
busy at keeping everything in order; but his 
sister died, and in time his brother-in-law married 
again. The next wife had him go out at day's 
work and applied to the trustees for their help, 
which was in those days to sell him to the 
lowest bidder. There being no county house 
yet, the woman bought him, so she had double 
gain, got pay for keeping him and his wages. 
When he worked out he slept on the loft, there 
being only one room in the house. He took 
sick, and as long as he could go up and down the 
ladder he did so, but at last he took up his abode 
in the cow stable, as they could not tend to cattle 
after Michael was sick, and disposed of them; 
both being old people, when they could not get 



Catherine Joss. 337 

along to change him one day, they called on a 
hired man of my father's to help, which he told 
when he came to dinner; mother, who wanted the 
woman to hear, went out on the porch to scold, 
when the woman came out of her house, saying^ 
"What does Mrs. Smith want to make a fuss 
about Michael for? He is no better than the 
virgin Mary, when the birth-place of the Saviour 
was a stable." 

Sister-in-law and I w^ent to see him, they did 
not like it, but we went and found the bed made 
in a drop hole in the hay, a good bed of all 
feathers, top and bottom, with a straw tick laid 
across, was on the hay, so as to leave him room 
to move and turn, and was warm, though it was 
dreadful cold weather. We reported to the 
squire, he sent for another influential man, they 
went to see, and concluded he was comfortable 
and warm, but would not live long. When the 
trustees came in they told them; but when the 
only Yankee in the place saw that, he was taken 
out of that and put on a bed in the room, where 
the doctor and we did all we could for him, but he 
died in a few hours. For such acts we were re- 
ceiving censure and were considered such as had 
fallen from the faith. We sang and prayed with 
tlie dying man, who had not spoken, as they 
said, for man)- days. We asked him, if he 



33^ Autohiography of 

prayed? He said, "yes." "Shall we pray?" "Yes." 
"Are you trusting Jesus?" "Yes," and soon he 
passed away in peace. 

At nig-ht the old grave-digger, a drunkard, and 
who afterwards hung himself in his own house, 
was placed there to watch with the dead, with a 
tobacco box and pipe, a mug of beer with the 
brewery next door, a bottle of wine, a loaf of rye 
bread, cheese and bologrna sausag-e, so we found 
him when we went there in the evening. The wo- 
man was fearful and knew not wh)'' we sang and 
prayed with her. She was the woman that was 
afterwards converted. The grave-digger said, the 
best faith was a muof of beer and a orood sausagfe. 

I attended a quarterly meeting at Canal Dover 
where I joined church, and am sure I conse- 
crated all to God that day, my children, more 
than life to me, I gave up, if it be God's will to 
stay in Weinsberg, He could protect us there. 
But if it be His will, I begged to be spared till 
they could help themselves, but was determined 
nothing should separate me from the love of 
God, and as His work was commenced in Weins- 
berg I hoped it would prosper, and let me feel 
that resignation to God's will He gave me in 
Chicago, therefore I believed He accepted the 
gift, and according to His righteousness has kept 
that which was entrusted to Him, and will con- 



Catherine Joss. 339 

tinue to do so if they will let Him have His way. 
I went back feclin"- reconciled to take what 
came as from the hand of God our lovinQf F'ather 
and before lono- there came a letter to father that 
they wanted some one to keep a boarding house 
for the furnace men, which must be soon; father 
asked me what I thought. As I was dissatisfied 
there, if I wanted to undertake it, he would es- 
tablish me, but mother must go down and see 
what the prospects were. I drove and prayed 
all the way that not my but His will be done. 
Mother thought the prospects were good for 
making money, we could get a suitable house 
that belonged to a man tliat got in debt building 
it, and left it in tlie hands of an aeent to settle 
his business. Father had a claim against the 
owner of the house, more than the rent, which 
he thought to put in, but they would not take it 
when presented, saying there were more now 
than the property was worth. But we had 
rented, father went my bail; in those days it took 
little to keep boarders to what it does now. 

There was an old cook stove in the glue shop 
I was using, that I got for the kitch(Mi, witli a 
large store box for a kitchen tabic, cupboards 
were in the wall, the dining room had my sister's 
sink in, which my brother-in-law gave me, father 
scraped off a long table that stood in the glue 



340 Autohiography of 

shop yard to cut glue on, when it was scraped 
clean and stained again it did very well for a din- 
ing-room table, a dozen wooden chairs completed 
the dining-room furniture. We had not a carpet 
in the house, up stairs we had a men's sitting- 
room, a table and chair which I bought second- 
hand in Dover with blankets and comforts, 
when some one sold out; father had put bedsteads 
together without screws, the ropes put through 
holes in the rails to hold them together. I had 
six such beds with husk mattresses from father, 
some German bolsters and pillows, lent me three 
stands for the bed-rooms, in our sitting-room I 
had our beds, we had in Weinsberg a big one 
and a trundle bed, and the cane-seated chairs, 
lounge and breakfast table and my dishes; I got 
at Joss's store some other things I needed for 
the kitchen, as well as a bolt of muslin, a keg of 
butter and one of eggs, also a cow which father 
gave me, which I returned when the company 
broke up, also the German bedding. They wanted 
me to stay and keep the other boarders I had; I 
did, and paid off what I could; my debts were 
about $200, my loss was over $400. 

I was not the only one that lost, but most 
every one that could do but a little to stoke in 
the furnace, which broke up in eight months. 
The officials were gone. 



Catherine Joss. 341 

In the Spring a company in tenancy took it, 
an Eno;-lishman and family came to Dover, he 
was the Superintendent; things took a turn, it 
looked as though it would go, many miners came 
from Tennessee, I had them all, fed them, but 
sleep they had to as best they could until they 
got shanties up at Mineral Point, where they had 
bought up the land for mining purposes. 

In the Spring my time was up, and I could 
not ask for the house, when I could not pay the 
rent to free father; I told them so. Mrs. Wil- 
helmi and young Anderman had to do with the 
business. A man that used to live in Weinsbero- 
and sold his land for miningf, as he said at a 
great price, and the money was in Wilhelmi's 
hands, offered to go my bail for the past rent, 
so father be free. I moved into the house, the 
company got me free of rent, but I must keep a 
home for the miners. I did, there were two 
large rooms up stairs with five beds each, but 
they came and went, sometimes thirty or forty 
were there for a few days and all stayed up there 
to sleep, but I took my pay from the men and 
got it all. I think, but had not the keepers at the 
furnace to board and would not have taken the 
company any more for pay at that place; I had a 
woman hired by the day to wash and iron, as we 
did their washing, and help with cleaning. 



342 Autohiography of 

She slept at home, as we had only two rooms to 
sleep in down stairs. I got along by hard and 
steady work. Before the first company broke 
up I experienced a change of heart, and the 
tempter buffeted me sadly, as I was in debt, I 
thought all eyes were upon me, pointing at such 
a Christian as I was, not to pay, when the Bible 
said, Owe no man save love, and surely there 
was the appearance of evil, and often thought it 
better for me not to go to church, as it appeared 
to me to make a public show of myself, some- 
thing must be wrong in me, or God would not 
suffer this thing to bring reproach upon the 
cause of my blessed Redeemer, and one evening 
while waiting on the table, intending to do as I 
often did, shut up kitchen and dining-room, go 
to meeting first, and then work, after being sorely 
tried about doing that which I could hardly ex- 
pect to accomplish, and fearing it was not re- 
quired, but only because I loved to go, and M'here 
would I be with my work if I over-did myself 
in not getting rest enough for my body? Two 
men were at the table yet as I stood at the win- 
dow looking toward the setting sun, a storm was 
rising apparently, I seated myself at the table, 
took my pencil to relieve myself, as I often did, 
to see what was in my soul, and penned the 
following: 



Catherine Joss. 343 

From my window I beheld a cloud, 

Tinged around with ivory and gold, 
The thunder pealed at a distance loud. 

To me the power of my Creator told. 
Oh that my Saviour would take lull possession 

Of this unworthy and inconstant heart, 
That sorrow, sin, temptations and transgression 

Would have to flee, forever to depart. 
The cares were soothed that in my heart were lurking, 

And I could trust in Him alone. 
How sweet the thunder spoke to me : He is working 

A rest for 3-ou in yonder glorious home ! 

This was more than thirty years ago, and I can 
say to-day, He has kept me without condemna- 
tion. 

Come unto me and live, 

Be not afraid, 'tis I, 
The joy of grace I'll give. 
To praise and not to sigh. 

Though your load ma}' be great. 

Still answer to His call, 
Pass easy tli rough the gate, 

When you've forsaken all. 

Take up the cross, despise the shanre. 
And seek the power to praise His name, 
He'll wash you in the crimson flood, 
And give you power through His blood. 

Then I could say from my heart, joyfully leav- 
ing all consequences with the dear Lord, and 
write: 



344 Autohlograjjky of 

The night of sin has passed away, 

The light of day appears, 
Jesus has washed my sins away 

And dried up all my tears. 

I lost nothing by that company, but it did not 
last long enough to make anything and striving 
to pay all I could of my debts, could not clothe 
my children, so that when we went to New 
Philadelphia to where I had put my oldest son 
to learn to be a machinist, as they paid two 
dollars and a half a week board for him, I had 
that to depend upon. I got a house, but don't 
remember what the rent was, but think about 
fifty dollars a year. The foundry men went bail 
for us and were very kind in every respect. In 
Dover, when the company broke up, the most I 
owed was to farmers for produce, as the stores 
did not retail it then, some that I dealt with came 
to tell me I should not trouble about them, 
broutrht somethinof with them and shed tears 
with me, while a few kept coming until they were 
paid. 

It was in the Fall when we went to Philadel- 
phia, the farmers were coming in with produce 
to sell. I sold a mattress and got a wagon load 
of potatoes, English and Dickson sent us a large 
fat hog. I did not want to keep it, but Mr. 
English said that would be all right, we should 



Catherine Joss. 345 

have our orders for George's board the same, and 
in the Spring they could give the next boy work, 
that if I did not get things in while they were to 
sell I could not get it easy afterwards. 

Though they are tears of gratitude, I think I 
have shed more tears since writing this book 
than ever in trouble, to think of the friends I 
have met and the kindness bestowed on me; 
we were not in want of anything. I had some 
new sheets which I did not need just then, that 
made underwear for us. I was always getting 
some of our relatives' out-erown or laid-off 
clothes that I could keep my children to school 
and Sunday-school, though mostly had washing 
to do on Saturday, sometimes at night, and iron 
on Sunday morning. 

At one time I thought I would have to keep my 

little girls at home. Only two were there, the 

one that was sick so long was delicate still and 

got the chills, my folks took her up to their 

place, where she stayed perhaps most of her time 

for some years, and was not at home then. I 

went to a sister in the church that lived near and 

asked if she had an old calico dress to give me 

to make my two litde girls dresses. Before she 

had time to speak a maiden lady that had her 

home with them said, she had got me one that 

never had been washed, and about thirty years 
23 



34^ Autobiogra2)hy of 

old, as the waist came up under the arms, a long 
straight skirt, and wide straight sleeves, there was 
no^waste in the goods and little work to make 
them. Though it took me all night it was done 
and the children got to Sunday-school. A man 
came to work for a tailor and boarded with me 
all Winter. We had to take an order on the 
store; we got buckwheat and cornmeal and 
groceries, so we were well supplied. 

This puts me in mind of what happened then. 
A very old father in Israel, who was converted 
when some pioneer preacher came along to 
preach when most all were Indians, and said in 
those days when they heard of any one under 
conviction they went miles to sing and pray with 
them till they were saved, a sin-sick soul in 
those days would no more be left to itself if it 
was known to Christians, than anybody would 
be left alone to die, if they were expected to die. 
He was lamed with paralysis, but having com- 
paratively a young and strong wife, they came to 
prayer-meeting and she came to German church. 
She was a Swiss woman, and was a grand alto 
singer in those days, I could sing too, and many 
happy hours we spent together when most people 
were asleep, praying to God to send forth His 
Spirit to wake the sleepers and show the erring 
ones that He had power on earth to forgive sins, 



Catherine Joss. -, .^ 

34/ 

and seek to have the work deepened in our 
own hearts, so God could work through us 

When I went to see father Butt again'^he could 
not speak, but with bright intellect could answer 
by signs when I told him I was not what he said 
C.od wanted me to be, but meant to be faithful in 
striving to be all God desired me to be. that he 
should pray for me. He clasped his hand that 
he could move to the lame one. we joined in 
silent prayer, mine was to be made useful and 
especially at that time. At home I wrote on the 
last hours spent with father Butt: 

While on his death-bed he lay, 

He who had borne the lieat of tlie day, 

And oft when in Winter the deep snow ky. 
To comfort distressed souls he made his way. 

His countenance beamed with hope, 

A glorious hope of immortality. 
He gazed, though not a word he' spoke ; 

It seemed that look was cast to me. 

I sighed : O Father ! do Thou hear ; 

As in Thy hands an instrument I'd be, 
Not as a useless object here appear 
To one on the verge of eternity. 

Our love grew deep and warm, 

We felt in union bound 
With bonds that are but known to them 

That have redemption in the Saviour found. 



34^ Autobiography of 

I sang : " How happ^' every child of grace," 

His countenance beamed, his hands were clasped^. 

And oh the smile he wore upon his face, 

Spoke plain to us his toils on earth are past. 

And when I asked an interest in his praj'er. 
Then he looked up and heaved a heavy sigh, 

As if to ask for our protection here, 

And then to meet in glorious realms on high. 

Father, forbid, that ever we should mourn 
For him whom Thou didst wholly sanctify, 

But gi'ant tliat we, as he his cross has borne, 
Bear ours until we meet him in the sky. 



I would love Thee, blessed Jesus, 
That unfeigned the love ma}' be, 
I venture on Thee, loving Jesus, 
In Th}' strength my weakness see. 

I venture on Thee, loving Jesus, 
Therefore give Thy Spirit me, 
In Thy light myself to see. 
And Thy loving child to be. 

Thou art loving me, dear Jesus, 
As my heart is full of Thee, 
Thou all dear to me shalt have me, 
Thou wilt never forsake me. 



Catherine Joss. 349 

CHAPTER XXI. 

AT THE DEATH-BED OF MY FATHER. 

The first German prayer-meeting was at my 
house, only the preacher, who is still actively at 
work in the vineyard of the Lord, and a few 
women were there. I will mention one whose 
hair was white with age sitting by me, I gave 
her a book, she said she had not tried to sine 
in thirty years. I told her to read; as we sang 
she did, when we knelt she said she never knelt 
in her life, I did not think she could. I said, sit 
still or stand up if you like, so you pray, the rest 
is all form. She came to preaching as well as 
the rest, trembling like a leaf the first time and I 
think was the first to be converted, and every 
convert called some one else. We had no 
church, went where we could, till we could find 
no place, as other meetings were going on at the 
same time. We went to the court house, and 
God's Spirit was on the people and arrested them 
by scores. Why can't it be so to-day? 

The Lord was our shepherd. I never forgot 
that my all was on the altar, and of the blessed 
times I have had in His service. I could write 



350 Autobiography of 

a big volume, and the half could not be told. 
Our God is no respecter of person; all who will, 
may come to Him and prove the reality of living 
in this world without condemnation, but we can- 
not serve two masters. We must stop making 
crooked paths, as I have often heard Christians 
say. Thank God, after I was born again, the 
path has been straight, though often hedged up, 
it being narrow, often taken up by some cross, 
but if we march on, there will always be a way 
for our escape; bless God, the Lion of Juda can 
break every chain and give us the victory again 
and again, no matter what our outward circum- 
stances are, if our consciences don't condemn 
us in the light of God's word, we can keep on 
singing: 

" Thou dying Lamb ! Th}- precious blood 
Siiall never lose its power, 
Till all the ransomed Church of God 
Are saved, to sin no more." 

I am so glad that the Shepherd knoweth His 
sheep, and we rejoice to hear His voice and fol- 
low Him gladly. There is a way that seemeth 
right to man. I thought it all right to denounce 
with animosity the temperance work, or present 
salvation from sin, and thought I was a Christian, 
but to stand still and gaze into the ware-room 
of the house of the soul, I behold a young 



Cather hie Joss. 35 j 

man, as it were, back from the verge of eterni- 
ty, sayinor. what would a man give in such a 
time if we knew where our soul would go after 
death has really done its work? Surely, it is 
not all of life to live, nor all of death to die. 
From a child I asked God for what I wanted, 
and when I thought I was a Christian I asked 
God for a companion in life to help me in the 
divine life, the ideal man placed before my mind, 
though I had never met such an one, I kept 
pleading to God to raise up for me such a com- 
panion, or not let me own the name of wife. I 
am sure my prayer was answered, but in nature's 
darkness I knew not how to use the precious 
gift to God's glory, but not for want of natural 
affection, love, and even a desire to do right, but 
quelled every germ by not desiring the things 
pertaining to our welfare here and eternal life; 
except we enter the fold by the new birth we are 
none of His and cannot please God, but are trans- 
gressors, and cannot help standing in the way of 
those for whom Christ has died. 

1 have been in Egypt's bondage, 

A wretched slave to sin, 
And meekly paid the homage 

Belonging to the King. 

Through the law awaking, 
Commanded to be true. 



352 Autohiogra^ihy of 

Such awful tasks awaiting, 
I feared 1 could not do. 

Moses was there to lead me, 

The way with him was clear; 
Darkness and dangers I'd see, 

Yet trusting the leader was near. 

Through it all he led me. 

Quickly we crossed the flood, 
The thunder pealed from Sinai, 

But there the serpent stood. 

To gaze was all we needed 

To get a helping hand 
From fear to be relieved, 

And enter the promised land. 

To God's glory I can say, I realize I am of 
His body, who is the fullness of all things. Many 
years has He kept me diligent, the Father of our 
Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and 
God of comfort, who is in all tribulation, that we 
may be able to comfort them which are in any 
trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves 
are comforted. Our consolation endureth by 
Christ, who hath sealed us, and given us the 
earnest of the Spirit in our hearts. No man 
that worketh entano-leth himself with the affairs 
of this world, or this life, that he may please 
Him who hath chosen him to be a soldier, and if 
a man also strive for the mastery, yet is he not 
crowned except he strive lawfully. May the 



Catherine Joss. 353 

Lord give me understanding in all things to be 
hid with Christ in God, though I may suffer 
want, to be ever confessing Him, a vessel unto 
honor sanctified and meet for the Master's use. 
Unto the pure all things are pure. I want to be 
a power of good works among a peculiar people. 

When I entered the English church by letter 
from Canal Dover, where I received the witness 
of the Spirit under a sermon about the peace of 
God that passeth all knowledge, after seeking 
six years by doing anything I thought in accord- 
ance with God's word, but was never satisfied 
till then that it was well with my soul, and have 
never lost that evidence though now more than 
thirty years ago, but the light shines more and 
more unto the perfect day. As all members 
were asked when taken into full connection if 
they were converted to God, there was no I trust, 
but "I am" was necessary, then "Do you believe 
in santification obtainable in this life, and are you 
groaning after it?" If with a hearty *'yes" we 
could answer we were taken in and dealt with 
accordingly, to be led on to perfection; if not, 
could remain probationers till we could conscien- 
tiously. I knew there was an atonement to 
qualify me for closer communion with the Lord, 
even a life hid with Christ in God. 

We got along comfortably all the year, of 



354 Autobiography of 

course we all worked that could, in the Spring 
my second son got work at the foundry, and in 
the Fall we got another house nearer the 
foundry, where I got some boarders. That 
Winter passed well enough, my second son went 
to school till Spring, when the German M. E. 
Elder got him a good place in Pittsburg to learn 
to be a watchmaker. He was fourteen years 
old, was to stay till he was twenty-one, and my 
youngest son we sent to Kansas to my brother, 
a Christian and temperance man; he too was to 
stay till of age to be a farmer. So my family was 
small, and the oldest had his trade, and was hav- 
ing wages so we took another place to live, 
where the rent was not so much; however, in 
six months we went back to the house near the 
foundry. When we were there a few months a 
call came from my parents, and I think I cannot 
do better than to copy an old bit I have. In 
1859 it pleased the Lord to call me to this place, 
my parental home, to assist in labors of any kind, 
as the only brother at home was laid low with 
consumption, as I could make it possible having 
sent one son to Pittsburg to learn watchmaking, 
another to Kansas to my brother to become a 
farmer, as I thought my oldest son, upon whom 
besides what I could do keeping boarders de- 
volved the support of the family, consisting of 



Catherine Joss. 355 

three younger sisters, then the three boys. I 
stored my furniture, my son boarded, and I with 
my httle girls came to stay with them, trusting 
heavenly Father, who had my destiny in His 
hands, had some wise purpose in view, as I got 
my sick brother's experience from his own lips, 
how he was converted, and lost his enjoyment 
by wanting to offend no one, therefore tried to 
serve God and mammon without really knowing 
it till too late, though I was watched and not 
allowed to converse with him on the subject of 
religion, yet blessed be the Lord, we were edi- 
fied and made to rejoice in the hope of our glori- 
ous home. His conflicts were were great, but 
the death struggle was awful for a while, he 
talked about being kept back and things being 
in the way and repeated often, they did it them- 
selves. The German M. E. preacher was preach- 
ing at the schoolhouse that evening, closed the 
meeting, he and the brothers and sisters came 
up, spoke a few words to him, then dropped on 
his knees by him to pray, all was praise, and he 
passed calmly away, we believe to be forever 
Avith the Lord, as generally on such occasions. 
At that time I went to pray while they were en- 
gaged arranging things to the honor of the dead, 
I was led thus to write : 



356 Autobiography of 

While with flowers decorating 
The cold corpse of him we loved, 
Great God ! do Thou be consecrating 
Our hearts, to dwell with Thee above, 
Where fragrant flowers forever bloom, 
Where is no anguish to annoy. 
Nor pain nor sickness to destroy. 
O teach us, not to shun the tomb I 

Then I was called to join the mourners to follow 
his remains to the grave. 

As I stayed here most of the next Winter, and 
at that time there were a few names that were 
not afraid to come out boldly on the Lord's side, 
we gathered at a brother's house out in the 
country, to hold a watch-night. When we went 
it was raining. We had a blessed time with 
Jesus in our midst, and when we started for home 
the ground was frozen and covered with snow, so 
we could not tell where the water was under- 
neath the thin ice, but did not mind two and 
some three miles of rough roads or stormy 
weather, neither did the devil, for his gang, when 
we got to the village, was on hand, they were 
having watch-night all around. As I had to pass 
through my parents' room to get in, I was sal- 
uted with "big fools." I did not say a word, but 
passed through. In the morning I had to hear. 
I silenced mother by saying there were plenty 
that were out besides us, and if a man did not 



Catherine Joss. 357 

get drunk the year round, it was all right for him 
to take a spree and begin the new year with get- 
ting drunk, so they ought to make some allow- 
ance for us. But when father came in to break- 
fast he wished me a happy new year, or in Ger- 
man, "ein glueckseliges neues Jahr." I wished 
him the same, saying I am happy, or "selig", 
which means blessed. Father said, if I was 
"selig" in the full meaning of the word I had 
attained to more than my old father had, as at 
the close of the year and the beginning of the 
next made one think of the past, and he could 
not think of one hour in his life that he could 
call really ''selig' or blessed. I said, neither 
could he be, as there was no name under heaven 
given, wherein we could be blessed, but the 
name of Jesus, and Him he had no use for, as I 
had heard him say. Then I got a chapter of 
what he believed of God, the sum of it was, there 
is one God and not three. 

In 1872 I was again called to the death-bed of 
that dear father, who had no need of a Saviour 
yet. but trusted in a good God. One day he 
said to me, "Can't the (jirls sine for me? I feel 
so disconsolate and don't know what is the mat- 
ter with me; surely all is done that can be done 
for my comfort, my children come from far and 
near to see me; what is it?" I said. "I only 



35^ Autobiography of 

know one Comforter, and Him you don't need." 
He looked at me with a smile which I shall never 
forget, saying, " How gladly I would believe for 
your sake." I said, "You must believe for your 
soul's sake." He said, " How can God, v/ho is 
so good, hold me guilty for what I can't com- 
prehend with my intellect which he gave me?" 

My brother was there from New York, he 
came in with an old lady friend. I told him 
what father said. He told father, " There is no 
promise given only to them that believe, you 
must believe for the very work's sake," and our 
friend standing at the foot of the bed said, "Yes, 
Mr. Smith, we must believe." 

Brother then said that he wished no one harm, 
but to show how God could and would help if 
we believed. At a time when the doctor told 
him, he lying up stairs and his wife down stairs, 
both dangerously sick, they would hardly meet 
each other in this world again, he had no hopes 
for either of them, what a moment that was! 
Five small children to be left orphans. But, said 
he, the word came to his mind, "Commit thy 
fatherless children to me," and all was calm and 
they both recovered. We were all weeping, 
when mother came in, saying, "what's the matter.'* 
has father a weak spell?" She got some nourish- 
ment and took charge of him, we sat in the next 



Catherine Joss. 359 

room silent for a while, when, brother thouorht 
of leaving, which he did not like to do, but 
duty demanded it. I said, and felt it too, that 
the moments just past were worth his coming, 
that he had a mission. 

Father revived and lived two weeks longer. 
I too had to leave, but he had the Scripture 
read to liim and prayers offered, I was told, 
and sought to believe. I am thankful for that, 
knowing God is merciful, and to-night, 1887, I 
am having watch-night alone with the Father, 
Son and Holy Ghost, called again to the old 
homestead to take care of my dear old mother, 
ninety years old, with no knowledge of experi- 
mental religion, having been with her the past 
year, and fear, though I have done all in my pow- 
er calling on God constantly, who has blessed me 
abundantly in every respect, fills my heart with 
gratitude, he has kept me saved, alone in this 
place, so far as I know, to testify publicly that I 
am saved, though there are good honest Christ- 
ians here, God bless them with more zeal for 
souls to start up something, so as not to let the 
devil have his way in opposition. 

I was a member of the Methodist Church, 
either German or English, for thirty years at 
least, when the Salvation Army came to this 
country. As I was acquainted with it when 



360 Aiitohiograi)liy of 

Booth's mission through the Christian, and 
finally when the Army was born, I believe, of 
God, to carry out, what the churches neglected to 
a great extent, the command, " Be ye holy," and 
the salvation of the masses; having had their 
publications from the beginning, I learned .that 
they did not want church-members to join them, 
I withdrew from the church to become one of 
them as soon as I heard they had reached our 
shore. As the question in ministerial meetings 
was often and for years, "What shall we do to 
reach the masses?" It was prayed for and said, 
send, Lord, through whom thou wilt, but adopt 
some means to this end, or our work is in vain, 
my poor heart could say amen to that prayer, 
and my life being comparatively among the 
masses I was often roused to offer that prayer, 
and believed God would and believe yet He will 
reach them in our country and under our own 
law, which is from God, and would be absurd 
for us not to be subject to our authorities. 

If strength and courage in our hearts be blazing, 
Kindled by the blessed Saviour's love, 

To wield the Spirit's sword prevailing, 

And conquer all with Him who reigns above : 

Chorus — Let rocks and hills their silence break, 
And every mortal tongue awake, 
To sound the great Redeemer's praise 
Through all our land in endless days. 



Catherine Joss. 361 

He did not leave us when in sin, 

Having sold ourselves for less than naught, 

But we were led to look to Him, 

Who with His precious blood us bought. 

All who will flee the wrath to come, 
In Jesus' wounds must seek a home, 
The only place where we can rest 
Is to be anchored in His breast. 

Now wont you coiiie on this glad day, 

And cast yourself at Jesus' feet ? 
His blood will wash your sins away 

And make your happiness complete. 

Then we can go rejoicing here, 
And sorrow we need never fear, 
We know the night will soon be gone, 
The morning light is sure to come. 

Though I may never bs able to be a soldier in 
any corps, in heart I am a crusader, to 

Be firm, be bold, be strong, be true. 

And dare to stand alone, 
Stand for the right whate'er I do, 

Though helpers there be none. 

Stand for the right, though falsehood rail 

And proud lips coldlj' sneer, 
A poisoned arrow cannot wound 

A conscience pure and clear. 

I am beHevinor I shall go on, for no man that 
putteth his hand to the plow and looketh back 
is fit for the kingdom of God. 
24 



362 Autobiography of 

CHAPTER XXII. 

THE LAST HOURS OF MY MOTHER. 

When we got back to Philadelphia we moved 
into a nice little new house on Broadway, not 
far from the foundry; we had four rooms, and 
our family being small we were very comfortable, 
and our rent, fifty dollars, George left stand at 
the foundry; but very soon some of the foundry 
boys wanted to come, as I had two beds up in 
each bedroom for two. We had only been there 
a few months when the man that owned the 
house came and wanted to sell us the house at 
our own price and to pay it as we pleased; he 
said his mother told him of me and he wanted 
me to have it, as it was no use to him while not 
living there; he had an agent, and the expense 
took all the proceeds. I knew he built it soon 
after he was married, but his wife died, and they 
never lived in it. I asked him if he would tell 
me what he wanted for it, I would ask my son at 
noon and let him know in the afternoon. He 
said it cost him three hundred dollars, it was 
only a piece of a lot. I told my son, who said 
immediately, if we had known it in the Spring, 
half of the first payment would be paid, and 



Catherine Joss. 36 



0^0 



wanted me to ask the man to let us have it as 
though it were in the Spring-. I did not do that, 
but told the man what he said. 

After a few minutes' reflection he said he had 
paid the tax and the agent for this year, but gave 
us the half toward the first year's payment and 
left that year go in; and we paid the seventy-five 
dollars the first year and one hundred each fol- 
lowing year as easy as we used to pay fifty 
dollars rent, and afterwards we sold the house 
for three hundred dollars cash, had made no 
repairs and lived over three years in it. But the 
last year Will got weak eyes and could not work 
at the trade of watchmaking any longer, so he 
went to the machine shop a few months; when 
the war broke out he enlisted in the thirtieth 
Ohio Regiment for three years. 

John came home as the drought in Kansas 
was great, so the brother and family came and 
stayed one year in Ohio. John went to the 
woolen factory a while till he too got to the ma- 
chine shop, learned his trade; and was getting 
regular wages. 

After we had sold the little house I bought 
one for eight hundred and fifty dollars, paid the 
three hundred on it and had the deed for the 
next one deeded to George, my oldest son, who 
was then twenty-one years old, he was married, 



364 Autobiography of 

brought his wife home, and we all lived together 
as before. The boys gave me their orders weekly 
for their board, which kept us in provision, Will 
sent his money to George and always sent some 
for me, which I used for clothing and in the fam- 
ily. We got along well, so far as I knew, for I 
never bothered with anything outside my sphere, 
George left the foundry, bought out a picture 
gallery, had a photographer to board, and in 
place of the three dollars order from the foundry, 
I got six dollars a week and John's from the 
foundry, the second year. We lived in that way 
the three years until Will's time was up, when he 
wrote he would re-enlist and thought we best buy 
the little house again; but it was not for sale, but 
I looked around and found a house for sale on the 
same terms as the others, one hundred dollars a 
year. I bought it for six hundred dollars, and 
besides much repairing paid the payments, then 
it was worth twelve hundred. By that time the 
two sons that were in the army were at home, 
the one went to Philadelphia city, finished his 
trade and went in partnership with a jeweler in 
our place; the youngest son was to work at his 
trade as machinist when the shops burned down, 
and as we did not know when they would be 
built up again they went in the jewelry business 
together, and bought the other man out. 



Catherine Joss. 365 

My second son married, and in two years was 
laid low with heart disease, which he had con- 
tracted in the army, and died, leaving a wife and 
a little son, who are still among us, she a widow 
and her son a young man. He died expecting 
us to meet him in heaven. He was a true 
soldier of the cross and for his country. 

When my sons took the whole business, they 
needed money and wanted me to give a mort- 
gage on the property for security. I said, no, I 
will deed the property to you and you can do as 
you like with it. They had a lot at a corner 
across from the church in West Philadelphia, 
asked me how it would suit me to live there; it 
suited me, and they put a house up for me with 
every needful convenience about the place, and 
we had a nice home, handy to the church, which 
was well occupied for German and English meet- 
ings and Sunday-school. 

My youngest son married, and lived down 
town, remaining in the jewelry store. The 
oldest son, who had left the shops and bought a 
photograph gallery during the war, sold out, and 
the business of Joss Brothers went bv them o-oino- 
in together, taking sewing machines and musical 
instruments in w^ith jewelry, and in which the 
youngest is engaged to this day and well 
established. 



366 Autobiography of 

While we lived by the Mission church, which 
belonged to the German Methodists, we helped 
and kept the good work agoing, and it was won- 
derful how the Lord blessed and owned our 
labors among the poor. But my oldest son's 
wife, a Christian and a great worker in church 
and Sunday-school, as well as in the juvenile 
temple, prosperously going on saving sinners, 
German and English added to our number con- 
stantly. But my daughter-in-law fell a victim to 
insanity, which was hereditary, from which she 
never recovered, and also put me in a position 
not to be able to be constantly at work there, as 
we had to move to my son's and be subject to 
many changes, as she changed, for a long while, 
until at last she became a constant inmate of the 
Insane Asylum at Columbus for ten years pre- 
vious to her death, I had charge of their family 
of three boys at my son's home, when she died of 
quick consumption. My son is one of the firm of 
the Eagle machine shops at Lancaster, Ohio, is 
married again, his home is in Indianapolis, Indi- 
ana, 

My three daughters are all married, one living 
in Alleghany, Pa,, two living in Cleveland, 
Ohio, where I am staying just now, trying to 
complete this record of my life so far as to leave 
it to my children, and any one who may feel 



Catherine Joss. 367 

interested in knowing some of the leadings and 
keeping of God. I will here copy what I wrote 
in Weinsbero-. 

o 

Weinsberg, Holmes County, Ohio, Febuary 20, 

1890. Having been called again to the home of 

my childhood, to take charge of my invalid 

mother, it was unexpected, but seemed it would 

be a pleasant duty, and I was glad to be the 

one in such circumstances as to be able to render 

service in her last days, which lasted two years, 

though there being nothing to call me elsewhere 

on duty, my family all being comfortably settled 

m life. By God's blessing nothing occurred 

among us to mar my peace, but all was done for 

our comfort, so that it never became a task, but 

a great privilege to be lasting in my memory 

here, and the hope of praising God together in 

the world to come. 

A stroke of paralysis lamed her one side, so 
she could not get about any more, which ended 
her notion of establishing herself to keep house 
again, she said nothing about it. and in a short 
time became as patient and gentle as a lamb, 
loved that which, if not ignored, she was not 
interested in before, and when her hours came 
that she could not sleep at night, otherwise she 
rested well generally, I would raise her up, get 
behind her so she could lean against me, to re^t 



368 Autobiography of 

as I thought, her tired limbs, then my soul would 
be drawn out in prayer, and I could realize the 
truth of God's promise to reveal Himself to His 
ciiildren, could present the Gospel in song or 
rather sentiment, as I could only make an effort 
to sing. We often had profitable conversation 
pertaining to our soul's salvation; in a while 
would arrange her bed and lay her down to sleep, 
as I told her once as she laid me down when a 
baby, then sit by her with the Gospel hymn book 
and sing her to sleep, and she slept like a child. 
At one time I said I best sing the old cradle hymn 
you used to sing for us. She smiled. I com- 
menced: 

Hush, my dear, lie still and slumber, 

Holy angels guard thy bed, 
Heavenly blessings without number 

Gently falling on thy head. 

Soft and easy is thy cradle, 

Coarse and hard thy Saviour lay, 
When His birth-place was a stable 

And His softest bed was ha}'. 

Soft, my dear, I did not chide thee, 
Though my song may sound too hard, 

It's thy mother sits beside thee, 
And her arms shall be thj' guard. 

Yet to read the shameful storj', 
How the Jews abused their King, 



Catherine Joss. 369 

How they pierced the Lord of glory, 
Makes me angry while I sing. 

Maysl thou live to love and fear Him, 

And walk safel}' all thy days, 
Then go dwell forever near Him, 

See His face and sing His praise. 



At one time I talked to her about my school- 
teacher's teaching, which I never forgot, and the 
time we had at the Presbyterian Home together, 
when Miss Smith was as old as mother was then, 
near her ninety-first year, I told her how glad 
I was to be with her, as I used to think then, as 
we were taught to say some verses in the United 
States Spelling Book about mother, and that it 
came to be my privilege: 

Who fed me from her gentle breast, 
And hushed me in her arms to rest, 
And on m}' cheeks sweet kisses pressed ? 
My mother. 

When pain and sickness made me cry, 
Who gazed upon my heavy eye 
And wept for fear that I should die ? 
My mother. 

Who ran to help me when I fell, 
And kissed the place to make it well. 
And would some pretty story tell ? 
My mother. 



370 Autobiography of 

Who was it sang sweet hush-o-by, 
When sleep forsook my open eye, 
And rocked me, that I should not cry ? 
My mother. 

And can I ever cease to be 
Affectionate and kind to thee, 
Who was so very kind to me, 
My mother ? 

When thou art feeble, old and gray, 
My healthy arms shall be thy stay, 
And I will soothe thy pains away, 
My mother, 

And when I see thee hang thy head, 
'Twill be my turn to watch thy bed 
And tears of sweet affliction shed, 
My mother. 

Thus some four months of our dear mother's 
last days were spent, patiently awaiting her last 
hour, when she seemed to sleep herself away, 
not from the effects of medicine, she took none, 
not even nourishment, when awake she was con- 
scious of all that was going on around her, and 
loved singing and praying, requested their min- 
ister to administer the Lord's Supper unto her, 
which he did not long before she took to 
sleeping. 

At one time a granddaughter and her husband 
came in before leaving for home, sat at the foot 
of the bed to sinsf, when she became restless. I 



Catherine Joss. 371 

asked what she wanted. She said, I want to see 
them. I raised her up so she could look at them. 
My niece could sing no more, but took her leave 
and they went home where she met another aunt, 
told her of the change in grandma. My sister 
wrote to me she was trying to get away to come 
to see mother, as Linda told her of the change, 
she did so much want to see her again in this 
world, but the roads were so bad it was most im- 
possible to drive, and there was no way to come, 
but she got there as soon as the letter and stayed 
till mother died, which was not many days or 
weeks at most, I don't remember, but we often 
had the young people there to sing for her, and 
one evening they waited a long while for her to 
waken. At last they came to her room, stood off 
from the bed a piece, and when they sang she 
opened her eyes, a niece by the bed beckoned to 
me to come, I did, she was wide awake, turning 
her eyes in every direction as if to catch the 
sight of something. I don't remember if she 
spoke, but went to sleep and breathed very hard, 
yet she did not complain, and when asked said 
she had no pain. Monday passed that way, in 
the afternoon many were in and out. Mrs. Lin- 
kolen, and old friend, was there, before leaving 
she offered fervent prayer, then went home. 
The breathing became more difficult, another 



372 Autobiography of 

friend came in, an old Swiss woman that I did 
not know, she sat silent for a while, then arose, 
went to the bed, looked at mother and said in 
her language, "This is the Weinsberg mother," 
with tears streaming over her old cheeks, turned 
around and said, "you ought to pray with her, 
as her father had once prayed with a woman 
that breathed so hard and she died." My sister- 
in-law told her we did pray, that prayer had just 
been offered. I told the woman she was at 
liberty to pray, but she said nothing more, and 
that night and next day she never wakened up. 

Early in the afternoon I said to sister, we 
would change and wash her, as many would soon 
come in to see her and then we could not. I 
rolled her in the back part of the bed, when 
she was ready got the bed all right and made 
her as comfortable as possible. When sister 
asked what we would have for supper, I said, 
anything or nothing. She went to the kitchen, 
mother wakened up, I asked her if there was 
anything she could think of that she could relish. 
" Nothing," was the answer. I am not sure that 
we got her to take anything, perhaps a little 
drink. I asked if she felt comfortable. "Yes." 
Any pain? "No." I said, shall I read? "Yes." 
I read something from the Gospel, then I sang 
a little while, when sister said that supper was 



Catherine Joss. 373 

ready. I asked again if mother wanted any- 
thing. Again she said "no." I told sister to eat. 
Mother was wide awake, then she could stay 
and I would eat. I sang again ; when sister 
came in I said, you lead in prayer. She did. 
After prayer, which mother enjoyed very much, 
she sang for her. I went out to supper, soon 
she came out saying, mother is sleeping like a 
child, but her light breathing and easy sleep 
changed as time went on, and at five o'clock she 
snored and it was awful to see her, but the doc- 
tor said she was unconscious, as her feet and 
limbs were dead like those of a corpse. When 
she kept on breathing, they said she has a sound 
heart and lungs, and was ninety-one years old. 



" Asleep in Jesus ! blessed sleep ! 
From which none ever wakes to weep ; 
A calm and undisturbed repose, 
Unbroken by the last of foes. 

Asleep in Jesus ! O how sweet, 
To be for such a slumber meet I 
\Yith holy confidence to sing 
That death has lost his cruel sting. 

Asleep in Jesus ! peaceful rest ! 
Whose waking is supremely blest ; 
No fear nor woe shall dim tiiat hour 
Which manifests the Saviour's power." 



374 Autobiography of 



CHAPTER XXIII. 

A PECULIAR CRIMINAL. 

Some time after the war was over there came 
a man to our house introducing himself as Brother 
Miller from Massillon, saying he had been to 
Canal Dover to see some brothers he met in the 
army, and they recommended him to my house 
as a good boarding house, and I could inform 
him of the meetings held in the place, wherein 
he was most interested. I said he must belong 
to the Albright Church, as there were no Ger- 
man Methodists in Massillon. He said he be- 
longed to the English M. E. Church. I began 
to think who he might be, not believing that the 
German brethren sent him to me. My son came 
from work, we had dinner, after which they spent 
a short time talking politics, until my son had 
to go to his work. 

When all were (jone the man came and sat in 
the kitchen where I was washing dishes. I told 
him I was not having any boarders just now, 
but he could stay the few days he stayed there. 
When through with my dishes, I sat down. 
I asked him if he had been there before. He 



Catherine Joss. 375 

said yes, he was doing business for the same 
iron company in 1861 he then worked for, and 
had to come to our place to see some parties, 
he only stayed an hour or two, he knew no one 
there. 

The reason I asked was, because a man came 
to us some twelve years ago who called himself 
Fraser, said he belono^ed to the English Church 
and was a local preacher, there were no Germans 
where he lived and often wished he could get to 
where they 'were. He stayed two weeks and 
was welcome amongr us, he attended both Eng-- 

•J o 

lish and German meetings, visited the poor and 
afflicted, said he had been converted in Switzer- 
land when the Albrights came there as mission- 
aries, that his mother and he had been arrested 
and put to prison for attending meetings and 
confessing that Christ had power on earth to 
forgive sins. We were all sorry when he went. 
In a few days there came a search warrant after 
him, he was to be arrested for stealing five hun- 
dred dollars of a countryman of his. but they 
never got him to have the trial, so we knew not 
the truth, and some of us never believed he stole 
the money, for we all knew the other man to be 
a thief, and a long while after that the same man 
that losi the money killed another man. was in 
jail awaiting trial, and hung himself, so it may 



376 Autobiography of 

have been a o^otten-up affair. When I stopped 
he said, "and you think I am that man?" I said, 
"yes, but my thinking so don't make it true, and 
if he was the man it did not prove that he stole 
the money." 

Next evening was sister's prayer-meeting at 
our house; my daughter-in-law led the meeting. 
I knew she would not call on him, as he went 
away and did not come in until it was most over. 
I asked him to lead in prayer, he did, and it 
seemed to me I heard him pray as he did years 
ago. I went to the door with the sisters, told 
them my suspicion; one said it is he, he stopped 
at their house when he came from Dover, her 
daughter said, "Mother, come, we don't want to 
get into trouble, he did not tell us who he was, 
only asked to leave his satchel there and went 
on." 

At the time appointed he went away, and was 
not heard of by us till the next Spring, when he 
came in one evening, my second son had got 
home from Philadelphia city, where he had been 
completing his trade as a watchmaker. I was 
just going out the back door*^to milk the cow, as 
my son opened the front door, he was seated and 
entertained, as my son said, thinking he was 
one of my German friends, and was astonished 
at my indifferent treatment aol even asking him 



Catherine Joss. 377 

to stay or anything else, after the man was gone. 
I don't know about my treatment, but I do know 
I did not care about his coming there. But in a 
few weeks he came again, it was morning when 
my family were all gone, I had the broom in my 
hand, was going to sweep the room. He was 
seated, I too sat on a chair by the door which 
was open, it being a beautiful Spring morning. 

I asked where he came from and told him I 
had inquired about him, his name was Miller, but 
I believed he was the man that called himself 
Fraser, and I did not want him to come to our 
house any more. When he asked me if he had 
ever harmed me, I answered, not that I knew of, 
but no telling what lies he had told, as he cer- 
tainly lied. 

He went away looking awfully angry. As I 
stood at the door I saw him turn his head to 
look once more, as I thought, at me, and I was 
so frightened, thinking he would come back 
surely for no good purpose, and was so fearful 
long after, that I could hardly go to the door 
after dark. I never had experienced such fear 
on account of any person or anything, but was 
working for the good of the cause of Christ and 
clung to Him as my Saviour, trusting that even 
though I should lose my life I should gain it. 

We often heard of Jeff. Davis being in jail, 
25 



378 Autobiogra'phy of 

and what a desperate fellow he was, he broke 
out of the old jail and they had to keep him in 
irons in the dungeon at night, but never thought 
of it being that man. 

One day I wanted money, as we were building 
a little church, I thought I had not troubled the 
sheriff yet, hardly, having faith that I would get 
anything from such a spiritualist, but must try. 
When I got there he was not in, his wife told me 
to wait. While there a prisoner asked for a 
drink of water, the hired girl got it for him, he 
talked to her a few words; I said, whom have 
you out there? I believe I know him. She 
said, that's Jeff Davis. I was struck with the 
fact that when he got out of jail he came right 
down the alley to our house. She insisted on 
me eoinof to see him, I did not like to, but went. 
When we got there, he being the only prisoner 
at the time, he was in the hall of the cells, she 
called him to the big iron barred gate, when 
there she asked him if he knew me. He shook 
his head, I said, you don't know me? He said, 
if you know me, who am I ? I said, it is hard to 
say, as you have so many names, you called 
yourself Fraser at first, then Miller, and now 
Jeff Davis. He said, lady if you don't go I'll 
insult you. Mrs. Howard said, Jeff, you better 
look out and behave yourself. But I could talk 



Catherine Joss. 379 

and said, he could express himself in some 
vulgar way, but it would not hurt me, and I 
thought he was just where he belonged while 
further justice awaited him, I thought the best 
for him would be if he could be placed in a dark 
dungeon where he never expected to see light 
again, then he could apply some of the admon- 
ishings I had heard him give to others, "And 
prisons would be as palaces, if Jesus dwelt with 
him therein," and repeated the verses he left 
on my table when he was with us the first time. 
I -picked up the paper when he was gone, and 
read it. 

" Soul, now know thy full salvation. 
Rise o'er sin and pain and care, 
Jo}' to know in every station, 
Some is still to do or bear. 

Think what Spirit dwells within thee, 
Tiiink what Father's smiles are thine, 

Think that Jesus died to win thee, 
Child of heaven, canst thou repine ? 

Haste thee on from grace to glory, 

Armed by faith and winged by prayer, 

Heaven's eternal da}' is before thee, 
God's own hand scall guide thee there. 

Soon ma}' clo.«ie ray earthly mission, 

Soon may end my pilgrim days, 
Joy will turn to full fruition, 

Faith to sight and prayer in praise," 



3^0 Autobiography of 

All the time I was speaking he was like a wild 
beast in its cage, walking around, up and down, 
Mrs. Howard said, Jeff, why don't you keep 
quiet? He made no reply, but kept on till while 
I said the last words of the last verse, then he 
went like a dart in a cell with that awful look I 
had beheld once before, only this time he was in 
his stocking feet, pants fastened around his 
waist with a leather belt, his shirt white with 
specks of blood on the sleeves, collar turned in 
so his neck was bare, he looked as though he 
just came from the barber's about the head; but 
oh, those big dark eyes fairly sparkled with some- 
thing that all made him look more savage, and 
as he darted from our sight I caught hold of 
Mrs. Howard, saying, has he got anything in 
there? Not until she said, "No, he can't do any- 
thing," did the spell of fear break, and I think 
that was a sifting time with me, but like all else 
it did me qrood and was amonLT the all thino;s 
that zvork together for good, if we love and serve 
God. 

The man's trial came off and he went to the 
penitentiary for two years, but records showed 
that he had just served a time of seven years, 
sentenced for burglary from some other county, 
so he had not been to war at all. After serving 
his time for fighting the constable and stabbing 



Catherine Joss. 381 

him in the fight, who was trying to arrest him 
for something he did at Rogersville, he came 
right to our county again, and it seemed the 
Rogersville people feared him, as he had threat- 
ened to burn down their barns if he eot back. 

But he came to my house again, I was having 
many boarders at that time and could not take 
him. He said he was just from Switzerland, 
could not speak English, only French and Ger- 
man, and could put up with anything in a few 
weeks; he was going to make cheese at Rogers- 
ville. I told him it was impossible for me to 
make room. He then asked if he could o-et 
dinner, I said he could. I never thouoht of that 
man, and he was dressed as one from the old 
country. He sat in the kitchen most of the time, 
but we were all busy, my daughters did not 
recognize him, nor the Clerk and Deputy Clerk 
that were there at the time he was sentenced, 
were at the table, but knew him not. He paid 
his dinner and went away. Next thing we heard 
of him they had lynched him at Rogersville; got 
him at a meeting of some kind at the school- 
house, where they had plenty to drink, they tried 
to skull him, but none of the balls penetrated 
the skin, so they treated him bad as the)- could, 
then hanged him on a tree. I heard a lawyer 
say at our house one doctor took his head, an- 



o 



82 Autobiography of 



other his body; the body was put up in the gar- 
ret of the doctor's house, the hired girl accident- 
ally got up there, saw the body without a head, 
was frightened, ran to the doctor's office and 
told him; he held a revolver out and made her 
promise not to tell. It alarmed him when he 
thought how he treated the girl, so he went to 
the lawyer and told him all about it, and that he 
got the dead body on behind him, strapped it 
fast to his body, took a good drink of whiskey 
and rode off to take it to the other doctor; but 
when he went out of town a little ways it became 
so dark and it was a long ride, besides the dead 
body pulled one and then the other way, and he 
just rode to the side of the road, loosened the 
straps and let the body down and rode home. 
The lawyer was telling it to some jurymen 
boarding at my house, they all knew the body 
was found in Holmes County naked and without 
a head, but did not know how it got there until 
he told them. Another witness for God's Word 
that the way of the transgressor is hard, but in 
the sight of God and surety they that murdered 
him so shamefully and without the authority of 
the law, except they repent shall all be cast out 
with the nations that forget God. 



Catherine Joss. 383 

CHAPTER XXIV. 

THINGS PERTAINING TO THE WAR. 

I heard of a woman that was very sick came 
in the hack from Massillon to New Philadelphia, 
and the hack-driver stopped at the place, but 
the people were not willing to take her in. The 
driver lifted her out on the unpaved sidewalk, 
yet the folks she stopped with and left her Win- 
ter clothes there, when she went off to work, 
were very poor, had only a log-house with one 
room, but some one came by, told them to take 
her in and take care of her, and they would be 
paid, and as soon as possible she should be 
moved to the poor-house. The thing I heard was 
that she had a baby and wanted to starve it to 
death. I went to see, but she had just been 
removed to the poor-house, but she was very 
sick they told me, and the child had not had its 
eyes open, nor could it take anything to nourish 
it, one could only see that it breathed, and by 
the time it got out they thought they would bury 
it, which they did. I was told who she was. her 
father was well known as being constantly drunk, 
her mother worked and supported herself and 



384 AiUohiography of 

two children, a son and a daughter. The mother 
died, the boy grew up among strangers, the 
father mostly slept in a barn that burned down, 
and as he was not seen for a while it was thought 
it had been set on fire by his pipe and himself 
burned up in the large barn. But he came 
around again. The girl was the youngest. She 
found a good home in a very respectable family, 
where she stayed until she was nearly sixteen 
years old, when she was persuaded to leave them 
and live with a woman of bad reputation, who 
promised her high wages and not much to do, as 
the woman was alone. She did go to live with 
her a while, but would not stay. 

By that time the 51st Ohio Regiment were in 
camp at the fair-ground, her father and brother, 
who was as great a drunkard as his father, were 
enlisted and in camp; the girl stayed with them 
while they remained, and of course it was not to 
her credit, and when the regiment left she sought 
a strange place and went to Massillon to work, 
from there she came and got sick. I went out 
to the poor-house to see her, she was not only 
suffering in body, but was sick of sin, expecting 
to die and be lost forever. The doctor said she 
could not live. I held up before her some of 
the Gospel promises, sang and prayed with her. 
She begged me to pray for her, as well as the 



Catherine Joss. 385 

one nurse, also a pauper, but a good old woman, 
long an inmate of the house, said, "Let's pray 
that she may get rest for her soul." That was 
Thursday. 

On Sunday was our preaching day; I went 
with the preacher and wife, after service we all 
went up stairs to her room, we found her no 
better, the preacher read, talked and prayed with 
her, we sang a hymn, I asked the preacher what 
he thought, he said it was death- bed repentance, 
but I felt and prayed, and left her with the Lord. 
When we got down stairs the lady of the house 
told me a gentleman came dressed in broad- 
cloth and a high-crowned fine hat, as in those 
days not everybody could wear fine clothes, and 
that he had in his valise a botde of wMne, lemons, 
crackers and loaf sugar, gave the woman that 
waited on her a dollar, and" the girl said if she 
got well he was going to marry her. Now, says 
Mrs. Landes. "What do you think? we knew of 
the girl not being long away from our place, how 
young she was. and we all agreed if she got well 
that man would likely take her to a worse place 
than she was in." 

It was a long while till I came there again, but 
asked for her, when I was told in a few days a 
covered wagon came with bedding and easy 
chair, a young woman and an old woman, they 



386 Autobiography of 

took her off; that is all they knew of her. This 
was ill the commencement of the war. Time 
went on, the last year my youngest son was old 
enough and enlisted, was at Camp Chase, Co- 
lumbus, when we got the news that his brother 
was wounded lying at Kingston hospital, having 
gangrene and was not expected to live. But 
General Sherman had given strict orders for no 
friends to visit, as they could do no good, they 
could not get the supplies they needed for the 
soldiers. But I got letters with me from influen- 
tial men to get me through somehow. I started 
and got within twelve miles of Columbus, when 
we were stopped by a wreck being ahead of us. 
We lay in the woods six or eight hours, some 
men started and walked past the wreck, but 
there was a recruiting officer on the train with a 
number of veterans, they had high time all the 
way, as they filled canteens with whiskey every 
time the train stopped, and as we lay there in 
the woods they could get none, so some of them 
slept and it was comparatively still. One man 
cried and lamented that he had so much trouble. 
A man asked him what his trouble was? He 
said something, but it could not be understood, 
it was so mixed. I spoke to him in German, 
the man was very glad to have some one to talk 
to; he came to the seat back of where I sat, it 



Catherine Joss. 387 

had been vacated by some that left the train. 
He asked me where Mrs. Miller was. I told 
him I did not know her. He said she sat by me 
all night. He would not be persuaded that the 
woman by my side was the one that sat there all 
night, sometimes he thought he saw her behind 
some tree. He went to his own seat, grot out his 
money, likely his bounty, counted out three hun- 
dred dollars and came to me, gave me the money 
and said I was the woman to have it, because I 
would tend to it for him. I asked, what was to 
be done with it? He said he would show me, 
sat down and got a letter to tell me where to 
send the three hundred dollars to, and ten dollars 
was to go to the man that wrote the letter, and 
forty for my trouble. I did not want the money 
and would not take it. I asked the man that 
spoke to him, what I should do. He read the 
letter, said it was plain enough that that man 
went for the money, and that they had to march 
before he got there, and now he wanted it sent 
to this Caroline and not to Mrs. Miller, that I 
should give him a receipt for the money and get 
some responsible person in Columbus to tend to 
it. But I thought they had been drinking so 
much, may be by the time we got to Columbus 
he may think different. The man was easy. I 
thought he would sleep, but it was not long until 



388 Autohiography of 

the recruiting officer came and asked me for the 
money and letter; the man protested, but he was 
in charge of the recruiting officer and he was 
the one I supposed and gave it to him, but the 
other man said he would be cheated out of every 
cent and Caroline would get nothing. But the 
officer said he would be all right, it was drink 
that made him crazy for the time. 

We got to Columbus at eleven o'clock, I 
stopped at my cousin's at the Capitol University 
not far from the station; after dinner went to 
the camp and to the head-quarters to get a 
furlough for my son to come to the city with me, 
got it and we went to the camp chaplain, ac- 
companied by the German M. E. preacher. The 
chaplain thought I could get through by going 
to Cincinnati to the Christian Commission, he 
gave me a letter, I started, got there in the 
morning and got to the office by the time it was 
open, at 8 o'clock. They were very kind, turned 
out two barrels of papers, hunted for an order 
for a nurse, but found none, and otherwise I could 
not get through. 

As I was Sfoine down Vine street to the sta- 
tion again, I came to Main street and thought 
that Dr. Nast would likely be at the Book Con- 
cern, turned and went on till Ninth street, went 
in and asked for Dr. Nast; they were all English 



Catherine Joss. 389 

there, but showed me to the German office, 
where I met his brother. He was not there, I 
told him I could not stay long^ at a hotel, nor 
would it do me any good, that I came from die 
Dover mission and wanted to learn all I could 
since I was there, and asked if he could recom- 
mend me to some German Methodist family, 
where I could stay a week or so. He said, that's 
right, my child, we must learn to know and love 
each other here to work for the Master. He 
took down the name and number of some one, 
went with me to Elm street, and told me to go 
on until I came to that number. I did, and found 
the right kind of people, got around to the 
meetinofs in two churches, the others were too 
far to go. I stayed two weeks and one Sunday. 
As I sat in the Race Street Church, a sister 
sitting near, and so I could see her face; she 
looked like some one I knew, yet could not 
place her. It was a love-feast, but, as the 
preacher said, all one-sided, the sisters had no 
chance to speak, therefore must have another 
one the next night. I hoped to hear her speak, 
but did not, therefore when the meeting was 
closed I went to her and asked her if she knew 
me. She asked where I was from. I told her. 
She said, "You came to the poor-house to see 
me, and how is your brother that was with you. 



390 Autobiography of 

and his wife?" I said, "That was our preacher, 
Brother Worster." She said, he prayed that she 
might find rest for her soul just then, she be- 
Heved she could have it, as she thought she must 
die; it consoled her, but since she was spared 
and blessed in this world, she longed for that 
peace for her soul, lest she should be lost, being 
such a sinner, and that day she had given her 
hand to the church, as the people in the same 
house with her were members and such nice 
people. The woman saying she had peace with 
God, she had asked me to go with her; I did so. 
By that time we reached her home in Findlay 
street, near Findlay market house. She told me 
her husband was in the service as one called to 
Nashville, Tennessee, to help repair the track 
which the rebels had torn up, she read his last 
letter, it was kind and affectionate, said when 
she made up her mind to marry him she did not 
care if he killed her or Q-ave her three beatincrs 
a day in place of food, till she died, she would 
think she deserved it all for leaving Mitcheners, 
the people that raised her, and had she not been 
instructed according to her dying mother's desire, 
and confirmed, and the sin of self-murder showed 
to them as the unpardonable sin, she should have 
taken her life before she knew that man, and 
God knew how she prayed to be taken from the 



Catherine Joss. 391 

earth so as not to be lost in eternity, that she 
would suffer patiently and meekly whatever 
might befall her, and she would tell me all about 
herself after meeting, as I had agreed to stay 
with her that night. 

I told her to keep Jesus, the rest for her soul, 
in view. I feared I had not been praying as I 
should have for her, as I never heard of her and 
feared she had not got among the right kind of 
people; but, said I, brother Worster is a good 
servant of the Lord, and no doubt his prayers 
followed you with the Holy Spirit of his Master. 
Your joining the church won't save you, none 
but Jesus can do helpless sinners any good. I 
did not know, but supposed they would give any 
that wished an opportunity to come from the 
world and show it publicly to the world by hum- 
bling yourself before God to seek the desired 
rest for your soul that you so long longed for, 
and seek till you have found. 

We had supper and went to church, when the 
invitation was given she sat weeping and trem- 
bling. I asked if she was going out? "I can't," 
she said. I asked, "Shall I go with you?" 
"Yes," she replied. So we went. I was happy 
thus to be engaged, and thanked God for His 
leadings. We went home that night, not to talk, 
but to sing and pray and retire. 



392. Autobiography of 

Next morning I arose early and went to Fre- 
mont street, where I was staying. In the 
evening we went to the meeting again. I got a 
letter from home with one from the wounded son 
that he was better, and as soon as possible would 
be home on a wounded furlough. I could not 
reach tlie goal I started for, but my heart was 
filled with joy and gladness. The meeting was 
good, but the sister was still sorrowing to be 
made free and enjoy the peace she heard others 
tell of, but that did not trouble me. 

Next night found us at the mercy seat publicly 
again, the sister was converted, and said, her soul 
that was at rest in Jesus was filled with joy un- 
speakable and full of glory; she asked the 
prayers of the church for her husband. I then 
began to think of going home; I spent a day and 
night with her, and she told me, as I asked her 
if it was true that the people she lived with paid 
her to go, fearing one of their sons getting into 
trouble. She said she was sorry that anything 
should be said about those people, that she was 
as one of them while with them, but her brother 
lived opposite Lid Dun's, who lived alone in a 
log house, her own home, everybody knew her, 
and more that they heard of her. The girl came 
to her brother's some times, where she fell in 
with this woman, who flattered her very much 



Catherine Joss. 393 

on account of her beauty, telling her she should 
not be a drudge for any one, and if her mother 
was alive she would not do it, and if she would 
come and live with her she could do what little 
work she had to do. she would give her one and 
a half dollars a week and treat her like her child; 
such wages any grown-up and good girl got. 
She was persuaded and went; she was not six- 
teen years old, yet was there a while. Of course 
the people had nothing more to do with her after 
getting to that place, though she said she did 
not know Lid was a bad woman. 

After a while Lid said to her, get yourself 
dressed in your very best way, we are going to 
take a buggy ride. They v/ere not quite ready 
when the buggy was driven up to the door, the 
man hitched the horse and went away; when 
they were ready they went away with it toward 
Dover, drove to the Empire House, two gentle- 
men came out. on(! took them up stairs to a 
parlor and the other drove the rig around to 
have it put up. They made themselves at home, 
and she said she never saw such compliments 
paid to their Miss as was to her that day, and 
said so when Lid, as she was called, said, "Did 
I not tell you there was no use of you being a 
drudge for them, as pretty a girl as you are?" 
They all went to dinner, enjoyed it, returned to 
26 



394 Autobiog7'a])hy of 

their room, when all kinds of confectionery and 
drinks were brought, they had a gay time, she 
could only mind of laughing so that she was 
ashamed of it, but could not help it, and laughing 
was the last she remembered. She was put to 
bed, as the room with bed was next to the parlor, 
where she found herself and Lydia the next fore- 
noon, as she was told by Lid. After dinner they 
drove home, she did not feel well, but was told 
she would be all right. She was not used to 
such feasting, but she never felt like herself 
again, she got medicine to take, but did not 
take it, though she said nothing about it. 

When she eot no better, she was asked what 
the matter was? But they could soon help that, 
, told her how, but if it had not been for the teach- 
ino- of the unpardonable sin, she would have 
went right to the river, but she dare not, went 
and told her sister-in-law, who threw her clothes 
out of the back door and said she would kick 
her out if she came in. Then it was she went 
to camp to her father and brother, till she got a 
place at Massillon to work, took her Summer 
clothes, left her Winter clothes at Griffin's, they 
had two daughters not much better than Lid. if 
any, but she thought it no use to go to any one 
better than herself, since she had fallen. All 
she could do was to weep and pray, hoping God 



Catherine Joss. 395 

would be merciful and not let her kill herself, 
but forgive her and take her out of the world. 
She stayed in Massillon doing- kitchen work at a 
miners' boarding house. 

One day some one came from the country in 
the same business, to see the woman she worked 
for, said she could get no help, no girl wanted to 
go out to such a lonely place. She told her 
mistress she would go if she did not care, as she 
could get girls in town. She went and was 
there three weeks, when one evening, as she sat 
in the part of the cabin that was the dining room, 
mending her dress, the blacksmith that tended 
to the miners' tools came in, sat down on the 
bench the other side of the table, when he took 
a letter out of his pocket, read it and handed it 
to her. She read it and handed it back, saying, 
it's a nice letter. It was from his mother from 
Cincinnati, saying since his sister was married 
and awa)- in Covington she felt as though she 
had no home. She was a nurse, most always out, 
and thought he better setde himself, so she 
could feel like going home when she could. He 
said, "I have been noticing you since you have 
been here, and think you would make a good 
wife; what do you think?" She said she burst 
out crying, when he said, "Why do you cry?" 
She said, "You would not ask me such a ques- 



39^ Autobiography of 

tion, if you knew me." He said, *'And you must 
risk what I am." But she could not talk and he 
left her, but sought every opportunity to speak to 
her; she tried to think and prayed. It came to 
her mind if he said anything more she would tell 
him. On Sunday they would take a walk to- 
gether. They did; when they got away off they 
sat down on a log. She said, but I did pray 
that God's will may be done, and was deter- 
mined to take what came; she would be honest,, 
so she told her history. He listened and cried 
like a child. 

Now, she said, I have made up my mind, if 
you want to take me of the world as I am, you 
can have me. He then said he was eighteen 
years older than she was, and a Roman Catholic; 
but that should not trouble her. She had noth- 
ing more to say, it all depended on him. He 
said he thought of going to Cincinnati, but as it 
was they would wait till Spring, he knew a place 
like the one they were at, that they could take 
for the Winter. She said she must work to get 
money enough to go to Philadelphia to get her 
Winter clothes. He said that can't be, or the 
place will be gone. In the morning the wagon 
was going to Massillon, she could then take the 
hack. He gave her seven dollars and they re- 
turned to the house, told the boarding house 



Catherine Joss. 397 

mistress, and in the morning early she was on 
her way over rough stony roads in a big wagon, 
o-ot her dinner where she had worked, there 
were some passengers from there, but from 
Bohvar she was alone. When the hack was 
opened she was lying on the floor, and was as 
described. 

I started for Columbus soon after that, got 
there, heard that my son's regiment had gorte 
from camp, so I did not go out, but laid down 
on a sofa in the parlor to take a sleep. As my 
train went at two o'clock, I thought if I slept till 
nine or ten I could wait at the station without 
disturbing any one at the University. 

When I went cousin went and stayed a while 
with me, and I got along all right, but when I 
gave my ticket, the conductor told me I was on 
the wrong train, was going to Delaware, and 
would have to wait for the next train and go 
back. So I was as the day before, slept again, 
when asleep I was awakened by my son, who 
with others had taken a French leave, and went 
home to attend the fair. Meanwhile they got 
marching orders, he happened not to be at the 
fair ground, missed the first train, and they were 
gone, so he came to cousin's expecting he mi(i-ht 
meet me or perhaps borrow money to travel 
after the regiment. Had I got on the right train 



39^ Autobiography of 

he certainly could not have got off so soon. He 
overtook the regiment at Louisville, Kentucky, 
when all was right, only he lost his knapsack 
and blankets, but none of us felt like murmuring 
at that. I got home, and in a few weeks my 
wounded son got home and stayed sixty days 
with us. 

When they were enlisting soldiers for the 
thirtieth regiment, Company I, Ohio Volunteers,, 
my second son came to me and said, he had 
been impressed with the fact that he should en- 
list that he had made it a subject of prayer, and 
though he was not yet eighteen, if they did not 
muster him in at Columbus it would be no dis- 
o-race. I said it would not, and thoug-h I shall 
never say go, I shall never say stay. He went 
out and when he came in again he said he be- 
longed to Uncle Sam, and they would go before 
lono-, so he better go to Weinsberg to bid them 
good-bye. He walked the i8 miles that day, 
and the next day my father came with him, said 
nothing, but to have a grandson to enlist in this 
our country's cause, would have induced him to 
leave home and take that trip. With the excep- 
tion of a very few, they were all one-sided, but 
the band, consisting of the young men of the 
place, who were there to escort them out of the 
villao-e, except one, whose father would not allow 



Catherine Joss. 399 

him to go with them. Father said it was very 
sad; now that I had my boys so they could be 
of use to me and have their help, they should 
have to leave me, and he so young. Oh no, 
said I, God has laid this cause on my heart in 
such a way that I am thankful to have been 
willing to subject themselves to the call of our 
authorities, which we believe is from God, trust- 
inor He will make them useful in the world to 
live to some purpose, learn to value time, that 
it may not be as though they had not lived 
at all. 

It does seem to me to have been my lot to be 
of no account, and I thank God, who loves a 
cheerful giver, that I have him to give, knowing 
him to be the Lord's, He will keep him, and us 
too, if we are true under all circumstances. 

Father returned after dinner, as he could not 
be longr from home. With our hearts beatinir in 
unison for our country's rights, sympathizing 
tears flowed freely, yet we were filled with grati- 
tude and love. Father mounted his conveyance 
to be driven home, and no doubt to reflect on 
the present condition of things. My own heart's 
language was: 

"Author of liberty, 
God of the noble free, 

Through storm and night ; 



400 Autobiography of 

Ruler of wind and wave, 
Do Thou our country save, 
Protect our soldiers brave 
By Thy great might. 

Lead Thou through ever}- storm, 
Until the victory is won, 

With foes unite 
In perfect liberty, 
Bought, precious Lord, by Thee, 
Then we shall happy be, 

When in the light." 

They were soon on their march to Columbus, 
he was accepted, and with the rest soon on rebel 
ground in Virginia. I asked him in a letter, how 
he felt in the fight, when his comrades fell by 
his side? He answered, there was no time to 
think of feelings, but to watch, to hear the com- 
mand and to obey; that they were worn out by 
a double-quick march to get there, and without 
anything to eat go into the fight, so that when 
the word was given to retreat he was glad, for 
he found himself trying to run and could not, 
but with bullets whizzing through the air, and as 
yet not knowing in whose hands they were, he 
could only slowly step over the dead and 
wounded, when going up the hill in the woods, 
passing such as had to stop on account of fatigue, 
thought he should be the next, but reached the 
top of the hill, and lay down without fear, not- 



Catherine Joss. 401 

withstanding the danger of bushwhackers, or to 
be taken prisoner, that they so much dreaded. 
He thanked God he was there, fell asleep and 
was refreshed when he awoke. 

He got along well, never fell back or off duty, 
and re-enlisted after his three years were up, but 
just before they reached Atlanta he was shot 
above the knee, which disabled him. He lay at 
Kingston hospital, got gangrene, at a time when 
the steward, one of his company, asked him if he 
had anything to communicate to anyone, that 
they had no hope of him getting better, he took 
out his pocket album, when the doctor came 
along and asked him which of them was the 
chosen one. He said, this one, showing him my 
picture. The doctor said no more to him, but 
told the steward not to waste time with him, as 
he would not live through the night, and passed 
on. The steward said he would look at him when 
he passed that way, if he could, to let him know 
if he wanted anything; but he needed nothing, 
had but the one desire to see me, and that could 
not be, so he could say, "the will of the Lord be 
done," and in the morning he was better; had 
rested some, they dressed his wound, and the 
doctor said he could hope to see the one he de- 
sired to see. 

At that time I was on my way trying to get 



402 Autobiography of 

to him, but Sherman had given such strict orders 
for no one to visit the soldiers. I went to Camp 
Chase with letters to headquarters, thfe Chaplain 
said I should o-q to Cincinnati to the C-liristian 
Commission. I did, they hunted for an order 
from a doctor for a nurse; then I would have 
had to enlist, but could not get through in that 
way. He got home on a wounded furlough, his 
lame limb was doubled up, the doctors all said 
the cords must be cut, which would have left it 
stiff, but my oldest son and another machinist 
made something like shingling it with a screw 
that he could work as he could stand it, and in 
thirty days it was straight, but not well. He 
suffered much pain, had his furlough extended 
thirty days more, after which he started for the 
repfiment, had a time orettinof there, sometimes 
camped in places covered with water, got inflam- 
matory rheumatism, which produced heart dis- 
ease, and was never well again. Not long after 
he got to the regiment again he got his discharge 
for gunshot wound, as they could not just define 
what ailed him. The whole regiment got march- 
ing orders, but knew nothing about surrender 
until they were well on their way home. He 
was with them, as they had an idea why they 
were ordered towards home, he came with them,, 
but was very poorly. 



Catherine Joss. 403 

The other son that went in the last year's ser- 
vice came home at the same time in poor healthy 
but had never been off duty, in the ranks a while, 
then in the band, he had difficulty in breathing, 
and has never been well since, but by care and 
doctoring, as he often has bad spells yet, can 
tend to his business. He went back to the 
machine shop which he left when he went into 
the service. 

As soon as the wounded one was able, he 
went to Philadelphia city to finish learning to be 
a watchmaker and jeweler. He had several 
severe spells while there, came home, went into 
business, was married, and was doing well for 
about two years, when he was laid low with the 
disease mentioned; he lingered a while, but for 
four weeks suffered greatly but patiently. It 
pleased the Lord to bid him sheathe the sword 
to learn war no more, also to lay down the cross 
and take up the crown. 

Just as we thought him breathing his last his 
younger soldier brother came in, leaned over him 
and said, " We must part." He said distinctly, 
"Yes." Immediately his brother said, "I'll meet 
you in heaven." He said, "Yeth." His tongue 
was stiffened in death, but he was conscious to 
the last, until life was extinct. 

Thus passed away a true soldier of the cross 



404 Autobiography of 

as well as for his country, leaving a young wife 
and little son with us all to mourn his loss, but 
knowing it to be his gain, and the hope of meet- 
inor aeain if we are faithful and true. We are all 
grateful for the manifestation of sympathizing 
soldiers and friends and community at large. 
God bless them! 

how mj' heart with rapture thrills, 
By faith to look on high ! 

The hills and dales and rocks and rills 
Seem lost behind, and I 

Can for a moment sink into 

The Saviour's bleeding side. 
There the heavenly mansion view, 

To gain it, yes. He died, 

He died for you, He died for me, 

For us His blood was shed. 
Oh sinner turn, and scorn to be 

Yet numbered with the dead. 

1 would humbly at His feet 
Praise Him, and adore 

The gentle, loving, low and meek. 
His virtues all implore. 



Catherine Joss. 405 

CHAPTER XXV. 

DIFFICULTIES IN OBTAINING PENSION MONEY. 

My son's widow and her son were with us, she 
had a widowed mother with whom she made her 
home again after the death of her husband, and 
carried on her business as she did before she was 
married. My son commenced his business with 
very Httle capital, though he was doing very well 
he had not acquired enough to supply his family's 
wants. 

When sick in the city a friend told me that he 
should by all means get out his pension papers, 
as sooner or later his heart disease would pros- 
trate him, and then perhaps the witnesses might 
not be so handy. I wrote to him, but he hoped 
he would be well soon, and did not want to apply. 
I had his brothers get the testimonies, sent them 
to him to apply. As at that time we had no 
regular agents in small towns, he went to one 
that told him he should apply for gun-shot 
wound, he said no, if he could not get it for what 
he needed it, he would not have it at all. The 
agent took the papers, he applied and was to 
wait for the results, wrote to me he only did it 



4o6 Autobiograjihy of 

to please me, don't think he ever said anything 
about it any more until not long before he got 
down sick, he said he got the papers, but getting 
no better was unconcerned, and no one thought 
of pension. He lingered and died, his wife had 
her own family connection, and all seemed to be 
going right. 

I happened to ask if she ever drew his pension, 
or if she had to get out other papers, supposing 
her brothers would see to it. She had not 
thought of it and knew nothing of the papers, 
sought but found them not, thought in moving 
they were lost. I told my sons, they saw her 
about it and applied to a lawyer to get out her 
papers, as before we applied for heart disease 
years past, but nothing definite was done. At 
last there came an agent, boarded with me, I told 
him of our case, he said the man we had would 
not tend to it, having too much else to attend to. 
I asked him, he said it was so and if I sent the 
agent to him he would turn it over to him. It 
was all done and for a while seemed of no use 
for the want of proof for many things not thought 
of by us before. We could furnish all, and had 
I not a lawyer and wife, friends that were much 
interested in our behalf and the lady ever ready 
and willing to condense my lengthy statements 
as I got them out of my son's diary, and when 



Catherine Joss. 407 

ready got it signed by my daughter-in-law who 
had her business to attend to, and her mother 
was not in favor of spending time and money for 
it, so I had in a manner taken it upon myself, 
and o-etting lawyers and waited on them when- 
ever they called for in the way of testimony, un- 
til at last the case having been rejected more 
than once by the Adjutant General for want of 
army testimony that the disease was contracted 
in the army. 

Meeting Doctor Tope I asked him if he could 
•o-ive somethine more definite about his disease 
being contracted in the army. He could not, as 
he was not a doctor then, but told me to go to 
Doctor Potter at Canal Winchester, Ohio. I 
asked Lucy if she would venture ten dollars; she 
did, I got to Columbus at night, as the train to 
that place went next morning I had to wait in 
the station. Not having money enough to take 
me home on the train I met a lady from Win- 
chester, who said she was going by the hotel 
where the doctor boarded. I found his wife, he 
was to be at home at one o'clock. He came, I 
told him what I wanted, he feared he could do 
me no good as lie was the army corps doctor, 
but thouorht Doctor Richards at Binehamton 
could, as he was their regiment doctor. He 
looked at the diary I had with his picture in, 



4o8 Autobiography of 

brought an armful of rolls of card paper like 
joints of stove pipe, took the book, looked up 
the place where he was wounded and his dis- 
charge, said the statistics were on file in Wash- 
ington and it was easy for the agent that got out 
the first papers to get them out on the discharge, 
so it was likely the first application for heart- 
• disease was not sent in, and our application can- 
celed, so as to cause a doubt if the disease was 
contracted in the army. There were no special 
agents in small towns then, he said there were 
few lawyers that knew anything about pension, 
that they acted as though they got the pension, 
and they could do no more than anybody else, 
as the Pension Department was a law in itself, 
the Government conferred the pension on the 
soldiers. 

He wrote on a piece of paper a form some- 
thing like he had given to a sick man in want, 
he had not known of the man in the army, but he 
knew he got his disease there. He said, give 
this to your lawyer. He did, and in a few 
weeks he had his money. I asked for that paper 
to give to our lawyer, he said he would go and 
write a decent one. If ever I prayed for guid- 
ance and help it was in that parlor alone with 
the Lord, as I feared the money I spent would 
be considered spent in vain. When the doctor 



Catherine Joss. 409 

came he said when he had written it was all as 
clear to him as if it were yesterday, he hurried 
to the squire, where it was acknowledged and 
ready for the clerk at Columbus, and ten minutes 
time for the train. He went with me, saw me 
off, and I was just in time at the correct hour to 
meet the clerk closing- up, but he sealed it, took 
fifty cents for it, I was again just in time to get 
on the train and get off, at midnight got to Lock 
17, a shanty for a station, no houses around it. 
Some boys were there, I hired one for twenty- 
five cents to go with me half a mile to a farm 
house, rapped and Mr. Cale came, when he 
knew me he gave me the candle and told me 
where to find my room. I was soon in bed, 
rested well, as I had sat up the night before. 
Mrs. Cale had breakfast ready when I was up, 
after which we took the train for Gnadenhuten, 
Ohio, had dinner with Mrs. Cale's daughter, then 
went out a mile or more to the hospital steward, 
he was not at home, I returned to the station, I 
went home to Philadelphia and Mrs. Cale waited 
at her daughter's for the next train for Gnaden- 
huten, her home. 

The lawyer thought the doctor was just the 

man we wanted. Somehow I wished I had kept 

a copy of his testimony, it may do some one 

good, I thought. After two weeks I stopped at 

27 



4 cr A mto ii o fFmfbf ef 

his office^ he was not tibere and had not be»i for 
moce than a we^ no ooe knev anything about 
my hasxjaes&. 1 asked if diey knew about where 

he kept scic^ papersv diey looked and foimd it. I 

hsid drern copy it for me. went to my dauio:hter- 
rn-Eaw'sv asked if ^le woold go to Solomoa 
Stacker s wtdi cae^ if we did not push, nothing- 
wcKiId be doae. toki her of die paper^ I went 

home, had them, hitch op^ ^le and I went to stay 

all night, for he was hardly at home a day 
r , ?-7riie count}' office ; he came; we talked 
jLi , „^_,-g- oTer, he said she shocld go to Wash- 
ingtaa artd see the ageat there. She said, if any 
one went it nmst be me. she cotdd eot. I said, 
thea I wGLLid get his and the lieutenant's tesd- 
mony and see the doctor in Philadelphia as well 
as the doctor in Binghamton. and may be I coald 
not get a dcket to take me to all these places in 
a short time. He was coming to town and 
- ^- his papers all ready for us to take. 



I started, got to Malvern at five, saw the liea- 
tenant^ he got his testimony ready, a firiend en- 
craged a livery rig, while his wife got supper. 
At six we started for a twelve miles ride to the 
county seat to get the clerk's seaL it rained and 
tiie mud splashed clear into the carriage, but we 
got to bed after twelve, and at six took train for 



Catbtn/:*: jo^. 411 

Cleveland, where I could find out what route to 
take to reach all the places I had to reach, got 
mv ticket over the Erie road, cost nineteen 
dollars, and five to Cleveland, with odier ex- 
pences. so my thirty dollars that Luc)- gave me 
were going fast, and though I had twent)' dollars 
of my own I was fearing I should not get 
through, but as the promise is, not to want for 
any good thing, I trusted, as I sought not my 
my own, and got along. 

When I reached Binghamton I sought the 
doctor, he was very kind, said the court would 
close at four and the offices; as I wanted to go 
on, he took me in the office till he could write 
his testimony; we went to the court-house, he 
got it all done up for me and went to die hotel 
with me, found out when the train went for me 
to go on, engaged my supper and room for me; 
as the train went at two in the mominsr. he said 
he would come a while in the eveningr to hear 
from the boys. It is wonderful what affection 
those men manifest for each other, I said; so he 
said it is no wonder when they suifered and 
rejoiced together, bunked and messed together 
so long in one common cause. After a pleasant 
visit he bade me good night with my expences 
paid. 

I soon reached Jersey Cit)-. When the check- 



4 1 2 Autohiography of 

man came around I had my trunk checked to 
Philadelphia. When asked where I was going 
to in New York, I said, to the Belvidere House. 
He asked me if I was not mistaken, and ever so 
many questions. At last I showed him a tele- 
gram, supposing he thought I was an old nurse 
or something of the kind. He landed me safe 
and soon I was escorted to where I felt as much 
at home as the stylish guests among those near 
and dear. We were glad to see each other, had 
a pleasant time of the short visit I could make 
them, all kindness and respect was shown to me. 
As my sister-in-law, who had been visiting there 
for some time, was about ready to return home,, 
we started the next morning, I stopped in Phila- 
delphia, and she went on home to Ohio, Holmes 
County. I stayed two weeks and had a pleasant 
time among relatives and friends in the city, 
took in the centennial exhibition, as well as got. 
the doctor's testimony and a letter to the Prin- 
cipal in the Medical Department, a friend of his,, 
which was a great help to me in Washington. 
My money would not have reached had I not 
met my oldest son there unexpectedly and got ten 
dollars of him. 

Again had to say good-bye to the kind friends, 
though some of them count their wealth by 
millions, they can make one feel at home among: 



Catherine Joss. 4 1 3 

them and enjoy their society. God bless them! 
Washin^^ton was my next stopping place, I had 
a recommendation to a place to board, got there 
and to my room; after dinner hunted the doctor, 
found the place, but the doctor would not be 
there until after four o'clock. I went around in 
the city until then, when I found him. After 
reading the letter I left with his wife from his 
friend Dr. Felker, he invited me to stay with 
them, but I had my place engaged, for while I 
stayed he said my son was recommended to him 
as one worthy of the claim, and that he would 
do all he could to assist me. I had to take coffee 
with them, he told me where to go to begin my 
work, and that I should come and report to 
him what I had done. Next mornino- as he told 
me, I went to the Patent Office building, at the 
entrance on the side he told me to go, I found 
a guard at the gate and was asked if I had busi- 
ness; then I was sent to the steps where another 
guard was; after showing my papers he let me 
go up the steps. At the door inside sat another 
guard, he looked at my papers, sent me with a 
porter to the appointing clerk, he looked at my 
papers and passed me to the commissioner, who 
examined my papers, wrote something on the 
package, returned it to me, a porter took me to 
another side of the building into the street I was 



414 Autobiography of 

to eo on until to the corner of a street at another 
Government building with steps outside to the 
second story, and above the entrance in large 
gilt letters I would see, Interior Department, 
where I should enter. Again I found the guard 
as before and was escorted as before until I got 
to the Chief Commissioner, where I got a seat, 
had quite a talk with him, showed him my son's 
diary with his picture in the front of it. He 
asked me some questions as to how long and 
through whom we had tried to get the pension, 
I told him and that we also tried to get the 
papers home from the agent the lawyers had in 
Washington, but could not, nor could we employ 
another, and we had no men to send, we felt it a 
just claim and I came for my daughter-in-law, 
who could not come herself. He said 1 was 
ricrht, no man would o^et in to where I would, 
and especially at that time, it was just after the 
Tilden election. 

He opened my papers, looked at them, but 
did not read them all, I am sure, put on a word 
or two, folded them up, gave me the package 
and sent me with a porter to the elevator, I took 
a seat, went to the fourth floor, at every landing 
were writing desks, men and women, young and 
old, hundreds of them. When we landed on the 
fourth floor, a porter was there to take me to the 



Catherine Joss. 4 1 5 

desk. I was to go away across the hall, which 
was also filled with writers, busily engaged. The 
man at the desk where I stopped did not write, 
he asked me if I lived in or near the city; I said 
no; how long I would stay, I told him just as 
long as it was necessary. He said the man that 
belonged there was home to vote, but was on his 
way back, I should come next morning at nine 
o'clock. He kept my papers, sent me with a 
porter to the elevator, I went down and to my 
boardinor-house to dinner, then to the doctor, his 
wife was there, but he came at 4 o'clock, I told 
him what I had done; it was all right. He told 
me not to fail to come to see him, and directed 
me which way to go from the interior, not to ask 
them where it was. Time passed pleasantly, 
they lived alone, but the house where I boarded 
was full of colored people to do the work, take 
care of the children, and some seemed to be 
going and coming; as they had a provision store, 
I think they delivered goods and carried pack- 
ages, and did errands generally. 

At nine next morning I went past the guard 
saying good morning. As I was by no means 
stylish he might have thought me one of them 
employed there, but when I got to the elevator 
I was asked for a pass, which I had not. I was 
awaked to a sense of my ignorant selfish ambition. 



41 6 Autobiography of 

had to go through with a porter as the day be- 
fore, only not with the papers, but got up and to 
the same desk, but the man had not come. I 
was seated to await my turn, about half an hour 
it took shaking hands with friendly greetings and 
a word about the election and so on; at last a 
very gentlemanly one-armed man came holding 
a package of papers under the stump of an arm, 
also had a word with the man at the desk, then 
laid down the package, saying, "This is the Joss 
claim." After explaining to the man all about 
the matter, just as Dr. Potter thought that the 
first papers were got out for gun-shot wound 
and the soldier died of heart disease, which had 
not yet been proven to have been contracted in 
the army, but the statements I brought corrobor- 
ated the first and were now ready to pass to the 
Adjutant General; the one-armed man left us, 
I sat quiet a while until he read the papers and 
wrote something on them, packed them up again 
and threw them in a large basket, then told me I 
could eo now and await the result. 

I was taken down and went out, and to the 
Medical Department, that was a dreary looking 
place, perhaps more so because it was the place 
Lincoln was shot in, the entrance was a common 
sized hall with little light in it, there was a guard 
standing, and the porter asked for Dr. Chafelet, 



Catherine Joss. 417 

he was sent for, we ascended die stairs, that I 
can only think of it, made of rough plank, if ever 
painted at all, not while the Government owned 
it, but has no doubt been remodeled since then; 
got to the fourth story, all the way through that 
hall it must always have been the way to the 
gallery, which was then the museum, there was 
only sky-light, all around the wall were cases 
with great glass jars with parts of men's bodies 
that had been taken off the wounded soldiers and 
put up in some kind of liquid fluid. Then there 
were cases with bones that were amputated, 
fastened with wires, also from every part of the 
body, they were quite white and the bullet 
marks showed in all of them. The second row 
of cases were glass on all sides, I can't say that I 
noticed them very much, there were many skel- 
etons of animals, pigs and cats with two and 
three heads, some with five and six legs, snakes 
and fish and monkeys, one great ape and down 
to very small monkeys. After looking at them 
a while he said, now I should look down to see 
what I could see. I saw the stage full of trash, 
such as boxes with shavings and straw, as if 
something was unpacked, may be skeletons, I 
said. Oh no, said he, these I brought from 
Germany, they are my work, said he had retired 
once after he had been in that place nine years. 



41 8 Autobiography of 

His son took his place, but could not oret alono- 
alone, so he had to come again. But amputated 
limbs were sent constantly from all parts of the 
States, but that was not what he wanted. The 
two stories where the boxes had been, were 
filled with desks, and writers were at them all 
till part of the last year, when they discharged 
many, most of them to curtail the expenses of 
the Government. That was the Tilden Reform, 
he said. And what do the farmers know what 
is going on here in Washington? Many a poor 
devil is lying on his back in want of the money 
coming to him from the Government and does not 
know why he doesn't get it. We never had this 
work done up all of it, but God only knows 
when it will be done. 

Now that they are so far behind, said he, do 
you understand? I said yes, if I left my work 
lay one day, I had more to do the next. Just so^ 
he said; but, said I, I never could understand 
what the Reform Law and Tilden Reform meant, 
that I never bothered about politics, but that 
was always up on streamers and flags, and 
talked about, so one had to have it, and I got it 
into my head without asking or even caring 
much, but thought he was a reformed rebel they 
were trying to put in for President. The old 
man took a hearty laugh, then he went on 



Catherine Joss. 419 

saying, he could show and tell me what Doctor 
Felker wanted him to do, you see these tew 
writers and the piles of packages by every desk, 
none of which won't be disturbed till some one is 
put to the piles to work them, there are three 
bushels on every pile, and yours will come in that 
way; if a man at a desk is ready for another 
basket, when it comes, he gets it, if not it is emp- 
tied where there is none, and there it may lie. 
But you give me your address and number of the 
package, and I will say to the appointing clerk, 
here, sir, when the basket comes down from the 
interior that has this package, be careful not to 
miss it, as I must have it, then I will put it 
where it will be worked, no telling how long you 
may have to wait. 

He went with me to my boarding house and 
then to the station to see me off safely. I am 
sorry to say, I promised to write the results to 
him, and never did it, as it seemed to me from 
the treatment I received through, people thought 
I knew a litde something, and for me to write 
would expose my ignorance at once, that was 
selfish pride. It would have been better not to 
cover up the gratitude I felt, by concealing my 
ignorance. How often I have felt the effects of 
such things, wanting some^honor of the world. 

In Baltimore the train stopped quite a while, I 



420 Autobiography of 

went and got a dozen of Baltimore fresh oysters 
fried, and I thought they were the largest and 
best I ever ate, they charged twenty-five cents 
with all the crackers and butter wanted. At 
Pittsburg I got breakfast, a cup of poor coffee, 
one rib of lamb chop, and that burnt, two small 
biscuits, a little bit of butter, all for sixty cents. 

Home was reached, and in a short time word 
came that we could get our papers from the 
agent in Washington, that they were again 
rejected by the Adjudant General, all were sat- 
isfied it was useless to try any more. But my 
lawyer friend said, keep agitating the thing,' you 
can take a special act in Congress. I got the 
books again, hunted up what we could, and got 
Lucy to write to an agent whose daughter was a 
friend of ours, going home on a visit she took 
the letter, and could explain things to him, and 
in a short time we got word from him that he 
would be prompt in tending to Mrs. Lucy Joss's 
pension, when in less than a week after a letter 
came to my son concerning Mrs. Lucy Joss, 
saying: Please send an order for her money, 
when she got her back pay, nine hundred and 
sixty and some dollars. 

I think in a week or two there came a call 
from the last agent for a power of attorney to 
take a special act in Congress, so the money 



Catherine Joss. 421 

came from headquarters and not from anything 
the agents did, and none of them got any pay. 
I suppose I had not been laboring for money, 
simply did my duty, as I thought, but my 
daughter-in-law made me a present of one hun- 
dred dollars; to make the trip to Washington 
and other places on my way for testimonies, she 
had advanced thirty dollars, to Winchester ten 
dollars, it was her expense. I am very thankful 
for the the privilege I enjoyed, believing my 
family is none the worse off for it. 

The next to follow my son was the wife of my 
oldest son, she was very dear to us and espe- 
cially to me, being a soldier for Jesus and well 
qualified for the work in church and Sunday- 
school, that fell to her lot to do, but fell a victim 
to the hereditary and dreadful disease, insanity, 
as already stated. I have some lines I wrote 
on the death of a sister in Christ which she read. 
I will recite them here, believing whatever she 
may have done in her condition of mind that 
was wrong, she was not accountable for. 

When we sigh for friends departed, 

Feeling sad and left alone, 
Jesus binds the broken-hearted 

Who with godl}' sorrow groan. 



42 2 Autohiogra'phif of 

We are left no more in darkness, 

Grace our shield and Christ our song. 

Lord, give us all-sufficient grace, 
Humble us and make us strong. 

B}' faith to see eternal glory, 

Prepared for all the blood-washed throng. 
And may we ever tell the story 

Of Him, who has before us gone. 

While here on life's rough path He trod, 
Upon His brow He wore the thorn, 

He blushed in blood to show us God, 
Forsook the grave at the dawn of morn. 

No longer sigh for friends departed. 

Feeling sad and left alone, 
Jesus heals the broken-hearted. 

While they are praising round God's throne. 



Catherine Joss. 423 



CHAPTER XXVI. 

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 

Cleveland, Ohio, November 27, 1890. Thanks- 
giving morning finds me with a heart all aglow 
with gratitude, especially thankful that my title 
is clear for a mansion in the sky, not for any 
worth or worthiness of my own, but saved by 
grace through faith in Je^us Christ, the Son of 
God, to whom I come to receive grace upon 
grace. For this work, dear Lord, I can only 
count my cost by Thy grace already given, trust- 
ing in Thy goodness and venture on Thee for 
supplies, as Thou hast wonderfully stood by me. 
Now accept my thanks, and grant further guid- 
ance to Thine own glory through a morsel of 
dust. 

While here on earth with gratitude and praise, 
God, come out of Zion and prevail, 

That to Thy glory I may end my days 
With them, who do for souls travail. 

And many yet on the broad road on earth 
May do Thy will as it is done in heaven, 

To propagate the Gospel here on earth 

May Thy awakening Spirit, Lord, be given. 



424 Autobiography of 

To see the sinfulness of self and sin, 

Knowing that Thou art ever near 
To all that strive by faith to enter in, 

Each sigh or broken accent will find a list'ning ear. 

I thank God for Christian fellowship and being 
able to walk in the light, if not always in equal 
brightness, yet never dim so as to cause a doubt 
of my being brought from darkness into the 
beautiful light of God. 

A dear sister, now residing in this city, 
when a young girl and in the early years of the 
Canal Dover M. E. church mission was con- 
verted. When the news reached her parents, 
who needed her wages to help them along on 
the farm they had purchased, intending to make 
it their home in this country, they took her home 
and did all they could to cause her return 4;o the 
old faith; but in vain. She continued, as we all 
did in those days, to pray aloud at certain times, 
as well as in secret at home, and in public also 
confess our Saviour under all circumstances. 
One night, as she had retired to her sleeping 
apartment, where she prayed for her loved ones, 
as she arose she heard her parents say, we can 
do nothing with her, we must let her alone. 
She realized she had got the victory, and before 
lonof she returned and united with the children 
of light to praise God. She as others I know of 



Catherine Joss. 425 

are serving God, while many that were with us 
then, have passed away in the triumphs of living 
faith, to be forever with the Lord. I must here 
give a favorite verse which we all loved to sing. 

"0 theure Verbiiiduug der Kinder des Lichts, 
Ueber Dicb, kostlicber Jesu, gebet uns nicbts." 

I forgot the rest, but the early times of the 
German church on the Dover mission were won- 
derful times, no doubt in answer to the prayers 
of the faithful servants God sent among us that 
the Lord sent out His awakening Spirit to slay 
sinners on all sides and raise them aeain to be 
new creatures in Christ Jesus, being washed in 
the blood of the Lamb. So when we were asked 
if we were converted we knew it and could boldly 
say "yes," and not "I trust." 

This sister, who lives here and is a true fol- 
lower of Christ yet, asked me if I would give my 
religious experience. I don't remember what I 
said to her, but thought that it would be like my 
cooking, of which I have done a great deal in 
my time, and for most all kinds of people, but 
never used a cook book, perhaps because I could 
not read, but often heard my neighbors say that 
were systematic house-keepers, what do you 
cook for all your people? and complained that 

they often thought of something, but when they 
28 



426 Autobiography of 

looked how to make it there would be something 
wanting that they had not and perhaps could not 
get. My way was to make the best I couid of 
what I had, and no one ever found fault that I 
knew of, and I never wanted for boarders, so 1 
got along and got used to doing the best I could 
until it became natural. So it is with my religion. 
I was never and am not yet satisfied with myself, 
but have such a perfect and loving Saviour who 
is touched with the feelinofs of our infirmities. 
By His grace I have gone on doing the best I 
could to put all I got by hearing the preaching 
of the Word of God being prayerful, and watch- 
ful to hear all, though in my ignorance could not 
comprehend all, as much of the English preach- 
ing was an uncertain sound to me, but I strove 
to practice what I knew to be the will of God, 
desiring to read the Word for myself, and often 
did so, when all others were asleep in the house; 
often had to cry so I could not even try to read. 
But I am sure God was not deaf to my cry, for I 
could lay me down to sleep reconciled, believing 
God would enable me to practice what I knew, 
though but very little and in great weakness, 
and this satisfied me to go on as best I could, 
and got used to it, and, like my cooking, it be- 
came natural with me, so that prayer and praise 
have become my vital breath and native air for 



Catherine Joss. 427 

many years, and can say for the sister, who, Hke 
myself, has been kept by the power of God unto 
salvation: 

We have fought inauy battles together, 

Can rejoice over victories won, 
Our Saviour will never leave us, 

We shall hear Him say, " Well done." 

I have often withdrawn from things done in 
the church that I could not see was to God's 
glory, also went into things I thought should be 
done immediately, as I believed in answer to the 
Spirit, not conferring with flesh and blood, some- 
times causing sonie strife, and persecution even, 
to make me sorrow in God's siofht, and I think it 
was a godly sorrow which made me repent, fear- 
ing some selfish motive prompting and caused 
me to hold on by faith even hope against hope, 
going forward, knowing in whom I believed, 
though in trifling things, as I could not expect to 
do much, but felt anxious to do something for 
the Master, who givcth us the victory if we faint 
not. I am so thankful for the straight and plain 
teaching of the German JVI. E. Church that in 
those days had godly men for class-leaders who 
saw to it that we strove to grow in grace and the 
knowledge of our Lord. Probationers when 
taken in full connection were asked if they be- 
lieved in sanctification as attainable in this life, 



428 Autobiography of 

and if we were ofroaninsf after it, which we all 
did and were dealt with accordingly. I have 
not been among them often for many years, but 
hope they are the old time Methodists yet. 

But if it should happen that we grieve the 
Spirit, thank God that we may, like backsliding 
Israel, return, and I do thank God that since 
down at the cross I first saw the light and the 
burden of my heart rolled av^ray, I have been 
kept striving to be obedient so far as I knew; 
but to obey was like my seeking to know the 
Lord as my present Saviour, was only trying ta 
do for a long while, until I could claim the 
promise that all things pertaining to the divine 
life were possible to them that believe. As I 
tried to be obedient and began to know of the 
doctrine, and if it is by faith in God who is no 
respecter of persons, and I am allowed to believe 
for my own full salvation, as any of God's creat- 
ures, but soon found self a powerful enemy to 
be dealt with. Jesus says, if any man will come 
after me, let him deny himself, and if any man 
come to me and hate not his own life also, he 
cannot be my disciple. 

There was a time when I was awakened by 
God's Spirit, as I understood it, to strive that I 
may enter the strait gate at the end of the 
narrow path, which must be at the close of life. 



Catherine Joss. 429 

Ignorant as I was of any art of civilization to re- 
fine my exterior, I somehow had commenced to 
know that I could not veneer the corruption of 
my heart, but believed the holy Spirit must 
change it in order to develop a Christian accord- 
ing to my ideas. As I could not read for myself 
I picked up what litde I have by hearing, not 
knowing a time I did not pray, therefore believe 
if we are honest in trying to serve God accord- 
ing to the knowledge we have of the Gospel 
of Jesus Christ, and continue in well-doing as 
best we know, His Spirit will lead us, though we 
may err, for like a father pitieth his child, He 
does correct us and bring us right in His sight; 
though we are beaten with many stripes to get 
so, the Spirit can lead us into the ways of truth. 
I often rushed into things that caused strife 
and persecution, even sorrow for me, by not con- 
ferring with flesh and blood, but believing it 
God's will and though it took struggling I al- 
ways got the victory, because I was on the 
Lord's side. He is more than all that can be 
against us, God's dealing with me has been won- 
derful and past finding out the whys and where- 
fores, with my limited knowledge of things as 
they are, but find a satisfying portion in Jesus, 
it is Jesus the first and the last, I can trust Him 
for all that is to come, and praise Him for all 



430 Autohiography of 

that is past, His Spirit will guide me safely home, 
and with all our Sfoincr to meetino;, often miles 
through mud and snow or any kind of stormy 
weather, would walk miles, often singing: 

" Must I be carried to the skies 
On flower}' beds of ease, 
While others fought to win the prize. 
And sailed through blood}- seas ? " 

We all worked as no women work in these 
days. I have heard sisters say while returning 
home at night, how they were as new-born, body 
and soul, when they were so played out before 
they started, besides their regular house-work 
would work out doors, in fields or garden, some 
worked day's work for other people, and all was 
done to glorify God in the salvtion of souls and 
according to His word. Because we served 
Him with our whole heart, He honored us in 
giving us joy unspeakable and full of glory that 
seemed to carry us through everything, and to 
this day there are a few names of us scattered 
on the shores of time that we love to meet and 
and tell of what the Lord is still doing for us, 
and do realize, though sundered far, by faith we 
meet around one common mercy seat. Though 
not learned, yet I used to write often to give my 
anxious spirit rest, after doing my work for a 
dozen and sometimes more in my famil)', as I 



Catherine Joss. 431 

kept boarders to raise my family, and few nights 
that I was not to meeting. If I had all I have 
scribbled it would make a large book, but only 
here and there I found something which I saved 
when I broke up house-keeping, not knowing 
what I may find in this old book. 

January 30, 1859, New Philadelphia, first Sab- 
bath after returning from a visit among my rela- 
tives and friends, all affection and kindness was 
shown to us, and we enjoyed ourselves as well 
as could be expected in this world. In the 
course of the five weeks there was a wedding, a 
birth and a death among us, what all such intelli- 
gence brings is known to us all. 

So I will go on to say something about what 
I enjoyed at our protracted meeting. The text 
from which brother Aiken preached was Ezekiel 
37, 9. I do think I was the dry bones, for there 
seemed to be no life in me, as I had left Satan 
get the better of me by listening to some evil 
speaking against me, forgetting what our blessed 
Lord said, "Blessed are ye if the sayings are not 
true," and at class in the evening Satan per- 
suaded me that none spoke to the purpose. I 
thought I could speak; when I arose a young 
sister smiled, I thouofht at me darinof to rise, and 
I could say nothing, not so much to the purpose 
as any of the rest. As I sat down I looked at 



432 Autobiograijhy of 

her again, and saw her look at sister Smith with 
a scornful look. I was aroused for a moment 
in my feeling-s more than I had been in two 
years, and felt like getting up again to speak of 
it, when a monitor seemed to whisper, they 
spat in the Saviour's face. How I felt, not to 
be able to bear a look of disdain, and all the 
next day as well as that night was passed with- 
out a ray of light to cheer my poor heart, still 
I continued to trust and pray, cold as my prayers 
seemed to be, and at night the clould began to 
break. Brother A. preached from Hosea 6, 4, 
and I felt that my goodness was as the morning 
cloud and the early dew, it passeth away. 

February ist. This day has been one of more 
than ordinary labor bodily, and my mind has 
been likewise engaged in reflecting and prayer, 
and this night brother A. preached to the church 
and I came with my heart fixed to receive seed, 
I trust God will give the increase. The lesson, 
Daniel 9, 4 to 19. Never did God manifest such 
power toward me as to-night, oh that these 
feelings may never pass away. This night I 
have renewed my covenant with God to go forth 
to fight under the blood-stained banner of King 
Jesus, till I conquer, though I die. 

February 2nd. This day have I had more of 
a hungering and thirsting after righteousness 



Catherine Joss. 433 

than ever before, I think brother Hill preached 
from Matthew 22, 14. I trust for Christ's sake I 
am one of the chosen ones, as I can fmd no 
worth or worthiness of my own. 

February i6th. These meetings have come to 
a close, and though I felt this morning that I 
had profited much by them and became quite 
happy, I feel somewhat guilty in the sight of 
God again. Sister Ditts, a class-mate, who 
came to me and told me of some trouble she had 
on account of speaking without thinking, and I 
am guilty in the sight of God, as I have ac- 
quainted my neighbor with the whole matter, 
for which there was no occasion. When shall 
I learn to see my own folly by others' mis- 
fortune ? 

March 27, 1859. It is some time since I have 
taken this little book in hand, as it is not so 
interesting to me as some other duties which I 
have tried to discharge in my weak way, but 
this day has been one of great interest to me as 
brother A. preached this morning from r Co- 
rinthians, chapter 13, and I can say to the glory 
and honor of God, that I feel I have that charity 
the text speaks of, blessed be God ! I was led 
some years ago to read that blessed portion of 
Scripture and felt a longing desire to be filled 
with that love that would do all thincfs for me, 



434 Autobiogra]}hy of 

and as I have made the main object of my Hfe 
and prayer to be made perfect in that love, 
glory to God, I can say as I sat and listened to 
the sermon, I examined my heart, and found that 
I had not struggled in vain. I stayed to class, as 
my class met after church I could not always 
stay. By the time English class was out, German 
preaching began. Brother Nachtrieb preached 
about Moses striking the rock, that water might 
flow to the Israelites. 

Hallelujah to Jesus ! We may come yet tO' 
the Rock and drink of the water of life, and this 
day I have been filled, so as to feel that the 
Spirit overpowered the flesh. I stayed to Ger- 
man class after preaching, and this evening was 
our monthly general class in the English church, 
but the German members attended it, spoke and 
sang German, as any one started and often sang 
a verse alone. The Holy Spirit worked power- 
fully. Oh how I wished I could make some 
sacrifice for God's goodness and mercy; surely 
He has followed me all the days of my life. 

March loth. After returning from meetings 
this is one of the nights God gives memory, 
sleep forsakes my open eyes, and my heart feels 
ready to burst with gratitude. What a morsel 
of dust I am, and get to thinking if there is 
nothing that I can do to merit the least of any- 



Catherine Joss. 435 

thing at His hand. Notwithstanding- all my un- 
worthiness God continues to bless my poor soul, 
and I am this night more resolved than ever to- 
go on in my weak way, trusting in the strength 
of the Almighty King that I shall one day come 
out more than conqueror with Him on the white 
horse. 

March 15th. This day I was called on to help 
clean a church, and though there did not seem 
to be much thought of but to have the work 
done well by all that were there, my mind was 
often carried far beyond the world, as we often 
sang, "By faith I could see the land of rest, the 
saints' delight and mansions prepared for us," 
and though my body is somewhat distressed 
by fatigue and cold, my poor heart is revived, 
cheered from many blessed thoughts occurring 
to my mind this day. May God bless the work 
of our hands so as to cause every professed fol- 
lower of Jesus that enters to notice that cleaning 
has been done there, and examine their hearts to 
see if there is nothing to be done in them. 

I find in this old book a piece I wrote for my 
oldest daughter to speak in school in the place 
of something the teacher gave her to learn that 
was untrue. I wrote this truth: 

My mother tells me of a da}-, 

When clothed in sorrow's dark array, 



436 Autohlography of 

So far from friends and home, 
She oft me in her arms would clasp, 
And of almighty God would ask, 

To bless in days to come 
The dear ones He placed in her care, 
That they may of His kingdom share, 

So far beyond the sun. 
As on this earth she used to think. 
We must this cup of sorrow drink, 

Till we our course have run. 

But oh, how changed with us since then ! 
We've learned to know Him who saves all men, 

If they will to Him come. 
Oh may we run and never tire, 
And His redeeming love admire, 

Till time on earth is done ! 
Then 'round the throne we'll join and sing 
The praises of our heavenl}' King. 

May there be wanting none 
Of them so dear by nature's ties. 
Lord, teach us, always to be wise, 

While on this earth we roam. 
That though in body here we part. 
Thy love unite us all in heart, 

Till blest in heaven, our home. 



Catherine Joss. 437 

CHAPTER XXVII. 

THE ERROR OF SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS. 

Here where virtue seems to perish, 
Vice with fortune seems to smile, 

What hope is there for life to cherish, 
When all around seems vain and vile ? 

This seemed to be the experience of my heart 
when I was self-righteous. I well remember 
when I used to pray God to change the hearts 
of the wicked around me, and especially that of 
my dear husband, who I feared was being led 
astray by those that ran such innocent amuse- 
ments, as I was very fond of to extremes, so they 
became sinful, as often to cause hard feelings and 
even harsh words. 

Angry words are lightly spoken 

In a rash and thoughtless hour, 
Brightest links of life are broken 

B}' their rough and heedless power. 

But that I needed a change of heart never 
entered my mind when I thought myself a little 
better than most of folks, as my grandfather and 
three of my father's brothers were ministers. 
However, the way I delighted to live no doubt 
helped my husband in too many respectable inno- 
cent amusements and worldly pleasures he never 
would have indulged in, had it not been for to 



438 AiUobiography of 

please me, nor would he ever have thought of 
keeping- a public house, only I thought I was 
best adapted to that very respectable business 
in those days, yet never thought I was wrong. 
But the Lord led me in ways I knew not, and I 
am now convinced of the fact, that tribulation 
worketh patience, patience experience, experience 
faith, faith hope, and hope maketh not ashamed. 
It verifies every promise, and though sorrow 
■endureth for a night, joy cometh in the morning, 
and how can the children of the bride-chamber 
mourn when the bridegroom is with them? He 
is with me and enables me to say, 

this is not my home, 

Nor have I a desire to sta}', 
As a pilgrim here I roam, 

Through the thorns I make my way. 

Though I with tempests be surrounded, 

And with clouds m^' sk}' o'ercast, 
In Jesus' wounds I feel I'm grounded, 

And shall reach my home at last, 

What joy there is in believing, when by faith 
•we bring the triumph nigh. How long I felt I 
loved the Lord, but feared He did not love me, 
but now I can say, Jesus loves me. Yet some- 
times there is such a longing after something, 
and my spiritual groaning gives utterance to 
words like the following : 



Catherine Joss. 439 

There is an aching void slill in my breast, 
Come Thou and fill it, Lord, give me Thy rest, 
Tliou linowest I ever be close by Thy side 
Come Thou, my Lord, receive Thy ready bride, 
Saviour, within my breast erect Thy throne, 
Let me not from Thee part till safe at home. 

The Spirit bears witness that I am a child of 
God. He says, "I have heard thee in a time ac- 
cepted, and in the day of salvation have I suc- 
cored thee." Christ has also suffered for my sins, 
but seeing those things I must beware, lest I be 
led away with the error of the wicked, then I must 
^row in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord 
and Saviour Jesus Christ, follow peace with all 
men, and holiness, without which no man shall 
see the Lord. 

I am striving to value time carefully, but fear 
my walk is more like the fool's than wise, still 
I am trying to redeem the time, for few and evil 
are its days. Thank God it is not my desire to 
be conformed to this world, but transformed by 
the renewing of the Spirit, yet fear that I do not 
show by my life what is that good, acceptable 
and perfect will of God. I know that I am not 
a reprobate, for I know that Jesus Christ is in 
me and I in I lim. Glory be to God ! 

With all my imperfection I feel that I be risen 
with Christ in God, as I live in the spirit of 
prayer, denying myself for Christ's sake. I 



440 Autobiograi)hj of 

have taken up my cross to follow Him, though 
I shall have to suffer persecution rather than 
have the good things of this world. 

I remember once calling at an English sister's 
house. She soon showed me the "Guide to 
Holiness" and told me I should have it, it was just 
what I wanted. I believed it would be good and 
profitable, looking up to her as a guide for 
us weak ones. I could not afford it then, I 
had no time to read it if I could read; I had 
managed to read Hester Ann RoQfers' ex- 
perience, but thought after spending much time 
spelling over most of the words before I could 
read at all, and many I could not understand, as 
the German language was more familiar to me, 
but could only manage to read enough of that to 
sing, which I learned when a girl to sing in the 
choir, in the German Lutheran church in our 
place. I could commit to memory anything I 
heard, so I soon learned to sing, which I could 
do when young without any trouble, and was 
always singing when at my work, till .one night 
I fell on a pile of stone, while coming from a 
prayer meeting and was running to get out of a 
storm. It was in the commencement of the war, 
a man told me he knew I would get caught in 
one of the devil's blind batteries going out so 
much at night. 



Catherine Joss. 441 

Well, I was hurt breast and neck, could not 
speak aloud for a while, and never could sing 
since. Then I thought such high attainments 
in the divine life I could not expect, as my 
abilities would not qualify me for such posi- 
tions as learned people could fill, but I believed 
in being good in the sight of God, and from the 
manifestations I had of His goodness toward me 
and the way He led me, I believed He would 
keep me, and I was not slow to catch up in the 
reading of the Scriptures such things as I could 
understand, and blundered away at speaking, 
praying, singing, or anything there was to do, 
as I had learned enough the little while I was 
among the Germans in Dover to take me to 
heaven if true to what I had got, and practiced 
what I knew, and though I felt bad when I left 
the sister, because I could not take such a 
necessary thing as the Guide to Holiness, as I 
was still groaning to be entirely delivered from 
much I saw in me, and as holiness among the 
English was never mentioned as attained to, 
only Father Butt could speak freely of having 
enjoyed the blessing thirty )cars. 

I cried, and prayed God to fill my heart with 

something, if consistent with His will, which I 

believed He could, to take the place of the book 

in my heart, as he had accepted it. and was con- 
29 



442 Autobiography of 

stantly adding to what I had. I did not receive 
the blessing then, but got new ideas and knew 
I was walking in the light of God, and was more 
in earnest about having a pure heart. Our Ger- 
man prayer and class meetings were times of 
power, many were converted that stayed in their 
own German Reformed church, which was not 
established till then, they built a church, the 
German M. E. church was to be the old EnorHsh 
one, which they bargained for at five hundred 
dollars, paid one hundred and seventy-five on it, 
but the English did not get at building as soon 
as they thought, so we stayed in and they too 
for a while, I can't say how long, but I do know 
that brother Ryder, the elder, stayed there at 
one time of a quarterly meeting some days try- 
ing to get the officials together to settle it up, 
but could not, so they sold it for a planing mill 
for seven hundred dollars, and said we could 
have meeting in their basement. But it did not 
suit us, as the Germans wanted their own church, 
and some of the members left us, while others 
that had never joined but came to church would 
not go to the new one, and made a big fuss 
about the English selling the church, because 
they got more money. The war took our few 
men, as there were not many, some families 
moved away, till nine sisters only remained. I 



Catherine Joss. 4^- 

say ours, because my daughter-in-law was a 
member and I had given my letter in from 
Dover to the EngHsh church and never took it 
out agam, and was at home in both My 
children, except one daughter-in-law, belonged 
to the English. Perhaps in the year 1866. after 
the English church was built and we had tried 
to have our meeting in the basement and found 
It would not work. English Sunday-school to- 
gether with German classes did not do. all the 
Germans generally were, or at least they thought 
themselves too poor to unite with the Eno-irsh 
and for various reasons we retired to our'own 
hx)mes with our meetings, and the Lord was with 
us; but we could not expect to get the class of 
people we wanted to reach in private houses any 
more than in the church, nor get their children 
to Sunday-school, but could see no way to 
change it. As for myself. I had more than I 
could do. as our English church found plenty to 
take up their time, besides their own work in 
visiting for salvation or charitable purposes 
We had all kinds of members then as well as 
now. but they were visited by their class leaders, 
who also laid it upon the class-mates not to 
neglect them that become careless as to their 
duties, and the Lord helped us to help each 
other up as well as to bear each other's burdens 



444 Autobiography of 

and through confidence in each other, thus could 
share our mutual care, and as I have been God's 
free child since I was bought with such a great 
price as the blood of Jesus, it has been my aim 
to stand fast in that liberty wherewith Christ 
hath made me free, and glory to His name, He 
has kept and does keep me, even me, one of the 
least and most unworthy of His creatures, realiz- 
ing more and more that I am the child of a great 
King, a joint-heir with Jesus Christ, having had 
some little entrusted to my charge by the Lord. 
My righteousness is as filthy rags, but by God's 
grace in Christ's righteousness, my beauty and 
my glorious dress, standing firm, in it arrayed 
with joy shall I lift up my head. 

Firm, bold and strong with Jesus true, 

Could dare to stand alone, 
Strive for the right, whate'er I do, 

Though helpers there were none. 

Heeding not the swelling surge 

Of fashion's sneer and wrong, 
While bearing on to ruin's verge 

With current wild and strong. 

I did the right, though falsehood railed, 

And proud lips curling sneered, 
A poisoned arrow cannot wound 

A conscience washed and cleared. 

Help me to stand and ne'er depart, 
Nor yet the truth den}-. 



Catherine Joss. 445 

And find a sympathizing heart 
Among the passers by. 

At the dedication of the new church a preacher 
was there to do the begging. I heard the re- 
mark made by some on going toward the church, 
not to keep any money in their vest pockets, or 
it would all be out before he got through beg- 
ging. It was evening after some thousand dol- 
lars had been taken in the day time, enough, 
they said, to pay for all it cost to build the 
church. "But," said the preacher, "We want 
a fence around it, and to-night must have at least 
three hundred dollars more." I was surprised, 
but he had been reading about our rich Father 
who said, "The earth and the fullness thereof is 
the Lord's, and the cattle on a thousand hills," 
and talked of it being wrong for God's children 
lacking anything they needed to carry on His 
work, it was because they did not ask and take 
of the fullness waitino- for them. 

o 

The amount was raised, and I thought, why is 
it we have no place for the Germans, and we are 
God's children ? Then it is wrong for us to have 
our meeting to ourselves. My mind was full of 
plans to get a place to where we could invite 
sinners to come and hear the Gospel. It was 
well enough to do the one, but not to leave the 
other undone. I could not get rid of having a 



44^ Autohiography of 

place of regular worship, but said nothing to any- 
one but to God, at the same time my soul cried 
out, Who shall deliver me ! My conviction be- 
came intense, but without remorse, as I never 
doubted my acceptance, but was tormented with 
doubts and fears, lest I should fail. At last I 
could and did go to places where special meet- 
ings were held, but the more I tried to be pure 
in heart and life, the more I saw wanting. The 
German sisters were like myself, seeking, but 
none could say they were free from fear. I 
attended a union camp-meeting, stayed with 
good people where preachers came and went, but 
when some spoke freely with me on the subject 
of a deeper work of grace in my heart, and with 
all my anxiety, I was like bound in regard ta 
trying to say how I was exercised, for fear I 
should not be understood, so would keep silent 
and watch others that got shouting happy, talked 
of seeing visions and do things and say things 
that I would not dare to do. I felt miserable as 
the time came when I expected to go home. I 
got up before day to pray, walked out, it was in 
the woods and the time of the war, when we felt 
and think there was nothing to fear during the 
week but self in the sight of God. I walked on, 
got to a high fence of a field, climbed to the top 
of it, saw the sun rise, and tried to inspire my 



Catherine Joss. 447 

spirit by beholding God in nature. The horn 
blew for to get up, which startled me, I got down, 
walked toward the camp, humming, "How tedi- 
ous and tasteless the hour when Jesus no longer I 
see." While humming I thought prayerfully of 
the words, and when all was prayed over the last 
verse, it seemed hope was gone, as I was near 
to our log cabin, but thought I must see the end, 
therefore I walked around the camp-ground 
humming and looking at every word; the last 
words struck me: "Or take me to Thee up on 
high, where Winter and clouds are no more." I 
saw at once I had not made a full surrender, if 
God would call for me then, I would have said: 
Not from here; let me go home first to see my 
children. 

I entered the cabin slyly, got behind the cur- 
tain where the beds were, told the sister to 
please not disturb me, as I wanted to be 
alone. When all were gone out to the early 
meeting, I prayed God for Jesus' sake to help 
me make a full surrender, or I should never find 
peace again, as my joy in believing for a few 
years was great, as I was in my first love, in all 
the cares and trials in my life of confusion and 
losses sustained there was an unbroken peace 
deep down in my heart, undisturbed by any- 
thing. I did not know then, but afterwards 



44 8 Autobiography of 

learned that it was not condemnation, as I 
thought, that broke up the peace that reigned in 
my heart, but compunction. 

I was more anxious than ever when I got 
home, and looked forward to our quarterly meet- 
ing in Dover in a few weeks, when the elder 
would come, and Friday night preach in our 
house to us in Philadelphia. They stopped with 
us, I told them of my trouble, they said, 
"Thank God," and told me what Scripture to 
read, and prayed for me especially at family 
prayer. Brother Nachtrieb preached about the 
"Heart of stone," compared it to the rough stone 
taken out of the quarry, what work it took, but 
at last it stood there fully representing a man; 
the sculptor could make such a statue, but could 
not put life in it, so we needed to be worked 
over into the image of the Master, and no pro- 
cess of ours or any one else could do it, only 
God alone, when He had taken the stony heart 
He worked as wisely with it as the sculptor with 
his statue, the more tranquil and passive we lay 
the easier we could be operated upon; if the 
stone would be rolling about, nothing could be 
brought to perfection. I took in all that was 
said, also could apply it to my condition, but 
there was no distinction made between the 
hearts of some. I thought neither does God, 



Catherine Joss. 449 

and as it is not the wisdom of the world, but 
patient obedience God wants, which 1 must try 
to render by His grace. 

The next day we all went to Dover to hear in 
the afternoon a wonderful serman on "Looking- 
back after the flesh pots of Egypt," which I 
feared was my case, but I did my best to keep 
all calm within, listened prayerfully, and a 
strange feeling of peace came over me which I 
shall never forget. I said to a sister, "I don't 
know what is the matter with me, I am not 
caring about anything, it's perfect peace, but not 
joyous, or I would think I had the blessing." 
Said she in German, it was just the reverse with 
her, frivolous things that were even none of her 
business bothered her, and I should not be 
faithless. 

A young brother that was with us said, he was 
all broken up, fearing he could not enter that 
blessed rest, as it was not the doctrine of their 
church, and while his father and mother lived he 
could say nothing, but would pray on to be re- 
lieved from all sin. He is a good man and they 
are a fine Christian family, though I don't often 
see any of them, yet I hope they are all sancti- 
fied, as they have rare talents. The sister lived 
and died an exemplary Christian, though I never 
heard her say she had received the blessino-. 



45 o Autobiography of 

All I can say of that meeting is, I had more 
liofht than ever before, the reading- of the Word 
with every other means of grace was enjoyed 
with great calmness and peace, that passed all 
understanding, yet I could not believe such a 
blessing as that could make one so unconcerned 
about doing anything myself. 

Brother Nachtrieb left us, but brother Wooster 
continued the meeting. We went home on 
Monday night, it rained, and only one sister 
went with me. The preaching was about Christ 
knocking at our heart. I immediately thought, 
that is what the Master is doing, and I shall let 
Him come in and be happy, if it is the blessing 
I am to possess. I often wondered how the 
people felt that could shout like some I saw, 
thinking I was not as good as they, and hoped 
it would be my lot that night; but it was as if I 
could neither pray nor rejoice. On our way home 
I said to the sister, I was strangely exercised, 
but she was not one that manifested any seeking 
heart-purity, said we should be thankful arid not 
doubt. We went on through mud and rain, got 
to the end of the three miles and home. 

Next day I started again to see the preacher 
and find out what was the matter with me. I 
was soon overtaken by a man with an old horse 
and wagon. I asked for a ride, my motion 



Catherine Joss. 451 

stopped him, I got on the wagon and the first 
thing I thought was I would be ashamed to be 
seen on this old waofon ridinof behind Yankee 
John's old crow-bait, and began to talk to him 
about it being too bad for me to bother him, but 
I was in such a hurry I could not wait for the 
hack, there beino- a meeting: I wanted to eo to at 
one o'clock. By that time the man looked at me- 
I said, may be you could go faster if I was off; he 
said, I don't hear a word, as he could not hear. 
The fact was I did not want to ride into Dover 
on the old rig, and worst of all, I told a lie, there 
was no meeting given out, I wanted to talk to 
the preacher about myself and try to persuade 
him to have day-meetings. 

Only the preacher's wife was there, she was 
busy about her work, I was alone in the sitting- 
room and feeling awful after thinking of having- 
a pure heart to be guilty of pride, and above all, 
to tell a willful lie. When the sister came in and 
sat down by me she commenced telling me she 
would not care about what sister Weaver said or 
did. I knew nothing of it. It was this: Sunday 
a woman that spoke German but had been a 
member of the English church, sat by my side 
crying; I asked her if she was a Christian. She 
invited me to her house, where she would tell 
me. I went after love-feast. She was alone. 



45 - Autobiography of 

her husband was a canal-boat captain. We had 
supper and I heard of her backshding and being 
under conviction. I told her, as on such occasions 
an invitation for seekers was given, to respond. 
She asked me to go with her; I did, we knelt 
at the mourners' bench, when sister Weaver 
should have went out telling her class-leader as 
I had my letter and joined the English church in 
Philadelphia I need not come over there and 
gather up trash to come pretending to seek 
religion. I told the sister that that did not 
trouble me, but what I did, if known, would 
bring reproach upon the cause. Brother Wooster 
came home, they sympathized and prayed with 
me as well as encouraged me. I attended the 
meetings that week, but the mud was such 
as not to continue; but my own condition God 
only knew. 

I went to the Baptist church in the morning, 
they had no preacher, it was a covenant meeting. 
I covenanted with God to be used in any way 
He could use me, as I was at liberty, two of my 
sons were in the army, the oldest one was 
married, and my girls were so that they could 
get along at home. At that meeting the thought 
came, why can't we get this church to hold a 
meeting in at the close? I asked the only 
trustee there, got his permission, but must wait 



Catherine Joss. 453 

till next Sunday to see the others. I said we 
could not, but he knew of no other way, as 
brother Miller in Dover was very sick and 
brother Graham three miles out of the way, and 
it was raining. I said, brother Aulters, I thought 
you had more faith. He laughed. I started for 
Dover, went to Miller's, they said he was under 
the influence of morphine, no one was admitted. 
I asked for sister Miller, she sent word to come 
in. I did, she heard me and said, it would be 
all right. But I wanted his word. She got him 
aroused, I told him, he said yes. I started for 
the preacher's, thought I could ride with him, 
but he was eone. I took a near cut to the 
bridge, hoping to meet him in the river bottom, 
but did not. When I got through the bridge, 
though the road was filled up out of the water 
on each side, the mud was awful. The Presby- 
terian and Lutheran ministers from our place met 
me as they were going to preach, on horseback, 
they were surprised, said only a few words and 
passed on. I thought I never could have got 
throuo-li such mud if (iod did not help mc, and 
the right life seemed to come again. I got to 
our church when the brother was preaching. As 
he had told me if we had a place he would like 
to hold a meeting with us, so as he was going 
to close I arose and told him to give out German 



454 Autobiography of 

meeting next night at the Baptist church, which 
he did. 

He went to preach at the poor-house near the 
place where the third trustee Hved, I had just 
finished telhng the brother how we would 
manage and not clear out of town, yet when I 
saw brother Graham coming I asked him to stop 
a moment. He was going to Dover to see 
brother Miller. I said I had just come from 
there, had asked his permission, and got it. 
With a smile he said, "God bless you." So we 
•went on, had a good meeting with the paupers 
and others from the neighborhood. I stopped at 
our house, the brother went on. 

Next morning the first thing was to get a 
boiler over with water to have a tub of hot suds 
to clean the lamps, as they had not been used 
in a long time, then get the money, which I had 
to beg from house to house, got it and published 
the meeting and got coal for that night, may be I 
beofOfed it, I don't remember, but had meetino- 
as it was announced at the poor-house. Some 
from the country came, next day I had to get 
money for coal, when I had enough to pay for 
the hauling I asked a rich man who had a coal- 
bank to give us the coal; he would not. A man 
with a team, not rich in this world's goods, but a 
Christian, a member of the Lutheran church, 



Catherine Joss. 455 

took the money, paid for the coal and gave us 
the hauling-. Our meetings lasted two weeks, 
no crowds were out, but we had three souls, one 
died in the faith a few years after, one moved 
away in time, but was a Christian, and one the 
daughter of our class-leader, who was drowned 
on his way home from the war. She was the 
last of the family to be converted, and married a 
Christian man, living with her family to serve 
God and enjoying the blessings of life with a 
hope of heaven. Such little times of picking 
up souls here and there we had in those days 
of small things. God's Spirit was manifest 
everywhere. 

There was a corner of a lot with a house on 
it for sale, which was just the right place for a 
church, in the centre of the town near the 
saloons. We all wished very much we could buy 
it, by making two rooms into one we would have 
a place for meetings and rent the other part to 
some one to tend to the house. It was to be 
eight hundred dollars. After a meeting at a 
house we talked it over, but of course these Ger- 
man women could not talk English. My 
daughter-in-law could not undertake it. As we 
were talking that day one of the girls that was 
reading Lady Huntington's book. said, that 
would be sister Joss's church. I said, I did not 



45^ Autobiography of 

need it, we had a place, if I could do anything 
it would be for them. An old maid, a carpet- 
weaver, was present, one of the girls said, "And 
Sally will weave a carpet for the aisle." She said, 
"You want a church first, I can weave a carpet 
for some one and give you the money." So 
before we asked we were getting. We parted. 
When we reached our home I told of what we 
had been talking about. My son said he would 
give twenty-five dollars, provided we could raise 
the rest. They all laughed when I told them 
what the preacher at the church said, and I be- 
lieved it could be done. 

I went the next day with a blank book to a 
local preacher, got him to arrange it for sub- 
scribers, but not to pay unless the eight hundred 
dollars were subscribed. I thought to get it in 
a short time, and had over two hundred, when I 
went into a law office where two lawyers were. 
I presented the book, they both looked at it, one 
said he would give no more for anything down 
town, but if we went out near him he would give 
us a lot; which was unexpected. But, said I, that 
is no place for a German church. That is just the 
place, said he, where the heathen gather on Sun- 
day; not a peach tree or cucumber patch, or even a 
corn field is safe there, they make fire, steal cook 
pots and cook corn and eggs, if they can find any. 



Catherine Joss. 457 

Now if you want to go where my lots are laid 
out, and some are sold to Germans already. I 
said I feared it would be useless, but would see. 
He turned to the other man and with an oath 
said, that's the way witli these good people, they 
all want to be in a respectable part of town. 

I went home, told my daughter-in-law, she 
and I went out, it was a beautiful night, we 
looked down a little bank, then another level, all 
was fields, only three houses along the road to 
the mill, a man was once hanged there, therefore 
it was called Hangtown, a strange place for a 
church. But my daughter said, there is Provi- 
dence in it, if you think you can get a church on 
it we will take that corner, pointing to a corner 
where the street from town crossed the mill road. 
We had nothing going on in our town to bring 
many people to settle there, it was the county 
seat, and that was all, a local foundry and 
woolen factory, yet there were many people that 
were not church-goers and more out that direc- 
tion we thought if it was there it would be for 
some purpose. 

Next day I went to Mr. Milchener, articled 
with him for the lot, for which he was to give 
me a deed when the church was on it, it was 
more a trial of my faith than I imagined, but it 
was completed, and many souls were born again 
30 



458 Autobiograjphy of 

in that little church, who would not likely have 
gone to any other place of worship. Had I 
thought of such a thing as writing a book in my 
lifetime, there could have been much on record 
of our work in that part of the town. 

I think this was the last Christmas gfarden I 
got up for the children. January 8, 1877, I got 
through with the Christmas garden and feel very 
grateful to think it has accomplished the end for 
which it was intended. The school and temple 
are quite revived, I promised with others to do 
better next year, if I live, so I hope to do, in 
some way, but fear I shall never get up another 
garden and tree with these my clumsy limbs, but 
feel more interested than ever, seeing how little 
concern is manifested for the young heathen of 
our town. May God bless the few that labor by 
the grace of God to cast the bread upon the 
water, and walk by faith, as I have been led from 
my infancy by the hand of Providence in ways I 
knew not, neither could my carnal mind perceive 
His loving kindness, therefore I had to be beaten 
with many stripes. I often think there never 
was such love manifested toward any one, and 
wonder that He did not leave me joined to my 
idols, but the Spirit strove with me wonderfully, 
and how much ofrace I must have had even 
before I enjoyed it, for when there was no rest 



Catherine Joss. 459 

for my weary soul and aching heart, becoming 
more and more concerned b)' hearing and trying 
to read God's word, somehow got to writing 
about the fear of it only being a dead letter, and 
would become a savor of death unto death, 
though my name stood for thirty years on the 
M. E. church book as an acceptable member. 
When I tried to explain myself I could not 
always fmd sympathy, though I confessed Christ, 
as I knew confession is made unto salvation, I 
could not speak to make myself intelligible even 
to my dearest sisters in the church, when I was 
not among the Germans. 

There is where I was led on toward perfection. 
God bless them ! Though I fear they too are 
becoming more worldly and shorn of their 
strength. I used to fmd as bij^ fools for Christ's 
sake as I was, where I could go often after 
others were in bed, and have had what is a half 
night of prayer in the Salvation Army. This is 
what I wrote once after getting home from such 
a place of prayer and praise, before I could lay 
me down to sleep. So I always was, since I was 
born again, a Salvationist. 

I could go on all night, as I have quite a num- 
ber of papers that I wrote many years ago while 
in the turmoils of this life, a widow with six small 
children to maintain till each one grew u\) by 



460 Autobiography of 

God's grace to become useful in the community. 
May God help them all to fight the good fight of 
faith to hold on to eternal life, whereunto we are 
called. But have we professed a good profession 
before many witnesses? 

As I never thought that my experience, which 
I wrote in the beginning of the salvation war in 
this country, would be printed, as it was in one 
of the ''War Cries" in the beginning, and much 
less that I should undertake to write a sketch of 
my life to be printed, so I give this, it is the 
truth, and nothing but the truth. God grant that 
it may encourage some one to stand up for Jesus, 
or write, if they have anything to give by way 
of testimony; if not, to get, for "to him that 
hath shall be given." I learned to love the army 
before I dared hope to see any of them, and 
when they came here I used every means to 
spread salvation, got twenty-five "War Cries" a 
week for one year, gave them out to any one, 
often on the train, or mailed them; then the 
"All about the Army," some dozen, and when 
they got the "Cry" in this country I did the same, 
and bless God for the Salvation Army for what 
it has done for me. I still read the London 
"Cry" and "All the World," they are very inter- 
esting, and praise God for what He is doing 
through them. 



Catherine Joss. 461 

But I am more interested in our own incor- 
porated work, not that 1 don't love the foreign 
work even here for what good it does, but we 
cannot afford to let ours dragf and rest on our 
arms. God grant tliat many stirring testimonies 
may be sent in for the Crusader, for I want to be 
led on. Though I praise God for a pure heart, 
yet I am not mature, and not as one that beateth 
the air. I always felt that it was very little I 
could help the church, yet I needed the church, 
enjoyed every means of grace, but it seemed 
there was something in store for me before I 
knew them or even saw a soldier. When I read 
" Heathen England" I answered to God the call 
for workers, as it is on a fly leaf in the back part 
of the book. I gave myself more fully to God, 
if possible to do what my hands find to do, with- 
out conferring with flesh and blood, but imme- 
diately in answer to the Spirit. 

So when the salvation war began here under 
Major Moore, as the work had gone down or 
rather was not established under commissioner 
Raltain, I renewed my subscription for the paper 
as well as became an auxiliary member, and got 
quite a number of others to subscribe, and with 
joy and great interest I watched the progress of 
the work till about seventy corps in the United 
States and fifty in Canada were in the field, 



462 Autobiography of 

when there was but the one Major and Staff 
Captain for both places and could not get any 
foreign help. 

As I got the English publication as well from 
London I well remember when Major Comes 
came, we rejoiced to think there would be more 
time to be bestowed on the States by our Major, 
seeing in some of the publications and often 
heard it hinted at by leading members, that 
Moore robbed and demoralized the army in this 
country, which is not so, but as an American 
citizen can't see why he or whoever were the 
leaders of the work, according to our country's 
laws and financial want, yes feel they must carry 
on the movement according to law and order, 
and if our people in America knew the worth 
of the army to moralize and raise up the de- 
graded. 

God bless the Booths and keep them low at the 
foot of the cross, but God is over our country as 
well as any other, and when people come here 
and don't want to become naturalized, they cer- 
tainly can't enjoy our liberty any more than we, 
as Christians, can the power of the Gospel, and 
be born again except we are obedient according 
to Romans 13, 2; if we resist we shall receive to 
ourselves damnation. I have never seen or 
heard of General Moore wanting any credit for 



Catherine Joss. 463 

what he did in Canada, but think Major Comes 
had a good start there. 

I made every effort to get the army to our 
town, and did, and they had every facility. As 
Div. Major Rook and Lieutenant Newton, who 
sought not their own but the claims of God and 
the souls of men, as well as the man that was 
called captain and was sent to the penitentiary 
was a good soldier for Jesus at the time, if yet 
alive, may they be strong in the Lord, and at 
work for their Master. The work would have 
gone on had it not been for untrue officers. I 
am praying and believing for God to prosper 
the army in the work of soul saving, especially 
our Crusaders, that before I am called away from 
time, I may be permitted to be one in the ranks 
on earth, but if not, thank God I shall be one 
above, if they don't meet me here. I can't see 
what will reach the masses better. May the Lord 
show our people that they are under the law. 
Anybody that will, may see with what difficulties 
they labor. 



464 Autobiography of Catherine Joss, 



THE SAVIOUR LEO ME ALL THE WAY. 

While through this world I went apace, 
Flattering myself I had God's grace, 
Singing every giddy song, 
Joining in each worldly throng. 

How fair the world with kindly air, 
Apparel and jewels rich to wear, 
Care or want was never known 
Till far from my parental home. 

My prayer had been continually, 

That Jesus would my leader be, 

While through this wicked world I passed. 

And take me home to Him at last. 

How glad I am that I can say, 
The Saviour led me all tlie way. 
Till to this world I felt to sa}'. 
Adieu, no more I with thee stray. 

But closer to my Jesus clinging, 
Aloud the songs of Zion singing. 
Counting all things else but dross, 
Looking ever at the cross. 



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